Author Gaeta Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 If the storm was blowing over structures & roofs of buildings then sure it might prompt him to call, but generally people fare okay through a bit of wind rain and thunder. It's not that kind of storm, I live in Canada, it's minus 24 with windshield factor. No power = no heat. It also means no water at that temperature, we have to shut it down or it freezes in pipes. Anyway, It was an opportunity for him to show care by simply asking how I was managing. 6
MissBee Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 It really doesn't matter what his excuses or true situation is. If his situation is so complicated that he cannot devote proper time/attention to the woman he's dating, it just means he doesn't have enough resources to date. I dated someone for a couple of months, who was a really nice guy that I liked. However, he had such a complicated situation at home that he could only see me every other week and he was calling me once a week in between. I talked to him about it, and he promised to do better. He just called more but couldn't see me more. Although I liked/like him and I don't fault him for not being able to give me more, it wasn't what I was looking for, so I let him go and looked for someone who had less restrictions and more time. And I did find him. Sometimes it's not that it's that person's fault, but we are here to take care of our needs, and find the relationship we want. Precisely. If he has 400 legit reasons why he can't do XYZ...great...just means that Gaeta isn't the one for him right now or maybe ever. That's how it goes. Dating is finding someone who can complement you and your life and provide for most of your relationship needs. If their circumstances are very complicated and mostly they just have a lot of excuses or reasons why they cannot do things, then you have to move on. 3
spiderowl Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Social aptitude or whatever aside, I'm amazed that a guy with custody of four children, some of them quite young, and two jobs, is able to date at all. He must be absolutely run off his feet! If I was Gaeta, I would want evidence that he is who he says he is and that his circumstances are thus. That is, if I was going to continue to date him. She has expressed that the little things matter because he will naturally have little time for the bigger things. I think that's fair enough. Honestly though, I doubt this guy will have time for you. Why has he got custody? There must be a whole, important story there too. 1
candie13 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 hey, Gaeta, I saw you quoted my name and added it on your black list . Apologies if you think I was "mean" to you. I got ticked off because I thought I was making sense by showing you objective evidence and you seemed to be conveniently ignoring it. If I came on too strongly, I'd like to say that was not my intention. oh, and I did not mean to humiliate you with the "10 years not dating" thing. Indeed, you had mentioned you'd been single for 10 years and I have understood you'd not been dating for 10 years, for some reason. My bad, English is not my first language either ! I am sorry to hear about your decision, it's never easy to give up on a man we like. Actually, it's one of the hardest thing anyone can do: walk away from someone they still have feelings for. From skimming through this thread, it appears that you got a bit traumatized by that man you had a beautiful relationship with and who disappeared after 6 months... I know it is very hard to be ready to give your heart away, again, and you may find it safer to date men who seem more reliable, even though less enthusiastic. It's a natural reaction... just... don't give up on the fireworks and on love completely. Love does imply a certain degree of emotion and a high degree of vulnerability. Basically, you need to allow yourself to care again, to actually like, really like a man again. Be excited... It's not easy, and it's not fair. It took me 6 months to recover from the last man I was quite excited about - actually, the first time I met a new guy I sort of liked, I ran away. And he wanted to see me... Anyway, just a line to say I am sorry if I came across to strongly and to say "better luck next time" ! 1
Author Gaeta Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 Why has he got custody? There must be a whole, important story there too. He did not go into details but he said his ex never did anything and still today does nothing. Doesn't work, doesn't clean, doesn't cook etc. Sounds like he managed everything himself even when married. He told me often what he likes the most about me is that I am full of energy and I am always on the go doing things. He said I never stop and that's what makes me so charming to him. I really liked hearing that because it's about my personality and not my physique. 2
Author Gaeta Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 hey, Gaeta, I saw you quoted my name and added it on your black list . Apologies if you think I was "mean" to you. I got ticked off because I thought I was making sense by showing you objective evidence and you seemed to be conveniently ignoring it. If I came on too strongly, I'd like to say that was not my intention. oh, and I did not mean to humiliate you with the "10 years not dating" thing. Indeed, you had mentioned you'd been single for 10 years and I have understood you'd not been dating for 10 years, for some reason. My bad, English is not my first language either ! I am sorry to hear about your decision, it's never easy to give up on a man we like. Actually, it's one of the hardest thing anyone can do: walk away from someone they still have feelings for. From skimming through this thread, it appears that you got a bit traumatized by that man you had a beautiful relationship with and who disappeared after 6 months... I know it is very hard to be ready to give your heart away, again, and you may find it safer to date men who seem more reliable, even though less enthusiastic. It's a natural reaction... just... don't give up on the fireworks and on love completely. Love does imply a certain degree of emotion and a high degree of vulnerability. Basically, you need to allow yourself to care again, to actually like, really like a man again. Be excited... It's not easy, and it's not fair. It took me 6 months to recover from the last man I was quite excited about - actually, the first time I met a new guy I sort of liked, I ran away. And he wanted to see me... Anyway, just a line to say I am sorry if I came across to strongly and to say "better luck next time" ! Thank you Candie, that was very kind of you. English is not my first language either and sometimes I sound rude. I have a good excuse for being rude I am French lol 5
