Is it wrong for a woman to expect an orgasm every time?

[sandylee1]

Is it wrong for a woman to expect an orgasm......

 

So that's my question.......I get that if your having a 'quickie' as a woman you're unlikely to have an O, because it takes that much longer, but apart from during quickies what do you think?

 

I tend to get pretty frustrated when I don't and my H seems to think I'm being unrealistic to expect to have an O all the time. Says it's not quite the same for men and women.

 

I'd like to hear from men and women please.

 

Thanks

[redtail]

A quickie doesn't imply only one partner is satisfied, so I'd say the alternate is true, it's wrong for a partner to expect a woman to not have an orgasm every time.

[amaysngrace]

Your husband is a lousy lover.

 

He's the kind of man that I rate as not worth shaving my legs for. Ever.

[xxoo]

How does he stop you?

[Mal78]

Is it wrong for a woman to expect an orgasm......

 

So that's my question.......I get that if your having a 'quickie' as a woman you're unlikely to have an O, because it takes that much longer, but apart from during quickies what do you think?

 

I tend to get pretty frustrated when I don't and my H seems to think I'm being unrealistic to expect to have an O all the time. Says it's not quite the same for men and women.

 

I'd like to hear from men and women please.

 

Thanks

 

This is where sex turns into "chore sex". Eventually it won't be a priority for you if you are not satisfied.

 

If your H actually told you that you are being unrealistic then he is not being sympathetic to your needs and feeling.

 

How are men and women different? It seems you both engage in sex to be satisfied (sexually). However HE seems to think that he/men are to be satisfied every time. You tell him and he calls you "unrealistic".

 

Have him explain his ration behind this. Also explain by his "theory" masturbating would do the same trick.

 

I'm sorry.

 

My H is *just* learning this is not acceptable. I don't want to be degraded into "assuming the position" any more!

[LuckyLady13]

SandyLee, your husband tried to pull a fast one on you (pun intended). Telling you that you shouldn't expect an orgasm every time and men and woman are different?

 

 

Anyway, if there's nothing in it for you too, don't bother. It's that simple. Some men are so fantastic at sex that a quickie is plenty for a woman to have an orgasm. When I think back to days with this one guy years ago who just really knew what he was doing...it was like absolute magic. Too bad great sex doesn't conquer all. Every other aspect of that guys life was a mess!

 

You asked if it's wrong to expect an orgasm every time. Nope! Not at all wrong.

 

I've got to ask though, what's the problem exactly? I mean, I don't know how long you've been married but it sounds like your sex life is so stale. He wants you to have unfulfilling, bad sex to satisfy him? No. Just totally no.

 

You've got a lazy hubby on your hands. Who couldn't care less how sex is for you and tried to pull a con-job on you. You're not asking too much from the guy you tied yourself down to. Great sex = great marriage.

 

If you fall for that "it takes women a long time to reach orgasm" routine, you've just never been with a guy who is fantastic at satisfying women!

[d0nnivain]

Not at all but sometimes you have to help & work to help yourself if you will.

 

 

If your husband is not willing to work more often than not to assure pleasure too at best he's a selfish lover.

[oldshirt]

The next he gets you off, get up and start putting your clothes back on and going on about your business and leave him hanging.

 

 

Do that a few times and then see if he feels it's not important every time.

[sandylee1]

The next he gets you off, get up and start putting your clothes back on and going on about your business and leave him hanging.

 

 

Do that a few times and then see if he feels it's not important every time.

 

 

I've tried that before and he was pretty peeved. I said 'That's how it is for me a lot of the time '

[sandylee1]

SandyLee, your husband tried to pull a fast one on you (pun intended). Telling you that you shouldn't expect an orgasm every time and men and woman are different?

 

 

Anyway, if there's nothing in it for you too, don't bother. It's that simple. Some men are so fantastic at sex that a quickie is plenty for a woman to have an orgasm. When I think back to days with this one guy years ago who just really knew what he was doing...it was like absolute magic. Too bad great sex doesn't conquer all. Every other aspect of that guys life was a mess!

 

You asked if it's wrong to expect an orgasm every time. Nope! Not at all wrong.

 

I've got to ask though, what's the problem exactly? I mean, I don't know how long you've been married but it sounds like your sex life is so stale. He wants you to have unfulfilling, bad sex to satisfy him? No. Just totally no.

 

You've got a lazy hubby on your hands. Who couldn't care less how sex is for you and tried to pull a con-job on you. You're not asking too much from the guy you tied yourself down to. Great sex = great marriage.

 

If you fall for that "it takes women a long time to reach orgasm" routine, you've just never been with a guy who is fantastic at satisfying women!

 

I've indirectly had that line of it takes a while '

 

 

Been married 17 years. We do have a great time sexually, but I would prefer less quantity and more quality. We both enjoy it, but I have become withdrawn a little because of it. He loves high frequency, so yes it becomes a chore when I'm stressing about whether or not I'll get mine at the end.

