Men: Why Do You Try Hard For Merely Sex

January 5, 2015

come on guys fess up lol

What is the greatest length you have gone to in order to get sex?

Don't be shy!

There is nothing to be ashamed of:lmao:

January 5, 2015

Well, personally, I can't see me selecting a woman who is willing to have casual sex constantly since that would make us incompatible since I am a 28-year old virgin. I doubt many women would be excited to be in a relationship who is, more likely, older and yet has far less experience than they are.

Even if I do run across one, they would make the assumption that I am not one of these kinds of inexperienced guys and just take my disinterest in them as just that especially since I don't ask out many women to begin with.

Honestly man I'm in your exact position and I could care less about a woman's past. As long as she willing to do dirty things to me I could care less what she did before me. As long as is willing to take my virginity, as far as I'm concerned, we're compatible.

January 5, 2015

I'm guess 17 or 18....or a very young 20

January 5, 2015

He met me twice. What girl that he meets twice will be enough for him to pack up and invest thousands for:lmao:

There are lots of stories of LDRs on here that didn't start off with the two people being together. I just heard that a young dude I know has a new gf...an american girl who lives in the US and they wont meet till June. I wouldn't get hung up on a woman os I never met, but he's 20 though. When you are younger its really easy to get gaga over a sexy young women (and vice versa). There have been times I've been totally enchanted with a girl I've just met/known for an hour. Its certainly possible and its a great feeling.

Lots of guys will start out keen and will do the distance but when the lusty honeymoon period wears off they will view things from a pragmatic perspective (time + $+ leaving friends) LDR is hard to do. For many keen guys shooting off a few txts a day to keep the girl interested and show her that he is, is not great an investment. If he didn't and in a month's time came down and found you had gone off the boil because maybe you thought he didn't really care for you as a person and just saw you simply as a ' good time & forget' girl, he would kick himself.

January 5, 2015

There are lots of stories of LDRs on here that didn't start off with the two people being together. I just heard that a young dude I know has a new gf...an american girl who lives in the US and they wont meet till June. I wouldn't get hung up on a woman os I never met, but he's 20 though. When you are younger its really easy to get gaga over a sexy young women (and vice versa). There have been times I've been totally enchanted with a girl I've just met/known for an hour. Its certainly possible and its a great feeling.

Lots of guys will start out keen and will do the distance but when the lusty honeymoon period wears off they will view things from a pragmatic perspective (time + $+ leaving friends) LDR is hard to do. For many keen guys shooting off a few txts a day to keep the girl interested and show her that he is, is not great an investment. If he didn't and in a month's time came down and found you had gone off the boil because maybe you thought he didn't really care for you as a person and just saw you simply as a ' good time & forget' girl, he would kick himself.

Well maybe I am one of those women that he is enchanted with and infatuated with, and he happens to think I am a nice girl and wants to give things a shot with me?

It isn't an abstract idea! I am not that ugly lol or undesirable.

If it doesn't turn out to be the case fine I will get over it, as I have the other men that fizzled out and lost interest/or lied to begin with.

I will have fun for now with him and see how it goes.

January 5, 2015

Honestly man I'm in your exact position and I could care less about a woman's past. As long as she willing to do dirty things to me I could care less what she did before me. As long as is willing to take my virginity, as far as I'm concerned, we're compatible.

I am not concerned about a woman's past either, for the most part. However, if a woman has experienced sexual pleasure already and wants that from her boyfriend (which I can't blame her for), these women would not want to risk it with a guy that hasn't seen a vagina before.

That's simple logic and it makes sense.

That would, by default, makes us incompatible. And that's fine.

January 5, 2015

I am not concerned about a woman's past either, for the most part. However, if a woman has experienced sexual pleasure already and wants that from her boyfriend (which I can't blame her for), these women would not want to risk it with a guy that hasn't seen a vagina before.

That's simple logic and it makes sense.

That would, by default, makes us incompatible. And that's fine.

I think you might be making too many assumptions. Why not let her decide? Why would you take yourself out of the race before it even starts?

January 5, 2015

Off-topic, but men and women are innately different and should have different behaviors. Women should not sleep around.

But, as I said previously, I also don't sleep around. So, in my case, I'm not being hypocritical in expecting a woman not to (though, again, I feel that men have a right to sleep around, while women don't).

