Starnette83 Posted March 27, 2005 Posted March 27, 2005 Ive been with my b/f for 4 years n 3 months, we met when we were young: Him 16, me 17. Now I'm 21 and hes 20 but i will soon be 22 and him 21. Anyways we were eachother first (sex) and i was his first g/f. So therefore even though that is so sweet n perfect it can also become AWFUL because MEN TEND TO THINK THEY"RE MISSING OUT ON SOMETHING or want to know the unknown (what its like to be with another girl). Ok so me and my bf have broken up before, but we always get back together. The longest break up we had was last year and it was because he was acting like a JERK..he was flirting with girls online, posting pics online and showing himself as single, talking to girls on phone.etc..finally i broke down and broke up with him. We then didn't talk for 5 weeks strait, it was the hardest thing ever!!!! after 5 weeks i got drunk, gave in and called. I had blocked my # and was just calling to hear his voice but once i heard it i couldnt help but say something so i said "Hey, do u know who this is?" and he replied "yes"...then wr just casually talked but i had no intention of getting back because i was so hurt that i had really lost all hope that he'd want me, cuz anyways he pushed me to breaking up, cuz when i broke up he agreed that it was the best thing to do and i cried my way home. Anyways we then saw eachother and got back. Ok so now we were fighting over something stupid, my problem with him is that i never feel security. I want commitment and he doenst. I told him taht we have been with eachother for 4 years + and that i want to know that if he sees me in his future. His answer was "I dont know"...i told him what do u mean u dont know?...it really bugs me because if he asked me the same question i wouldnt even think twice to answer OF COURSE!!! sometimes i wonder if im wasting my time with someone who will never commit to me. Like i told him, im not looking for marriage NOW..but eventually i do wanna get married once im done with school and found a stable job, and am old enough to get married like 28 or so. He doesnt liek when i talk about marriage, he sais i try to act like we are married and that we're not. The thing is that we are kinda like a married couple except for the living together part. because i know everythign about him, him about me, we hang out, we sleep together and sometimes i sleep over at his place. Ugh but doesnt it make sense for me to expect something after 4 years???? so the question is should i stay and keep wondering what might happen or should i just leave...cuz YES I LOVE HIM ALOT and yes i see my future with him but then again it hurts when it seems like im the only one who sees a future together and when hes all afraid of commiting with me even though HELLO IVE BEEN HIS GIRL FOR A LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!
wildanduntamed Posted March 27, 2005 Posted March 27, 2005 OK, First, I'd like to say that before you get all upset about it being over four years with this guy and all, you have to remember that guys and girls mature at different levels, guys beinng a little behing the girls in this area. (sorry dudes, nothing bad meant by that, but hey, facts are facts.) Next, I hate to say it, but you are NOT like a married couple just because you know stuff about each other and sleep together...there is so much more to being married or being close enough to another person to be considering marriage. That leaves us to discuss the whole unknown world of other women and the fact that he posts as single and chats other girls...while I do find it a little bit odd, the behaviour is not alarming. Many of my male friends do the same things, mainly in jest, to post a pic is not the end of the world. I would only worry if he spends more time at this stuff than he does with you or talking to you, in that he gets obsessed with it or makes it his daily routine and drifts father away from you. Next, you have to give a person space as well, even married folks have time to themselves, so you gotta grant him that much. Try not to focus on spending every waking moment with him, that would freak a guy out as well, knowing that no matter where he is or what he's doing, his girl is watching like a hawk. Committment is a big thing, and you can't force it upon a person. To yammer on and on to a guy every day about getting married, settling down, and so on will make him uneasy. At 21 years old, marriage is usually pretty far away from a guy's mind...he is thinking about having a good time, being with friends, and experiencing things in life that will determine his persona, things to help him grow as a person. He is not thinking about much of that coming to a grinding halt at the altar. Sorry, brutal I know, but that's what I get from my guy friends. As for deciding to stay or leave, that is something you have to decide with your heart. You may feel that leaving would be a waste of 4 years, but if it makes you unhappy then how much can it really be right for you. If you stay for the sake of salvaging the years you spent together so far, then you may be chasing a pipe dream, and never find the happiness you believe so dearly is there. You admit yourself that he is not ready for committment, so you have to be willing to accept that from him. Perhaps a good heart to heart sit down is what is needed, where you both talk it out and discuss these issues as adults. Just try not to force it down his throat. Just remember to stay or to leave, either choice will take much work in the long run, either to make it work, or to put the pieces back together after it falls, and you will have to accept this as well. In any case, I wish you the best of luck with it.
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