BC1980 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) She might not even be that ill. Sometimes, people exaggerate things. I think that if you break NC, you will regret it in the long term. You will try to be an emotional comfort to her, but, after it's all said and done, she will go back to ignoring you. How will that make you feel? The problem is that you have expectations that go along with the contact. The majority cannot reach out to an ex and simply send well wishes without expecting anything in return. I'm sure she has family and friends to support her through this. It is no longer your role to be there for her. When you break up, you forfeit those rights to an ex. In the long run, you will thank yourself for not contacting her at this time. See this for what it is. A bump in the road. It's difficult to hear she is ill because it reminds you that you are no longer in her life. You heard it second hand, and that stings in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. It sort of brings you back to the reality that she isn't a part of your life. Sit with the feelings, write it out, talk to someone, but don't contact her. Also, you might want to lay off the booze if you are using it to cope. Edited January 13, 2015 by BC1980 2
NopeNah Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 You will try to be an emotional comfort to her, but, after it's all said and done, she will go back to ignoring you. This! It's the exact thing that happened to me. Once their problems are gone so are their need for you. 2
Author Avante91 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 I must admit I was so close. Being drunk didn't help matters at all I'm working on stopping drinking as it's a downward spiral. I guess I've come to terms with the fact she chose to not have me in her life, She has broken my heart and if she ever wants me back in her life it will have to be 100% effort and commitment from her. I don't think she is coming back - she will reach out for friendship in a couple of weeks or months, I will ignore it. I will heal and achieve success, fully focus on my career and setting and achieving personal goals. In a way I'm glad it's over its motivated me, I'm just sad at how she went about it and how cold she is being and acting fine. I hope gradually when she realises the extent of her decision and that I can live without her she has a "lightbulb" moment and thinks wow he loved me so much and tried so hard and I was a cow to him. By that time my friends I hope to be strong enough to smile and walk on by x
Light Breeze Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I hope gradually when she realises the extent of her decision and that I can live without her she has a "lightbulb" moment and thinks wow he loved me so much and tried so hard and I was a cow to him. Don't hope for it, don't think about what she'll think or do down the road it will prolong your recovery period. Think what will YOU gradually do for yourself. Good career, social life, vacations, new car, new love... We can't control how others think in the future, we can only control ours. Focus on that and that "lightbulb" moment you want her to have will be totally irrelevant to you. 1
An0nymiss666 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I guess I've come to terms with the fact she chose to not have me in her life, She has broken my heart and if she ever wants me back in her life it will have to be 100% effort and commitment from her. I don't think she is coming back - she will reach out for friendship in a couple of weeks or months, I will ignore it. You're right, she has chosen not to have you in her life. And it broke your heart. Do not expect it, because even you said it probably won't happen, but even IF she comes back, she will put on the performance of a lifetime. She will cry, say she's sorry, she loves you etc. etc. and you might want to believe her. But it's all rubbish. An act. Even if she thinks she feels that way, nothing will change in the end. It will be an act of desperation that ends the same way, and then where will you be? Right back here. Believe me, I know from experience...no matter what, IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE! I will heal and achieve success, fully focus on my career and setting and achieving personal goals. Yes! That is exactly what I am doing now as well. YOU should be the first priority in your life! In a way I'm glad it's over its motivated me, I'm just sad at how she went about it and how cold she is being and acting fine. I understand. You are not alone, my now-ex boyfriend and I were having minor issues and we decided to work through it. He made me feel like everything was going to be OK, and then he blindsided me with this break up a few days ago. He claimed to be sad about it as well, but he also seems to be carrying on with his life as usual, as if nothing happened...doesn't seem very sad to me. However, I can now focus on myself with nothing in the way of my motivation. And you should, too! I hope gradually when she realises the extent of her decision and that I can live without her she has a "lightbulb" moment and thinks wow he loved me so much and tried so hard and I was a cow to him. By that time my friends I hope to be strong enough to smile and walk on by It is possible that she will realize those things one day, however, it will still hold you back to think of her, and what she thinks and whatnot. And what if she never does...? You are better off without her, and therefore better off without knowing what she does or doesn't think of you...I agree it will only delay the recovery. You WILL be strong! Do not worry! PS- Don't fret too much about her being in the hospital. If she wanted you around then she wouldn't have left you, and she may be over-exaggerating things as someone else mentioned. It is normal to be concerned about someone's health, but at this point it will only hold you back, just like it will if you worry too much about what she thinks in the future. I was seeing a guy five years ago that I stopped talking to because HE WAS CRAZY! Guess what he did....he contacted me later saying he was in the hospital, and instead of ignoring him I felt bad (for whatever reason) and went there only to immediately regret it because he had faked the entire thing. He didn't admit it, I could just tell. So, you never know. I'm not saying there is nothing wrong with her. If she is ill, then I'm sure her family is there for her, and you shouldn't stress about it. Be strong!
