clevelander321 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Being a male I can understand being drunk and meeting a woman, and not caring that day if she is married. I can even understand wanting a married woman just for sex during a moment of weakness. But after reading some threads, what would make a single man want a relationship with a married woman? And actually fall in love.. And even want to raise her kids? A. The betrayed husband might be dangerous. B. The WW might just be dramatic and crazy.. C. Women are the choosers, and she not only chose to marry a certain man, she chose to procreate with him. Do you trust her judgement? D. How can you tell anyone in your family about how you met your new wife? E. Don't you think it is likely she will cheat on you as well? What would cause a man to over look everything? Was he raised in an odd manner? Really just totally naieve?
elaine567 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Why do you care? He is a BS, unfortunately. He wants to understand the mindset.
sandylee1 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Being a male I can understand being drunk and meeting a woman, and not caring that day if she is married. I can even understand wanting a married woman just for sex during a moment of weakness. But after reading some threads, what would make a single man want a relationship with a married woman? And actually fall in love.. And even want to raise her kids? A. The betrayed husband might be dangerous. B. The WW might just be dramatic and crazy.. C. Women are the choosers, and she not only chose to marry a certain man, she chose to procreate with him. Do you trust her judgement? D. How can you tell anyone in your family about how you met your new wife? E. Don't you think it is likely she will cheat on you as well? What would cause a man to over look everything? Was he raised in an odd manner? Really just totally naieve? The same could apply to why someone would want to be an OW and deal with the baggage of a MM. Actually I disagree on the point of women being the choosers. I'd say it's a mutual choice and some would say the man chooses (in a marriage) as he usually proposes. I can understand more so two married people having an affair, but when one is single that changes everything, because you're getting shot changed. I'm not saying I agree with two married people in an affair, but it's more of an even things. Before I got married and was dating my H, another guy wanted me and kept saying he had a lot to offer and I should forget about my then bind he would marry me etc. Maybe a little different because I wasn't married and no kids. He wanted me for himself.
carhill Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 IME, logic has little play in matters of romance and sex. In my case, I was an unwitting OM, for awhile anyway, until disclosed to the person's true marital status. I came to understand this was a common social hack, to facilitate emotional attachment and then unreel the truth. The best MW's were expert at this. What I've noticed with MW's of late, as opposed to those I first encountered in my late teens and early twenties a generation or two ago, is that they're a lot more 'out there' than in the past, meaning fewer social hacks and more straight up honesty. I don't know whether that's refreshing or not. I simply don't participate anymore.
Redheaded Mistress Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Well, seeing as no OM weighed in, I figured I'd weigh in on behalf of myself and my husband, who was my AP. A. The betrayed husband might be dangerous. For my MM, my husband wasn't dangerous. There was one minor confrontation where people just yelled at each other, then that was it. For me, his BS was a concern because of the type of person she is. We managed it, it blew over, and aside from occasional flare-ups, she's generally fine. The road to get here was rocky and filled with tantrums though. B. The WW might just be dramatic and crazy... I was neither dramatic nor crazy. C. Women are the choosers, and she not only chose to marry a certain man, she chose to procreate with him. Do you trust her judgement? I'm not sure that I understand this one... My MM said he wanted to have kids with me, I wanted to have kids with him. So there, there was no disagreement. In my marriage before, I wanted to have kids, my husband changed his mind after he married and said he did, but then implied he didn't. In my AP's marriage, he had kids already. D. How can you tell anyone in your family about how you met your new wife? We say we met at work, which we did, but really, not a lot of people ask how we met, started dating, or anything along those lines. E. Don't you think it is likely she will cheat on you as well? We both know we aren't going to cheat on each other. We were each other's first and only affair and we went through hell and back to be together. We don't want to go through that again. It's very easy to trust him as he is a genuinely honest person, as am I, despite the affair. We work hard on each other and our relationship and we both know that this is what we want, this is where we want to be. Our connection is nothing like what we had even during the best of times with our spouses. What would cause a man to over look everything? Was he raised in an odd manner? Really just totally naieve? Neither of us overlooked anything, but we did address it, resolve it, and work to deal with it or understand it. Raised in an odd manner? Well, he was raised very conservative Christian. I think that it was taken to an odd degree with some of the beliefs, but on the whole, I think he had a very typical childhood. And while he's not worldly, naive is not a word I'd use to describe him.
