We're you ever stood up for a good reason?

[Gaeta]

First off I dont think anyone here has really been "mean" to you Gaeta just brought up facts that you diden't want to hear like the red flags thing other then that I think you have gotten some decent level advice from a few points of view..

 

Second why was he afraid cause the curtains were open? not trying to be a smart ass im genuinely curious on that one..

 

And third again actions speak louder then words so hopefully he doesn't have any more "phone" issues and you two can work towards what he says he also wants..

 

Have you read Candie13 posts? She came up with sh!.t out of nowhere in everyone of her posts!! things like I have had no attention from men in 10 years, this is the first man giving me a bit of attention, and distorting every bit of new information I put on here. Her posts were intentionally mean to provoke just like a 15 year old only looking to bully someone.

 

He told me he's a very private man and he does not like that people outside can look in and observe how he lives. Go figure.

 

I am not happy about the phone issue. What I hate is people coming on here with all kinds of insane theories so far fetched that I have to get on defensive.

[writergal]

First off I dont think anyone here has really been "mean" to you Gaeta just brought up facts that you diden't want to hear like the red flags thing other then that I think you have gotten some decent level advice from a few points of view..

 

Second why was he afraid cause the curtains were open? not trying to be a smart ass im genuinely curious on that one..

 

And third again actions speak louder then words so hopefully he doesn't have any more "phone" issues and you two can work towards what he says he also wants..

 

Agreed. The only mean person in this thread is Haydn for calling me a fruit-loop. Oh, I mean "Diva Fruit Loop." Pffft.

 

Gaeta, you admit that you have chosen to overlook some of the obvious red flags with your fellow. It's your call what you choose to do, obviously. No one faults you for that.

 

I can't speak for everyone, just for myself, but I only poked fun at the ways your fellow could have chosen to communicate with you via my bulleted list, because I don't believe his story about what happened to his cellphone. But if you took that as me being mean to you, that certainly wasn't my intention.

[Gaeta]

So I slept on it. I got up extremely unhappy with everything. This is not what I want.

[Emilia]

I think that the saying is true: you reap what you sow. If you keep it casual with a man, don't start indicating including him in your life, don't exchange full names and details, etc, he will take it as casual and won't work as hard.

[Gaeta]

I think that the saying is true: you reap what you sow. If you keep it casual with a man, don't start indicating including him in your life, don't exchange full names and details, etc, he will take it as casual and won't work as hard.

 

I did not not ask him his last name on purpose. It just never dawn on me to ask. I usually do but ....go figure why I didn't this time. I don't think a man would not consider me as a serious mate just cause I did not ask him his last name.

 

Anyway, it's done, I gave him a list of things I am not impressed with and told him and this is where I end things. He gave me a mediocre connection the first time around, came back on his knees and asked for a second chance, and this is not better.

 

Yesterday I lost power for 13 hours in the middle of a storm. He never asked how I was managing.

[ascendotum]

Yep. As far as I can tell, he had these other options to communicate with Gaeta that he chose not to:

 

• Email - yes but had never emailed her before so did cross his mind
  
• LAN line phone - he did not know her number. it was only in his mobile phone
  
• Plug in his cellphone and call her - he did once he realised where he left if and drove out there to pick it up then re-charge it.
  
• Smoke Signal -uh-uh
  
• Carrier Pigeon (already mentioned by you BlueEyeL) uh-uh
  
• UPS or FedEx express mail - it was only 24 hrs.
  
• Snail Mail -the call got her before any letter would have.
  
• Use the neighbor's phone - he did not remember her number of by heart as it was on fast dial.
  
• Use anyone else's phone - he did not remember her number of by heart as it was on fast dial.
  
• Show up for the scheduled date anyway and apologize - the time & location was not set, just the date. Depends on his kids as to how easy it was to visit earlier to arrange more specifics with the planned date later that day. Maybe he was hoping to stumble across his phone in the meantime. He also said he thinks visiting unannounced is rude. IDK if its any ruder than missing the date but since nothing was set in stone I guess he knew she would not be sitting in some restaurant or bar on her own looking at the door for him to walk in.
  
