cottom Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I got 2 complexes that really do sabotage my relationships and dating. #1 - White Knight Syndrome. I am the guy that will be there for the girl, take care of her, buy her nice ****, take her places, tell her shes beautiful, look after her. For example yday some girl ive been meeting asked me to come round her mom werent in, i went and she wanted me to pick out her dress for her and help her fake tan. Like wtf! Then we went out, she had me hold her bag all night while she got chatted up by other guys. HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS ZONE, I ALWAYS ACT LIKE THIS FOR GIRLS AND I DON'T KNOW HOW NOT TO!! #2 - Keep bringing up exes. I really don't do it intentianally, I am well over my exes but when i've done so much with them in general i see things and it has amusing stories to go with it and it kinda slips out. But then my last serious ex cheated on me and i admit to mentioning that a few times cause i am still angry how shes moved on with a new bf after putting me through so much ****. My issues that i show now, this crappy Beta personality who can't think of anything to talk about to a girl who will just sit there and help her out with her needs like a gay friend. It all pretty much comes from the ex that cheated, i treated her badly on honesty, we argued a lot, i would say mean stuff to her, i would treat her like a complete dick. And now im scared and i have completely lost that personality, now im the nice guy who will stay faithful and gets whipped. HOW DO I STOP THIS
hoping2heal Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Ok, what in the heck is a "nice guy that gets whipped"? Can you explain this to me?
fred123 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 have you ever kissed any if these girls or are you just their best friends? or gay best friend lol
Jules Dash Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Maybe you have to really forgive yourself for being mean to your ex before you can properly move on. Perhaps you feel that somehow you are making up for your past by being a hopeless appearing case now. Experiences helps us to grow and become better but I am not sure if your current handling of women actually makes you a better person.
carhill Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 #1 is pretty easy, though a bit hard if one has to undo socialization. Adult women are not children and don't require coddling like a child. Love is fine. They don't break, are sturdy and get over their crying jags. They can survive quite well without you, and do. #2 can also be easy but, depending on other amusing anecdotes available, might be harder. I found I rarely even thought of dating situations or girlfriends but often do share interesting anecdotes from my decade or so of married life. I see it as part of life and I happened to have had a spouse at the time. I have been told I don't hate her enough but, to me, neutral is the opposite of love, not hate. I simply avoid people who have widely dissimilar perspectives on such matters. In general though, focusing on other experiences and making new memories fades that 'ex' stuff into the scrapbook of the past. Life goes on. Fear is normal. Adapt and overcome. If your personality is labeled as a beta, well that's a label. It's your life. No one else can live it and you choose who you include in it. Methinks it won't be those who choose to label you. Good luck!
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 That's not a White Knight. White Knight is something different. What you are doing is just being a nice person. Now if you are interested in a woman and you continue to do things for her even as she is disinterested in you and pursuing other men, then for most people, that is not good emotionally. It will mess you up. But if you can handle it, then technically there's nothing wrong with it. Just don't expect women to become attracted to you because you are kind to them. Never happens.
BlueIris Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Learn how to speak up without being confrontational and angry and how to reject bad behavior. So, for instance if you’re holding your GF’s stuff while she chats up other guys, walk up to her, kiss her on the cheek, hand her bag to her, and say you’re taking off and to call you later.
candie13 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Just don't expect women to become attracted to you because you are kind to them. Never happens. I disagree. Last guy I dated turned out to be an indecisive man. I can tell you, the next guy I met - and whom I am currently seeing - is nice, is sure that he wants to see me, is giving me attention and writes me nice messages... Now, attraction is something else, you can only discover that from the way your partner kisses, if there is real attraction or not. My date is a good kisser .
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I disagree. Last guy I dated turned out to be an indecisive man. I can tell you, the next guy I met - and whom I am currently seeing - is nice, is sure that he wants to see me, is giving me attention and writes me nice messages... Now, attraction is something else, you can only discover that from the way your partner kisses, if there is real attraction or not. My date is a good kisser . I'm not sure what that has to do with what I said. What I meant is that kindness does not create attraction, for well, mostly anybody. Looks creates attraction.
candie13 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 of course looks are important, but I can tell you, I've seen ***** loads of self centered pretty boys who are empty on the inside. Kindness without depth, of course it's not attractive. But kindness as an character trait, as an asset, not taken overboard... is a turn on. Because it is oh so scarce and because men display it so little. 1
preraph Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 You're letting yourself be the pal and girlfriend. I have to assume you don't nip that in the bud because you want to be around the girl at any cost. So you need to set boundaries and say no. But it's too late on this relationship. It's already set. Next time, if you're not yet romantically involved, kissing at least, don't agree to hang out doing girl things. Tell the next one "I'm trying to date a girl, not become one." Plenty of women will welcome a male girlfriend type. I know I would. There's no transitioning from that to sex though. So you just need to set boundaries. Being easy to talk to about their past men is okay, but you can limit that once you've heard it all through once by making a statement kind of humorously like, Well, you don't have to worry about him anymore, because now I'm your boyfriend -- or because now you've got me. And don't encourage her to dwell on it. I mean, literally you could jump on her and just start making out and end the conversation if you've already heard the story before. "Let me take your mind off him."
MGX Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 I disagree. Last guy I dated turned out to be an indecisive man. I can tell you, the next guy I met - and whom I am currently seeing - is nice, is sure that he wants to see me, is giving me attention and writes me nice messages... Now, attraction is something else, you can only discover that from the way your partner kisses, if there is real attraction or not. My date is a good kisser . I think you appreciate kind gestures moreso than the average woman, so that particular quality is attractive to you.
Diezel Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 There is a vast difference between a "Nice Beta Guy" and a "White Knight". You don't seem to have savior complex, you just don't know how to say "No" to women. Next time a woman hands you a purse, grab it and drop it on the floor and walk out. You really need to read "No More Mr Nice Guy".
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