A right huh? You believe in Santa Claus too?

January 5, 2015

Wouldn't bother me... I don't see how it's degrading? Not every person is gonna think you're relationship material, i.e. compatible with them in all of the right ways. Sometimes you just find someone attractive enough for sex but don't want a relationship with them.

I think it's admirable someone be honest like that, rather than lead somebody on pretending they want a relationship in order to get sex. I love the fact someone would be straightforward enough to lay cards on the table and say 'I'm up for sex, but nothing more'. If only more people who felt that way were honest about it, there'd be about a zillion less threads on here from broken hearted people who thought it was going somewhere when it really wasn't, and the other party knew it from the start.

I thought it was lovely the way he told me that I was more than good enough to date ( he said he found me very attractive, intelligent and a nice girl) but we just didn't click ( which was mutual).

I definitely was not on the receiving end of a guy who found me just not good enough to consider me dating material.....

January 5, 2015

Oh my God, it is insane that you'd make exactly this comment and I would read it.

Soooo, allow me to talk you about the August guy: we hung out in the same circle of friends for two months. He told his best friend he wanted to be my bf, kissed me in front of his friends, told his sister - who was asking me to lunch and stuff, all of a sudden - and to me... discussion over the phone (can you read any more red flags?) , talks about the future, plans, etc...

luckily, I was smart enough to not sleep with him, after he started doing "the dance". Well.... turns out he was not all that sure all of a sudden and wanted us to be "just friends", when he saw that I was actually expecting him to take me out on dates and not just take his word and sleep with him.

Bastards happen all the time. Like ALL the time. and I knew this guy, he lives in my city, he is not a stranger off the internet.

Key take out: keep your eyes open and your legs crossed until you've figured the guy out. For sure, do NOT believe him only because he talks nicely. Get to know him first.

I am going to get to know him before I figure out whethe or not he's pretending to like me in order to get sex.

It's not healthy to assume all men outright lie and pretend to want a relationship just for sex.

My guy may be lying but there's just as much of a chance that he is genuinely into me.

I'm not expecting anything either way. If he turns out to not adore me and want a serious relationship with me I will know and I'll brush myself off and get over it quickly. As I have with all the other dates that lied or lost interest.

January 5, 2015

Im only answering the OPs post I havent read the whole thread.

It comes down to one word. Choice.

A woman could choose that she wanted to have sex with practically any guy, married, with a girlfriend, single, and even if she was below average in looks she would probably succeed. Because it's so easy, most women dont because they can afford to have higher standards. Women are also wired differently than men because for them sex has far more risks (pregnancy) so while women enjoy sex, unlike men they dont crave it incessantly.

A man, however, has to "work it" to get in a woman's pants. Women usually want reassurance that the man is into them for more than a fun bang (although women sometimes just want a fun bang too, just far more rarely) so the guy has to text regularly, do multiple dates, learn about them and show he's doing more than just gawking at her chest. His choice of sexual partners is limited to the women who feel safe enough around him to not reject him.

So while a woman could basically finger any one of 90% of the men in a room and probably succeed in having sex, in most situations for a man to do the same thing he might be lucky to have a 1% success rate. Seeing as the lions share of women do not just pick a guy and sleep with him, and the men have to do almost all of the initiating they therefore have to work a lot harder. Hence, men tend to fall in love with women who have sex with them, where women tend to have sex with men they have fallen in love with.

Guys who only date one woman at a time will be guilty of trying much harder, to the point of where you find it comical as in your OP. Guys who play the field and have lots of women on the go, well they dont have to try as hard. Then those nice one-girl-at-a-time guys sit there shaking their head why they were so nice to this girl and she ended up running off with a player. Just human nature, I guess.

January 6, 2015

so I got smart last year, and made a few male friends. Some are decent people, others are womanizers. Great learnings, folks.

basically, if a guy went over to a woman and plain out told her: 'hey, u cute, but I just want to sex u', irrelevant how sexy he is, he'll never pull. To get to bed women, they will never ever be that 100% clean. They have to imply that the woman in front of them is ... different , so that she has a good ego boost and what to do the dirty thing with the guy. Some men plain out lie to get sex, other will just... imply that they want more than just sex or that they are very drawn by that woman's... personality. Red light, red light, if he's not asking the woman out, it's lip service to get sex.