• Use mental telepathy (or the Long Island Medium) -uh-uh
  

 

WC - See comments in bold

Edited January 5, 2015 by ascendotum

[BluEyeL]

I'm glad you ended it. His interest was too lukewarm. And the phone thing....really wasn't kosher. When you know you have a date set up, if you are serious about that person, you make sure you don't leave them hanging. You find a way, knock on their door, leave a note on the door, find an email address...there is always a way. A no show is disrespectful in general, not just towards a woman you date. If that's how he behaves...not a good partner.

 

We all had men like this, moving too slow, not showing enough interest. You did the right thing to give him enough time for you to figure out his intentions/personality/character, but also a good thing to let him go now and date someone else.

 

Hope a better man is in the cards for 2015!

[BluEyeL]

WC - See comments in bold

Bolded are excuses. Email or drop by are better than no show. I'm pretty darn sure there is a way if you really make it a priority. He didn't.

[ascendotum]

Bolded are excuses. Email or drop by are better than no show. I'm pretty darn sure there is a way if you really make it a priority. He didn't.

 

Excuses vs reasons, there is overlap. Generally a reason gets labelled an excuse when the person doesn't want to believe you. I felt there was some legitimacy to it but when the other person is suspicious they will read the worst between the lines. It was weak but it would have been much worse if the date was set and he didn't show up. In this instance it was that he did not call to firm up arrangements. Disappointing but it was 10 dates in and not on date 1, 2 or 3. Seems G allowed him some benefit of the doubt but it was rightly another strike against him and reading her last post one more tipped her the edge and he's history now.

[BluEyeL]

Excuses vs reasons, there is overlap. Generally a reason gets labelled an excuse when the person doesn't want to believe you. I felt there was some legitimacy to it but when the other person is suspicious they will read the worst between the lines. It was weak but it would have been much worse if the date was set and he didn't show up. In this instance it was that he did not call to firm up arrangements. Disappointing but it was 10 dates in and not on date 1, 2 or 3. Seems G allowed him some benefit of the doubt but it was rightly another strike against him and reading her last post one more tipped her the edge and he's history now.

It's all in the context of his other behavior, indeed. If my boyfriend did this to me, I'd believe him because he absolutely showed who he is and I'd know that if there was any way to let me know, he would absolutely take advantage of it. But someone who is wishy-washy...is harder to believe.

[Gaeta]

He told me I am over-reacting.

 

Dismissing my feelings isn't the way to go!

 

How many women would open their life to a man with 4 young children and 2 jobs!! Not many but me yes! but if on top of that I have no respect or consideration what's the use!

[TigerLilly78]

Im sorry Gaeta I hope you find a better guy for you whose more interested in you and your well being 13 hours with no power a text saying "hey you alright" would have been nice at least! Thats kinda inconsiderate even a platonic friend would be more concerned had they known. Hes to wrapped up in himself it seams and then to discount your feelings like that is not fair...

[Gaeta]

I told him good bye.

 

He was horrified. He asked why and said this can't be, this is incorrect.

 

I told him I went into this knowing I would not get the big things from him for a long while, like I won't get a lot of dates, he won't sleep over, we won't get to spend weekends together or travel away. All I would have to build this connection would be the small things like the daily contacts, taking interest in each other, the care, the consideration, and I don't even get those little things from him.

 

He said I was right and he wants to talk to me tonight.

[aggie382]

He was horrified? How did he show that?

[rester]

A lot of the posters in this thread seem to be saying that he's just not into the OP enough or something to that affect. While I don't necessarily disagree, I don't agree that this guy was lying. It seems more like he's really busy and a tad socially inept. If I read correctly, he's a nurse with a changing work schedule and has full custody of four young children. That doesn't excuse him standing up Gaeta and not trying harder to get in contact with her, nor does it excuse his lame apology via text.

