FancyFace Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Hello lovely people. Forgive me if this question has been asked before. I am a firm believer in No Contact but I want to understand how it works when it comes to third parties. Background: I made a lovely friend years ago, we lost touch and then reconnected through my now ex boyfriend. In the year my ex and I were together, said friend and I would only meet and socialise at social events (hosted by my ex) and had a great time, however, there was no outside communication with each other outside of these social events. My ex broke up with me 8 weeks ago and after the initial begging and groveling and its been about 7 weeks no contact. I have blocked him on every single avenue I could think of and except for one slip up where I checked his instagram (word to the wise, don't do this to yourself), I have been pretty good with NC. My ex has severe narcassistic tendencies and I have been getting whatsapp messages from random numbers I do not recognise but I dont answer and I block them immediately. Yesterday I recieved a happy new year message from the "long lost friend". I did respond and had a lovely, albeit brief, conversation but now am just feeling uneasy. I feel as if she is keeping tabs on me on behalf of my ex. Why reach out now and not in the year me and the ex were together. Am I wrong to be thinking like this? Am I paranoid? What is your thinking on communication with third parties after a breakup? Should I block her as well, even though she has not offended me in any way. Thanks in advance for your input.
blackcat777 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) I met my boyfriend at work, so we have a LOT of mutual friends. While we apart, I unfriended (not blocked) his friends that were basically acquaintances. Even though if I were to see them in person and there would be no bad blood, it just felt like the most appropriate thing to do. One of his friends I am legitimately good friends with (we still work together), independent of my status with the boyfriend. I acted like situation normal around him and made a point to *NEVER* *NEVER* *NEVER* bring up the breakup or anything about the boyfriend to him. If the friend had ever asked (he didn't, WHEW), I would have point blank said out of respect for his friendship with the boyfriend, I feel it would be inappropriate to discuss. So, basically, if it's just an acquaintance, I axed the connection. For meaningful shared third parties, I zipped my lips. This once resulted in a strange snapchat moment in which I had a food item the friend thought was funny and wanted to snap for his own reasons; this same food item I knew held significance to the boyfriend. I chose to play it cool and not say a word, because it would have been a breach of NC to say, "No! Don't snap that! I used to have that with the boyfriend!" (I was supposed to not care, right? ) I never asked if he sent the picture to the boyfriend, but chances were high that he did. Sometimes strange things will happen when you navigate shared friendship territory, but I think, above all, you have to play it cool if you choose to keep the connection. The ex CANNOT bother you on the outside, even on the days you're dying on the inside. And if you can't do that, don't engage the conversation. Focus 100% on healing. Edited January 3, 2015 by blackcat777
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