So, Leigh, lying is bad... but .. it appears that there are many many shades of grey out there. And while men may straight out lie to women, that is NOTHING to the lies women tell themselves, when they go out and see those men. Most of the times, women know the truth. Most of the times, they can see through the smoke. But they choose not to, because they prefer to hear what they want to hear and see what they want to see.

That is why, in my humble opinion, nowadays men don't have to work that hard anymore. And if they are good PUA, a bit of bad treatment and those will come running after them... well, people live and people learn

January 6, 2015

I don't get it. I'd rather a guy be honest. *shrug*
To me, a guy taking me on a date with the sole intention of sex would be an insult.

See, that is exactly why a man will never be honest. Because he'll never get laid . There is always a good amount of deceit in that type of interaction. They are fundamentally flawed, IMO, but... they're a bit like fast food. Easy, require little effort and within reach. Never healthy and never clean either, haha.

it's all about just how much effort you're willing to put in it and how long you're willing to go "starving" until you meet a meal that you find satisfying. I guess everyone settles, at some point.

January 6, 2015

so I got smart last year, and made a few male friends. Some are decent people, others are womanizers. Great learnings, folks.

basically, if a guy went over to a woman and plain out told her: 'hey, u cute, but I just want to sex u', irrelevant how sexy he is, he'll never pull. To get to bed women, they will never ever be that 100% clean. They have to imply that the woman in front of them is ... different , so that she has a good ego boost and what to do the dirty thing with the guy. Some men plain out lie to get sex, other will just... imply that they want more than just sex or that they are very drawn by that woman's... personality. Red light, red light, if he's not asking the woman out, it's lip service to get sex.

So, Leigh, lying is bad... but .. it appears that there are many many shades of grey out there. And while men may straight out lie to women, that is NOTHING to the lies women tell themselves, when they go out and see those men. Most of the times, women know the truth. Most of the times, they can see through the smoke. But they choose not to, because they prefer to hear what they want to hear and see what they want to see.

That is why, in my humble opinion, nowadays men don't have to work that hard anymore. And if they are good PUA, a bit of bad treatment and those will come running after them... well, people live and people learn

He has asked me out. He asks if we were "together" and then called me to ask me out/ said he wants to introduce me to his friends as his girlfriend when I next see him.

He may be lying but I am not going to assume the worst, I give men a chance until they provide evidence that they are not serious about me/ not that into me.

January 6, 2015

That is why, in my humble opinion, nowadays men don't have to work that hard anymore. And if they are good PUA, a bit of bad treatment and those will come running after them... well, people live and people learn

So true. Until 2014 I hadnt dated since back in 1997. It was actually quite terrifying. I didnt want a girlfriend as I had done the back-to-back monogamy for most of that time. I just wanted to play and have fun.

I was blown away at the success I had. I'd tell a girl on the first date I didnt want a girlfriend, didn't want committment, and that I was seeing 7 other girls, and still get them back to my house that night and have sex with them, or have me invite them over to theirs.

Coming from the older school, I figured that just telling the girl I wasnt interested in getting a girlfriend or committing would be the deal breaker, I thought I'd have to sift through 10 or 15 first dates just to find one on the same page. But I succeeded almost every single time (out of 25 first dates only 3 did I not have sex with. One came back to my place and made out but demanded monogamy, one I made out with on the way home and one was a nutter who wanted to argue over the bill). Back in the 90s that sort of opening line on a date would mean deal breaker.

It blows my mind seeing posts here on LS that guys cant get anywhere with women. I'm no Fabio or bodybuilder I'm just an average guy at 5'6" with salt and pepper hair, no Ferrari I dont even drive a car. Im not complaining though.

January 6, 2015

Great attitude, Leigh, look at the facts and at his behaviour. He did not sell you his story - or should I say, you did not "buy it" (as in just believe him and not expect any proves) so it's a great way of starting, best of luck ! Healthy, I like that !

January 6, 2015

He has asked me out. He asks if we were "together" and then called me to ask me out/ said he wants to introduce me to his friends as his girlfriend when I next see him.

If he does this he's probably into you. If he thought of you as some cheap lay he would want to introduce you to his buddies as a "girl hes seeing" or something.

