bones1 Posted March 27, 2005 Posted March 27, 2005 Ok, i have dated a woman for about 8 months. We broke up about 1 month ago, and I initiated no contact. Things were not going well between us, and she said she met someone else...This hurt me very much. So on Friday, I stopped over to give her some things. She wasnt expecting me. But she saw me, I saw her, and we were very happy to see each other. She frankly asked me if i missed her, I really didnt know what to say, I asked her, and she said yes, very much. So we started to hug and kiss...and she pulled away a bit, and wanted to ask questions. She said it might not be a good idea, as I would get too involved. She then said she hopes that I am seeing someone else, or it might not be a good idea to proceed, as i may become hurt. . So i told her i met a few girls, but nothing serious, and I could tell she was a bit jealous. One thing led to another, and we ended up having sex. She was telling me how much she loved me, and kept making it a point to do so. She suggested we see each other again, and could then talk more, she was late for work. Keep in mind this woman is 43 years old, so we are not dealing with teenagers. She also repeatedly says things like "did you ever love me", "did you ever care for me" and these all seem to be tricky questions. I answer yes to both, but I dont know if she is sincerely caring about my feelings, or just wants to hear it to make herself feel better in a selfish way. She tries to act like it is "just sex", but her words and actions show otherwise. So i cannot figure her out.. Any advice would be great. My question is, when i was just with her, why does she try to act like things are great, we cant be together, it is only sex we had, and on the other hand, ask me how much i loved her, how much I cared for her, and keep telling me how much she loves me. It is clear to me she wants sex with me, wants me to love her,(so she doesnt feel used for sex), but at the same time doesnt want me to love her too much? I sent her an email saying how i enjoyed her company and we should do it again, but no reply in 2 days. Is she confused? selfish? back off and let her contact me? Or go after what I want? What do you think?
eastern_mystique Posted March 27, 2005 Posted March 27, 2005 See the reply I left for jtshaw in the 'Second Chances' forum - he's in exactly the same position as you, so I think the same tactics apply.
blind_otter Posted March 27, 2005 Posted March 27, 2005 I'm almost 20 years younger than her and I know that "one thing" NEVER leads to another -- sex is always an intentional thing unless you were too f*cked up to remember or whatever. That's a mistake and you shouldn't ever do that with an ex. No contact means no contact. You shouldn't have had sex with her. Just let it go. Hey I've done it before myself but if you sent an email and she hasn't responded I'd say that's clear evidence that she thinks it was a mistake, too, and wants to let it go. If she wanted to pursue something she would have responded to you.
LoveOneAnother Posted March 27, 2005 Posted March 27, 2005 Well, Im very confused myself. Has she been this way the whole time you were together? Maybe shes commitment phobic? Maybe shes just afraid that you arent genuine and shes scared that ultimatly you will hurt her. I dont know. If I were you, I suppose that I would try to be patient and give her some space. Id try not to be overly lovey with her. Good luck...
Recommended Posts