Maximboi23 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 I loved her to death. And now she is gone. I met her along time ago and we dated for a month and she broke it off and it was only a month anyway. Then 2 years later I reached out to her and we rekindled and built an amazing relationship. Her mom disliked me and we never got along but I didn't care. My fiancé has a 4 yr old and I loved him to death. I did everything I ever could For them. I would ways open doors for her and treat her like a queen and do all I could to make her happy. I have a lot of emotional problems and have depression and she did all she could to help me. I even did stupid stuff for her like make doctors appoontments for her or call anywhere or do whatever I could to help her. We were together for 2.5 years. I got her a ring and I proposed a year ago and we were engaged. She always had trust issues with me because I would lie about stupid stuff like smoking ciggs and one day an ex texted me and I deleted it and she saw it and we always fought about it. She never trusted me. Then as months went by it was becoming real that we were committed and serious to be together. Maybe I got to comfortable and she said she loved me unconditionally and would Never leave. We had so much laughs together and she got me and my personality and we bounced off eachother. We had our problems just like everyone else. So recently a new girl started at my job and we clicked and she would always compliment me and stuff and we bagan to text and I liked her and the attention because I needed attention and she gave it. So she would always tell me I had a fiancé and we can't be anything. So I pushed my fiancé away all the time and tried to get rid of her for this stranger. I mean what was going through my head. I was thinking irrationally and started to telly fiancé to go out and stuff. One day she went out while I was at the apartment and I knew it was a guy and let it happen. So I guess weeks went by and we got more distant from eachother and I guess she was talking to this guy all the time and last time I saw her was thanksgiving. Then this new girl started playing with my head and totally ****ed me over and I even got her Xmas gifts and paid for all our times we went out. So then she wanted to just be friends and I said no and I realized and it clicked and hit me like a ton of bricks that I truely love my fiancé so much. I cried endlessly for the mistake I have made and to push her away. I tried to email her and text and sent flowers and she replied angerly saying I pushed her away and this is what I wanted and she has it good now and I just don't get how she can just forget about all our times and our relationship. Yes I screwed up and made a mistake but I would Never thought she would shut me out like that after all I did for her. I would always take her back in past because I loved her so much. She was sucidal once and I went back and we always reconciled. Now She just shuts me out when I need her the most. I can't stop crying everyday. I am so emotional I joined the gym and can't concentrate and when I'm at work I can't concentrate and everyone sees it. I am crumbling away everyday. I wake up and I thiink about her Till I go to sleep. All I want is to marry her and love her forver. I am so sad. I did everything for her and I never thought this would happen. Please someone help me feel a little better.
Detectingfreak Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 I loved her to death. And now she is gone. I met her along time ago and we dated for a month and she broke it off and it was only a month anyway. Then 2 years later I reached out to her and we rekindled and built an amazing relationship. Her mom disliked me and we never got along but I didn't care. My fiancé has a 4 yr old and I loved him to death. I did everything I ever could For them. I would ways open doors for her and treat her like a queen and do all I could to make her happy. I have a lot of emotional problems and have depression and she did all she could to help me. I even did stupid stuff for her like make doctors appoontments for her or call anywhere or do whatever I could to help her. We were together for 2.5 years. I got her a ring and I proposed a year ago and we were engaged. She always had trust issues with me because I would lie about stupid stuff like smoking ciggs and one day an ex texted me and I deleted it and she saw it and we always fought about it. She never trusted me. Then as months went by it was becoming real that we were committed and serious to be together. Maybe I got to comfortable and she said she loved me unconditionally and would Never leave. We had so much laughs together and she got me and my personality and we bounced off eachother. We had our problems just like everyone else. So recently a new girl started at my job and we clicked and she would always compliment me and stuff and we bagan to text and I liked her and the attention because I needed attention and she gave it. So she would always tell me I had a fiancé and we can't be anything. So I pushed my fiancé away all the time and tried to get rid of her for this stranger. I mean what was going through my head. I was thinking irrationally and started to telly fiancé to go out and stuff. One day she went out while I was at the apartment and I knew it was a guy and let it happen. So I guess weeks went by and we got more distant from eachother and I guess she was talking to this guy all the time and last time I saw her was thanksgiving. Then this new girl started playing with my head and totally ****ed me over and I even got her Xmas gifts and paid for all our times we went out. So then she wanted to just be friends and I said no and I realized and it clicked and hit me like a ton of bricks that I truely love my fiancé so much. I cried endlessly for the mistake I have made and to push her away. I tried to email her and text and sent flowers and she replied angerly saying I pushed her away and this is what I wanted and she has it good now and I just don't get how she can just forget about all our times and our relationship. Yes I screwed up and made a mistake but I would Never thought she would shut me out like that after all I did for her. I would always take her back in past because I loved her so much. She was sucidal once and I went back and we always reconciled. Now She just shuts me out when I need her the most. I can't stop crying everyday. I am so emotional I joined the gym and can't concentrate and when I'm at work I can't concentrate and everyone sees it. I am crumbling away everyday. I wake up and I thiink about her Till I go to sleep. All I want is to marry her and love her forver. I am so sad. I did everything for her and I never thought this would happen. Please someone help me feel a little better. A month beingn together and she was already your finance!? Your f'd up in the head!!