January 6, 2015

If he does this he's probably into you. If he thought of you as some cheap lay he would want to introduce you to his buddies as a "girl hes seeing" or something.

it means nothing, I am sorry . I've had men introduce me to their friends, hanging out with their best mates and still act like total and complete arseholes a few weeks down the line.

Turns out, he was always doing that. He always had "girlfriends", they just didn't seem to stick around for more that 2-3 weeks, for some reason . We are talking about 33 years old men, not teenagers too (I found that our because I became friends with the girlfriend of his at the time best friend. Insane, I swear).

It is time that tells most of the accurate stories. It doesn't mean one should not enjoy the process of dating, but until the first 3 months and until the guy specifically asks you / implies to be exclusive, nothing is certain. Beginnings are always frail, people change their minds all the time... or you simply get to know their twisted minds. Surprise !!

January 6, 2015

As much as I love life without the need for a relationship, I do enjoy meeting men like this latest Irish guy - soon after meeting him, I feel excited, I feel fireworks and I feel we would have a "passionate" type of affair. The high and the rush is great. Sadly - the guys who adore me and are genuinely into me are never the guys I feel excited about. It would be lovely if a guy I felt the spark with, also turned out to be a good long term match.

It would be lovely if he turned out to be genuine - but it is a 50/50% sort of a gamble... Some men are genuine, where as others, sadly, lie to get sex.

I am a positive person and choose to give men a chance - until they prove that they are DEFINATELY no that into me.

I treat dating as a gamble. I don't mind men who come on strong as long as they are not overly strong - this guy is not texting me sweet nothings all day and acting inflated in his declarations towards me. He has simply said " hey, I really really like you, I felt I clicked and connected with you in a way that I haven't previously done and I'd love to explore this" and also " I do have the sense that I can see myself with you for a long time"

That is all - yes it is a red flag when a guy tells you he REALLY likes you and he comes on strong in the start - but it is not all that uncommon that he guy is just really into you and he hasn't dated in ages and is therefore not aware of how to go about the early declarations of feelings.

Unless a guy shows that he just plain isn't into me - or that he is a bad person - I will give them a shot.

So yeah, I have absolutely no expectations with this recent guy although of course, it would be lovely if ALL of us here could meet our ideal romantic match and ride into the sunset with them:lmao:

January 6, 2015

it means nothing, I am sorry . I've had men introduce me to their friends, hanging out with their best mates and still act like total and complete arseholes a few weeks down the line.

Turns out, he was always doing that. He always had "girlfriends", they just didn't seem to stick around for more that 2-3 weeks, for some reason . We are talking about 33 years old men, not teenagers too (I found that our because I became friends with the girlfriend of his at the time best friend. Insane, I swear).

It is time that tells most of the accurate stories. It doesn't mean one should not enjoy the process of dating, but until the first 3 months and until the guy specifically asks you / implies to be exclusive, nothing is certain. Beginnings are always frail, people change their minds all the time... or you simply get to know their twisted minds. Surprise !!

Yes although it doesn't happen EVERY time to me, some men do pretend to really like you just ...because they are sick! Sorry but I do find the notion of "introducing you as their girlfriend to all their friends" and " pretending to like you" to be vile and sickening since, to ME, it is just extraordinary that a person would feel the inclination to DO it....

Some men lie from the outset.

Other men have good intentions but simply change their mind about you.

If this guy is either of those above bolded points: I will be disappointed but I won't cry or get emotional over it - it wouldn't ruin my day, because I really enjoy dating!

The thrill I get from dating and getting to know a new person FAR.. FAR outweighs the disappointment I get when .. it fizzles.

I have just had crap happen to me too many times for me to care anymore - I have a healthy dose of cynicism...I know not to expect anything until MONTHS after getting to know a guy!

January 6, 2015

Yes although it doesn't happen EVERY time to me, some men do pretend to really like you just ...because they are sick! Sorry but I do find the notion of "introducing you as their girlfriend to all their friends" and " pretending to like you" to be vile and sickening since, to ME, it is just extraordinary that a person would feel the inclination to DO it....

Some men lie from the outset.

Other men have good intentions but simply change their mind about you.

