reddragon588 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Hey everyone. It's been a while. If you don't remember me, my ex-girlfriend and I broke up in June 2013 after a 3 year relationship. It took me close to a year but I've finally moved on and been doing great. I've been accepted to graduate school starting in two weeks, which took me to a new city (San Diego) which I love, I've dated a couple girls for short periods of time, I've traveled all over the world, I've lost 20 pounds by joining and sticking with a boxing gym, and in general just been doing great. On New Years this year, I went out with some friends that also are friends with my ex. This doesn't bother me, and I have no worries that they aren't "true friends". In fact, I'm sort of glad they're friends with her, as I trust them to look out for my ex (she can be kinda of wild as a partyier sometimes and I know they'll keep her in check and safe). Even though we are no longer a part of each others' lives, I do want the best for her, especially safety-wise. Anyway, we had been drinking a bit, as young people such as ourselves are wont to do on New Years, and as a result, and as such, one of my friends accidentally absent-mindedly casually let slip something about my ex's new-boyfriend. That she was dating was news to me (I've been NC for over a year) and it turns out they've been dating since the summer, which I guess means somewhat serious. I don't know why, but finding this out has actually really bothered me. I'm doing so well with everything, and I'm still doing all the things that have gotten me here in the first place. Does anyone have advice to help me? Thank you, and Happy New Years.
BC1980 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Hey everyone. It's been a while. If you don't remember me, my ex-girlfriend and I broke up in June 2013 after a 3 year relationship. It took me close to a year but I've finally moved on and been doing great. I've been accepted to graduate school starting in two weeks, which took me to a new city (San Diego) which I love, I've dated a couple girls for short periods of time, I've traveled all over the world, I've lost 20 pounds by joining and sticking with a boxing gym, and in general just been doing great. On New Years this year, I went out with some friends that also are friends with my ex. This doesn't bother me, and I have no worries that they aren't "true friends". In fact, I'm sort of glad they're friends with her, as I trust them to look out for my ex (she can be kinda of wild as a partyier sometimes and I know they'll keep her in check and safe). Even though we are no longer a part of each others' lives, I do want the best for her, especially safety-wise. Anyway, we had been drinking a bit, as young people such as ourselves are wont to do on New Years, and as a result, and as such, one of my friends accidentally absent-mindedly casually let slip something about my ex's new-boyfriend. That she was dating was news to me (I've been NC for over a year) and it turns out they've been dating since the summer, which I guess means somewhat serious. I don't know why, but finding this out has actually really bothered me. I'm doing so well with everything, and I'm still doing all the things that have gotten me here in the first place. Does anyone have advice to help me? Thank you, and Happy New Years. I think it's normal that it bothered you. We always know that our exes will move on, but actually finding that out is something different. Anytime you see or hear from your ex, it brings you back to that place of grief in some way. At least, that has been my experience. Each time it happened, I was able to move on from the thoughts quicker than the previous times. Also, when your ex finds someone else, it shatters the image we may have that our love was special different. Everyone wants to think that their relationship is different, and they are somehow more special to their ex than anyone else. You just need to be kind and patient with yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself, and, above all, try really hard not to judge your worth on the fact that she found someone else. 7
Author reddragon588 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 I think it's normal that it bothered you. We always know that our exes will move on, but actually finding that out is something different. Anytime you see or hear from your ex, it brings you back to that place of grief in some way. At least, that has been my experience. Each time it happened, I was able to move on from the thoughts quicker than the previous times. Also, when your ex finds someone else, it shatters the image we may have that our love was special different. Everyone wants to think that their relationship is different, and they are somehow more special to their ex than anyone else. You just need to be kind and patient with yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself, and, above all, try really hard not to judge your worth on the fact that she found someone else. Thanks, this is a lot of what I've been realizing, but like you said, it's something else when you actually find out. 2
BC1980 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Thanks, this is a lot of what I've been realizing, but like you said, it's something else when you actually find out. You know, this is all interesting because I just found out my ex is getting married in March to a women he knew while we were together. I feel relieved actually but still processing it. All very surreal, as less than a year and a half ago we were planning our wedding. 1
Light Breeze Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Finding out my ex moved on and is seeing someone 2 weeks after the breakup rapidly accelerated my healing process. So, in a way I think it's a good thing. 2
BC1980 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Finding out my ex moved on and is seeing someone 2 weeks after the breakup rapidly accelerated my healing process. So, in a way I think it's a good thing. I think so. One of my good friends was cheated on, and the guy was engaged 6 months later. She said it was terrible at first but helped her move on faster. She was able to accept he would never come back. The joke was on him though. The guy is now divorced, and she is happily married with kids. Life works itself out. 3
