Genie1 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 We've been dating about 4 months (been friends for 6 months). Things in this relationship are great, we both do our own thing (gym, friends, family etc) and just see each other as and when. It's so chilled out and relaxed I'm loving it. However I just need some advice on something that went on last night and this morning. I went over to his place last night after work and we chilled out, watched a movie - just another normal night. Usual cuddles and kisses. At bedtime we had really good sex. I think we'll both agree it was probably one of the best we've ever done. After that, all normal. Going to sleep etc. but this morning..... We woke up and I was laying there. And he said "I'm going to make breakfast". (I didn't want any) And litterally just got out of bed and left me laying there. I could hear him in the kitchen making his food and it kinda made me feel like I was out staying my welcome (he had to leave for work at 9am). So I got up, made the bed, got dressed and made my way out to say goodbye and have a nice day. As I walked into the kitchen, I went over to say goodbye and a hug to say thanks for having me over. And he gave me the lightest 'can't be bothered' hug ever. Made me feel a bit like a stranger he was trying to get rid of!! Then as I went, he didn't even look at me! Just a polite kiss on the cheek and he mumbled "bye". I felt really hurt and I cried on the way home. What causes guys to go distant like this pretty much overnight?!? Things have been great. We've been together for 4 months. We haven't said "I love you" yet. However, I do think I am in love with him. I haven't had a relationship for 3 years and this is really special to me. I was nervous about declaring my love first anyway, but now this distant behaviour has started - I'm even more cautious. Someone please advise :-((
ExpatInItaly Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Why not just ask him if everything is ok? You'll drive yourself crazy with "what-ifs" otherwise. Call him later and talk. 1
sprater Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I agree. You could be right, or you could be reading into it too much. A relationship is about being able to talk to one another. Tell him how he made you feel, and why. See what he has to say.
Diezel Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Maybe he was focused on getting ready for work. I don't get it, what was he supposed to do, stay in bed and risk being late just because you wanted to stay in bed a little longer? 2
Els Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 If this is the only thing you're worried about (as in, there isn't anything else wrong with the R), I think you're causing yourself unnecessary anxiety fretting about it. I mean, it was a work day, he had to be at work at 9am - what were you expecting him to do? Chances are he was just focused on getting to work on time, or thinking about work-related plans or problems. It's not really sustainable to expect your partner to spend a long time cuddling in bed in the morning and giving you 100% of his attention before work, all the time. At 4 months you should be able to look at the bigger picture, not fixating on small stuff like this. If he's acting like this for a week, even on non-work days, then it's something that needs to be talked about. 3
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 He wasn't distant. He was hungry. You are over thinking this. 1
BluEyeL Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 He wasn't distant. He was hungry. You are over thinking this. This is exactly what I wanted to say. It appears the guy was just hungry. 1
Emilia Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Probably too much prolactin in his system after a big sex session, hence the distance. No biggie.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 There are one of two possibilities happening here. One, you are over-thinking the situation, looking for problems that don't exist. You said it yourself that you both do your own things, such as gym, friends, family, etc.. So in the morning, he was doing his own thing by making breakfast and getting ready for work. He didn't snub you, he didn't ignore you. He split his attention between breakfast and you. He is being human. Or two, he is cheating on you. After you guys had sex and fell asleep, he woke up in the middle of the night, and had a booty-call in the kitchen. The reason why he gave you a half-assed hug -- as you perceive it -- is because he was cleaning up the evidence of another woman (or man maybe) instead of giving you 100% attention. You should break up with him immediately.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Amazed that him being a little distant was enough for you to walk home sobbing. Pull yourself together, woman! Sounds like you're overthinking this I have to say. He got outta bed because he was hungry and needed to eat before work... his hug, I can't say whether you were being paranoid or not, but I bet if him getting outta bed for breakfast was enough to upset you, you're the kinda person to then read into the quality, length, tightness of his hug, concluding randomly that he is no longer into you. And upset because he didn't say 'bye' clearly enough...? Keep acting like this and you'll push him away, OP. He could probably sense how uptight you were, which may be causing him to want to push you away. If my boyfriend got butthurt because I got out of bed to make breakfast, then wanted to give me a huge long tight hug when I was clearly busy, hungry, and getting ready for work, and then left upset... I would be rethinking things. It sounds like you did a flounce too, by the way... because he went for food you felt you outstayed your welcome, and then got up and left? It might be that I'm reading it wrong but I imagine normally you'd leave the house at the same time as him? So, because he got up and made food you went to leave? You really need to get a handle on this stuff. Even if he was consistently acting distant, you need to get a handle on your emotions so that you can wait until the right moment, and bring it up calmly. Not burst into tears and read distance into one ten minute period, the morning after a lovely evening together. Alternative tl;dr answer: maybe he just needed to poo and didn't want to go while you were there? 1
Frank2thepoint Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Alternative tl;dr answer: maybe he just needed to poo and didn't want to go while you were there? I don't know. If you see each other naked, exchange body fluids, have your genitals interact, having your lover poo is no longer off-limits.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I don't know. If you see each other naked, exchange body fluids, have your genitals interact, having your lover poo is no longer off-limits. Haha. I disagree. Usually the moment where you're comfortable pooing around each other comes some months after the moment where you're comfortable exchanging fluids and jamming their body parts into your various orifices! 1
HereNorThere Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I wouldn't judge anything during the morning hours. Personally, I've had to warn my partner that I'm not myself during the morning. As much as I love her, I can't stand the sight of anyone until I've had coffee and some time. Some people just don't do mornings. 2
Mrin Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 There are one of two possibilities happening here. One, you are over-thinking the situation, looking for problems that don't exist. You said it yourself that you both do your own things, such as gym, friends, family, etc.. So in the morning, he was doing his own thing by making breakfast and getting ready for work. He didn't snub you, he didn't ignore you. He split his attention between breakfast and you. He is being human. Or two, he is cheating on you. After you guys had sex and fell asleep, he woke up in the middle of the night, and had a booty-call in the kitchen. The reason why he gave you a half-assed hug -- as you perceive it -- is because he was cleaning up the evidence of another woman (or man maybe) instead of giving you 100% attention. You should break up with him immediately. You missed the third and most obvious explanation. After their epic sex session he hosted a meeting of his local pick up artists guild and walked them step by step through the entire evening. He used a PowerPoint presentation, hidden video and even reinacted the scene with puppets. The guild was just placing their wagers on the over/under on how many times he could spank her next time when she walked into the kitchen. The guild hid under the table, in the broom closet and one member even hid in his pants pocket. He wanted her out of there pronto. ;-) 2
Recommended Posts