If this guy is either of those above bolded points: I will be disappointed but I won't cry or get emotional over it - it wouldn't ruin my day, because I really enjoy dating!

The thrill I get from dating and getting to know a new person FAR.. FAR outweighs the disappointment I get when .. it fizzles.

I have just had crap happen to me too many times for me to care anymore - I have a healthy dose of cynicism...I know not to expect anything until MONTHS after getting to know a guy!

see, this is the fine balancing act. There is the excitement of the beginning and the disappointment of the end.

but moreover, to me, there are 3 things:

- how much I like the guy. I rarely really like a guy. I don't mean just finding him sexy, I mean really liking him, his ideas, his choices, his approach on lif

- how involved I got - very closely linked to the attraction factor. Harder to give up on men I am still attracted to

- how vulnerable I am: sometimes, I just want to feel safe and good and warm. It is wrong, because it's not nothing to do with the man in front of me, but with my psychological needs. I am learning to better understand myself and my needs, so that I do not depend on the others, but feel happy and fulfilled on my own. Lots of work here.

If I really like a guy, if I respect him, then even when the relationship fades away, strangely, it does not leave me feeling void and depleted. But happy I met him. Grateful for the experience, for it enriched me.

If I am still attracted to a guy and it ends - then it's a bit tricker. It may take me longer to lick my wounds. However, if the guy treated me poorly, than that disgusts me and makes the "healing" process go faster.

But if I am vulnerable and needy... this is my Achile's heel. I'm watching out big time for that, because this psychological state may make me fall or stay with a guy... for which I prove no real feelings for. Even more when that relationship ends - because it will trigger all my abandonment issues - and thus enhance my emotional vulnerability.

I wish I could say that I enjoy dating more that I dislike the ending of it. Dating is like getting to chose a pack of chocolate. Sometimes it's because you like variety. Othertimes it's because you're curious of the taste. Or because you're hungry. Other times, it's just the excitement of getting the choice between different sort of boxes and living the pleasure of the anticipation... but one must never forget... it's the taste of the chocolate, it's the chocolate (the person in front) the object of affection. Not the selection process. To me, the real disappointment is linked to the person, not the dating process.

I would lie to myself, if I said otherwise.

January 6, 2015

If he does this he's probably into you. If he thought of you as some cheap lay he would want to introduce you to his buddies as a "girl hes seeing" or something.

I think most women would like the guy that gets their hearts racing to be into them. Sadly though, most women end up with the man that she didn't feel sparks or fire works with, but who was actually into her, for REAL. And who she grew into, since the guys she had the hots for were never truly into her.

You just don't know with some men! Honestly, my friends and I would never do some of the crap men do, such as:

- many men introduce a girl as their GIRLFRIEND to their family and friends, when they only want to use her for sex

- many men tell a girl that they want a relationship with her, just so they can get sex and then disappear

- men will feign interest for months because they enjoy talking to you and they enjoy texting you every day when they have no intention of setting down with you

^^^^^ personally, yeah, a year ago I would have also thought " wow, he asked me to come camping with his family the day after I met him and he wants to introduce me to his friends as his girlfriend, and you know, he texts me every day - SURELY that is a good sign?"

NOW I am not a fool and I am not naïve - I simply have an understanding that what this man has done means absolutely nothing. Yet.

Just because you and I wouldn't bother going around and telling people that we really like them and want a relationship with them when we, in fact, do not - many men DO lie and pretend to want more than sex.

January 6, 2015

see, this is the fine balancing act. There is the excitement of the beginning and the disappointment of the end.

but moreover, to me, there are 3 things:
- how much I like the guy. I rarely really like a guy. I don't mean just finding him sexy, I mean really liking him, his ideas, his choices, his approach on life
- how involved I got - very closely linked to the attraction factor. Harder to give up on men I am still attracted to
- how vulnerable I am: sometimes, I just want to feel safe and good and warm. It is wrong, because it's not nothing to do with the man in front of me, but with my psychological needs. I am learning to better understand myself and my needs, so that I do not depend on the others, but feel happy and fulfilled on my own. Lots of work here.

I don't really like a guy easily either - I really like the fireworks and instant sparks you get with some people. I don't often get to know them well enough TO genuinely love them as people.

