Men: Why Do You Try Hard For Merely Sex

January 4, 2015

I have always marvelled at the lengths some men go to in order to get laid.

Does it actually astound some of you Love Shackers?! It truly floors me.

I enjoy sex as much as the next person - but umm, I would rather go solo than have to bother with texting a person daily with the intention of just sex and fun times?

I found this out through the countless threads on Love Shack! You know the story - a guy texts and talks to a girl regularly (most days), is ever so sweet to her in person and yet - it is clear as day that they simply want sex - and happen to enjoy chatting to the girl in question. This baffles me, as I really don't have the time or energy to want to invest in chatting to a guy that I am not that into - It is little wonder that many women come here in a flood of confusion when the guy that has been texting them daily and telling them they are a beauty and how much he "wishes he was with her right now" suddenly disappears? Or fades out (looses interest).

There is a guy that is doing this to me now! He lives on the other side of the country and had friends from all over the world - he has a LOT of friends as he is very friendly.... He has ample things to do rather than chat to me. Guys suddenly have so much " extra" time when they find a girl really hot and want to have sex with her! We only met twice and spent a day together in totwl- I took him to the airport (via train he paid for my ticket) anyone looking at us would definitely think we were madly in love haha (yes I know looks can be deceiving, he probably really just loves cuddles and kisses in general:o I realise it doesn't signify anything genuine).

He said that he has been single for years without anything serious - that he:

-can see us being together for a long time

- he hasn't felt this sort of instant thing before with a stranger

- he asked me to come camping with his family the day we met (he said " I am random and I really like you, I can see things working out, I will make the effort even though I live far away")

- he said that he hopes I am not bull****ting because I am so " hot" and surely I am not actually this nice of a girl too ( yes I know I am not actually that good looking and he is likely full of crap)

Then he initiates calls and texts daily with me.

Then last night is the part where I knew he is just after a fun time - he was drunk and called and texted me saying

" babe I have to be honest, I am very wild and I wanted you to be the one I changed with but it is so hard with you not here with me... You are the passion I want coupled with a super nice girl omg I wish I was wish you"

I just responded with " cool ok then no worries. We can just have fun then when u come down (he comes down to my area once per month as it stands). Enjoy"

He then texted (after his failed calls) saying: " you wanted honest and you didn't like what you heard so you're right end it then, you don't know what you are missing out on xxx"

I laughed:rolleyes: I am really not sure what the guy was on about especially with his thick Irish accent.

He then tried to call a few times. He is Irish and was drunk so I honestly couldn't understand a word he said So.. after he basically told me that he cannot do the long distance thing, he continues to call or text.

What gives?

Doesn't he have anything better to be doing than trying to butter me up in order for some nice sex when he comes to my state to visit again ( his sister lives here and he comes here once per month)

He still texts me " wish I was with you"

Like.. hello? I already told him I'd be down for fun when he got back. No need to text and call me daily.

I am single, I am likely to remain single since I wait for passion and sparks (which are hard to come by with anyone decent and compatible).

And no I am not looking to have people tell me " on he must be into you" because I know that isn't an option -and that is ok. I know he must have found me perfectly desirable and it is nothing personal (that he just isn't that into me). Not everyone clicks on "that level" enough to warrant something serious.

Are some people really that "friendly" and enjoy chatting?

I just operate entirely differently.. I mean, if I know I have a FWB waiting for me, even if I like them I don't feel the need for daily "chats" and I don't crap on with nonsense such as " I wish I was with you"

Why do guys do this?

I am perplexed and genuinely want to know why guys like him bother when they know they have sex lined up already? Do they want women to fall in love with them? So that they have us on a ball and chain? Wrapped around their little fingers? Are they so desperate for sex that, that fear if they leave things be, their "candidate" will get pissy and run?

We had huge passion in the bedroom department and I am single so I am already " sold" and very down for casual with this particular guy. I feel like men guard sex like it is some holy grail. " oh I must chat to her often to ensure sex is waiting for me" I am just trying to " think like a man" here and use my .....

Anyways - any insight from MEN here -

Why do you get so desperate for sex that you chat daily to a girl merely to ensure it is there when you are around her?

Is it just a MALE thing?! I have yet to meet any girls that really bother all that much with the men that don't get their blood racing.

Dot point, simple answers would be lovely....

January 4, 2015

Simple. It can take a lot of work for the average man to get laid. It's not as easy as showing up like it is for women.