 

He asked how things were with my previous lovers. I said that with some of them I did get off every time. That didn't go down so well. I won't repeat what he said, because you'll all tell me to walk.

 

One major issue is that I've put on a fair amount of weight over the years. ...I hate it. But in the early days I'd be on top and I could have an O that way. I just can't do that anymore with the excess pounds, it just doesn't work.

 

So the only way he knows to give me an O is to go down on me. Takes about 15 minutes and he doesn't want to do that all the time.

 

I've pretty much said I wanted an O all the time and he acted like I was crazy. I don't want to hurt his feelings because the male ego can be fragile. I wish he could do some reading on other ways (besides oral) to get me off, but suggesting that would shatter him. That would not achieve anything good.

 

*sigh*

[sandylee1]

How does he stop you?

 

By not going down on me.

[xxoo]

I do think it is unreasonable to expect him to perform a single act every time, oral or anything else. What about exploring with toys and finding some new ways? Do you do it on your own sometimes? If so, could you incorporate those techniques yourself?

 

Get exploring, change things up, and have fun together

[Anderlie]

I agree with the toy route especially. If you need oral I would imagine using a BOB on yourself with your husband would work wonders. It probably wouldn't take too long either, he could even control it if he feels he needs to handle the action.

[sureño]

depends on the woman. There are women who are hard to reach orgasm, there are others that make several in a single encounter... my wife has an orgasm in every encounter. very rarely is more than one.

[oldshirt]

I've tried that before and he was pretty peeved. I said 'That's how it is for me a lot of the time '

 

So it did have an affect then. I suggest you keep doing it until he steps up.

[Mr. Lucky]

Is it wrong for a woman to expect an orgasm......

 

I think the real world answer is yes, but I'll clarify by saying it's wrong for either partner to expect an orgasm every time.

 

I think there's quickies, relaxed sex and "real world" sex that can fall in the middle. 12:15 am, alarm set for 6:30 am, wife has already had hers but it's taking me forever (old age is a two-edged sword ), I'm not going to expect her to work at it forever. OP, your husband should get the same occasional pass if circumstances align.

 

If his reticence is more than once in a while, whole different subject...

 

Mr. Lucky

[hoping2heal]

Does he at least attempt things to help you get there?

 

There could be a reason you aren't having one

[Els]

It depends on what you mean by 'expect'. Orgasms are very important to me, and yes, I do 'expect' to O every time, but I don't expect him to give me oral every time, either. Sometimes we use fingers, sometimes he uses toys on me, and sometimes I use toys on myself!

 

I think you and your H should be open towards looking at other possible ways of bringing you to O. This should be a joint effort though - it shouldn't be just you wanting to bring yourself to O and him never putting in any effort, but the responsibility shouldn't rest solely on his shoulders either.

[aggie382]

You can touch yourself while he's thrusting and make yourself O. I agree with xxoo that it's not fair to expect him to eat you out every time you have sex.

[hoping2heal]

Fair enough that he doesn't want to go down every time. There are other ways. You seem like toys would be a "blow" to his ego...well? Does his ego feel better knowing you didn't at all? I mean other ways of stimulation would save him from going down so...you'd think that would be welcome? You shouldn't have to go sans O for his "ego" and I don't know why he would want you to either.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think the other question for me is, has this always been the way your sex life has been or functioned in your relationship?

 

Being married already, I assume you have a relationship history and therefore sexual history...what was the pattern leading up to this? because that already tells you a lot right there. Did you always accept this as apart of the sexual relationship or did he suddenly over the years become more disinterested in satisfying you sexually.

 

Because to be honest with you, I don't have a lot of sympathy for those who complain about something when it was never apart of the package deal, but then become the victim later on and sell it to others as this thing of unfairness and inequality when you were the one who married the guy like this and he never did change...nobody made you marry the old goat.

 

I mean if you buy a car without air-conditioning, then 10 years later decide you need it...I'm not saying you can't ask for air-conditioning to be installed but at the same time you bought it knowing it wouldn't have it. And then you tell everyone else 10 years later what a piece of crap car you've got because it doesn't have the basic function of a modern car and they all agree with you looking at it from this point in time, however you full well know you bought the damn thing at the time and decided it was ok by continuing the relationship from that point on without ever having it addressed.

 

If the desire has just dropped off the radar however, and he doesn't pursue it or desire you as much sexually...then maybe then spicing up the sex life would help and not to BS you, but the weight can have an impact so it's something you should strongly consider working on seriously..especially when providing oral. For me it's not an issue within moderate weight gain, but some guys refuse to do oral and aren't big fans of it as it is, the extra weight may be even more off-putting to a guy who doesn't have much interest in it as it is.

