newlyborn Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 i have a preference for being asked out by phone because it feels more respectful and for me builds rapport and momentum. but i find that lots of people are phone averse and prefer other modes of (textual) communication. does it matter to you if someone asks for a first date by email, text, phone, facebook message? are you more likely to accept if asked by phone? what makes one form of communication more effective than others in terms of actually getting the date, gauging the person's interest, figuring out the details, etc.? thanks!
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I'm another phone person. Text, FB etc requests would turn me off in a heart beat. Like anything else there are exceptions to every rule. If he was the sexiest thing on 2 legs, I might bend the rule but I would thereafter express my preference.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I really hate being asked out by phone. I don't speak to people on the phone unless we've agreed to call one another. The one exception to that is my Father and that's only once every week or two for ten minutes. It just strikes me as someone trying to put me on the spot in order to receive a 'yes', I would much rather someone mention it via text, knowing that I won't be taken by surprise and can then decide whether I want to accept or not. If a guy rang me up and asked me on a date over the phone well... actually I would think it was so weird if he was calling unsolicited in the first place I probably wouldn't pick up. However, if we were getting to know one another on the phone, i.e. we had said via text 'shall we talk on the phone?' and then he mentioned getting together, that would feel natural and be fine. Just don't call me up outta the blue asking me out. It's not the done thing these days with the younger generation. Phone calls feel a bit invasive when you don't even know if the other person is free to talk or what they're doing right there and then. 4
Rydo Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I agree phone calls are weird these days. Only my mum or dad call me, or someone trying to sell me something. Txt is much more convenient.
Author newlyborn Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 However, if we were getting to know one another on the phone, i.e. we had said via text 'shall we talk on the phone?' and then he mentioned getting together, that would feel natural and be fine. Just don't call me up outta the blue asking me out. It's not the done thing these days with the younger generation. Phone calls feel a bit invasive when you don't even know if the other person is free to talk or what they're doing right there and then. if you let the phone call go to vm and the person requested a call back, would that still feel invasive? and, if you rely mainly on texting in the initial stages of dating, how do you move things to regular phone calls further along?
Ieris Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I wouldn't go out on a date with someone I haven't had a phone conversation with. If the phone conversation is dry then that's a preview of how the date it going to go... but that's just part of my weeding out process. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 if you let the phone call go to vm and the person requested a call back, would that still feel invasive? and, if you rely mainly on texting in the initial stages of dating, how do you move things to regular phone calls further along? Hmm... no, that wouldn't feel as bad I guess. I would still wonder why they were trying to ask me out in real time, verbally, as opposed to just sending me a text though! I guess it depends on whether or not they rang and asked me out, or rang to speak to me and asked me out towards the end of the conversation based on how it went. The latter, not so bad. The former, creepy. Well usually the primary method of communication for me initially is text, but I do value phone calls too, to get to know each other better. I wouldn't meet up with someone I hadn't spoken to on the phone first, and I do like phone calls to keep getting to know the person better (nothing can replace a voice for getting to know someone and texting can get to be a bit of a drag). But for me, someone calling me unsolicited just to ask me out would feel weird... and for the 'getting to know you' calls, those are usually suggested with text as a matter of courtesy. Kinda like texting to make sure somebody is home and not busy before you just show up knocking at their door. 1
Author newlyborn Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 suppose you ask someone to if they would like to get together sometime, and they say "it's a super busy time. why don't you give me a call, and we'll see." does that sound like a brush-off or like they are interested or not sure or just prefer phone communication? thanks!
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 It could be either... I admit it does sound a bit like they're not THAT interested by the fact the first thing they say is that 'it's a super busy time', trying to put you off... but then they did ask you to give them a call and try arrange something so maybe they are at least slightly interested, who knows. If they said that, you'd be a fool not to call and arrange something. They've told you to call them. Maybe they're just really old-fashioned and are holding out for a call to propose the date. Only they know, you got nothing to lose.
regine_phalange Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Phone, because it's faster and more efficient to make plans that way.
umirano Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 I don't really care how I get asked out As a guy I second this. Other than that IME texting is fine with buddies you've known for years, it's not going to lead to misunderstandings much. With prospective dates I go for calling. It's more personal, more effective and informative (tone of voice, eagerness to directly communicate, etc). If she's too afraid to be on the phone with me I don't think we're a good match anyway. I have a thing for confident girls... The hard part is getting the number.
Rydo Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 The hard part is getting the number. I find that the easy part, trying to figure out what number from a night out goes with which face is the hard part. But then again I understand from friends that I'm pretty forward. 1
Gaeta Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 I am from an older generation so calling is my favorite mean of communication. It demands an extra effort and it's more personal. I build a connection and sense of familiarity much faster with someone that calls. That being said I see text invites as more practical. It allows me time to check my agenda for availability and any address and time decided upon will stay in my phone for later consultation. Very often if I get an invite by phone I will tell the person to text me the address cause I am real bad at losing notes or forgetting them at the office.
Harradin Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Just don't call me up outta the blue asking me out. It's not the done thing these days with the younger generation. Phone calls feel a bit invasive when you don't even know if the other person is free to talk or what they're doing right there and then. I'm in the young generation (early 20's) and I've asked out girls out of the blue ie calling. I check whether they're free to talk first though and chat to them for about 5-10 minutes before I ask them out. I'd rather be asked out in person or by phone. I try to ask girls out in person but if I can't, I'll ring them up. Texting/FB messaging someone to ask them out to me is lame. I have been asked out by someone with a FB message, I wasn't interested in her to begin with but I would have seen her in 2 days anyway so it would have made more sense for her to ask me out then.
Rydo Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 If I had my choice of any way it would be hand written letter, sealed with wax and carried by a raven game of thrones style. Perhaps written in ye olde english. Talking into an electronic box just doesn't have that personal feel
Erised Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 i have a preference for being asked out by phone because it feels more respectful and for me builds rapport and momentum. but i find that lots of people are phone averse and prefer other modes of (textual) communication. does it matter to you if someone asks for a first date by email, text, phone, facebook message? are you more likely to accept if asked by phone? what makes one form of communication more effective than others in terms of actually getting the date, gauging the person's interest, figuring out the details, etc.? thanks! I prefer most communication other than casual chatting be done through email or texting, especially making plans. It gives me time to look at my schedule, figure things out (I have a complicated schedule), and answer. It also gives me something to look back on to make sure there wasn't a miscommunication. (I mean, serious conversations face to face of course.) I'm much less likely to say yes if it's in person or on the phone unless it's just a vague, "Do this again." 1
Recommended Posts