Cheerbabe93 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 I really need advice right now. Basically what happened is that I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of almost 3 years but last month I met someone else and I started having sex with him. I didn't tell my boyfriend out of fear but I spent many nights staying up crying because I regret what I had done. However I continued having sex with the other guy and I started to kinda like him. My boyfriend found out somehow and he told me that he still loves me and that he wanted to propose and that he already has a ring and everything. He did say that he needs me there with him now and that if I still love him, which I do, I need to go see him so that we can fix our relationship and work on our future together. The thing is that he lives over seas because he is in the military and I am in college and if I go see him I would miss finals so I would have to drop out. The other thing is if I go see him for a few weeks my affair would be over with the other guy cause he wouldn't put up with that. But I thought I liked him. Basically I am really confused right now and do not know what to do. I am really hurt both by my mistakes and by the fact that I lost my boyfriend. I was crying for five hours straight last night then as soon as I woke up this morning I started crying again and right now I am crying too. Why is it so hard for me to make a decision? I still love my boyfriend and I wanted nothing more than to get married to him. He isn't perfect and he didn't always treat me right but I still love him. The other guy treats me way better and he has a lot of money but I don't think that we could have a future because we basically have nothing in common… like nothing, not even one thing. So I feel like if I were to stay with him he would make me happy because he treats me well and spoils me but I would start missing how connected me and my boyfriend were. Sorry this is getting long but I am at a really bad place right now and I need opinions. My boyfriend wants me to come as soon as possible or else he will be done completely and I just don't know what to do. I just wish I didnt get myself in this position but I did and I cant cope...
melell Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Time to put your own feelings aside, and do what is best for the other person. Of course he wants to try, he is probably brokenhearted. Stop being selfish, get some courage, walk away. 2
Satu Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 You need to learn to think before you act. You need to learn to consider consequences before you act. You don't seem to have got that yet. I hope you do get it. 7
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 Time to put your own feelings aside, and do what is best for the other person. Of course he wants to try, he is probably brokenhearted. Stop being selfish, get some courage, walk away. That is not what he wants though. He wants me to come see him because he wants to be with me and he still loves me too.
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 You need to learn to think before you act. You need to learn to consider consequences before you act. You don't seem to have got that yet. I hope you do get it. I obviously ****ed up, yes, trust me, I know that and I regret it. But your comment isn't helping. I need to make a decision within the next few days to either drop out of college and get on a plane to see him or to let him go and keep seeing the other guy… I feel really lost right now
melell Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 That is not what he wants though. He wants me to come see him because he wants to be with me and he still loves me too. What I got from your post is that you are weighing one guy against the other, and it is incredibly immature, and incredibly typical of females...imo of course. When you meet someone that is good for you, and that you appreciate, you won't even ask these questions. Read through posts on this forum, there are plenty of people that get cheated on and their knee jerk reaction is to cling onto the cheater rather than walk away. You don't respect your bf...think about it... 1
seminoles84 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 I obviously ****ed up, yes, trust me, I know that and I regret it. But your comment isn't helping. I need to make a decision within the next few days to either drop out of college and get on a plane to see him or to let him go and keep seeing the other guy… I feel really lost right now Or you could stop seeing new guy, explain you'll be over to visit him as soon as you finish finals. Personally think the trust is gone and he'll never truly trust you again.. 1
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 Or you could stop seeing new guy, explain you'll be over to visit him as soon as you finish finals. Personally think the trust is gone and he'll never truly trust you again.. No we talked on the phone last night and he told me that if I wait till finals are over in february that it will be too late. He said he needs me now so he is making me choose between trying to fix the relationship or school.
seminoles84 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 No we talked on the phone last night and he told me that if I wait till finals are over in february that it will be too late. He said he needs me now so he is making me choose between trying to fix the relationship or school. Pick school. 3
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 Pick school. see but I don't know if I can give him up like that. And what if I end up failing my finals cause I am too depressed to study? Then I get kicked out of school and if that happens well then I lost everything…
Marco Valerio Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 I obviously ****ed up, yes, trust me, I know that and I regret it. But your comment isn't helping. I need to make a decision within the next few days to either drop out of college and get on a plane to see him or to let him go and keep seeing the other guy… I feel really lost right now NO you do not!!! Trust US!!! You are not regretting none of your actions, you are just wondering what's best for you. You should stop cheating on your boyfriend and then you should break up with him (as he is not that important to you to be faithful). You should stop being such a selfish girl and start thinking about others, not just on yourself and your needs. Cheating on someone is NOT right, and if you still don't see the pain you are causing, Karma will take care of it, no doubt!!! 1
melell Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 No we talked on the phone last night and he told me that if I wait till finals are over in february that it will be too late. He said he needs me now so he is making me choose between trying to fix the relationship or school. See the bolded, this is not all about you, or anyone making you do anything. Don't expect people to feel sorry for you, when you stop thinking of yourself this will all be easy. This current way of thinking is destructive to yourself and the people you interact with. 1
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 NO you do not!!! Trust US!!! You are not regretting none of your actions, you are just wondering what's best for you. You should stop cheating on your boyfriend and then you should break up with him (as he is not that important to you to be faithful). You should stop being such a selfish girl and start thinking about others, not just on yourself and your needs. Cheating on someone is NOT right, and if you still don't see the pain you are causing, Karma will take care of it, no doubt!!! excuse me but why are you being rude to me? Are you a perfect person? Did you never make a mistake in your life before? If so then yea go ahead and judge me. I came here for help and advice not to get called a selfish slut. And you don't know the entire story. My boyfriend cheated in the beginning of this year, that was the reason why I even signed up to this forum. So please don't act as if you know everything about my relationship and my life.