Author clevelander321 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 The same could apply to why someone would want to be an OW and deal with the baggage of a MM. Actually I disagree on the point of women being the choosers. I'd say it's a mutual choice and some would say the man chooses (in a marriage) as he usually proposes. I can understand more so two married people having an affair, but when one is single that changes everything, because you're getting shot changed. I'm not saying I agree with two married people in an affair, but it's more of an even things. Before I got married and was dating my H, another guy wanted me and kept saying he had a lot to offer and I should forget about my then bind he would marry me etc. Maybe a little different because I wasn't married and no kids. He wanted me for himself. Well, it' not really the same. And by a woman being the chooser, I mean that if she is somewhat attractive, she generally has offers being thrown to her left and right since she is 16. All she has to do it be there.. She doesn't need a great job, career, need to be a provider etc. Out of all those men, she then chooses one suitor to marry and procreate with. If she chooses wrong on such a huge decision, I would trust her judgement. Secondly, marriage is already a pretty big risk for men these days. If the woman is married and falls for you, simply because she "fell out of love" with an otherwise decent husband, isn't that a huge red flag that she will most likely do it to you also? Does the other man also want to commit all of his resources on another man's son, assuming the WW does not work? I don't know abut others, but I would never break up a family, strip a man from his son, all for getting some sex, or "love". That seems to be a damaged person to me. The guilt would kill me. Too many single women around that do not have any of the above possible issues.
Popsicle Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 It's feelings based not logic based. Sometimes bits and pieces of logic come together in the A but it's mostly feelings based.
Author clevelander321 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 Let me try an analogy.. Let's say a woman is a prostitute. Now surely, most men would not go into this "rendezvous" and look for a wife.. Most men would have a certain boundary. However, certain men might not mind. I guess I am asking what type of person completely overlooks so much in the name of "love". Most likely the impulsive type? Desperate? Low standards? lack of forward thinking?
sandylee1 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Well, it' not really the same. And by a woman being the chooser, I mean that if she is somewhat attractive, she generally has offers being thrown to her left and right since she is 16. All she has to do it be there.. She doesn't need a great job, career, need to be a provider etc. Out of all those men, she then chooses one suitor to marry and procreate with. If she chooses wrong on such a huge decision, I would trust her judgement. Secondly, marriage is already a pretty big risk for men these days. If the woman is married and falls for you, simply because she "fell out of love" with an otherwise decent husband, isn't that a huge red flag that she will most likely do it to you also? Does the other man also want to commit all of his resources on another man's son, assuming the WW does not work? I don't know abut others, but I would never break up a family, strip a man from his son, all for getting some sex, or "love". That seems to be a damaged person to me. The guilt would kill me. Too many single women around that do not have any of the above possible issues. Well I know many single woman who would argue that they've had offers since the age of 16. Many are still looking. You may find loads willing and wanting to just get you in bed, but not all would be marriage material. I do agree that a woman doesn't need to be as successful as a man, to be deemed a 'good catch'. Remember that not everyone has your morals and many OW's or OM's do not think of the consequences of their actions. They are purely thinking about themselves and their enjoyment, not that they are breaking up a family. Plus they will be thinking that the WW would not be cheating if the marriage was that great. So the OM in this kind of situation sees himself as a KISA (knight in shining armour), that has rescued the WW from her miserable life. The OM never thinks and consequently a lot of homicides are as a result of infidelity. On another such forum the BH, said he went to the OM's house with a loaded firearm and was hoping the OM would go for him, then he could use the firearm and claim self defence. As it happens the other BS opened the door. Seriously if everyone in life thought of the final end result of their cheating, there would certainly be less affairs. On the point of: 'Secondly, marriage is already a pretty big risk for men these days. If the woman is married and falls for you, simply because she "fell out of love" with an otherwise decent husband, isn't that a huge red flag that she will most likely do it to you also?' People can change. You may have made the right decision at the times, but years down the road, your H or W can change, to the point you no longer want to remain in the marriage. They could start drinking heavily, gambling, be extremely mean with money, be too controlling.....etc. There are so many reasons. That doesn't make the woman a bad judge of character. I'm not suggesting any of these apply to you. In addition even if the BS hasn't changed over the years, the WS may have done. I know that things I accepted earlier in my marriage, I would not accept today. I'm older and wiser and less tolerant of certain behaviour. Like you, I wouldn't break up a family, but there are so many dynamics to affairs. You nevertheless know what stories the WW tells the OM, to make him engage in the affair to begin with.
