BritishBullDog123 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I've known this girl for some time now, we're not close by any means but we have spoke a few times in the past even met up once for food but it was just friendly as she already had a boyfriend at the time.. I've always been attracted to her reason I never acted on it was because she was in a serious relationship and for a while I was in one myself. We just stopped speaking and life went on. We're both single now and I've spoken to her on Facebook a few times, the conversations are never constant, she's quite dry on Facebook like we'll speak for a short while but the conversation just dies out and I leave it at that I don't keep on I just play it cool and leave it go... One day I thought 'go for it' so during a conversation I just asked her out for a coffee and she didn't reply. About a month afterwards she replied 'sorry didn't see that. Yeah coffee would be cool if I ever get the time ' I suppose I'm just curious to what she's thinking and does she know it's a date in that way? I'm guilty of reading to much into things it's one of my flaws but oh well haha. We haven't spoke for a few days. I don't like to pop up all the time incase I annoy her. She's not like most girls so maybe it's just her way? Do I go ahead and ask her when she wants to go or just leave it? Reason I ask is because I don't want to build my hopes up on to something that won't happen. Thanks for reading folks
writergal Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Wait...she waited a month to respond to your Facebook message? Are you two actually Facebook friends? Even if your message went into her "other" folder, I find it unlikely she didn't see your message. She hinted at not being interested I think, when she wrote "if I ever get the time." No one is THAT busy if they are interested in meeting up with someone. You can make the time. Seriously. Pffft. If she were really interested, I'd think she would have responded differently, like "Yeah that sounds great." and then offer you a time that she's free. I suppose you could send her another email message on Facebook and wait to see if she accepts your coffee invite. Do you have her phone number? Ask her for her phone number, then if she gives it to you, then you can ask her out for coffee on a specific date and time. Don't leave anything out in the open. If you don't ask, you'll never know. So you might as well. You've nothing to lose but the few minutes it takes to compose the email message.
Author BritishBullDog123 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 Wait...she waited a month to respond to your Facebook message? Are you two actually Facebook friends? Even if your message went into her "other" folder, I find it unlikely she didn't see your message. She hinted at not being interested I think, when she wrote "if I ever get the time." No one is THAT busy if they are interested in meeting up with someone. You can make the time. Seriously. Pffft. If she were really interested, I'd think she would have responded differently, like "Yeah that sounds great." and then offer you a time that she's free. Yeah I found it odd that she didn't reply after I asked that but she could of just left it so why reply after all that time? I'm thinking maybe it's to do with the fact that she broke up with her fiance several months ago and maybe had to think it over or something.. Hmm.. I'll strike up a conversation in a few days or so and ask her when she wants to go and see the response I get.. If she just palms me off I'll just walk away with my pride in tact.
candie13 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 You can follow up on it. Ask her something like "so you're really busy these days, huh? you should tell me about all that over a cup of coffee, let me know which date suits you best this week. Cheers" this way, the ball is in her court, but you give her a time frame. see how she takes it. cheers and all the best
Author BritishBullDog123 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 You can follow up on it. Ask her something like "so you're really busy these days, huh? you should tell me about all that over a cup of coffee, let me know which date suits you best this week. Cheers" this way, the ball is in her court, but you give her a time frame. see how she takes it. cheers and all the best She did mention that she's been flat out with work and stuff and that was before I even asked her out for that coffee. I said something like 'if you're not to busy with work fancy a coffee some time?' Yeah I could ask her in that way, good option.
writergal Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Yeah I found it odd that she didn't reply after I asked that but she could of just left it so why reply after all that time? I'm thinking maybe it's to do with the fact that she broke up with her fiance several months ago and maybe had to think it over or something.. Hmm.. I'll strike up a conversation in a few days or so and ask her when she wants to go and see the response I get.. If she just palms me off I'll just walk away with my pride in tact. Well it IS odd that she didn't reply immediately when you asked. It's rude, really, fiance broken up with or not. There's no reason to be that rude to someone. And it sends you a mixed message that she even responded. It's not clear to you where you stand with her; friendly acquaintance or man with potential for something romantic. When you strike up a conversation with her again, offer her a firm date and time. Leave nothing out there. She already took one month to respond to your first invite to get together. This time, be specific, "Hi [name] are you free to meet me for coffee this coming Thursday night at 7 p.m.?" or something like that. If you're specific, she has to respond in a more timely manner. If you leave it vague, you just give her another excuse not to respond in a timely manner. Good luck to you! 1
candie13 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 ask questions about what she is doing, pay interest and remember details, women appreciate that and it makes them feel reassured. sometimes, some months are just horribly busy... no reason to put her whole life on hold for it. it's supposed to be nice time, relaxing time... you seem like a nice person, hopefully it works out for you. 2
newlyborn Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 i think it is fine to follow up once, since she did technically agree. specify a date or time to meet. leaving it open-ended like that can take forever, especially when the person has already indicated that they're busy...