 

Beyond that, why haven't you really tried assisting yourself in the process? plenty of women need or could use the help of toys in order to reach that big or little O. It's not uncommon, but I think it would be uncommon for a married man to go down on his wife every single time they have sex in order for her to reach orgasm...I don't know how many husbands or even men, are going to have that kind of zeal or passion to sustain that for the long-term.

 

Also some women are really complicated, you've practically got to be a one man band, one foot banging on the drum tied to your back, harmonica connected to your head, with little cymbals clashing together on your knees...so the "warm-up", psychological arousal, then some hand work, tongue work, hip-thrusting...all going at the same time keeping the whole thing synchronized or otherwise it just sounds like a lot of noise. But that has a lot to do with compatibility/chemistry and the kind of lover you are with. Not every guy has the desire, will, or even ability to do all of that...nor would they do it all very effectively...it takes stamina, skill, competence with how your body works and what makes you feel the most aroused. And the reality is, a lot of women are not that familiar with their bodies or uncomfortable with them, making the task more challenging, especially for guys who lack the ability to just get into your head without your assistance...which if you don't know, then they sure as hell won't either.

 

Your guy clearly has a problem going to the extent to help you reach orgasm every time in the bedroom, and he doesn't desire or seem to have the motivation to do so. Does that make him a bad husband or does that mean he's a selfish lover? in my book he's a poor (which are usually selfish) lover, not necessarily a bad husband, but at the same time if this has been his usual playbook in the bedroom, I wouldn't necessarily say it's wrong...some women don't ever hardly desire sex and that to me is "wrong"...although they all seem to desire orgasms...hmm.

 

I think the reality is you're going to have to help yourself at this point, and this may end up turning him on. I would look into figuring out something that can give you that clitoral stimulation while he's penetrating you, because realistically he's not going to go down on you every time just to give you an orgasm, and if he does it'll have to be like a weekly agreed thing and you may have to barter for it...just like some women make men do just to get sex, period.

[sandylee1]

I do think it is unreasonable to expect him to perform a single act every time, oral or anything else. What about exploring with toys and finding some new ways? Do you do it on your own sometimes? If so, could you incorporate those techniques yourself?

 

Get exploring, change things up, and have fun together

 

 

Thanks.

I did suggest the toys actually. He wasn't mad on the idea of a dildo, but seemed okay with a little vb.

I know oral can be a chore and sometimes if it goes on for a while and I still don't get there I just get him to stop. It gets too frustrating.

[Els]

Thanks.

I did suggest the toys actually. He wasn't mad on the idea of a dildo, but seemed okay with a little vb.

I know oral can be a chore and sometimes if it goes on for a while and I still don't get there I just get him to stop. It gets too frustrating.

 

How about a clitoral vibrator? That might be more appealing to him, as it's very different from a penis. Also for many women, clitoral vibes are more effective for orgasm than vibrating dildos.

[sandylee1]

I'll answer some specific questions later.

 

Im okay with not having one if its a quickie. I got awfully upset about this several months ago and I bought myself a vibrator. What got me was that in about 5 sessions at the time I had an O once. I just got really mad but never said anything, because I'd said it before. I was almost in tears after another round and I was not fulfilled.

 

I raised using toys then and he seemed a bit reluctant. So I began using the new vb on my own. Also when we finish making love and he goes to the rest room I use the vb and it's so quick. That has been a life saver.

 

I have read that women need to take responsibility for their own orgasm though. It's just I'd like him to want me to have them a bit more often.

 

In previous relationships I had bf's that ALWAYS went down on me, but I think they enjoyed it a lot more than my H does. Although he says he likes it, I can tell it's not like my X's.

 

Someone mentioned the weight possibly putting him off and I've thought of that. I have terrible self esteem issues where my body is concerned and that's why I often didn't say anything at all. Even if I only had an O one in ten times. I would feel more confident to ask or say certain things if I was in good shape. I know I'm the only one who can change that though.

 

I rabbit vb was once suggested to me, but I'll introduce the little one first.

 

Thanks again

[LadyLuck2014]

He sounds like a selfish, uneducated a*sshole whose only interest is his OWN pleasure.

 

I actually laughed at his ignorant statements about how he should be the only one satisfied every time and you should be happy with whatever crumbs you get. If he were educated and CARING, he'd be pursuing alternate ways during his selfish little quickies to make sure YOU'RE being satisfied too.

 

They say everyone is responsible for their own O's and blah blah blah, but that's not always true. A truly GREAT lover will care as much about YOUR satisfaction as he does his own.

 

I'm sorry you got stuck with an ignorant, selfish jerkoff whose ego is so 'fragile' that you prefer to suffer in silence rather than bring up the subject of your dissatisfaction and 'risk' bruising his delicate little ego. Pffft.