strach Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted here week or two ago and didn’t get a response so thought id try again with a little more info and an update. One of my good friends and I decided to start dating long distance (both from Ontario, but she’s in Uni in Nova Scotia) back in August. We’d almost had a thing before but I was too shy about it and it didn’t really happen, she started dating someone else over the summer. So right before summer ended she told me she wanted to be with me, I guess it kinda got rushed because she was worried I’d find someone at university (was starting my first year in res) and I was pretty desperate given im 20 and never had a girlfriend/dated someone and am pretty shy so jumped at the chance. And the past 4 months of long distance had actually been pretty good. Were always in contact everyday usually via text but had a couple skype calls. Seemed like things were progressing well, was always there for her when she was down (which was pretty often, she had not had a good school year and very stressed) and feel like I honestly did everything I possibly could to make her feel special and happy. Even got her to call me her bf near the end which means a lot since shes pretty awkward when it comes to expressing her feelings. Now the bad part. She came home for winter break and the night after she got back we had our first (sort of) date. We just went for dinner really but right from the beginning things were off. WE only hugged for like 2 seconds before she pulled away and its not that it was awkward, we talked most of the night, but it never felt like a date with my gf but just a dinner with a friend. We held hands but that was about it. Also we were supposed to go out somewhere after but she kind of cancelled to go to a friend she hadn’t seen in a while’s party (kind of a crappy thing to do imo). Messaged her the next day asking what was up with her last night, and she said sorry and that she wasn’t as ready for this as she thought she would be, that she needed it to go slow so she could get comfortable with me which I understood but it doesn’t end there. I saw her the next day at a friend’s party and she pretty much completely ignored me, if I said something to her she would respond but was not getting much out of her, we didn’t even hug. So a couple days went by of us messaging each other a little bit about trying to make it work and plan things together but it just didn’t happen until one night I got upset and asked if we could please set a day to talk things through and make this work. She said sure but it’s hard because she didn’t know what she wanted. Anyways we finally got together and exchanged our Christmas gifts for each other and had our talk. Very briefly she told me that this was not good timing for her, that she was not herself, that 2 weeks was not enough to make it work because she wanted to spend a lot of time with her family and do other things as well. She said maybe we can try again in the summer (I know that doesn’t mean much). To some degree I understood but still don’t fully understand because it felt like everything over the past 4 months meant nothing and that she just didn’t want this anymore but was too scared to tell me that in fear of losing our friendship. Of course me being a doormat didn’t say this and was just like alright well stay friends for now. And pretty much the rest of the break was spent with us barely texting and her ignoring me if we were in person. She said sorry about it and that she was just too awkward and that she didn’t want to lose me but it just really sucked. She still texts me every once in a while and ill respond but don’t feel like I can do NC, she was a really good friend, still care deeply about her and we share many mutual friends. I don’t want to ignore her but I want to get her back, I know deep down shes that same girl I wanted to be with. Any advice on this? Also Im not waiting around for her if someone shows up ill take the chance its just that doesn’t happen often. Thanks
fire_angel94 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Erm, I'm not very good with relationships but I am a girl so... from my POV she isn't interested in you that way and well, honestly, she's being selfish. It sounds to me like she was thinking you two could start something together and somehow it wasn't what she wanted but she doesn't want you to hate her. Since she's more or less ignoring you, that's a sign for you to just leave it. Sorry dude. Anyway. my advice is that you should just move on. A selfish girl like her will only cause you more pain and confusion. She isn't worth your time. Find someone who enjoys being with you and has the same expectations of a relationship. Good luck! 1
Satu Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 It's a slow fade-out. Rather than finish it in one go, she's withdrawing from the relationship gradually.
Author strach Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 I guess you guys are right, it just doesnt seem fair that one of my best friends would do that to me without even giving me a chance. Trying my best to move on but it has not been easy, thought I was then last night spent the whole night thinking about her, luckily were both back at school so wont be seeing her again till the Summer. Just hope I can get over her by then. Thanks
fire_angel94 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 It's natural to think about her. But time heals a lot. It won't be easy and maybe it would be best to avoid each other until you can safely face her again. It's hard losing a really good friend but sometimes you can't help it. It isn't your fault and you're not alone in this. Good luck finding a soulmate! 1
JamesMoore Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Seems like she is putting you in the friend zone bro. I think the first step is to decide what you want from this relationship. If you have strong feelings for her, it may be very difficult to remain friends, and you should be prepared to either leave or go all in. If your feelings for her are not that strong, you should consider remaining just friends. That's probably the easiest route. But of course, if that's not what you want, don't settle. Go for what you want. In terms of getting her back (if that's what you choose), it is important to look back on your relationship to see where things went wrong. What were you like before you got together? How did you change during the relationship? What has this break-up ultimately turned you into? You will often find that you have somehow changed since you first got together. You need to figure out how. Take the time to really think about these questions and then take actions to correct the obvious mistakes you made on your part. This is a crucial step to get her back and try again. Fix yourself. Not the relationship. You can also read my own story here: http://goo.gl/xQmA60 Best, James
Chi townD Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Yeah dude, a girl knows right away if she wants to be with someone. If she was on the fence (like she was) then it doesn't bode well for you. If she can't dedicate 100% of herself to you, then it's time to move on. And I PROMISE you, there are girls out there that are dying for a guy to date that isn't afraid to be exclusive and is ready to commit to a relationship. Any girl can get laid anytime she wants and there are more than enough guys that will help them out with that, but it's that elusive guy that will enter a relationship with them and become a partner to them is what a lot of girls crave even more than sex. Trust me, that girl is out there and she waiting for you to find her. But, you're never going to find her if your hung up on a girl that doesn't want you in that way. You're not being fair to yourself. 1
Author strach Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 Thanks everyone, obviously not the answers I want to hear but are the ones I need to. Every part of me wants to believe that she's been truthful to me in that she really isn't ready and able to give it her all but just with the whole way the situation was dealt with like I didn't mean a lot to her, I have my doubts. I guess the only thing I can fault myself for is that I did come off as needy and that's something ill have to work on in the future. Again thanks for all the help
Author strach Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Found out she hung out with her ex while she was home :/ guess that answers my questions
Neph_Deff Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I am at uni and lived 2-3 hours away from my now ex and I would come back to our town to see him and work every weekend. As he was a farmer by the time I was back from uni and I finished work we were too exhausted to do anything but hang out and watch movies. We did this for almost 2 years. I admit it sucked doing long distance most of the time. Because I could only see him weekends it left little time for me and for me to see my friends. He broke up with me and I think this long distance played a role in his decision. I finish uni in a year so perhaps after I graduate there could be a chance of a reconciliation. In your case I suggest you move on! You will meet other people. Uni connects you with similar people and it will open your mind! I suggest you make new friends, connect with the ones you have and do things you have always wanted to. Let her see you being happy without her- this is the best revenge. If it is meant to work out it will eventually.
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