Why is introversion so unattractive to women?

[NGC1300]

Is it because introversion is seen as being weak and boring? Do they assume you're a little pu$$y???? Or maybe just a loser?

 

I don't get it. If someone honestly doesn't need friends or ritualistic social activities, wouldn't that mean they're actually stronger and more self-sufficient than people who need constant social interactions to be happy???

[oldshirt]

Mother Nature never intended for timid, weak males to breed. Anything that may appear as weakness, passivity, lack of initiative etc etc will be unattractive to a woman. An introverted male may not really be weak or timid or easily pushed around or manipulated. But if he appears that way outwardly to people who don't know him, it will be interpreted that way.

[oldshirt]

Now you need to keep in mind introversion and shyness are not the same thing.

 

 

They can often occur together but they are not the same. There are introverts that aren't the least bit shy and there are extroverts that are very shy.

 

 

Introverts often do not seek out social engagement and do not expose themselves to a lot of high-energy social interactions that can often become sexually charged and more easily lead to romantic/sexual interactions.

 

 

Extroverts place themselves in those activities and engage with others in those and thusly have more exposure and more opportunities to engage.

 

 

An introvert can still engage and interact on a personal level with someone of their choosing and can have success in dating and relationships and sexuality etc but they still have to make the approach and engage the target and make it happen just like anyone else.

 

 

That differs from shyness and social phobias etc where there is an actual discomfort and avoidance of interpersonal engagement.

 

 

Introversion for a man may not always hamper his success in dating if he can develop the social skills to engage a woman and let her get to know him. Some introverts will actually become quite chatty and have the ability to develop very intimate bonds with select people.

 

 

Shyness and actual discomfort and fear of interpersonal interaction will almost always hurt his ability to interact.

[carhill]

Is it because introversion is seen as being weak and boring? Do they assume you're a little pu$$y???? Or maybe just a loser?

 

Introversion isn't stimulating. Risk-taking and seeking attention and popularity is stimulating.

 

As an experiment, purposely pay attention to women you don't normally give a second glance to. Analyze that. That 'why' aligns with your instinctive mating preferences.

 

I don't get it. If someone honestly doesn't need friends or ritualistic social activities, wouldn't that mean they're actually stronger and more self-sufficient than people who need constant social interactions to be happy???

 

People in general, and women most commonly, are social creatures. While wide variations in social interaction style exist, there are ranges, outside of which one becomes, well, outlier.

 

If one wants to participate in social groups and be accepted by social groups, there are entry parameters that are outside of one's control. Fair? Perhaps, perhaps not. Life is like that. Anyone is free to live it by their own rules at any time. Plenty do. If those rules find them precluded or excluded from certain social interactions or groups, that's how it goes.

[Weezy1973]

Is it because introversion is seen as being weak and boring? Do they assume you're a little pu$$y???? Or maybe just a loser?

 

To some women, they may in fact see introverts as being boring. But I highly doubt most women do. The "strong and silent" type has long been coveted for a lot of women. But women are all different as are their tastes...

 

I don't get it. If someone honestly doesn't need friends or ritualistic social activities, wouldn't that mean they're actually stronger and more self-sufficient than people who need constant social interactions to be happy???

 

Now this is a bit different. Friends make one's life richer and fuller. I'm an introvert and I have a few close friends that I hang out with a few times a month (hardly constant social interactions!). If one prefers not to have any friends or social interaction, I can certainly see how that would be unattractive to a lot of women as barely any of them could relate to it. And being able to relate to someone else is kind of vital when forming relationships.

[NGC1300]

If one prefers not to have any friends or social interaction, I can certainly see how that would be unattractive to a lot of women as barely any of them could relate to it. And being able to relate to someone else is kind of vital when forming relationships.

 

I can't relate to having tons of friends and social interaction, yet I wouldn't feel compelled to dismiss a woman simply because she had those attributes.