TigerLilly78 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 He did not go into details but he said his ex never did anything and still today does nothing. Doesn't work, doesn't clean, doesn't cook etc. Sounds like he managed everything himself even when married. . I will never understand why some men will stay with a women like this sounds like my brother his "wife" was a sorry excuse for a women as well there three kids lived in filth and ate take away 24/7 so I will give him credit for taking the kids and not leaving them with her! But thats about it he might be daddy of the year but he needs to work on his dating skills if he ever wants to get a partner cause it sounds like op was rather lenient at first.. Thank you Candie, that was very kind of you. English is not my first language either and sometimes I sound rude. I have a good excuse for being rude I am French lol From my travels I found the french Canadians to be a very nice friendly bunch..lol 2
smackie9 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 French Canadians are different alright....they close and open their lights, tv, etc lol. 2
GemmaUK Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 It's not that kind of storm, I live in Canada, it's minus 24 with windshield factor. No power = no heat. It also means no water at that temperature, we have to shut it down or it freezes in pipes. Anyway, It was an opportunity for him to show care by simply asking how I was managing. It sorta sounds like these storms are the usual type of storm even if it's -24 with wind chill factor so his non reaction wouldn't have fazed me - if indeed it's a few times a year occurance. A once in 10/20 year storm then maybe I would feel a bit odd with him not asking. Must admit I didn't think you would finish with him - he sounded like a good guy from what you have posted. It's up to you though if ultimately you were not having a good time dating him and getting on well. 2
Author Gaeta Posted January 6, 2015 Author Posted January 6, 2015 Gemma: I said somewhere up there that he had a big reaction to me ending it, like it hit him by surprise! He said it was wrong and wanted to know why I am doing this, etc. I told him everything that bothered me and that my very little expectations/needs were not met. He said I was right about everything and asked if we could talk later. I was open to it. Later came, he touched base but he was too tired to put a full sentence together. I am not doing anything, I will let the situation unfold on its own. 3
GemmaUK Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Gemma: I said somewhere up there that he had a big reaction to me ending it, like it hit him by surprise! He said it was wrong and wanted to know why I am doing this, etc. I told him everything that bothered me and that my very little expectations/needs were not met. He said I was right about everything and asked if we could talk later. I was open to it. Later came, he touched base but he was too tired to put a full sentence together. I am not doing anything, I will let the situation unfold on its own. Apologies Gaeta. I thought things had ended per the below bolded parts of your previous posts. I clearly misinterpreted them. Sorry, I am confused. I thought you had ended things. I did not not ask him his last name on purpose. It just never dawn on me to ask. I usually do but ....go figure why I didn't this time. I don't think a man would not consider me as a serious mate just cause I did not ask him his last name. Anyway, it's done, I gave him a list of things I am not impressed with and told him and this is where I end things. He gave me a mediocre connection the first time around, came back on his knees and asked for a second chance, and this is not better. Yesterday I lost power for 13 hours in the middle of a storm. He never asked how I was managing. I told him good bye. He was horrified. He asked why and said this can't be, this is incorrect. I told him I went into this knowing I would not get the big things from him for a long while, like I won't get a lot of dates, he won't sleep over, we won't get to spend weekends together or travel away. All I would have to build this connection would be the small things like the daily contacts, taking interest in each other, the care, the consideration, and I don't even get those little things from him. He said I was right and he wants to talk to me tonight. 1
TigerLilly78 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 End of the day he might be nicest guy in the world but if he doesn't even have the energy to talk about the issues that are bothering the op then how is he ever going to have a relashionship? that takes two to work at and it seams his time and efforts are needed else wheres doesn't make him a bad guy just not the right guy it sounds..A dear friend of mine always tells me "your feelings are never wrong" if your upset for what ever reason your not wrong and you should never ignore how your feeling about any given situation simple but makes a lot of sense... 3
Heisenberger Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Hello All, Last night was going to be our 9th or 10th date. The previous day he contacted me to wish me Happy New Year and we had a nice fun exchange. When we ended the conversation I said 'we're still on tomorrow night?' and he replied 'you bet we are!' So yesterday at around 4 pm I am thinking it's kind of weird I did not hear from him. I shoot him a text and nothing from him, and nothing all night. This morning nothing and around 9h30 I left a message I would like an explanation. We're 11h and nothing. I am home alone super disappointed. It's been the story of my life these past years. I cannot find a man that won't disappoint me big time in those first couple of months of dating. I am thinking he must have a good reason but unless he's hooked up to a machine in a hospital somewhere I can't imagine any other good explanation. This ever happened to you? did their explanation make sense? Thank you, I got stood up early, tonight in fact. We had a date set for Friday, thought something was off. Received a text for her tonight saying she had starting to see someone and she didn't think it was fair. You have to respect that kind of honesty and it's a good reason. It's a shame, I thought she was pretty cool and we clicked pretty quick. At least now I have more of an idea of what type of girl I'm looking for! On wards and upwards! 1
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