Sad and touching story

[contact1]

I just read this in another forum, by another poster, not myself, but it is a really good read that makes you realize what is really important, I hope ya'll enjoy:

 

 

I always spent my life as the shy the kid who just never quite fit in. I had friends, a good amount actually, but I never let anyone get close and certainly never opened up to anyone. Senior year of high school I was determined to change that. I spent the prior year in almost complete isolation. I had recently been diagnosed with my Crohn's Disease and the medication took a huge toll on me (moon face, hunch back, tons of acne (more acne than skin on my face), and almost 40lbs of weight gain). Saying I hated my life then would be an extreme understatement. I was to become a new person that year, meet people, and find myself.

 

I ended up getting my first girlfriend that year. We had nothing in common though, and I'm pretty sure were purely together based off of sex and that alone. Before that came to an end she did do something for me that changed my life. She told me she had a best friend that I would really like. At the time I was like sure whatever, I want to meet new people.

 

So I ended up finding this girl on facebook and sent her a message explaining who I was knowing only that she was a cancer survivor and that my gf thought we would bond over our struggles. Little did I know this was the beginning of the best friendship I ever had. Due to her living more than an hour away for the first few months all we did was talk/text. I remember I was sending something like 25,000 texts a month back then to the point Verizon was bitching about it. For once in my life I found someone that I could tell anything to without the fear of judgement and her likewise. I can't explain that connection, but its one I've never felt before or ever again.

 

After about 3 months of just talking we decided to meet up at a mall/movie theater halfway between us. I remember I actually walked right past her because I was so nervous I was only focused on walking right. We went to dinner and I just remember thinking how beautiful she was, not only physically, but personality. Here was a girl who had a horrible thing happen to her and yet she was so positive. Hell she was even wearing a wig that day because her hair hadn't fully grown back yet and was goofing around with it. I had never experienced someone like this before. After seeing the strangers (one of the GOAT horror movies) I went to hug her goodbye and she kissed me. Now I've had kissed a few girls before then and countless since, but I still can remember how that one felt (don't care how that sounds).

 

Soon after we started dating. She completely changed my life. I'll admit I was an angry person like I said earlier, that I felt like I was dealt a horrible hand. She taught me to be positive and brought out every little positive thing in me. She encouraged me to volunteer at the childern's hospital where I was diagnosed so I could make sure no kid was ever as scared as I was the day I was diagnosed. I think this was the only time I was ever in love with someone.

 

This all came to end though one day when a combination of life factors (me moving) and that ex girlfriend who became increasingly upset about us dating. We still remained very close friends for a while, however life happened. I ended up transferring away for school and ended up getting a new girlfriend. Slowly our thousands of texts a day dwindled to eventually once every couple of weeks.

 

Then she told me her cancer had come back. I made the drive back home to see her and unsurprising, I was still greated with that positive attitude. She told me not to worry that this wasn't bad. I went with her to a treatment or two and was just overwhelmed how great of person she was. She ended up beating it! not that I had any doubt she would.

 

I went back down to school early during winter break. I remember sitting there thinking I hadn't talked to her in a week or two. I wrote up a text and I don't remember what it was, but something distracted me and I never sent the text. The next day I found out she had passed away suddenly from an infection due to weakened immune system from the cancer treatment.

 

I was destroyed. I hadn't cried that much ever. I couldn't bring myself to even attend her funeral.

 

 

 

 

This was a huge regret I had for the last 6 years until today when I visited her grave. I don't know why I couldn't do it sooner, but I'm so happy I did today. And I guess that's why I wrote all this. You never know what's going to happen to you or those around you. I would have given anything to go back and send that text and talk to her one last time.

[Toodaloo]

At the beginning of last year I had a scare.

 

Two things happened.

1. I will never again be scared of death again. It was wonderful. I can't describe the experience other than I have never in my life been so welcome and loved as I was when I was at "the door". It was the most wonderful feeling ever.

2. I will never again waste a second of the life I have on people or things that are not worth it. I am going to get rid of the bad and focus on everything positive and good.

 

Its liberating. I have been living my life this way since April 2014.

 

My friends are happier, my family are happier, I am happier.

 

I lost a friend that I grew up with in the middle of December. It was a car crash and she died on the scene. I had only seen her the week before and normally I wouldn't have stopped and would have just waved and saved the catch up chat for later as I had to get back to work. This time I didn't. I made a point of giving her a big hug and stopping for a while. I am so glad I did as my last memory of her now is going to be warm embraces and laughter and mutual support. No one can ever take that away.

 

So people. Smile. Love. Laugh. Hold hands, kiss and hug, say what you need to say when you need to say it even if its just to say "I love you" or "I miss you". Let all the bad go and focus on the good life brings you.

 

Don't waste a minute. Concentrate on living rather than just existing - It is worth it.