 

I think people are just shallow and too presumptuous. I think in the end you're just seen a creepy loser, and "different lifestyles" or "unable to relate" are just euphemisms for that.

[oldshirt]

What separates introverts from extroverts is what gives them anxiety and exhausts them and what recharges and reinvigorates them.

 

 

An extrovert gets energy from social situations and social interaction. After they have been in a social situation they feel energized and reinvigorated. They like meeting new people and engaging in new experiences. They like small-talk and chit chatting with various people and see value in social engagements.

 

 

An extrovert will be anxious and bored and perhaps even sluggish if isolated and left alone. He/she will become antsy and crave social engagement. He/she will seek out a social activity and will feel reinvigorated after engaging in it. An extrovert will have many associates and buddies but as their attentions are drawn in many different directions, they may not have many deep, intimate and close long-term friends.

 

 

An introvert is the opposite and will find a social environment overwhelming and exhausting. An introvert hates small talk and finds it valueless and tiring. An introvert may be able to engage in social interaction for awhile and may have charming social skills but will be exhausted and will need to retreat to either solitude or get away with one of their chosen close friends to recharge their energies. An introvert does like conversation but prefer deep, meaningful conversation with someone who understands the topic and cares about it as much as they do. An introvert may have a few close friends but not many superficial buddies.

 

 

 

 

 

The analogy to describe an introvert is to think of an introvert as someone living in a hamster ball. They are protected inside their hamster ball and can be happy to watch the world going on around them through the ball but they do not let many people inside their ball.

 

 

They may have social skills and may have fun hobbies and may have many skills and traits that people find attractive. They may or may not have many social fears or discomforts. They just don't like socializing and chit-chatting and making small talk with masses of people much.

 

 

However they may be able to interact and express themselves deeply with certain select people. it's just they determine who gets into their hamster ball with them. Once they let someone in, a very close and intimate relationship may develop.

[NGC1300]

What real significance is there in how many friends I have? I don't have time for friends because I enjoy my hobbies. If a woman needs me to have friends, it would just mean she's looking to further some aspect of her lifestyle by dating me.

[Almond_Joy]

Is it because introversion is seen as being weak and boring? Do they assume you're a little pu$$y???? Or maybe just a loser?

 

I don't get it. If someone honestly doesn't need friends or ritualistic social activities, wouldn't that mean they're actually stronger and more self-sufficient than people who need constant social interactions to be happy???

 

As a female introvert, I can tell you that it is frustrating to be with someone as introverted as me. I would like for a man to have a solid understanding of introversion, but someone as silent and uncommunicative as me? Can't do it. Relationships require so much consistent communication and if you're not the type to speak up or open up often it is incredibly stressful for the other person to know where your head and heart is at and feel secure.

 

Introverts are typically not good at naturally maintaining external communication and I don't care how perceptive people are, they cannot read your mind or pick up on all the non-verbal nuances that introverts are so adept at. It doesn't make you superior to be an introvert and that perception ,couple with your reserved nature, will come off as pretentious. I'm speaking from feedback I've received from friends and those closest to me.

 

There are extroverted women who can appreciate an introverted man, and introverted women who want introverted men because they can relate to you more. But you need to be willing to see the value in extroversion and respect an extrovert's needs for communication if you are trying to relate to one, just as you want them to respect your introverted nature.

[carhill]

What real significance is there in how many friends I have? I don't have time for friends because I enjoy my hobbies. If a woman needs me to have friends, it would just mean she's looking to further some aspect of her lifestyle by dating me.

That's normal. Regardless of altruistic appearances, people operate in their own self-interest. Of course she wants to further her personal social milieu, become more socially connected and popular. Networks are huge to most women. Heck, with most of my friends all they do is show up; their wives schedule everything and it's constant chatter. That's completely normal. Again, it's OK to be outlier, but being sufficiently outlier will find others having a hard time connecting with one and, push come to shove, they'll connect with someone else and one gets branded as 'wierd'. Seen it happen a lot.

