Stripey100 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Hi guys, I'm going to try keep this as short and sweet as possible..I'd appreciate any advice at all, good or bad (for me that is!) I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we live together, have two cats together and we're pretty much inseparable. He treats me like a princess and makes me feel incredibly lucky. I know I have it good and people always comment on how great he is to me. My only problem is that I cannot trust him one bit. He lies, all the time. At the start of our relationship he was texting another girl and asking her round to our flat for sex..after a very long time and a lot of work we got past it and I forgave him but I made it clear that I needed to be able to trust him for things to work and for that to happen he couldn't lie to me again. Since then he has done several stupid things like go on a web chat when I was asleep and look at porn while I was in the house ( I hate porn and he knows this) and when I've confronted him about these things he has lied point blank to my face until I show him how I knew and then he confesses. I literally cannot trust him, it's like living with a small child sometimes. We have a perfect relationship to the outside world but I honestly don't think I can carry it on with no trust...am I over reacting? Is anyone in a similar situation? X
Satu Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 No, you're not over reacting. Eventually you will part company with him precisely because he's not trustworthy. Save yourself some heartache and part company sooner rather than later. 2
JBlackstone Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Not overreacting at all. He lies to you repeatedly. You say that he treats you like a princess and that you have it good but you'd be setting yourself up for more misery if you stay with him. You don't trust him and after all this I doubt he will be able to gain your trust. Especially since he doesn't seem to be working on his behavior. I would leave or you will spend all of your energy doubting him. 2
kendahke Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Hi guys, I'm going to try keep this as short and sweet as possible..I'd appreciate any advice at all, good or bad (for me that is!) I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we live together, have two cats together and we're pretty much inseparable. He treats me like a princess and makes me feel incredibly lucky. I know I have it good and people always comment on how great he is to me. My only problem is that I cannot trust him one bit. He lies, all the time. At the start of our relationship he was texting another girl and asking her round to our flat for sex..after a very long time and a lot of work we got past it and I forgave him but I made it clear that I needed to be able to trust him for things to work and for that to happen he couldn't lie to me again. Since then he has done several stupid things like go on a web chat when I was asleep and look at porn while I was in the house ( I hate porn and he knows this) and when I've confronted him about these things he has lied point blank to my face until I show him how I knew and then he confesses. I literally cannot trust him, it's like living with a small child sometimes. We have a perfect relationship to the outside world but I honestly don't think I can carry it on with no trust...am I over reacting? Is anyone in a similar situation? X I beg to differ: you do not have a perfect relationship. You are doing your level best to live with a liar and act like it's ok just because when he's not lying, you enjoy the benefits of being with him. If you cannot trust him , then what's the point of being with him? You're constantly going to be running in behind him to prove to yourself what you already know: he does things you've asked him not to do and then lies about it in your face. That ain't cool because that's called "playing you for a fool", especially when you can show him his trail. I just don't see any benefit from being tied to someone who would insult my intelligence like that. You're going to either have to let go of him creeping on the net after other women and looking at porn if you want this particular guy in your life or you're going to have to cut him loose and find a man who doesn't need to do all of that. Depends upon how many years you're going to invest in trying to make him be someone he clearly has no interest in being. If he didn't want to creep chicks on the net or look at porn, this post wouldnt' be here, ya know? 4
Author Stripey100 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 Thanks guys, I think I just need some idea of what this looks like to people not involved in the situation. He has been begging and begging me not to break up with him but I really don't think I can do this anymore..I know our friends are going to try to change my mind and it's just hard when a guy you love is getting so upset and begging you not to do something. Think I just need to take this advice and get a few days to clear my head ..Thanks again x 1
kendahke Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Thanks guys, I think I just need some idea of what this looks like to people not involved in the situation. He has been begging and begging me not to break up with him but I really don't think I can do this anymore..I know our friends are going to try to change my mind and it's just hard when a guy you love is getting so upset and begging you not to do something. Think I just need to take this advice and get a few days to clear my head ..Thanks again x When your friends decide to interfere in what is not their business, print out his interactions with these random chicks and show it to them. Then ask them "This would be OK with you? Would you stay with your boy/girlfriend if they were creeping other chicks/guys on the web?" Was it hard for him when you were getting upset over the creeping, the porning (I think I just made up a new word, LOL) and the lying? Clearly not, since he kept on doing it. That showed you that he didn't care how you felt about it--his need to seek out other women in whatever form is more important than your need for your man to not do that. The doing it is one thing: it's the lying about it that is really the crusher. If he did cop to it or if he chose to lie about it--both paths were going to bring you two to the same intersection: you're incompatible. If he said "yeah, I did it and I'm going to keep on doing it despite how you feel about it", that would bring about the same feeling as the discovery of the lie because he covered up that his true feelings were "yeah I did it and I'm going to keep on doing it--AND I'll lie in your face to keep on doing it". So, he can be as upset as he wants, but it's a road he willfully chose to take. All actions have consequences.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Perfect relationship, are you kidding me? Come on, OP. In whose world does a perfect relationship involve trolling the internet for girls and sex chat? Not in mine. Sorry to be blunt, but you need to see this relationship for what it is- any boyfriend who would do that repeatedly to his girlfriend is very, very far from perfect. And so what if he gets upset when you want to leave? Boo-friggin'-hoo! What a baby. He is knowingly hurting you, does that stop him? No, it doesn't. Why? Because he doesn't respect you. And he's never been given any consequences. You chose to stay knowing what he's up to. But you can also choose to demand more for yourself and kick his lying arse to the curb. If anyone gives you grief, tell them exactly what he does when you're not looking. He's quite a jerk to you, to be honest. Tell your friends to take a flying leap if they still can't see why you don't want to be with a liar. Bottom line: no trust, no relationship. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 You do not have a perfect relationship. In a perfect relationship, you would trust him & he would not lie to you. You should have walked in the beginning when he was having sex with the other girl in YOUR house! Him looking at porn isn't a big deal to me but since it's a big deal to you, and he doesn't respect your wishes, you have a problem. You need to make a decision now: do you want what you have now to continue forever because he's not going to change or do you want to break up. Expecting things to get better is a fool's errand, because he won't stop doing these things. If you can't trust him, you have nothing. 2
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