painter5561 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 It has been 4 months that we have been broken up. I was starting to feel better about the breakup. Not thinking about him all of the time. Starter packing up the left over items that I didn't see and ran into when cleaning out the closet in the house. Got rid of the Jeep he gave me( It was a broken down and a money pit). It gave me much relief. Was going to change his address for him. Than he called up. I didn't recognize the phone number and answered since it was in my area code. To my big surprise it was him. He invite my children and myself to go out on New Years day. I told him reason why we would not be going. My youngest was leaving to go back to TX. He even offer to drive her to airport and told me to ask her. Me I was working and didn't think I could leave early. Told me he would like to see me. To try to leave early and to call him back. My daughter don't like him so I didn't even bother and call and told him we couldn't make it. He wanted me to call the next day to see if they left yet when I get out of work. I only left a message through V/M. Nice thing about T-mobile it allows you to send message without talking to other person. My problem is that call is making me thinking about him all of the time. I really hate that. I want to call up and see if he would like to meet up for a bit. The last time I push myself to talk to him he was mean and nasty to me and since have kept the NC rules. Do you think he was ready to talk to me? If so why would he invite me to something when there would be many people ? We were together for 8 years and good friends for over 25 yrs. I'm kinda of lost here.
Light Breeze Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Hi OP, I'm sorry for what you're going through now.... Can you give a little background on how your breakup happened? I mean the cause of the breakup and who left who, and other stuff so we could see the whole picture.
Author painter5561 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 I threw him out of the house. He and my son got into a fight. My son threw him to the floor. Left to defuse it. My ex was drunk and would not go to bed and was driving me crazy with ranting and raving at the time. To defuse it I told him to leave because my blood pressure was up. I was not there at the time it happen. He just would not shut up at the time. I really didn't want the breakup but wanted the ranting to stop at the time. the problem is when he is drinking he can get mean. When he is nice he is real nice. But when drinking his is bad. So in truth it was me who broke up with him. Doesn't mean that I still don't love him. My friends say good riddance. I don't love him because it's right. I just love him.
Light Breeze Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Ok, just to start off I would like to say we love who we love and there's no rhyme or reason to it. That being said the choice to stay with a person depends on a lot of circumstances. In your case, your children. From your story it looks like your ex Is violent drunk (not necessarily physically) and that causes tension with you and your children. In this case in my opinion your kids come first. In good conscience I cannot advice you to get back with him unless he stops drinking completely. Normally I'd say good riddance to him but you've written that he's "really nice" when sober, thus, in my opinion you could talk to him about his drinking and possibly get professional help. HOWEVER, if you think you're done, then don't contact him and push on with NC. It's normal to still be in love but that feeling will fade if you take steps to move on.
Author painter5561 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 Thank you for the advise. I'm going back to the NC. I was starting not to think about him all of the time before he made that call and moving forward with my life. This time it should not take as long to push him to the back of my mind again. My children made me see that. They must really love me to put up with him over the years. I'm am bless and time to move on. It was a little setback and realize that happens and not to let it sway me. I just hope I know longer have the little setback.
Light Breeze Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Setbacks will come, you have to be prepared for it. Your hurt and longing for him will ebb and flow until such time when it ebbs completely. I'm struggling with that feeling right now but I know it will get better. Your decision to go NC is a good one. Removing any stimuli of your heartbreak will be an effective action to curb your feelings for him. Stay the No Contact route and you'll see the effect in the weeks or months to come. Meanwhile pamper yourself and live a good and full life. You have two lovely children and they will be the one who will help you during this tough time. Always remember there is someone out there for you in the future. Stay strong and Good luck.
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