 

Two well worn adages apply here, IMO:

 

1. Fight the river or go with the river and use its power to benefit one.

 

2. Pick the hill you want to die on.

 

Up to you.

 

BTW, the last time I saw a human being was a couple days ago and it's not uncommon to go a week or two without seeing one. Some would call that 'weird'.

[MissBee]

Is it because introversion is seen as being weak and boring? Do they assume you're a little pu$$y???? Or maybe just a loser?

 

I don't get it. If someone honestly doesn't need friends or ritualistic social activities, wouldn't that mean they're actually stronger and more self-sufficient than people who need constant social interactions to be happy???

 

It's not unattractive to me. I actually prefer that stance and am introverted myself. I think most of the men I've dated seriously have been introverts.

 

The thing is people confuse introversion with being shy and socially awkward, when they are not the same things. You can be a sociable person, confident, strong, and all the rest and be introverted. Introversion is simply that one gains more energy from being alone, where you tend to be more analytical, you observe before you speak, etc. I find those qualities attractive and most men I've dated tend to be stoic, analytical, reserved, quick-witted and open up as you get to know them. I find it tiresome to be with a man whose orientation is extroverted actually.

 

Lots of women like introverted men. I think many people don't even know what introverted really means so think it means one is some socially awkward recluse therefore don't even realize they're with an introvert because the person isn't like that.

[Eddy Street]

It's a sign of weakness.

[autumnnight]

What real significance is there in how many friends I have? I don't have time for friends because I enjoy my hobbies. If a woman needs me to have friends, it would just mean she's looking to further some aspect of her lifestyle by dating me.

 

No it doesn't.

 

I was with an introvert for a long time. At first I didn't think his need for alone time and his disinterest in friends was a big deal. However, as time went on, his disinterest in any other interaction became pressure for me to conform. Little by little I stopped interacting with anyone else as well because it just caused friction. He didn't want couple friends and he didn't like me having girlfriends. I'm an extrovert, so I become more and more depressed as I became more and more isolated.

 

And along with his introversion came some fun side qualities: worry, distrust, anxiety, and a general "glass half empty and probably poisoned" outlook on life. I just got sucked into the darkness.

 

So while I have no problem with introverts; in fact, two of my kids are introverts, I will never be with another one romantically.

[Almond_Joy]

And along with his introversion came some fun side qualities: worry, distrust, anxiety, and a general "glass half empty and probably poisoned" outlook on life. I just got sucked into the darkness.

 

Yeah, this is the other thing I noticed about catering to my introverted nature. Just because I chose not to create a social network for myself and thought I don't need people does not mean I did not in fact need social interaction with other people. All humans are social creatures we need to interact with each other. As a result, when I did become involved with someone, they became my main (only) source for my emotional needs to be met. That is an unfair obligation to put on one person and can spawn some ugly traits - namely possessiveness and anxiety - in the introvert when the other person fails to meet their likely overwhelming and intense emotional needs.

 

 

Maybe guys are a little different but I'm hard put to believe you're that different, that you would be completely impervious to these tendencies.

[anne1707]

Oldshirt's posts on the differences between introverts and extroverts are spot on. Being an introvert does not mean that you lack strength or confidence at all. My husband is proof of that. Extroverts are also not always confident or secure in themselves.

[Phoe]

I prefer introverts.

 

Being an introvert myself, being around extroverts for extended amounts of time is exhausting. Every now and then is fine, which is why being friends with extroverts is no problem.

 

But a relationship? I'm best off with an introvert.

[autumnnight]

I prefer introverts.

 

Being an introvert myself, being around extroverts for extended amounts of time is exhausting. Every now and then is fine, which is why being friends with extroverts is no problem.

 

But a relationship? I'm best off with an introvert.

