MapleWish Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 my boyfriend and i have been talking since late September and "courting" since maybe late October/early November, and we keep getting into these conversations about whether he should be dating or not. my boyfriend is 25 and very recently divorced, he was handed the divorce papers in like september/October but before that he and his wife had been separated for 10 months, their marriage lasted like 2 1/2 years and was already going downhill, she still loved her ex, and basically she procrastinated on getting the divorce papers. regardless, me and my bf decided to take things slow and court one another, get to know one another and see if there's a possible REAL relationship for the future. problem is we keep getting into these discussions, him saying he's still not sure what he's doing exactly, still not sure what he's looking for, cause he'd thought he'd found what he was looking for in his then-wife but yea, that didnt work out. he also keeps questioning "am i ready" "should i be dating yet" all that. i'm not rushing him, at least i'm not trying to but at the same time i'm reminding him it's not fair for anyone let alone a girl, who is READY to be in a relationship, to have our guy constantly wondering if he's ready to be back in the dating game and not be giving their S.O. %100. frankly i've been with him long enough that yes i've grown attached and do love him, the outcome of our relationship is on him. he's scared, he's unsure, he just got burned by his divorce and all that i can understand. he really does like me; he thinks i'm funny, attractive, caring, compassionate, all those good things and he has hopes that we work out but he also knows it may not be God's plan, which he and i both greatly listen for. it's hard cause he keeps saying i may not be "the one" but i cant determine that right now and neither can he. i think he and i can be good for eachother but there are a few aspects of ourselves we need to better first. i feel like i can only be patient for so long, i mean i'm not a very patient girl either way but honestly i dont think many girls could be patient in this kinda predicament. i dont want to end things or see him walk away but i want to give him time and space to figure things out. yea this may end in break up but i'm just curious what anyone else thinks. i keep kicking myself in the head for bringing up the conversations, i feel like we'd be okay if i didnt bring them up but at the same time he tells me it's not just me and that these thoughts have been nagging at him. still should i keep my mouth shut, take it day by day? let him recover on his own without me nagging? he keeps thinking he may have to "pull away" and be on his own for like a year but like i told him, it'll be hard for me if he does pull away
Dontfindme Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Yes, you shouldn't be wasting your time on someone who hasn't figured out what he wants. 1
Elle1975 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 The best way for him to figure out what he wants is for you to let him go indeed. Beside, he's fed you a bunch of red flags. When he says "you may not be the one", hear that loud and clear.
Gaeta Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 You are a band-aid on his wounds. He needs to be alone for a while and properly mourn the end of his marriage. It's the healthy thing to do. You've only been dating for 2 months, before getting attached any further, end it. You should never ever get involved with a person recently divorced-seperated.
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