QwertyQ Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) Hi, Im new so please bear with me First, I love my husband. After almost 20 years together, I couldnt imagine being with anyone else. That said, the past couple of years, we rarely have sex. He seems to be quite satisfied just being "roommates", but I am not. Im pretty sure Im going through what could be described as my "prime", and I could literally have sex every day, more than once. Being with a man who doesnt think twice about sex is making this very difficult to deal with and I feel as though I am going insane. We fight about it, not so much now as we used to because Ive given up trying so hard and cant take the rejection anymore. We are in our early 40s, so I dont think its ED and I dont think he is cheating. He just claims tiredness, pain (hes a building contractor), stress, etc. Ok, I get that, but sex once a month on average is not normal. Is it? I have friends, but I cant talk to them about this. They have healthy, active sex lives and my friends are his friends and honestly, I dont think it would be fair to him to expose him like that. I know there are a lot of people out there in the same situation Im in, and I would just like to hear some feedback on what worked for them or how they coped, and I just need to vent. Maybe I am being unreasonable and this is normal. Any feedback would be great Edited January 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and move to MLP
spanz1 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 sex once a month when you are in your 40's is, sadly, not that uncommon. But there really should not be any REASON why the sex life is so bad....ED does not start screwing with guys until the mid 50's. He MAY be very tired...things that used to be easy for him to do when he was 30 are going to wipe him out a little at 45....so yeah he needs some sleep, good food, etc. BUt that does not explain why saturday and sunday mornings can not be a sex fest--after a good night's sleep. I would work on it with him. Point out how much sex really matters to you, how you are physically needing it, and mentally feeling poorly that you can not turn him on more. Maybe he just does not understand how serious you are about needing a vibrant sex life....ask him to step up his game. 1
loveboid Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 You two might have bad habits that are ruining his health. I would take his physical complaints seriously for starters if you haven't already. Lack of sleep is the number one culprit of fatigue and sadly so common that people don't bother addressing it. Sleeping with a bright TV on? Sleep apnea maybe? Traffic or other noise at night? Diet, exercise, mental fatigue--he may need to get out in nature more--turn off the TV. Alcohol use? Long commute? I have no idea what your habits are or what you've tried or haven't tried.
Tocook Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I recommend exercise. For both of you but especially for your H. Even if it's for one day a week, it will help with his energy level. It's a new year, perfect time to start. Early 40s is too young for losing interest in sex. As another poster suggested, check if he's been watching porn, or just ask. If he is then you know he still needs the sexual release. Exercise
sureño Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 There is no tiredness justifying sexless. If he doesn't have another woman, his attitude is incomprehensible to me.
Mal78 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Hi, Im new so please bear with me First, I love my husband. After almost 20 years together, I couldnt imagine being with anyone else. That said, the past couple of years, we rarely have sex. He seems to be quite satisfied just being "roommates", but I am not. Im pretty sure Im going through what could be described as my "prime", and I could literally have sex every day, more than once. Being with a man who doesnt think twice about sex is making this very difficult to deal with and I feel as though I am going insane. We fight about it, not so much now as we used to because Ive given up trying so hard and cant take the rejection anymore. We are in our early 40s, so I dont think its ED and I dont think he is cheating. He just claims tiredness, pain (hes a building contractor), stress, etc. Ok, I get that, but sex once a month on average is not normal. Is it? I have friends, but I cant talk to them about this. They have healthy, active sex lives and my friends are his friends and honestly, I dont think it would be fair to him to expose him like that. I know there are a lot of people out there in the same situation Im in, and I would just like to hear some feedback on what worked for them or how they coped, and I just need to vent. Maybe I am being unreasonable and this is normal. Any feedback would be great I'm in the same boat. It is slowly getting better however it's all the pressure that makes it more difficult. It's a catch 22. I can't talk about it = pressure and can't argue about it = pressure and if I EVER want sex I have to back off. A few things I have done that is might be unconventional but has helped for me. A) pursue him. Set the mood to give him a BJ (look up how to give mind blowing bjs). Key, ENTHUSIASM! Stay dressed or just in under clothes and take the pressure off of him. Grind on his leg if you must. I made a three week goal. Believe me, it is easier to pull out his penis every day then getting him undressed. It also gets the pressure off him performing and jump starts his desires... tiered of the appetizers you want steak. B)Research. "Why won't my Husband have sex with me"? Present your finding and (slowly don't bombard him) ask questions that might need to be clarified for you.
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