Ieris Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 A month beingn together and she was already your finance!? Your f'd up in the head!! "I loved her to death. And now she is gone. I met her along time ago and we dated for a month and she broke it off and it was only a month anyway. Then 2 years later I reached out to her and we rekindled and built an amazing relationship." I guess you didn't read this part... 2
fromheart Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 When you say you need a girl, that isn't too good. How can you need another person to be truly happy? That's a lot of pressure for a girl, especially a young mum. You can't have a woman help you with your emotional issues, not unless she's your mother, therapist or friend. You have to help yourself with your own emotional issues. I'm in the same boat. I also have a history of emotional issues from an unbalanced childhood. I'm also staring at the walls wishing things were different. I know how it feels. You're a good man and you'll meet the right one for you. Look after yourself. Its good that you've joined the gym. Work out your emotional issues, get to the root of your depression. Just be working on it independently, that's all you have to do to sustain a relationship, everyone has their issues. You were leaning on your woman, as was I. She became your crutch in life. Be your own support in life and I guarantee you will feel better right away. 1
Author Maximboi23 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 Thank you for your kind words. I know I need to love myself and I have been in therapy for over 11 years and committed to stay in it. I never brought anyone else I was with to therapy and I brought her numerous times. I brought her into my secret personal life and space because I loved her so much and wanted to work on us. I can't belive she turned her back on me after all I did for her. I loved other girls in the past but never gave them a ring and wanted to be married or brought them to therapy with me. She hates me now and I live in agony ever since. I do what I can to keep busy like the gym and go out with friends but nothing fades my memories. I wake up thinking about her till I go to sleep and I often dream about us. I am really crumbling and I'm so hollow 1
Author Maximboi23 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 I need all the advice I can get. I havnt seen her since thanksgiving and it was my fault for pushing her away but I wasn't thinking rationally. Now everyday I can't seem to focus. All I thinks about is her and all our times and places we went to. I can't even go to mall because it will bring up memories. I'm sad and depressed everyday. I go to gym work or out with friends and I can't think of anything else. I have had no contact for about 2 weeks now and it hurts so bad that I think she is with someone else and they r having sex. She was mine and now some ******* is doing stuff with her. It eats away at me every second of the day. People say do nc and they reach out at times but she is not doing any of that. Not a text email and I get to scared to check her facebook because she has me blocked I think and last time I saw it it said relationship status was with that guy. Who can move on that quickly. I know I pushed her away and she has some sort of problem being alone with her son but I don't get how u can be with someonelse and forget about all our times and all I did go her. I did so much to always help her and to make sure everything is in good order wit her. Now I'm nothing and all I did is down the trash.
frigginlost Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Sorry to hear what you're going through, but I gotta tell ya, there is absolutely nothing you can do. If there was ever a situation read on this board that is absolutely dire, this is it. She is never coming back and I would venture to say that she absolutely despises you. She followed your lead of pushing her away, and has absolutely moved on. Now, the best thing you can do is learn from the mistake you made, accept it, and put one foot in front of the other in your life. The passage of time will indeed heal you in this case. It's the option available to you. Allow the grieving process to play out within you because in your scenario, it's going to hurt like nothing you have ever felt before. It's okay, we have all been through it. Stop thinking about what you did to kill the relationship, and start thinking about how you can learn to never let it happen again. This is a massive life lesson that you are going to have to swallow. It will get better.
