Is it wrong for a woman to expect an orgasm every time?

[xxoo]

I mentioned toys several months ago and he wasn't keen. I sensed he got kind of withdrawn and I didn't and don't want to upset him, but he seems more open to it now. I know it's a sensitive matter and no way do I want him upset or feeling like I've knocked his ego.

 

I work in a caring profession where psychology plays a part. The toys are a tool not a replacement which could be his feeling. It has been known for some women to want it less when they use an aid.

 

But you are hiding....to protect his ego? What about your ego? What about your needs?

 

I don't get it. It seems like you are walking on eggshells to baby him. It's enabling his issue. He'd get over it if you asserted yourself and included him.

[orangetree]

I don't think you should expect an orgasm every time. You only have sex to get off? Well, my personal opinion is that sex (in a relationship) isn't just about the orgasm, it's also about the being close to each other part, showing love to one another (well, maybe these are the words of a woman ).

Therefore, I don't care THAT much about having an orgasm and don't really mind if I only have one 60 or 70% of the time. And if you want one every single time, maybe you have to help a bit and put hands on yourself too;) Or you need to tell your husband what gets you off.

[LadyLuck2014]

Giving oral isn't something I love doing, but because he LOVES it, I do it for him and have previously done it for years on end with no reciprocation. Maybe I let it go on too long, but I wanted to give him pleasure.

Ugh.

 

I wouldn't spit on this selfish assclown if he were on fire, much less give him oral sex for years, KNOWING his lazy ass would never reciprocate. Blech.

[Got it]

I mentioned toys several months ago and he wasn't keen. I sensed he got kind of withdrawn and I didn't and don't want to upset him, but he seems more open to it now. I know it's a sensitive matter and no way do I want him upset or feeling like I've knocked his ego.

 

I work in a caring profession where psychology plays a part. The toys are a tool not a replacement which could be his feeling. It has been known for some women to want it less when they use an aid.

 

Sandy, this is unacceptable. Yes, you should expect to orgasm every time. It doesn't happen for men and women but I think it is very reasonable to expect it.

 

I see it as him trying to train you to expect less. Instead of raising his bar, he wants you to lower yours. This is unacceptable.

 

My first husband was similar, just like the rut and didn't want to change it.

[MissBee]

Is it wrong for a woman to expect an orgasm......

 

So that's my question.......I get that if your having a 'quickie' as a woman you're unlikely to have an O, because it takes that much longer, but apart from during quickies what do you think?

 

I tend to get pretty frustrated when I don't and my H seems to think I'm being unrealistic to expect to have an O all the time. Says it's not quite the same for men and women.

 

I'd like to hear from men and women please.

 

Thanks

 

I don't think it's wrong or right per se but for me in my own experience, I simply do not expect it.

 

I still enjoy sex without it though so for me an orgasm is not necessarily the mark of good sex. I haven't as yet had an orgasm from penetration only so that also influences my views. I usually orgasm from oral or some kind of clitoral stimulation even though penetrative sex still feels VERY VERY good and satisfying. But it's more so about how attentive the man is and his desire to please and as long as that is there in good supply I don't necessarily NEED an orgasm. What frustrates me is if he seems unconcerned and like he just wants to get himself off and roll over without even being attentive to me at all...:mad: I would also be mad if he did that then said I shouldn't expect an orgasm...wtf.

 

I think your husband can and should pay attention to you having an orgasm if that's what you want and need because if as women we decided to just hop off when we were done and roll over while he was still hard and hadn't finished, he wouldn't be saying the same. I don't NEED an orgasm all the time but certainly don't want to be with a man whose mentality is that I shouldn't expect it. He should be as attentive as possible and AIM for it, if it doesn't happen, the effort itself will satisfy me more than if his attitude is to not bother at all.

Edited January 7, 2015 by MissBee

[sandylee1]

But you are hiding....to protect his ego? What about your ego? What about your needs?

 

I don't get it. It seems like you are walking on eggshells to baby him. It's enabling his issue. He'd get over it if you asserted yourself and included him.

 

I didn't want to say anything hurtful that would be difficult to recover from, because often times if I said outright how I felt, I can assure you the marriage would have irretrievably broken down. That was not my aim at all. My caution hasn't been out of fear of him, but fear that my words would hurt him.

 

I know men often feel the pressure to perform more so than women and I had to handle it sensitively. I'm quite sure the message has hit home.

 

I really should have tried harder to let him know I wasn't okay with it way back when it became a regular pattern. It's my fault for leaving it so long, I really own that one.

 

Iff I take myself out if the situation and imagine I was advising someone else, that would what I'd say. Instead I assumed that he should know without me saying, because I'd never had to tell others. But everyone is different.

 

 

 

Thanks

[sandylee1]

Sandy, this is unacceptable. Yes, you should expect to orgasm every time. It doesn't happen for men and women but I think it is very reasonable to expect it.

 

I see it as him trying to train you to expect less. Instead of raising his bar, he wants you to lower yours. This is unacceptable.

 

I'm inclined to agree with the last sentence.