Also, I noticed that you are looking for a relationship, but are also down for fun. Just a little advice: I suggest not doing that. Any quality guy that finds out that you are sleeping around when single will not be interested in a relationship with you.

January 4, 2015

Women have higher standards usually, and as a result they have just as much trouble finding anyone they like enough to have sex with. Women would mostly rather do without than lower their standards because they need to feel attracting and some interest in order to feel sexy, most of them. I think Leigh is asking why it's even worth it when you could just "take care of yourself."

January 4, 2015

My perception is that masturbation for a woman is significantly more enjoyable and satisfying than masturbation is for a man.

And furthermore I think this the basis for a great many things, from why men are pursuers instinctively to why some men feel resentful over a power balance of which they can't quite see through to the root.

On the other side of the coin it makes sense to me why nature / the divine universe / whatever you believe in developed women to have a much stronger desire for emotional intimacy (in general). Because if we didn't then we'd probably just sit at home with our vibrators every Friday night.

January 4, 2015

Simple. It can take a lot of work for the average man to get laid. It's not as easy as showing up like it is for women.

Also, I noticed that you are looking for a relationship, but are also down for fun. Just a little advice: I suggest not doing that. Any quality guy that finds out that you are sleeping around when single will not be interested in a relationship with you.

I do not sleep around. I haven't had sex with him.

I select one men to have casual fun with for a period of months while I am single.

I don't sleep with several men at any given time.

January 4, 2015

h Because if we didn't then we'd probably just sit at home with our vibrators every Friday night.

Nothing wrong with that:lmao:

January 4, 2015

After his drunken semi rant ( I honestly couldn't understand him due to his accent:o) He is not acting like he wants me to save myself for him.

WHY do men that just want fun, want you to remain pure for them?

Like who do they think they are:lmao:

They think a women they are very attracted to (I am not that pretty but I know for a fact he is very attracted to me) is going to wait on them to come and have " fun" with them?

Are they really that selfish that they expect us to forgo other relationships and dating scenario's for them to come and have some "fun"?

He either thinks I am desperate and have no guys willing to date me or he thinks he is that important? Or he thinks I am stupid enough to buy into his bullcrap. All three options are INSULTING:lmao:

January 4, 2015

Funny story.

Have you ever seen what male animals in the wild go thru to mate? There's your answer.

January 4, 2015

To the women out there who so easily believe a guy is into them,

Let me tell you what his guy who ISN'T that into me is saying, so you can get an idea as to what a guy will say JUST to get laid:

- Leigh, don't change a thing about yourself, I really really like you

- I want pictures of my own, pictures you don't send to anyone else, I want you to be mine

- talking about a future with me: I told him that my dream is to have an animal shelter and to one day fall in love, and he said " what happens to the animals when we go and travel?':lmao::lmao:

- he asks how I feel about him spending time with his friends a lot (he has a lot of friends).

I suppose neither of us have anything better to do than chat; after all, I suppose we both enjoy chatting to one another.

I feel passion and chemistry with him and therefore - of course, I light up when he texts or calls - it is a high feeling that I know wont last of course (since he isn't truly into me), but for the time being I will enjoy it while it is here. As with the last guy - I wont care when this one gets bored and fades out when he finds a someone better.

Ladies - let this be a lesson to you - men can tell you they realllllly like you and that you are beautiful and that you are "special" and " different than the rest of the women they have met"

It means nothing so DO NOT get sucked in.

I want to use this case as an example to all the "confused" women out there who assume a guy is into them when really, they are all talk and no action.

January 4, 2015

I'm a woman but I want to point out that for the average man, sex is hard to get. There are a lot of men out there who are virgins well into their 20s and 30s. For a man to get sex, a woman has to decide to sleep with him. Most women are afraid to be labeled as promiscuous, so they hold back with their sexuality to fit in with society.

The other thing I want to point out, is that if a man is bothering you, being sleezy or gross, and trying to reduce you to a booty call, and that's not what you want, then don't be afraid to call him out for that. You can always say no to him or tell him not to call you for sex, if you're not happy with how he's treating you.

I'm wondering though...If you want a relationship, why are you settling for empty sex? I know we all have needs, but you need to put your EMOTIONAL needs above your physical needs. To figure out what you need and want in a man, you need to stop being numb. You seem like you are so emotionally disconnected from this guy. The problem with casual relationships is that they put you in the practice of just being casual and not truly emotionally connecting with people. It's not a good idea to have a casual relationship of you truly want a serious committed relationship.