candie13 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Well it IS odd that she didn't reply immediately when you asked. It's rude, really, fiance broken up with or not. There's no reason to be that rude to someone. And it sends you a mixed message that she even responded. It's not clear to you where you stand with her; friendly acquaintance or man with potential for something romantic. When you strike up a conversation with her again, offer her a firm date and time. Leave nothing out there. She already took one month to respond to your first invite to get together. This time, be specific, "Hi [name] are you free to meet me for coffee this coming Thursday night at 7 p.m.?" or something like that. If you're specific, she has to respond in a more timely manner. If you leave it vague, you just give her another excuse not to respond in a timely manner. Good luck to you! I sort of disagree with that. Break ups take a huge toll on people, it's only natural to hesitate. I think giving her a larger time frame - so that she can accommodate the coffee according to her schedule - which is busy - will only make her feel more at ease and more comfortable. Even on my regular weeks, if a guy flat out asks me a certain time and a certain day, chances are I am already booked - I have loads of hobbies, school and an active social life... no offense... patience and tact. it's just a date, I'm sure you'll nail it . 2
writergal Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I hate it when people use excuses like work, etc., as to why they don't keep in more regular contact with me. Life is not that busy that you can't. You have choices. It's all about priorities. If someone puts me low on their priority list, then I know I won't hear from them. Better to know where you stand with people, regardless of how well you know them or not. I agree that it's perfectly fine for you to follow up with her again. But you need to offer her specific date and time to get together. Otherwise, if you leave it open ended (thinking that's polite when that could come across as too passive), that gives her an out not to respond to your invite follow-up either at all, or in another month.
writergal Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I sort of disagree with that. Break ups take a huge toll on people, it's only natural to hesitate. I think giving her a larger time frame - so that she can accommodate the coffee according to her schedule - which is busy - will only make her feel more at ease and more comfortable. Even on my regular weeks, if a guy flat out asks me a certain time and a certain day, chances are I am already booked - I have loads of hobbies, school and an active social life... no offense... patience and tact. it's just a date, I'm sure you'll nail it . Well look, she waited an entire month to respond to his Facebook message. I think she's perfectly healed from her break-up, otherwise she would have declined the OP directly. But she didn't. Even if she was being polite, and I'm not British so I can't speak for what is considered a polite rejection, she still left it open-ended for the OP to contact her again. If you're saying to give her a month to meetup for coffee because she's so fragile or busy with work, that seems a bit silly to me. No one is that busy or that emotionally distraught that they aren't capable of meeting someone for a couple hours of coffee talk. Or maybe that's just my rude American attitude? She doesn't need to be coddled. She's an adult. Ask her out for coffee and see if she responds with a yes. Hopefully she will. If not, oh well, there are other single women out there who will accept a coffee date from you OP.
Author BritishBullDog123 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 I sort of disagree with that. Break ups take a huge toll on people, it's only natural to hesitate. I think giving her a larger time frame - so that she can accommodate the coffee according to her schedule - which is busy - will only make her feel more at ease and more comfortable. Even on my regular weeks, if a guy flat out asks me a certain time and a certain day, chances are I am already booked - I have loads of hobbies, school and an active social life... no offense... patience and tact. it's just a date, I'm sure you'll nail it . Yeah I've been in a situation which lasted over a year where I was gutted about a break up and it did affect me. I was thinking of saying something like 'I was thinking if you want to go for that coffee some time next week?' 1
writergal Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Yeah I've been in a situation which lasted over a year where I was gutted about a break up and it did affect me. I was thinking of saying something like 'I was thinking if you want to go for that coffee some time next week?' Next week is a perfect time frame for your coffee date invitation. But be specific with a day and time. If she's as busy as she claims to be, she'll need you to be specific and make sure it fits with your schedule too.