melell Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 excuse me but why are you being rude to me? Are you a perfect person? Did you never make a mistake in your life before? If so then yea go ahead and judge me. I came here for help and advice not to get called a selfish slut. And you don't know the entire story. My boyfriend cheated in the beginning of this year, that was the reason why I even signed up to this forum. So please don't act as if you know everything about my relationship and my life. >cheated on boyfriend >still contemplating leaving boyfriend to continue having sex with guy >not a selfish slut. ok.jpg We are being honest with you, not running to your aid and making you feel better. Take it as you want. 3
seminoles84 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 excuse me but why are you being rude to me? Are you a perfect person? Did you never make a mistake in your life before? If so then yea go ahead and judge me. I came here for help and advice not to get called a selfish slut. And you don't know the entire story. My boyfriend cheated in the beginning of this year, that was the reason why I even signed up to this forum. So please don't act as if you know everything about my relationship and my life. No one called you a slut first off. You are right we can on go based on what YOU told us in your post. This relationship is bound to fail. I suggest being an adult and staying in school. 1
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 >cheated on boyfriend >still contemplating leaving boyfriend to continue having sex with guy >not a selfish slut. ok.jpg We are being honest with you, not running to your aid and making you feel better. Take it as you want. read this maybe, he was never perfect or innocent https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/466037-did-he-just-break-no-contact
Zahara Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 So, the choice is between a boyfriend that's a manipulative jerk (past threads) and if the FWB is the basketball player, the choice is between a not so nice boyfriend and a guy that uses you for sex. Best option: Dump both guys. Stay in school. Finish your education. Become independent. Aim higher. Go out and date in the hopes of finding better potential. 3
Jimmyjackson Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 In my opinion your boyfriend needs to grow a pair and throw you in the gutter where you belong. Cheating is disgusting. 3
Zahara Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 And just because he cheated, you don't need to live by his moral compass. You should have your own and stand by it. Otherwise you're just as bad. 2
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 In my opinion your boyfriend needs to grow a pair and throw you in the gutter where you belong. Cheating is disgusting. not to excuse my wrong doings but he cheated on me first. not an excuse but he isn't innocent either.
melell Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 read this maybe, he was never perfect or innocent https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/466037-did-he-just-break-no-contact Read it, and I honestly don't doubt he had some of this coming, but we are talking about you in this thread.. If my next door neighbor kills a puppy, is my killing a puppy any better? Horrible example, but you get my point. You need to take responsibility for your actions, and your choices, stop deflecting, stop justifying, and stop thinking so egocentrically. I promise you if you continue to think the way you are you will run into these problems over and over again...and still expect others to make it all ok for you. You don't want that. I am being so direct with you because I really think it could help you. 2
Jimmyjackson Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 not to excuse my wrong doings but he cheated on me first. not an excuse but he isn't innocent either. Two wrongs don't make a right. I can't believe hes actually still contemplating proposing to you knowing what you've done, dude sounds like the biggest mug on the planet. What is it, he cheats, you cheat? like some sort of game where you take turns? Once someone cheats the trust is gone, I personally couldn't stay with a girl knowing they had been held by another man during our relationship. Would mess with my head too much. 2
Satu Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 I obviously ****ed up, yes, trust me, I know that and I regret it. But your comment isn't helping. I need to make a decision within the next few days to either drop out of college and get on a plane to see him or to let him go and keep seeing the other guy… I feel really lost right now Make your decision based upon your best judgment of the likely consequences. Decisions like that can only be made by one person. In this case, you are that person. 1
Satu Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 So, the choice is between a boyfriend that's a manipulative jerk (past threads) and if the FWB is the basketball player, the choice is between a not so nice boyfriend and a guy that uses you for sex. Best option: Dump both guys. Stay in school. Finish your education. Become independent. Aim higher. Go out and date in the hopes of finding better potential. In my experience, in triangular situations like this, it usually ends up with nobody getting what they want. They are then catapulted away from other at just under the speed of light, to never again play a part in each others lives. 1
Survivor12 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 If your bf truly loved & had forgiven you, he would want the best for you & would never ask you to sacrifice your education. Giving you that kind of ultimatum is quite the opposite. He doesn't want you there because he loves you...he wants you there to prove your devotion to him & to heal his bruised ego. Or, he's setting you up for one hell of a payback. What revenge! Think about it...he convinces you to leave the other guy, bear the expense of traveling to see him & destroy your college career (not to mention the wasted time & money you've invested) then dumps you (after having sex with you first, of course), leaving you alone far from home. Think. 4
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