Irish guy - I liked his personality which is what I fell for initially and I had sparks sexually and I am very attracted to him. I don't KNOW him though and therefore, I cannot like or respect him a lot! It is all shallow and very superficial at this stage.

If I really like a guy, if I respect him, then even when the relationship fades away, strangely, it does not leave me feeling void and depleted. But happy I met him. Grateful for the experience, for it enriched me.

If I am still attracted to a guy and it ends - then it's a bit tricker. It may take me longer to lick my wounds. However, if the guy treated me poorly, than that disgusts me and makes the "healing" process go faster.

If a guy treats me well it makes it infinitely harder if they simply.. "don't feel it" for you, but they were otherwise very attractive (to you) and you also liked and respected them a lot as a person.

THAT would hurt and upset me! If I got to the stage of REALLY liking a guy as a person AND I had passion - of course I would be very upset if it were to not work out!

It just takes months I think to really get to know a person and to even determine whether or not you LIKE them a lot! But once you establish that, of course I am not robot and, much like yourself, I would be VERY upset if it were to end AFTER I had established that we had something REAL, haha!

But if I am vulnerable and needy... this is my Achile's heel. I'm watching out big time for that, because this psychological state may make me fall or stay with a guy... for which I prove no real feelings for. Even more when that relationship ends - because it will trigger all my abandonment issues - and thus enhance my emotional vulnerability.

I have had some abandonment issues but I am overcoming them and I enjoy being alone without a partner to a great extent - the falling madly in love I only really want because falling in love is a fantastic feeling - the making out, the intimacy and the sex - that is the reason I cannot wait to fall in love.

I have never been in love before. I grew to love my ex of 3 years deeply but I was never in love with him. I was co dependant and I used him to fulfil my abandonment issues - that isn't love!

I wish I could say that I enjoy dating more that I dislike the ending of it. Dating is like getting to chose a pack of chocolate. Sometimes it's because you like variety. Othertimes it's because you're curious of the taste. Or because you're hungry. Other times, it's just the excitement of getting the choice between different sort of boxes and living the pleasure of the anticipation... but one must never forget... it's the taste of the chocolate, it's the chocolate (the person in front) the object of affection. Not the selection process. To me, the real disappointment is linked to the person, not the dating process.

I would lie to myself, if I said otherwise.

I don't get disappointed because dating usually fizzles out too soon for me to become attached or invested emotionally. Sure I feel butterflies and sparks with the guys I opt to go on a second date with (I only date men I have the initial fire works with).

But yeah, it is hollow and without meaning which is why I don't care - I have not had a long term, established relationship fail since Andrew, that I actually gave a damn about.

Dating to me is thrilling and fun! I will definitely be a tad upset if this Irish guy were to... just stop texting me and disappear.

I just wouldn't stay upset or go to sleep unhappy that night because I half expect it in the first 1 - 4 months of dating!

I am not saying I wouldn't be upset - of course I would! I just wouldn't... be so upset that the "sad" feeling I felt in the end, over powered the initial high I got from dating him to begin with.

January 6, 2015

I feel for you OP, you have one foot out the door before you even get to experience a real relationship (and not because you have to give up your body). Giving up your body for sex is YOUR choice, if you get "dupe'd" out of it...then learn from that. But your opening post is blaming all men for talking you out of something you should respect.

Granted, you say you are hedonistic (deriving pleasure for the highest good) minus pain. I don't feel this thread has been about moving forward or even having a "real relationship"...it's about this one person who hurt you therefore now all men are hurtful.

How does hedonism fix that and this attitude that all men just want to use you for sex but you are okay with that as you don't care and have no feelings towards that anyway?

January 6, 2015

I don't know, I would personally never introduce a girl I was only interested in for a booty call to my friends or family as my "girlfriend", IMO that's silly lame and short sighted.

It will just result in some awkward conversations a week or two later ("Oh, how is your girlfriend doing? You should invite her over for dinner on Thursday") and then you have to go through looking like a bonehead because you had a "girlfriend" that lasted a couple weeks and you get to explain your lack of ability to keep a woman to your friends and family.

True, some people and some men are just idiotic and short sighted, no doubt about that, but anyone with five firing brain cells wouldn't introduce a girl to their friends as their girlfriend when they were just bang buddies, unless his friends were somehow in on the scam.

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