Itspointless Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I hope gradually when she realises the extent of her decision and that I can live without her she has a "lightbulb" moment and thinks wow he loved me so much and tried so hard and I was a cow to him. I doubt she will realize the cow part Made me think back a moment to cow and chicken: http://www.cartoonnetwork.co.uk/sites/www.cartoonnetwork.co.uk/files/blogs/cow-and-chicken.jpg But seriously, next to the fact that experiences differ, is memory also subjective. So probably when you will speak with her - if that happens once upon a time - the histories you two remember will diverge. People block for example many of the positive things, are alter the things that happened, to justify what has happened for themselves and even make themselves look better. People admitting mistakes is a rare thing.
Author Avante91 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 Day 12 strict NC. Briefly: 3 year relationship 1 breakup 12 month ago got back together after 3 month apart and she's done the same again.. Ended it over something pathetic blocked me on everything and acting like she's fine. Today at work I had a really bad pain in my gut the kind you get when someone tells you something you don't want to hear if that makes sense? She has me blocked on twitter, insta and Facebook.. I didn't bother blocking her because I didn't want to see her face again even for 5seconds.. So I haven't looked we broke up 46 days ago. I was scrolling through my profile page and saw her name on our check ins, so she has unblocked me today randomly. I'm still blocked on Twitter and insta and she hasn't reached out... So I'm guessing it's just a breadcrumb? I stupidly clicked on her profile (I'm gutted I've ruined NC) luckily general posts are hidden I can just see she's become friends with like 46 guys obviously accepting friend requests lol. I must admit when I realised I was unblocked I was tempted to reach out then remembered I deleted her number yay! I'm hoping she blocks me again (24 hour fb rule) I know I could just block her but doing so shows feelings and that I've gone out of my way so I have her unblocked on everything I just don't look at her stuff. Can anyone explain why exes do this? Is she checking up? Is she "showing" me indirectly that she no longer cares so therefore has unblocked me? Am I being a noob and overthinking this when she was probably just being nosey wanted to check I was still there and now regrets it? Advice/Comments/Criticsm greatly received and appreciated! (I'm sorry I kind of broke NC I'm really beating myself up about it..she goes back to uni at the weekend so I can truly stick to it then!) X
FixItCris Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 stop over analyzing it. There could be a million reasons why. If it worries you so much, just block her. 2
me85 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Actually, you have to wait 48 hours until you can block someone again, not 24. You should take this opportunity to block her from FB. Do it for yourself. 1
mammasita Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Um, blocking her doesn't show feelings - this is about looking out for YOU, not worrying about WTF she thinks.....blocking her is what you should have done in the first place. Do it and be done so you can stop OVERanalyzing every minor detail of her life and focus on your own. 1
Author Avante91 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 Sorry guys you are right I just over reacted because I wasn't prepared for this scenario! I've blocked her and it felt good the power it gave me. She will stay blocked. It means nothing that she unblocked me she hasn't apologised or even been in direct contact so I'm going ninja mode again! Thanks for the support we all have our weak moments I appreciate it. 12days NC and I started to feel better, can't lie if she turned up I would take her back right now but nothing has changed it would break again. I want to go so deep into NC that I move on for my own sanity. Can I continue from day 12? I don't feel like I broke it just hit an obstacle and I've fixed it? X
me85 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 No contact means not having actual contact with the person, so you didn't break the NC rule. People are silly with that. Just don't look at her social media. Not because it's "breaking NC" but because it prolongs the healing process and just hurts you more. You're still 12 NC. Don't worry. 2
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