Also, I read an article written by a male relationship coach, Carl Stevens, who is married. He said that if a man is having sex with you, he loves you. He may not be in touch with his emotions however, or may not be aware of his true feelings, but he does have some kind of love for you. It doesn't mean he is going to be with you, but there is love there. So really, you just need to examine how you feel about this guy and be honest with yourself.

January 4, 2015

Leigh

You say you are posting this story as a warning to other women about how men can act but plenty of women already warned you about this guy in your other thread. I think you need to take note of what has happened here more than anybody. Your desire for instant chemistry and passion is blinding you to the obvious.

January 4, 2015

Funny story.

Have you ever seen what male animals in the wild go thru to mate? There's your answer.

Oh it is SO funny.

Men are so pathetic:lmao:

" oh I like you sooooo much"

" oh you are sooooo much more special than the other women"

:lmao::lmao:

I have intense chemistry with him so I am keen to have some fun with him but boy is it bloody ridiculous the dribble men say to get some action.

All I need is for them to tell me how lovely I look (at the time I am with them), buy be a meal and pay for the DVD, and then have some fun and be done with it - with occasional texts to see how I am going to express they genuinely like me as a person.

That is all I need really if I am down for casual - for them to like me as a person enough to wanna chat occasionally, and for them to buy me a freakin meal on the date we do the deed.

No need to act like you're in love with me with your words (this guy is via his texts).

January 4, 2015

I'm a woman but I want to point out that for the average man, sex is hard to get. There are a lot of men out there who are virgins well into their 20s and 30s. For a man to get sex, a woman has to decide to sleep with him. Most women are afraid to be labeled as promiscuous, so they hold back with their sexuality to fit in with society.

The other thing I want to point out, is that if a man is bothering you, being sleezy or gross, and trying to reduce you to a booty call, and that's not what you want, then don't be afraid to call him out for that. You can always say no to him or tell him not to call you for sex, if you're not happy with how he's treating you.

I'm wondering though...If you want a relationship, why are you settling for empty sex? I know we all have needs, but you need to put your EMOTIONAL needs above your physical needs. To figure out what you need and want in a man, you need to stop being numb. You seem like you are so emotionally disconnected from this guy. The problem with casual relationships is that they put you in the practice of just being casual and not truly emotionally connecting with people. It's not a good idea to have a casual relationship of you truly want a serious committed relationship.

Also, I read an article written by a male relationship coach, Carl Stevens, who is married. He said that if a man is having sex with you, he loves you. He may not be in touch with his emotions however, or may not be aware of his true feelings, but he does have some kind of love for you. It doesn't mean he is going to be with you, but there is love there. So really, you just need to examine how you feel about this guy and be honest with yourself.

I am not a robot - I do have feelings of passion and I do have romantic feelings for the guy - the difference is, I am not invested; I don't need it to last.

I have mild feelings for casual - I couldn't do it otherwise. It isn't empty in the sense that yes, I am sure me and this guy do have some level of romantic inclinations.

For whatever reason, he probably doesn't want something serious and that is OK -

However, I don't feel the need to wait until I am dating seriously in order to have sex - I am happy with having feelings for a guy, and the guy having feelings for me - even when nothing serious is going to come from it.

I have done this before. I had feelings for my old FWB. However, I was not invested - therefore I didn't care when it ended. I had sufficient feelings to enjoy intimacy and it was not empty sex at all - I just wasn't madly in love and invested in him emotionally.

January 4, 2015

Leigh

You say you are posting this story as a warning to other women about how men can act but plenty of women already warned you about this guy in your other thread. I think you need to take note of what has happened here more than anybody. Your desire for instant chemistry and passion is blinding you to the obvious.

I think the guy really likes me and I really like him - but that is it -

It won't be empty sex but it wont amount to a relationship either. I am fine with it, I know what I am getting myself into. Passionate sex with a guy I have feelings for (and I think has feelings for me), and that is all it will be. Not a relationship does it make!

I love passion and indulging in the mutual exchange of "feelings". I just don't care if it amounts to a relationship. To me it is just enjoyable until one day I meet the right guy.

January 4, 2015

Texting and talking sweetly = trying hard? I can't imagine something easier than that.