 

The problem I am seeing, and the problem in many of the OP's threads that I've read, is that she dates men that she herself is only lukewarm about, and always seems to find some reason or another to end the relationship quickly. She's already broke it off with this guy once, gave him another shot, but the first second he screws up, she ends it. If she really liked the guy, she'd probably give him a second chance. He does seem genuinely apologetic and interested in her. I don't think she respects that he's shy and kinda clueless socially.

 

Just my thoughts on the thread and the general vibe I've gotten from the OP's previous threads. I don't mean to criticise you, OP, so forgive me if that's the way this post comes across.

[Gaeta]

Thank you rester your post was an interesting read.

 

I never thought of him as socially awkward, maybe he is. Maybe that's the missing link.

 

Example: Yesterday at around noon we were exchanging hello on text (that I initiated). Suddenly my power goes out so I say something to that effect. No replies.

 

Turns out power stayed out for 13 hours and for hundreds of thousands of users. It was all over the news.

 

I don't hear from him and I initiate contact this morning.

 

I mention he disappeared at noon when my power went out. He goes <I went out shoveling and only saw your message at 4 pm>

 

a. So him and I are exchanging on text and without a warning he puts the phone down and goes out shoveling leaving me there thinking I am in the middle of a conversation.

 

b. He sees my message at 4 pm that I don't have power and he just says nothing.

 

Is that being socially awkward?

[carhill]

Socially inept or, as others have mentioned, prior obligations/commitments which supersede contact with you and are such where a transparent explanation would be 'inconvenient'.

[rester]

Thank you rester your post was an interesting read.

 

I never thought of him as socially awkward, maybe he is. Maybe that's the missing link.

 

Example: Yesterday at around noon we were exchanging hello on text (that I initiated). Suddenly my power goes out so I say something to that effect. No replies.

 

Turns out power stayed out for 13 hours and for hundreds of thousands of users. It was all over the news.

 

I don't hear from him and I initiate contact this morning.

 

I mention he disappeared at noon when my power went out. He goes <I went out shoveling and only saw your message at 4 pm>

 

a. So him and I are exchanging on text and without a warning he puts the phone down and goes out shoveling leaving me there thinking I am in the middle of a conversation.

 

b. He sees my message at 4 pm that I don't have power and he just says nothing.

 

Is that being socially awkward?

 

I'd say that's definitely odd social behavior, wouldn't you? It doesn't sound like his intentions are bad, but generally I would think a person that has a basic understanding of social interactions would inquire about a power outage and hopefully not up and disappear from future conversations right in the middle of them.

 

I should add that having conversations over text is a great way to create misunderstandings where there shouldn't have been any in the first place. If someone lacks basic social skills in person, they are going to be amplified over text.

[rester]

Socially inept or, as others have mentioned, prior obligations/commitments which supersede contact with you and are such where a transparent explanation would be 'inconvenient'.

 

This, too. It could be that he would LIKE to make you more of a priority, but has too much on his plate to be able to do that.

[Gottabestrong]

Anyway, it's done, I gave him a list of things I am not impressed with and told him and this is where I end things. He gave me a mediocre connection the first time around, came back on his knees and asked for a second chance, and this is not better.

 

I am sorry to hear that. I think you are a cool woman and I always follow your threads hoping that you will find a great guy. Sounds like it is not him. Hopefully 2015 will finally bring you the happiness you deserve!

[ascendotum]

Im sorry Gaeta I hope you find a better guy for you whose more interested in you and your well being 13 hours with no power a text saying "hey you alright" would have been nice at least! Thats kinda inconsiderate even a platonic friend would be more concerned had they known. Hes to wrapped up in himself it seams and then to discount your feelings like that is not fair...