[regine_phalange]

1. I will never again be scared of death again. It was wonderful. I can't describe the experience other than I have never in my life been so welcome and loved as I was when I was at "the door". It was the most wonderful feeling ever. .

Would you care to describe in more detail what happened before during and after?

[Toodaloo]

Would you care to describe in more detail what happened before during and after?

 

I was in a coma and stopped breathing. As far as I am aware they worked on me with drugs and paddles to "get me back". I was not aware of any of this. I did not feel it or know what was happening. This is only what I have been told after.

 

I was however aware that my mother was there. She told me that I needed to "wake up now as the horses needed feeding" and its that that made me "turn around".

 

Before the coma I was in a great deal of pain, I was very ill. I felt heavy with burdens and stress.

 

When all this happened it was like falling asleep and then waking up to find the pain went away. I felt "free" I could run and jump again, my body felt supple and strong. I felt refreshed, healthy.

 

I was somewhere else. I couldn't describe the actual physicality of it but it was clear, fresh, clean. I liken it to walking through the woods with the dogs on a summers day. Not to hot, not to cold. The smell was wonderful. Imagine all the smells you love and just catching gentle wafts of them.

 

It was bright all around but not blinding.

 

I could hear the voices and feel the presence of all the people I have loved that have passed. It was like walking into the kitchen and having a warm cup of tea and a hug with them. I could hear them welcoming me and excited to see me. I couldn't make out their words but I knew they were there and if I just walked a bit further I would see them and be able to hug them again. I knew they were there waiting with open arms. Not just people, but the dogs, horses... they wanted me to meet others that they knew that I didn't and it was a very happy "celebratory" feeling. Like walking into a "party" that has been organised just for you. There were no need for actual words per se as I could understand the emotions and feelings perfectly. I know they could "hear" me too. It was beautiful and there is nothing on this earth that is even remotely like it. That is why it is so difficult to describe. I can try to get close but its not even remotely near. All this stuff about your life flashing past or walking towards the light is rubbish.

 

When I turned around to Mums voice, they knew they were not going to see me just then. But I knew that they were ok with that and that they would welcome me back again when I was ready. I knew that they would look over me and be ready for me when I am ready to "go home". I know that they are smiling on me and although they miss me are happy to wait for me. It was as though it wasn't "good bye" just "see you soon" with a merry wave and a smile.

 

The feelings I had were of warmth, friendship, security, safe, loved, wanted, strong, happy, contentment. All the worry went, all the strain and stress went, it was as though it didn't exist at all...

 

I woke up, the pain was excruciating, my body felt as though it had done ten rounds with Tyson, my brain felt as though it was going to explode and even though I was no longer "there" I will never forget it. I looked at Mum after the shock of being surrounded by all the doctors and nurses wore off. I will never regret coming back, the look she gave me said all those things and feelings I had experienced where ever it was that I went. Her actual words said "you took your bloody time" or something to that effect I was too out of it to remember exactly!

 

So will I be afraid when my time comes? No.

 

Will I actively seek for that time to come sooner? No.

 

Will I make the most of the life that has been given to me and cherish every moment I have with the people I love? Yes.

[regine_phalange]

Oh my, thank you for writing all this. This is an awesome story and helps a lot those of us who are quite afraid of death.

[Toodaloo]

Oh my, thank you for writing all this. This is an awesome story and helps a lot those of us who are quite afraid of death.

 

There is absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Those horrid feelings of fear, pain, angst, stress they simply do not exist.

 

I am guessing it is slightly different for everyone but I have since been told that others have experienced this same thing, that I am describing the same sort of thing that they did and its not following the white light at the end of the tunnel or flashes of life... It just "is". And what ever it is - is beautiful and so indescribably wonderful, its euphoric. Even now when I think back it makes me feel calm and at peace with myself and the world around me. I guess some people find this weird to talk about or uncomfortable. I don't tend to talk about it unless I am asked. You are not even sad about the people you are leaving behind as you just "know" it will be ok in the end and that you are not saying "good bye" but "see you soon".

 

My advice is live. When people put you in a place that you feel uncomfortable with - remove your self from that situation. Be good to people, strangers, family friends but don't waste time on those who have proven to be a holes. Just let them go out of your life. Don't fret the small stuff. Yes you will have bad days just as you will have good days. Be kind to yourself and others. Stand up for what you believe in. Look at yourself in the mirror every day and if you like the person staring back at you, be glad. Smile at every opportunity and laugh even when you want to cry. Let all the bad and negative go. Hold the positive close. Live. Enjoy every day, every person you speak to, every smell, every feeling...

 

There is nothing to be afraid of when you die. I don't think fear even exists there.

 

To live is far scarier and far more difficult. But to live is to make your own party when you get there