barky2 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Hey rd, long time no talk. This is just a little hiccup or a bump in the road. As some others said, this is maybe what you needed to completely close the chapter. It hurts, it sucks, but it's part of it. I'm glad with all you've done post break up. You've done exactly what you're suppose to do...text book. Shrug, say oh well, and continue on. Extremely proud man. Barky 2
Ieris Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Finding out that your ex has moved on serves as a reminder that you should also move on. Its hurts but it helps kill off the hopes of them coming back, thinking they are on the rebound etc which only hold you back from recovering. I recovered fairly quickly from my break up and one thing that helped was to genuinely wish him the best and be happy for him whether I was in his life or not. See it as setting them free, as this will also set you free x 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Of course it bothered you!!! Just as any news of my ex, of almost 2 years now, would bother me too. Keep on doing what your doing and forget about her!!! As you already well know, it's all about you, your journey and bettering yourself. This person is a ghost and should be treated as such!! Here's to great 2015!!! Keep up the good work!!! 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 (edited) You know, this is all interesting because I just found out my ex is getting married in March to a women he knew while we were together. I feel relieved actually but still processing it. All very surreal, as less than a year and a half ago we were planning our wedding. From this and other statements you have made, it sounds like this guy is destined for continued unhappiness. This timeline shows he is all over the map, and done little to better himself. Seems like he is a generally unhappy person and doesn't know what he wants or really anything about himself. My guess is it won't end well for him (or her)... Take strength from the fact that you have dealt with this in a much healthier way than him. I know I have worked miles around what my ex has done (actually I don't, as I haven't talked to her in close to 2 years). My guess is she has snared 1, 2 or more dudes into her web and sucked them dry (no pun intended) as well over the last couple of years. Either that, or maybe she's had her heart broken by some player. Either way, I know I've been putting in the time and effort to better myself. So she can suck it! Hahahaha!!! Edited January 4, 2015 by mtnbiker3000 2
Author reddragon588 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 Thanks everyone. Talking it out here and listening to you all has really helped. Up to now, I have felt free to discuss these things with friends and family, but now that I'm more than a year and half out from the breakup, I feel a bit more hesitant to do so. Being able to being honest and open about how I'm feeling has really helped, as have your kind words. 1
coolheadal Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Thanks everyone. Talking it out here and listening to you all has really helped. Up to now, I have felt free to discuss these things with friends and family, but now that I'm more than a year and half out from the breakup, I feel a bit more hesitant to do so. Being able to being honest and open about how I'm feeling has really helped, as have your kind words. I must have missed this post, but I would have told you never be in your EX GF presence because your like me. Deep time the time you had will surface and bring up an old memory you had. So best to stay clear or just go excuse yourself and left. Never interact or be in the same place as your EX GF. Not a good choice nor is it good for your health. Need to be a positive person, but you can't go back to where you head was with your EX GF. This will put all the work you have done to push her out of your mind back in to it. Can't really remove the memories unless you get a brain wash method. Don't want go that far either. I see you understand what's going on now so just remember your not alone in this matter everyone goes through the same type of pain. NC helps you 100% to overcome that pain! 2
Chi townD Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Dude, that's completely normal. Even though we shouldn't feel this way; because we're doing so well in our lives, we secretly hope that our Ex's lives have fallen apart. Me personally, I was hoping my Ex gained 250 pounds and had to wear a moo-moo everyday with a ugly skin condition. Kind of sucks to see that not much has changed with her. Dude, it's normal. You'll be back on track in no time. 1
Author reddragon588 Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 Letting my weak curious side get the better of me and I started snooping on her social media again. Today I saw her change her Facebook status to in a relationship, and it absolutely dropped me. Almost back to the way I felt when I first started back in 2013. I've been struggling ever since I saw it to get myself back on track. The thing is, I don't understand why it is hurting me so much. I know and have accepted we are never getting back together, in fact I don't even want to! I know that she has the right to date, and I've even dated women myself. I knew that this day would come, and I know that this doesn't matter to me, and that I have given my full truths and everything about her and I is in the past and that i am doing so so well with my life and improving myself and moving forward. And yet I still can't seem to shake the hurt and shock and sadness that came with the revelation that she is dating someone else. Thanks again for listening. To me it's just so crazy that I still care so much so long after lol.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Stop snooping!!!! I've been NC for almost 2 years and snooped ZERO times. Why? Because I KNOW it would wreck me, even after all this time and distance I've come!!! I suggest you do the same!!! 2
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