Author Maximboi23 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 I understand and appreciate your kind words and what you are saying. But I don't believe it. We rekindled one time for a reason and it has to be. This is meant to be. I made a mistake and she has her share of mistakes and I always took her back because that's the kind of guy I am. I will always love her forver. I didn't get her a ring and brought her to therapy for nothing. I wanted this to last forver and be with her till the end and I am torn she is gone. I knew deep in my heart she was the one and time was just cruising being with her and we had our share of fights but always stuck together as a strong team. I don't get how someone can come in the picture and take her away from me and she is allowing it. I did everything I could to always help her. No one will do all the things I have done for her. She is my soulmate and I wouldn't have these feelings if it weren't the case. I can't function everyday. I'm a wreck and my heart is in so much pain that's she's gone. I really love her so much and I am so lost without her
JamesMoore Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Hey buddy, I understand exactly how you feel. I was in a similar situation like you. Felt hopeless. Thought I would never be happy again. Luckily, things are different now - and I have never been so happy, excited and passionate about life. So let me give you some advice... First, one of the best things you can do to free yourself from the pain of your breakup is to let go. I know that it may be difficult and that's okay too. Try to see if you can be okay with every thought or feeling that you notice. If you feel sad, be okay with that feeling. It is really just a feeling. A sensation in your body. The more you try to push it away, the more pain you will experience. So try to just notice how it feels to be sad. Notice where the feeling is in your body. Dont try to change the feeling. Dont try to hide from it. Just be okay with the feeling of sadness. And be okay with yourself if you cannot be okay with the feeling of sadness. Everything is okay. I can strongly recommend meditation too. It is a great way to practice letting go and just beeing with your feelings (whether positive or negative). Hope this helps (it did for me). You can also read my own personal story here: http://goo.gl/xQmA60 It covers the strategy I used to get my ex back. But focus on yourself and your own feelings first. It will be almost impossible to win her back, if you are constantly feeling sad and depressed.
frigginlost Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I hear ya. This is going to sting, but here is a little "tough love" coming at ya... What you have done and have not done in that relationship means absolutely nothing. Whether or not you feel she is your soulmate means nothing. Whether you think you were supposed to be together forever means nothing. Whether you thought you were her greatest boyfriend ever means nothing. You must focus on you and only you right now. You need to understand that you are what is important right now and you must find a way to accept the end of the relationship and move forward. We have all been where you are at. I felt that my ex was my soulmate. I felt that she was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. We had split up and got back together. She had cheated and I forgave. I adored her children. I went to counseling with her. And you know what? It didn't change a damn thing. She's gone, and with each day that passes, I get that much more strong in knowing that I'm a helluva guy. Don't need her or anyone else to tell me that... Just breathe bud, and take each day one by one... 1
Author Maximboi23 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 Thank you. I truly appreciate you guys and your wisdom on this. I know all I need to do and feel but it is not easy at all. I havnt felt like this in a long time. I really really thought this was it. That girl that came to work at my job was sent there for a reason. She was the reason I pushed her away. I take full responsibility for it but I was not in right state of mind. I wasn't thinking what I was throwing away. She was my everything and the feeling of emptiness without her and her son is crushing me to death. We were engaged and it was the best feeling in the world. If she comes back Id marry her in a heartbeat and never look back. I need strength and advice like you guys are giving me to heal. I'm not a strong person by all means. I am very emotional due to my depression issues. It takes me a long time to feel better.
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Make sure your therapist knows your engagement ended. However, you are the one who wrecked this. You were in a precarious position to begin with. You broke up once already. Her mother didn't like you. You admit to lying to your FI and you were aware that she did not trust you. With all that against you, nevertheless you began carrying on with this new girl at work. You were texting all the time & you admit you were flattered by the attention to the point you pushed your FI away in order to get closer to your co-worker who wanted nothing romantic because you were engaged. If I read your post correctly, you still bought the co-worker a Christmas present & spent money taking her out. But you didn't do that for your FI or her kid who you haven't seen since Thanksgiving. Somewhere in there a new guy came into your FI's life. I must say, you two move on quickly. There is no hope for reconciliation so you best hope for moving forward. Reflect on the mistakes you make here. Next time you fall in love, do not text co-workers or lie to your SO. Be trustworthy & loving. That will get you a healthy happy stable relationship. You say you'd marry your ex-FI in a heartbeat but from where I sit that looks like a lie when compared to your behavior. 3
Itspointless Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I am sorry that you feel like you do. The following stood out for me: I loved her to death. And now she is gone. [...] Then this new girl started playing with my head and totally ****ed me over. There is something missing here. She did not **** you over, you let it happen, why? Is it because she did not trust you or was she right not to trust you, or? You have to search the answer to this question for your own future relationship-wise. And second why you put the blame with that girl? 1
Author Maximboi23 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 Thanks for your reply and advice I appreciate it. I just wasn't in right state of mind. Me and my fiancé were going through financial issues and I stupidly got too comfortable. I know it was my doing and my mistaje for pursuing this girl when I had my beautiful fiancé at home. She was not fighting that much for me either. She went on a date when I was at our apt and she never fought so hard to keep me. She cried here and there but never fought like I am and I have been because i always will take her back. Now she gets attention from the guy and she just forgets about me. I saved her from cancer. I dragged her to her doctors appointments and took her and made all appts and she was about to have the disease and caught it early cause of me. I always did it all for her and never wanted her to feel alone. I did that. No one will do that but me I loved her and always took care of her and when I need her she turns her back on me and says she has someone and all this bull**** while forgetting about all I have done for her and her son. I would buy them a million stuff for Xmas and what not. I would work my hands to the bone for them and will do what I can. I loved them so much and I am beyond emotional now writing this. I can't believe it is over and she's gone. I am shattered
Author Maximboi23 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 That girl played with my head. She said first i had a fiancé then I stupidly rushed my fiancé out and then she said she wasn't ready and all this bull**** and excuses week by week. I swear I didn't know what I was thinking. I really don't. I am at blame a 100 percent but she played with my head too and not innocent. It doesn't Matter now I lost what meant to me the most in this world her and her son. I Can't belive it
Itspointless Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Hi Maximboi23, thank you for clarifying. Don't beat yourself up, this probably also had been the eventual outcome without your colleague. It sounds like the balance in your relationship-dynamic already was a bit off. Sometimes our languages wherein we display love are too different from each-other to understand each-other well. It also sounds like she never made a big effort of anything. I can imagine that becomes frustrating at a sudden moment. Add up the fact that she constantly showed that she distrusted you. I guess it was a self-fulfilling prophecy with repeating that to you. Be kind to yourself.
