Doesn't everyone settle when it comes to looks? [Updated]

[Toodaloo]

I mean we all want a perfect 10, but most of us know it's not attainable. So we do the best that we can and we settle for "good enough."

 

 

So whats your 10? It sure as heck isn't going to be someone elses!

 

I don't go for looks. Never have, yet I seem to end up with people that others think are very attractive. I have been asked on many occasions what my secret is. There is no secret. A person is as attractive as they "feel". So when you feel good about yourself and are confident and happy you are attractive.

 

Looks can be taken away in a flash and will always fade with age so what is the point of going for looks? If a house fire, car crash, disease etc can ruin your relationship then why bother at all? We are all going to get old at some point and we are all going to become "unattractive in the looks department" at some point. You can take away a persons looks but you can't take away their spirit or gumption... their essence, their personality.

 

I was settling for people who were nice enough. Now I am not going to. I will only settle for someone I see as exceptional. I know I may never find it but hey ho going to be fun trying!

[littleblackheart]

I mean we all want a perfect 10, but most of us know it's not attainable. So we do the best that we can and we settle for "good enough."

 

The reason I bring this up is because my ex and I broke up after 7 months because of superficial reasons. I was attracted to her but I was selfish and felt I could do better and wanted to date other girls. Over the past few months, I started to miss her more and more and realized that the single life of hooking up was leaving me unfulfilled. I had a desire for long-term true happiness, not temporary bouts of pleasure. I guess you can say I had an epiphany of sorts and realized what was really important in life and that looks will always fade. I look back on our relationship and remembered how great of a catch she was and most importantly she loved me, even though I never said it back. I guess I never really appreciated her. She would do the sweetest things for me and I loved her personality. I'm just confused whether I miss her because she really was a great catch and I made a mistake, or if it's just because I am lonely and want to settle down. Would you rather settle down with someone you're moderately attracted to physically, but with an awesome personality, or just hold out for someone that knocks your socks off in addition to having an awesome personality? I'm in my mid 30's and want to start a family soon so I feel as though I don't have much time.

 

After a break-up has set, it's almost natural to have thoughts about your ex and what could have been - reality gets a little distorted and gives way to what ifs.

 

 

It's rare to only be moderately physically attracted to someone you have true feelings for (they set your heart aflutter whatever they look like); you loved her personality and you loved that she loved you so the way I interpreted this post is that you breaking up with her was because ultimately, you didn't love her enough; that to me is not a superficial reason, and the right thing to do.

 

 

There's no need to beat yourself up about it or think you're shallow or have regrets because staying with her would have been settling of the worst kind - staying with her because of the way she makes you feel, not because of the way you feel about her, regardless of her looks.

 

 

When you finally find your own perfect 10, it'll all make sense to you.

[braindamage]

Nor would a guy ever critique another guy based on how great of a personality his GF has, but he'll be impressed if she's quite good looking...everybody gets that, both female and male.

 

Actually I'd consider that a pretty big compliment. Everyone can directly whether someone is hot or not but it takes more to find someone that has a suitable connection/personality since you can't just objectively see that in a second.

[autumnnight]

Really? Women are compelled to think those things? Hm. We're not, really. Sure there are superficial people in the world, a whole lot of them. A man is the one who started this thread though.

 

I'm always amused when a man is 100% certain that he knows what all/most women are thinking or compelled to do.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Where I live, when I do a search within say a 20 or 30 mile radius in an area that's mostly populated with the elderly OR people MY age , but...already married and had popped out kids by the age of 21. lol.

 

Occasionally, some poor soul would move into my area, she is rather attractive, no kids, never married....all what I want as am equal to her on that aspect.

 

After a time of living here, she discovers the bout of backwoods bars and unappealing venues and the appealing venues tend to close their doors at 8 p.m.

 

She discovers everyone her age, co-workers, and the like are married. The reason she moved here would either be to be closer to her family and married siblings or career change (that she'd likely be willing to happily relocated to another facility if another transfer is available. )

 

She then throws up an online dating profile, I see her, contact her as she's complained about , " How I just moved here, and cannot find a single person under 70 that's single." I show empathy as part of my intro as I can relate, but...no response.

 

You'd think someone would be less picky when they move to an area quite lacking in options. I think they are still stuck in "big city girl" mode when they move down here. Keep thinking Eva Gabor in the old "Green Acres" TV show. lol Total culture shock!

 

Some of these ladies have become permanent fixtures of the site, occasionally I've seen them out in public as it's a smaller community.

[TigerLilly78]

Where I live, when I do a search within say a 20 or 30 mile radius in an area that's mostly populated with the elderly OR people MY age , but...already married and had popped out kids by the age of 21. lol.