oldshirt Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 I was an OM to a number of WWs in my early-mid 20s. I'm not proud of it now but I do talk about it here in the forums quite a bit to help other husbands understand what is out there and what they are up against. In my case it was purely easy and available sex. Married women were actually easier to get in bed, were wilder in the sack and didn't ask for anything else. I did not want "relationship" with them and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with their kids. I had a couple women ask me if they left their husbands would I have them and I looked them right in eye with deadpan expression and told them no. They kept coming over to my house anyway and didn't believe me that I wouldn't take them. Noone left their husband for me but a couple I could didn't believe me and thought that eventually I would break down and ask them to leave so we could be together. While I did have some fondness for all of them, I was not in love with a single one of them nor did I consider any of them as any kind of GF or wife material for me. The reason for that is that I knew better than anyone what they did behind their husband's back and I wanted no part of it (other than the poontang) Some of them went on for years. I've lost touch with a few but I know one is on her 4th or 5th husband now. Another one is still with the same guy she was cheating on with me from 1988-1992. I don't know if there have been others since then but I would have to assume there has. I can't really answer why an OM would want a relationship and want to end up with her in the end. That was something I wanted no part of. The only thing I can guess is as I said, married women are easier to get into bed. If some guy didn't have much experience with women and was kind of naïve and timid, he may fall in love with some gal just because she's doing him and he figures this is his one chance at love. I think people have this image of OM being these so-called "alphas" and that may be true of wives that hook up with some guy in a bar for a ONS during a girls night out or a quickie at the office now and then, but I have the feeling that the guys that actually get into relationships with married women and want the women to leave their husbands for them are actually betas and are actually guys that can't get single women and have to settle for married women leftovers. 2
joystickd Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 I have been an OM. I know for me it was because the women were more aggressive than single women. For a guy like me that was shocking. It was more sexual and none of the dating process like with single women.
joystickd Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 I was an OM to a number of WWs in my early-mid 20s. I'm not proud of it now but I do talk about it here in the forums quite a bit to help other husbands understand what is out there and what they are up against. In my case it was purely easy and available sex. Married women were actually easier to get in bed, were wilder in the sack and didn't ask for anything else. I did not want "relationship" with them and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with their kids. I had a couple women ask me if they left their husbands would I have them and I looked them right in eye with deadpan expression and told them no. They kept coming over to my house anyway and didn't believe me that I wouldn't take them. Noone left their husband for me but a couple I could didn't believe me and thought that eventually I would break down and ask them to leave so we could be together. While I did have some fondness for all of them, I was not in love with a single one of them nor did I consider any of them as any kind of GF or wife material for me. The reason for that is that I knew better than anyone what they did behind their husband's back and I wanted no part of it (other than the poontang) Some of them went on for years. I've lost touch with a few but I know one is on her 4th or 5th husband now. Another one is still with the same guy she was cheating on with me from 1988-1992. I don't know if there have been others since then but I would have to assume there has. I can't really answer why an OM would want a relationship and want to end up with her in the end. That was something I wanted no part of. The only thing I can guess is as I said, married women are easier to get into bed. If some guy didn't have much experience with women and was kind of naïve and timid, he may fall in love with some gal just because she's doing him and he figures this is his one chance at love. I think people have this image of OM being these so-called "alphas" and that may be true of wives that hook up with some guy in a bar for a ONS during a girls night out or a quickie at the office now and then, but I have the feeling that the guys that actually get into relationships with married women and want the women to leave their husbands for them are actually betas and are actually guys that can't get single women and have to settle for married women leftovers. Usually from my experience it usually the woman that wants the relationship. The man is usually happy just having sex and meeting up occasionally. It's less complicated for him
dichotomy Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Most OM do not want to raise the WW's kids. Most don't really want to marry the married WW. They like the arrangement of having a mistress or MW on the side. But if they did end up marrying them after being the AP - likely both are going to lie or minimize what happened "Oh my wife was in an horrible marriage with a looser husband, she fell out of love a long time ago, he was awful husband, and she was on the way out of the marriage, going to get divorced, and we met and fell in love.."