fromheart Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 (edited) Thank you for your kind words. I know I need to love myself and I have been in therapy for over 11 years and committed to stay in it. I never brought anyone else I was with to therapy and I brought her numerous times. I brought her into my secret personal life and space because I loved her so much and wanted to work on us. I can't belive she turned her back on me after all I did for her. I loved other girls in the past but never gave them a ring and wanted to be married or brought them to therapy with me. She hates me now and I live in agony ever since. I do what I can to keep busy like the gym and go out with friends but nothing fades my memories. I wake up thinking about her till I go to sleep and I often dream about us. I am really crumbling and I'm so hollow There's no way to say this gently. Don't bring a girlfriend to therapy! That's your own world, you don't have to bother her with it. Climb the 'mountain,' by yourself. Don't bring her on it. Share the good feelings and self contentment you have with her, after your 'climb.' Look, I'm also thinking constantly about my ex. Don't contact her, keep moving forward. Learn your lessons from this, do not repeat your mistakes. Take the time to see where any dysfunctional behaviour was coming from on your part. Stop beating yourself up. You made your mistakes and paid the price. Your even. It will get better, I promise you. Edited January 6, 2015 by fromheart
CaliBabe Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 What you did to your fiance, my ex bf did to me. He pushed me away for a stranger. Something shiny and new. They lasted for 3 months and he tried to contact me again. TOO LATE! The pain my ex caused me was unreal, I can only imagine what your ex FIANCE is going through. I will never take my ex back for any reason what so ever. NEVER. He saw someone better than me, and you saw someone better than your ex. Leave her alone, do not contact her. Learn from your mistake. 1
Sucker for Love Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Sorry if this sounds harsh, Maximboi, I dont know your whole story. No one does. But from what you have been writing. I can't blame her one bit for NOT fighting for you. No self-respecting woman, who is also trying to be a good example for her child would submit to such awful and contradictory treatment. She wouldn't and did not stand for it. For that I applaud her. Being with you had its benefits, but if she was willing to give up whatever those benefits were, I imagine it was because they weren't significant enough to warrant her subjecting herself or her child to your crap. You contradict yourself left and right, through-out this thread, and make excuse after excuse for treating her like crap, which I am only concluding from information you provided. It's time to stop being so selfish and immature. Having depression doesn't excuse your behavior. You have been in therapy long enough to know better. Not to mention, you are an ADULT. Unless you want to continue to be miserable and feeling sorry for yourself, you need to own up to the fact that she did nothing wrong, based on your OP. You are the one who screwed up. If you didn't want this outcome, you should have been mature enough and smart enough to not treat someone you "love" like they are furniture. Don't **** in the bed and complain that it stinks.
Sucker for Love Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 What you did to your fiance, my ex bf did to me. He pushed me away for a stranger. Something shiny and new. They lasted for 3 months and he tried to contact me again. TOO LATE! The pain my ex caused me was unreal, I can only imagine what your ex FIANCE is going through. I will never take my ex back for any reason what so ever. NEVER. He saw someone better than me, and you saw someone better than your ex. Leave her alone, do not contact her. Learn from your mistake. I am so sorry you were treated so poorly. You are a smart, strong woman for sticking to your guns. Just like this guy's ex. Its a shame neither guy figured out what they had sooner.
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