January 4, 2015

Another trick of the trade!

He is turning it around on me...

" I really really want to be with you"

He asked me

" are we together... don't you dare change the subject plz"

" all my friends know that I am missing you and they are making fun of me"

He said he wants to be with me and he doesn't think he will find the passion we have with a girl that is as nice of a person as me.

Here is the classic " spin around"

" But I am not sure if I was used that night we kissed. I feel a bit used - it feels like you are dating others blablabla"

" How can I trust you are legit you said you would come and visit me and then u changed your mind - and then as you know, I have a flight booked to see you soon after you said you would visit me"

He knows I have flyer miles from me extensive travel I can easily use.

January 4, 2015

When he sent me that message saying " I want to change for you and settle down with you and be with you but you are not here"

What he supposedly wanted me to say was " I want to be with you I really do" to appease him.

It is a little sick that he is probably doing all this for a lay? He gets sex easily enough (he is VERY friendly and has no issue getting sex from girls in clubs I am sure).

Am I being too jaded?

Isn't this a bit TOO FAR to go for sex? For a guy who can GET sex easily enough? To say he wants to commit and make things work and to visit one another regularly?

Yes I know it is so sick a guy would go to these lengths for sex, how disillusioning?!

January 4, 2015

Texting and talking sweetly = trying hard? I can't imagine something easier than that.

It is a bit excessive though, I mean, I don't call and text guys I am not that into daily when I just want some action from them?

And I certainly don't tell them that I want to be together with them - as in a relationship.

It just seems sick and way over the top.

I think I will delete this guy from my life - he is going way too far in the name of sex. I find it sick.

Nice girls like me at least - and nice guys like my male friends - certainly don't ask for a relationship and say they want to be with a person - purely for sex, when they are not that into them.

Sick I tell you.

He talks about future plans every day it is a bit astounding and dizzying that he probably just wants sex and isn't that into me.

January 4, 2015

Also, I noticed that you are looking for a relationship, but are also down for fun. Just a little advice: I suggest not doing that. Any quality guy that finds out that you are sleeping around when single will not be interested in a relationship with you.

This made me laugh... some guys might find it offputting if they particularly value sexual chastity, but I guarantee you that the majority of guys (here in the UK at least, where few people are religious, and I can't see why that wouldn't apply to most of US, Aus etc.) couldn't give a toss who came before them and how many there were when they meet a girl they like. If a guy rejects you based on what you did when you were free, single, and could do what you like, he's given you a good early warning sign that you are in no way compatible. And, unless he sticks to the same sexual morals and judges promiscuous men just as harshly, he's a raging hypocrite.

Leigh, men texting is not putting effort in. A few calls is no effort. Some people simply find it fun to pass time by engaging in this kind of future talk and flirting with people they have no intention of ever seeing in person again.

Remember your other thread about guy 1 and guy 2? You said you would keep flirty texting guy 1 even if it wasn't going anywhere because you enjoy the flirty texts, and the attention, even when it isn't going anywhere. I asked if it was really enjoyable when it's not leading to anything and you said yes, it's still enjoyable. Why are you surprised that men feel the same way as you do about this stuff?

January 4, 2015

I do not sleep around. I haven't had sex with him.

I select one men to have casual fun with for a period of months while I am single.

I don't sleep with several men at any given time.

So you have a friend with benefits on the side while having serious interests take you out on dates.

Classy.

January 4, 2015

This made me laugh... some guys might find it offputting if they particularly value sexual chastity, but I guarantee you that the majority of guys (here in the UK at least, where few people are religious, and I can't see why that wouldn't apply to most of US, Aus etc.) couldn't give a toss who came before them and how many there were when they meet a girl they like. If a guy rejects you based on what you did when you were free, single, and could do what you like, he's given you a good early warning sign that you are in no way compatible. And, unless he sticks to the same sexual morals and judges promiscuous men just as harshly, he's a raging hypocrite.

Off-topic, but men and women are innately different and should have different behaviors. Women should not sleep around.

But, as I said previously, I also don't sleep around. So, in my case, I'm not being hypocritical in expecting a woman not to (though, again, I feel that men have a right to sleep around, while women don't).

January 4, 2015

Off-topic, but men and women are innately different and should have different behaviors. Women should not sleep around.

But, as I said previously, I also don't sleep around. So, in my case, I'm not being hypocritical in expecting a woman not to (though, again, I feel that men have a right to sleep around, while women don't).

