justme25 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 It's been 3 years since we got married and I'm having trouble understanding what to do. When I first met my H, I was in a relationship with the father of my two daughters. They were friends and we would set up double dates as he was also in a relationship at the time. My relationship was going downhill and ended after 7 years. In the process I had my girls kept from me and with no help or anywhere to go had no choice but to let their father keep them. A year after me and my now H, reconnected on Facebook and eventually began dating, this resulted in their friendship ending. He was a perfect gentlemen aside from still being in a different relationship which was failing, he and his gf had an apartment together and his father who was going through a divorce at the time was also living with them. I was living with my father and I would drive down to visit him, eventually my father grew tired of me coming in late and decided to kick me out. I ended up staying in my car, so I would park outside his apartment and stay there until night fell which was perfect because his gf worked third. So I could stay with him until he went to pick her up and I would go back to my car, this went on until they broke up and she moved out a week later. I moved in and it was hell I became pregnant with our now 3 year old son and we got married in a court house 2 months before he was born. My H father was a hypocritical drunk who met women off the internet just to bring them over have sex with them and repeat the process. He would get drunk come in pee all over the floor the toilet and himself. I was made to clean the house all through my pregnancy while my H worked and was stuck at home all day. My H has what I would call a Craigslist addiction he likes threesomes and would pressure me to have sex with other men and women. I told him I wasn't doing that anymore and had turned over a new leaf no drinking or partying that lasted about 6 months, he kept pressuring me and I told him if he didn't stop I was leaving, that worked a little while. We are currently in public housing and since then have had 3 cars repo'd for failure of payment and are struggling to make it. He NEVER keeps a cellphone more than 2 months cause he always buys a new one since he likes to have the newest phone out he is over 3000 dollars behind in child support for his 11 yr old son. I keep having to ask family for help financially and don't have a way to go look for a job cause he has the car 24/7 , he has to stay at work with two days off a week to assist the people he works with. I lost my temporary job and can't afford gas so I don't ask to keep the car and I have no one to talk to, no friends, can't talk to family because it's always my fault no matter what. We had a situation a week ago where I told him I didn't want to be together anymore and he ended up choking me on the bed , thank god our son was asleep at the time. He doesn't like me talking to other men or women for any reason, he tries to tell me what to wear whenever I don't answer his calls I'm doing something I'm not supposed to be. One thing I don't understand he gets paid 6 or 7 hundred a month and we are always broke, I could tell him the month before the baby needs diapers and wipes, then next thing u know he has a phone baby has no diapers money is gone. I barely see my girls cause he doesn't like me talking to my ex for any reason. I'm so tired and depressed, broken don't know what to do where to go. I'm on so much government assistance that I doubt I will ever get out of here, and still having a hard time paying 50 dollars for rent a month. I barely step outside unless I take out the trash and whenever I do I can barely open my eyes from the sunlight. I don't have any idea on what I should do or how to make it on my own.
Mal78 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 It's been 3 years since we got married and I'm having trouble understanding what to do. When I first met my H, I was in a relationship with the father of my two daughters. They were friends and we would set up double dates as he was also in a relationship at the time. My relationship was going downhill and ended after 7 years. In the process I had my girls kept from me and with no help or anywhere to go had no choice but to let their father keep them. A year after me and my now H, reconnected on Facebook and eventually began dating, this resulted in their friendship ending. He was a perfect gentlemen aside from still being in a different relationship which was failing, he and his gf had an apartment together and his father who was going through a divorce at the time was also living with them. I was living with my father and I would drive down to visit him, eventually my father grew tired of me coming in late and decided to kick me out. I ended up staying in my car, so I would park outside his apartment and stay there until night fell which was perfect because his gf worked third. So I could stay with him until he went to pick her up and I would go back to my car, this went on until they broke up and she moved out a week later. I moved in and it was hell I became pregnant with our now 3 year old son and we got married in a court house 2 months before he was born. My H father was a hypocritical drunk who met women off the internet just to bring them over have sex with them and repeat the process. He would get drunk come in pee all over the floor the toilet and himself. I was made to clean the house all through my pregnancy while my H worked and was stuck at home all day. My H has what I would call a Craigslist addiction he likes threesomes and would pressure me to have sex with other men and women. I told him I wasn't doing that anymore and had turned over a new leaf no drinking or partying that lasted about 6 months, he kept pressuring me and I told him if he didn't stop I was leaving, that worked a little while. We are currently in public housing and since then have had 3 cars repo'd for failure of payment and are struggling to make it. He NEVER keeps a cellphone more than 2 months cause he always buys a new one since he likes to have the newest phone out he is over 3000 dollars behind in child support for his 11 yr old son. I keep having to ask family for help financially and don't have a way to go look for a job cause he has the car 24/7 , he has to stay at work with two days off a week to assist the people he works with. I lost my temporary job and can't afford gas so I don't ask to keep the car and I have no one to talk to, no friends, can't talk to family because it's always my fault no matter what. We had a situation a week ago where I told him I didn't want to be together anymore and he ended up choking me on the bed , thank god our son was asleep at the time. He doesn't like me talking to other men or women for any reason, he tries to tell me what to wear whenever I don't answer his calls I'm doing something I'm not supposed to be. One thing I don't understand he gets paid 6 or 7 hundred a month and we are always broke, I could tell him the month before the baby needs diapers and wipes, then next thing u know he has a phone baby has no diapers money is gone. I barely see my girls cause he doesn't like me talking to my ex for any reason. I'm so tired and depressed, broken don't know what to do where to go. I'm on so much government assistance that I doubt I will ever get out of here, and still having a hard time paying 50 dollars for rent a month. I barely step outside unless I take out the trash and whenever I do I can barely open my eyes from the sunlight. I don't have any idea on what I should do or how to make it on my own. You are only a victim if you allow yourself to be one. Like the other poster mentioned you are digging *yourself* a hole and it will *only* be you to dig yourself out again. You are not doomed or destined for this life. You design it. You consistently are choosing men over your children and frankly... your family is right! It IS your fault. They don't respect you or the decision that you have made and continue to make and you blame them?!? You are going to get a lot of "tough love" advise here. Take it for face value. Don't pity your life and wallow as if there is nothing you can do to change it. Women have endured more than you discribed and have fought and WON! GO TO A SHELTER AND DON'T LOOK BACK. If not for you, do it for your son you have and your girls who will one day look at what you have become. They are not going to have sympathy for the choices you made nor will your excuse of having no one will cut it. You have YOU. Be resourceful and use them! You are capable of cleaning up piss you are capable of working and/or going back to school. A shelter will have those resources to get you back on your feet again, affordable housing, childcare, legal aid, financial assistance and counciling.
Rainbowlove Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 You found LS online, now if you haven't, research and reach out to any organization for women in your area who are dealing with domestic abuse. Regardless of the choices you've made in your past, you asked us what step one is now to help get you out of this mess. Make a phone call to the domestic violence org. They will help you make a plan to leave. This is going to take a lot of determination on your part and commitment. You need to turn your life around and no one can do it for you, but you. We can give you all the advice in the world, but you have to take action. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get mad at yourself. You made a series of bad choices and are paying for them now, but it's not hopeless. Dont give up. Do better for you and your kids. You now take it one day at a time. Do right each day. Make that phone call, step one. Good luck. 1
loveboid Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Justme25, the number for the National Crisis Hotline is: :bunny:1-800-273-TALK (8255):bunny: They handle your situation. They are open 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. You are asking for help which is so, so good. I, and others here as they mentioned, would like you to call a Hotline.
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