oldshirt Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 What would cause a man to over look everything? Was he raised in an odd manner? Really just totally naieve? So yeah, I really do think a lot of OM that end up being with married women are naïve and can't get a single woman. A guy that would take a married woman and marry her and raise someone else's children and take on all the issues and burdens of a poached woman is desperate and has few other options IMHO. Guys that end up with the cheating, married woman after she leaves her H (or after her kicks her out) are not the studs and the better men. They are the real chumps and suckers IMHO.
2.50 a gallon Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 After the breakup of my marriage, I too slipped over to the dark side. As oldshirt posted the sex was easy. And that was all it was. Just a few isolated ONS. Neither of us wanted it to go any further. Except in one case. She a co-worker, married for coming up on 5 years. They had put off starting a family until they could afford it. For their 5th anniversary weekend they had reservations at a B&B, and she was excited as the timing was right, for her to conceive on the night of their anniversary. Instead on Thursday night, her H let her know he and a buddy were taking that weekend off to watch a poker tournament in Reno. After all that build up she was royally P.O.d, and showed up on that night at a club where we workers sometimes partied, determined to get laid. It was my choice, me or some other stranger at the bar. I was going thru some very major life changing events, and she was more than helpful. We did end up in a relationship. With her wanting more. I saw it as a rebound relationship and pulled away. It was a year later, when I found out that she had been seriously in love with me. But no longer wanted anything to do with me. I now regret walking out on her too soon.
Author clevelander321 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 I used to date around with married women when I was younger. It was the same story every time. All of their husbands were douchebags. They would complain about how their husband didn't love them anymore, didn't show them affection anymore, didn't have sex with them anymore, ect. Many of them even claim some sort of abuse. I was young and naive so I fell for that nonsense, partially because I wanted it to be true. It feels good to think you are trying to rescue some poor woman from her crappy, abusive husband. I learned the truth when I became that husband and my wife was cheating on me, and telling others a bunch of lies about me so she could justify her actions. Now, I would never touch a married woman. Thanks for the advice everyone.. I am sure my wife rewrote the history of our relationship, and this new man feels like her "savior". He has a good job, but I am guessing he does not come into contact with many women, so he is thinking he landed some beautiful woman that will love him forever. not sure why else he would spend tens of thousands to break up a marriage with a woman he met on a vacation. My wife also fits all of the characteristics of a typical narcissit, so she is very good at being manipulative..
beatcuff Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 My wife <<snip>> is very good at being manipulative.. OP, I read the entire thread, then your post and then the entire thread again. and maybe you are referring to how she acted to you BUT certainly not to AP. I know many men prefer married women (as recounted in this thread). why? simple, no bs. she does not have the time to waste. she has a couple of hours then back to home. that also means no expectations of follow up calls/texts/etc. she drives the relationship (based on her availability). and for many men that works as it appears in this thread: is was all about sex for the men.
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