 

If the storm was blowing over structures & roofs of buildings then sure it might prompt him to call, but generally people fare okay through a bit of wind rain and thunder. Maybe the power did not go out in his part of the town so he didn't know it went out in her part of the town and really most people would expect the person they know to get some candles out and get by though annoyed for sure with the inconvenience. They are dating so she's not his gf yet and it would be nice for her to get a txt knowing he is thinking of her, but I dont call up all my friends or the gf whenever there is a storm on, worried over them sitting inside and asking them how they are doing. They be fine unless its a cyclone. I think its a bit stiff saying this guy looking after 4 kids and working 2 jobs is only thinking off himself. Did G call him worried about how he & his kids were.

I know he has a number of things that have not made her happy and this is another thing, but I wouldn't blow this up into some major deal, but its fine for her to add up all the little things and come to the conclusion he is not doing what she would like for a potential bf.

[FitChick]

I wouldn't date a man with two jobs, four young kids and who was afraid to be affectionate.

[BluEyeL]

It really doesn't matter what his excuses or true situation is. If his situation is so complicated that he cannot devote proper time/attention to the woman he's dating, it just means he doesn't have enough resources to date.

 

I dated someone for a couple of months, who was a really nice guy that I liked. However, he had such a complicated situation at home that he could only see me every other week and he was calling me once a week in between. I talked to him about it, and he promised to do better. He just called more but couldn't see me more. Although I liked/like him and I don't fault him for not being able to give me more, it wasn't what I was looking for, so I let him go and looked for someone who had less restrictions and more time. And I did find him.

 

Sometimes it's not that it's that person's fault, but we are here to take care of our needs, and find the relationship we want.

[TigerLilly78]

Thank you rester your post was an interesting read.

 

I never thought of him as socially awkward, maybe he is. Maybe that's the missing link.

 

Example: Yesterday at around noon we were exchanging hello on text (that I initiated). Suddenly my power goes out so I say something to that effect. No replies.

 

Turns out power stayed out for 13 hours and for hundreds of thousands of users. It was all over the news.

 

I don't hear from him and I initiate contact this morning.

 

I mention he disappeared at noon when my power went out. He goes <I went out shoveling and only saw your message at 4 pm>

 

a. So him and I are exchanging on text and without a warning he puts the phone down and goes out shoveling leaving me there thinking I am in the middle of a conversation.

 

b. He sees my message at 4 pm that I don't have power and he just says nothing.

 

Is that being socially awkward?

 

 

No its not...socially awkward is not knowing how to deal with cirtin social situations I can be painfully "socially awkward" at times. Yet even I know how to make sure some one I care about is safe and secure. He walked away from the phone eh ive done that but when I got back to it I always responded and usually unless ive fallen asleep my phone doesn't go unchecked for hours upon hours even more so when I know I kinda had a open conversation going..

[TigerLilly78]

If the storm was blowing over structures & roofs of buildings then sure it might prompt him to call, but generally people fare okay through a bit of wind rain and thunder. Maybe the power did not go out in his part of the town so he didn't know it went out in her part of the town and really most people would expect the person they know to get some candles out and get by though annoyed for sure with the inconvenience. They are dating so she's not his gf yet and it would be nice for her to get a txt knowing he is thinking of her, but I dont call up all my friends or the gf whenever there is a storm on, worried over them sitting inside and asking them how they are doing. They be fine unless its a cyclone. I think its a bit stiff saying this guy looking after 4 kids and working 2 jobs is only thinking off himself. Did G call him worried about how he & his kids were.

I know he has a number of things that have not made her happy and this is another thing, but I wouldn't blow this up into some major deal, but its fine for her to add up all the little things and come to the conclusion he is not doing what she would like for a potential bf.

 

Its simple consideration it takes all of 2 seconds if he had the time to sleep with her he has the time to make sure shes safe. And yes some storms are worse then others. Im sorry but this isn't the 1st time this man has been inconsiderate to the op time for the excuse train to keep on moving imo..edit to add I wasn't blowing it up I was commenting on it cause the op herself was not happy about it..