 

I think this is true both ways. An extrovert can probably be with a slight introvert, and vice versa, but when you are at opposite ends of the spectrum, I think it is a recipe for either conflict or very independent lifestyles. You have to be able to happily meet somewhere in the middle.

[NGC1300]

No it doesn't.

 

I was with an introvert for a long time. At first I didn't think his need for alone time and his disinterest in friends was a big deal. However, as time went on, his disinterest in any other interaction became pressure for me to conform. Little by little I stopped interacting with anyone else as well because it just caused friction. He didn't want couple friends and he didn't like me having girlfriends. I'm an extrovert, so I become more and more depressed as I became more and more isolated.

 

And along with his introversion came some fun side qualities: worry, distrust, anxiety, and a general "glass half empty and probably poisoned" outlook on life. I just got sucked into the darkness.

 

So while I have no problem with introverts; in fact, two of my kids are introverts, I will never be with another one romantically.

 

 

Sound like you were just with a controlling person, not an "introvert".

[anne1707]

Sound like you were just with a controlling person, not an "introvert".

 

I would agree with that. Those "qualities" listed are not due to being an introvert.

[autumnnight]

Sound like you were just with a controlling person, not an "introvert".

 

You know....that is probably true. He just called himself an introvert. Your post just smacked me in the head a bit. I never really thought of it that way.

[MissBee]

Oldshirt's posts on the differences between introverts and extroverts are spot on. Being an introvert does not mean that you lack strength or confidence at all. My husband is proof of that. Extroverts are also not always confident or secure in themselves.

 

Right!

 

Even Beyonce is a self-described introvert who says she breaks out of her shell to be on stage and takes on an alter ego but in her day to day life is more reserved, thinks a lot, prefers her close group to tons of people, needs alone time to recharge, etc (lots of artists are introverts actually). There are other celebrities who are introverts as well. Yet they clearly have a career in the public eye, many are charming people in interviews and all the rest.

 

Introversion clearly doesn't prevent you from being successful, popular, well-liked, powerful, confident, being able to speak, entertain or lead a fabulous life or finding love and dating successfully. So to equate it with being boring is off the mark. It hasn't a thing to do with how exciting, boring, strong or weak you are at all.

[xxoo]

Introversion isn't a problem.

 

Isolation, timidity, and passivity are a problem. One does not need to be an extrovert to show strength in social and career circles.

[stillafool]

I've always been attracted to the strong, silent type of man. Men who seek too much attention from others tend to turn me off. I see these attention seeking males more as acting like females. I like mysterious men.

[contact1]

Right!

 

Even Beyonce is a self-described introvert who says she breaks out of her shell to be on stage and takes on an alter ego but in her day to day life is more reserved, thinks a lot, prefers her close group to tons of people, needs alone time to recharge, etc (lots of artists are introverts actually). There are other celebrities who are introverts as well. Yet they clearly have a career in the public eye, many are charming people in interviews and all the rest.

 

Introversion clearly doesn't prevent you from being successful, popular, well-liked, powerful, confident, being able to speak, entertain or lead a fabulous life or finding love and dating successfully. So to equate it with being boring is off the mark. It hasn't a thing to do with how exciting, boring, strong or weak you are at all.

 

I can relate to this as I would definitely consider myself an introvert. While I have a much greater preference of being in a quiet environment with music playing and just escaping things around the world, I am more than capable in social situation, if anything I would go as far as to say better than many.

 

Public speaking is something I have never had a fear of doing and in fact enjoy doing very much, be it at school or in my previous jobs doing presentations or speaking to employees as a supervisor. But this trait is one of the greatest fears for many people. However like mentioned above, and by old-shirt's post, idle small talk and meaningless conversation is such a drain and annoyance to me, I avoid it like the plague.

 

And that may very well be why I enjoy public speaking. I am addressing something of meaning, and doing so to the point. It isn't speaking to just be heard, it is delivering something with a purpose and meaning.

[hotpotato]

Most people prefer to be around extroverts.