Author BritishBullDog123 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 I hate it when people use excuses like work, etc., as to why they don't keep in more regular contact with me. Life is not that busy that you can't. You have choices. It's all about priorities. If someone puts me low on their priority list, then I know I won't hear from them. Better to know where you stand with people, regardless of how well you know them or not. I agree that it's perfectly fine for you to follow up with her again. But you need to offer her specific date and time to get together. Otherwise, if you leave it open ended (thinking that's polite when that could come across as too passive), that gives her an out not to respond to your invite follow-up either at all, or in another month. I totally understand where you are coming from and I wish more women were more direct as that but it's just not the case and I find that you have to play it cool so to speak. I also know what Candie13 is talking about as well as in my career I can be very busy working well over a standard 8 hour shift and it does take it out of you so there is a chance where she just wants to chill out after a day.
Author BritishBullDog123 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 Next week is a perfect time frame for your coffee date invitation. But be specific with a day and time. If she's as busy as she claims to be, she'll need you to be specific and make sure it fits with your schedule too. I don't really want to be specific at least when I narrow it down to a week she'll have to give me an accurate response, something along the lines of 'well thursday is good for me?' that sort of thing.
Bellaisa Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I can honestly say that she may have missed the message because I've missed important messages. The fact that she responds bodes well for that argument! She may not be that into Facebook and writing and such. She may be a better communicator, which is why she is dry on Facebook. Something in your gut is telling you to go out - right? So just go on a date and THEN you will have your answer as to whether it is worth pursuing her or not. 1
Author BritishBullDog123 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 I can honestly say that she may have missed the message because I've missed important messages. The fact that she responds bodes well for that argument! She may not be that into Facebook and writing and such. She may be a better communicator, which is why she is dry on Facebook. Something in your gut is telling you to go out - right? So just go on a date and THEN you will have your answer as to whether it is worth pursuing her or not. Yeah the fact she responded at all speaks volumes. Again I agree, looking on her Facebook she's quite dry with everyone on there even her mates. She responds but thats it really, doesn't say anything to allow the conversation to continue. I will 100% ask her when she wants to go but I don't know when.
candie13 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 whatever you decide, however you decide to phrase it, be ready for a rejection, even now, after she has initially said yes. I think what writergirl said is perfectly valid... in theory. In practice, I've been way more messed up, sent the wrong signals, decided, changed my mind, decided back again.... basically, until you have a day, a time and a place, and her saying yes (and ideally being there), nothing is ever certain. it should not be this complicated, but unfortunately... it is. have fun, whatever you decide to do... and ask other girls out, in the mean time. For practice purposes, of course ! 2
elaine567 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 She could have ignored the invitation completely but she didn't. I guess she took some time to decide whether she wants something with you, as you and she have been in contact for a while, so it is likely that you are serious here. Sometimes after a break up it is easier to go on dates with random people as nothing is expected of them, than to go on "dates" with people you have an inkling are serious about you. The fact she brought it up, even a month late, is a good sign I think. Nothing ventured nothing gained... 1
Author BritishBullDog123 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 whatever you decide, however you decide to phrase it, be ready for a rejection, even now, after she has initially said yes. I think what writergirl said is perfectly valid... in theory. In practice, I've been way more messed up, sent the wrong signals, decided, changed my mind, decided back again.... basically, until you have a day, a time and a place, and her saying yes (and ideally being there), nothing is ever certain. it should not be this complicated, but unfortunately... it is. have fun, whatever you decide to do... and ask other girls out, in the mean time. For practice purposes, of course ! Yeah I agree with you, if she does go back on her word or something I'll just back off and move on, sad to say but I've become accustomed to rejection so I can deal with it pretty well on the surface. It wont come to that but just incase
Author BritishBullDog123 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 She could have ignored the invitation completely but she didn't. I guess she took some time to decide whether she wants something with you, as you and she have been in contact for a while, so it is likely that you are serious here. Sometimes after a break up it is easier to go on dates with random people as nothing is expected of them, than to go on "dates" with people you have an inkling are serious about you. The fact she brought it up, even a month late, is a good sign I think. Nothing ventured nothing gained... That is why I am on here asking about this situation is because she got back to me after all that time and said yes, confused me slightly. What will be will be
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