 

Occasionally, some poor soul would move into my area, she is rather attractive, no kids, never married....all what I want as am equal to her on that aspect.

 

After a time of living here, she discovers the bout of backwoods bars and unappealing venues and the appealing venues tend to close their doors at 8 p.m.

 

She discovers everyone her age, co-workers, and the like are married. The reason she moved here would either be to be closer to her family and married siblings or career change (that she'd likely be willing to happily relocated to another facility if another transfer is available. )

 

She then throws up an online dating profile, I see her, contact her as she's complained about , " How I just moved here, and cannot find a single person under 70 that's single." I show empathy as part of my intro as I can relate, but...no response.

 

You'd think someone would be less picky when they move to an area quite lacking in options. I think they are still stuck in "big city girl" mode when they move down here. Keep thinking Eva Gabor in the old "Green Acres" TV show. lol Total culture shock!

 

Some of these ladies have become permanent fixtures of the site, occasionally I've seen them out in public as it's a smaller community.

 

More likely they just dont find you attractive thats ok it happens no? why do they have to want to date you? this is the mind set I dont get from a lot of men they become enraged when women do not find them attractive when they think they have every right to be as picky as they like..

[toscaroscura]

Where I live, when I do a search within say a 20 or 30 mile radius in an area that's mostly populated with the elderly OR people MY age , but...already married and had popped out kids by the age of 21. lol.

 

Occasionally, some poor soul would move into my area, she is rather attractive, no kids, never married....all what I want as am equal to her on that aspect.

 

After a time of living here, she discovers the bout of backwoods bars and unappealing venues and the appealing venues tend to close their doors at 8 p.m.

 

She discovers everyone her age, co-workers, and the like are married. The reason she moved here would either be to be closer to her family and married siblings or career change (that she'd likely be willing to happily relocated to another facility if another transfer is available. )

 

She then throws up an online dating profile, I see her, contact her as she's complained about , " How I just moved here, and cannot find a single person under 70 that's single." I show empathy as part of my intro as I can relate, but...no response.

 

You'd think someone would be less picky when they move to an area quite lacking in options. I think they are still stuck in "big city girl" mode when they move down here. Keep thinking Eva Gabor in the old "Green Acres" TV show. lol Total culture shock!

 

Some of these ladies have become permanent fixtures of the site, occasionally I've seen them out in public as it's a smaller community.

 

It seems unfair but it's really not.

 

We could be the same age and have all the same interests and goals. We could be the last man and last woman on planet Earth.

 

It's no guarantee that we will even like each other!

 

I notice more men doing this. They want to break it down into some sort of logical algorithm.

 

"I have XYZ, she has XYZ! She only lives .5 miles away! She's complaining that there are no men her age around, well here I am! What's wrong with her, everything matches up!"

 

It just doesn't work like that.

[devilish innocent]

I agree but how does one become less superficial?

 

Just by changing the way you focus your thoughts. It doesn't mean you might not still get flustered when somebody who's a perfect 10 smiles at you. But if you remind yourself that looks are superficial, you won't let those feelings consume you. On the other hand, you could see a girl who's a 10 in looks, and think "That's my dream girl. I must have her!" If you let yourself keep getting stuck in that mindset, you'll never get past judging girls for their looks.

[sandylee1]

I mean we all want a perfect 10, but most of us know it's not attainable. So we do the best that we can and we settle for "good enough."

 

The reason I bring this up is because my ex and I broke up after 7 months because of superficial reasons. I was attracted to her but I was selfish and felt I could do better and wanted to date other girls. Over the past few months, I started to miss her more and more and realized that the single life of hooking up was leaving me unfulfilled. I had a desire for long-term true happiness, not temporary bouts of pleasure. I guess you can say I had an epiphany of sorts and realized what was really important in life and that looks will always fade. I look back on our relationship and remembered how great of a catch she was and most importantly she loved me, even though I never said it back. I guess I never really appreciated her. She would do the sweetest things for me and I loved her personality. I'm just confused whether I miss her because she really was a great catch and I made a mistake, or if it's just because I am lonely and want to settle down. Would you rather settle down with someone you're moderately attracted to physically, but with an awesome personality, or just hold out for someone that knocks your socks off in addition to having an awesome personality? I'm in my mid 30's and want to start a family soon so I feel as though I don't have much time.

 

I don't feel I settled far as looks are concerned. My H is good looking and has the other physical attributes that were a must for me.

 

Unsettle if your only moderately attracted to someone. It's not fair to them and will only cause problems further down the line.