Wow... just wow. I hope you don't keep that attitude hidden from women you choose to date. Again... wow.

January 4, 2015

This made me laugh... some guys might find it offputting if they particularly value sexual chastity, but I guarantee you that the majority of guys (here in the UK at least, where few people are religious, and I can't see why that wouldn't apply to most of US, Aus etc.) couldn't give a toss who came before them and how many there were when they meet a girl they like. If a guy rejects you based on what you did when you were free, single, and could do what you like, he's given you a good early warning sign that you are in no way compatible. And, unless he sticks to the same sexual morals and judges promiscuous men just as harshly, he's a raging hypocrite.

Leigh, men texting is not putting effort in. A few calls is no effort. Some people simply find it fun to pass time by engaging in this kind of future talk and flirting with people they have no intention of ever seeing in person again.

Remember your other thread about guy 1 and guy 2? You said you would keep flirty texting guy 1 even if it wasn't going anywhere because you enjoy the flirty texts, and the attention, even when it isn't going anywhere. I asked if it was really enjoyable when it's not leading to anything and you said yes, it's still enjoyable. Why are you surprised that men feel the same way as you do about this stuff?

He says he wants to introduce me to his best friends as his girlfriend.

He says he wants it to work.

I never led the other guy on though. Neither of us talked about any sort of a future. He said he was excited to see me again. We saw one another. We didn't really click at that level. It faded out we just stopped texting.

This is different. The guy has asked for a relationship and to introduce me to his friends as his girlfriend?

He has told me that he wants to make it work - that he will put the time and effort in to making a relationship work but he wants me to have a positive outlook and to also try to make it work.

I am an avid traveller and I have loads of flyer points. Before Uni starts I was going to treat myself to a birthday holiday - I was going to fly to either Darwin or Perth since these are the only major cities I have yet to visit.

He is coming here in Feb.

I will treat myself to a trip for my birthday and before Uni starts. I'll see Perth and stay with him.

If it doesn't work out I will just go No Contact and get over it as I have ever other relationship I have been in.

All men are full of crap until they prove, with time, that they are serious about a relationship. I realise he is full of crap until, over time, he proves himself to be genuine.

After I next see him I will just wait and see what his actions dictate. If he regularly sees me and progresses the fledging relationship, I will know.

If he isn't serious about making it work, it will be blatant and I will move on.

All men are full of crap until they prove otherwise. I get that. They are all just after sex - until they prove otherwise.

January 4, 2015

So you have a friend with benefits on the side while having serious interests take you out on dates.

Classy.

:lmao::lmao:

You are welcome to label and judge people to be inferior to you and unfit for a loving relationship all you like.

Most people on here aren't listening to you nor taking your "advice" into serious consideration:o

January 4, 2015

Leigh, men texting is not putting effort in. A few calls is no effort. Some people simply find it fun to pass time by engaging in this kind of future talk and flirting with people they have no intention of ever seeing in person again.

Remember your other thread about guy 1 and guy 2? You said you would keep flirty texting guy 1 even if it wasn't going anywhere because you enjoy the flirty texts, and the attention, even when it isn't going anywhere. I asked if it was really enjoyable when it's not leading to anything and you said yes, it's still enjoyable. Why are you surprised that men feel the same way as you do about this stuff?

The other guys - we never talked about any sort of a future relationship happening, we just took each day as it came - one guy said he was excited to see me - which he was (we had great sexual chemistry) and then we didn't end up clicking at that level we mutually stopped texting and it faded.

This guy has said that he wants to keep seeing me and progress into a relationship and he has said that he will make it work even though we can only see one another every 2 - 3 weeks or so.

He has said he is excited about introducing me to all his friends as his girlfriend.

My gut - I believe that he feels I am different to other women he has met since his last girlfriend - I don't think he is lying about how he feels about me at all.

Whether he will make it work in spite of the distance is yet to be seen and will take time.

Should I shut him down because most men are scumbags and lie?

I will be OKAY if it doesn't work out.

All that has happened is... I met someone with very intense passion and chemistry - who I also get along really well with and who's personality also won me over at the time.

If you have passion and get along with someone - I don't see what is wrong with giving it one chance - it will be apparent if he changes his tune.

Showing commitment is black and white; a guy does or.... he doesn't.

I think it is too early to rule him out as one of the scumbags who is lying at this stage lol.

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