We're you ever stood up for a good reason?

[Haydn]

Lot of assumptions here based on.........(No i won`t say it.)

 

Only Gaeta can tell us what works out and what does not.

 

Benefit of the doubt can sometimes go a long way. (Not always right as some people are obviously `fruit-loops`

 

But lets hear back from Gaeta.

[Leigh 87]

I feel bad that Gaeta has to reduce herself to dating men who are just plain not that into her; she has said that not every relationship has to start with butterflies and a shot to the heart... and this gives me the impression that she is comfortable waiting around for the guy to come around and eventually catch interest in her:sick:

 

it is sad. There are plenty of guys who would be happy and excited about meeting her and then at the prospect of dating her. They would want a date one a week, once every two weeks may happen only occasionally when they are both GENUINLY too busy and have conflicting schedules - and he would call her each night still during the week they weren't around one another to say that he misses her!

 

When there is passion present, two people YEARN for one another. Sorry but there is zero passion between these two adults by the sound of it, or NEAR to zero!

 

He could be married who knows! Maybe he just isn't into and therefore, that is the very reason that he isn't introducing her to his kids!

[writergal]

Lot of assumptions here based on.........(No i won`t say it.)

 

Only Gaeta can tell us what works out and what does not.

 

Benefit of the doubt can sometimes go a long way. (Not always right as some people are obviously `fruit-loops`

 

But lets hear back from Gaeta.

 

What assumptions? It's common sense that if you forget your phone and have a date scheduled, that you reach out to the person to let them know, so they aren't wondering what happened to you.

 

The guy's actions after he supposedly left his phone at his parents, where the battery died (who leaves their phone behind knowing the battery died) is so ridiculously shady, I'm shocked that you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Why? The only doubt here is his true intentions because his cockamamie story of his phone is so bad it's blatantly obvious that he's lying.

Edited January 4, 2015 by writergal

[TigerLilly78]

. Having standards doesn't make one a fruit-loop either Haydn.

 

No apparently it makes one a "Diva Fruit Loop"..

[Rejected Rosebud]

From my pov it is very simple, a friend, acquaintance, business associate, date, my sister, whomever - if they just blow me off for more than 24 hours because they "lost their phone" when multiple other ways of contacting me are readily available, well that's a serious breach!! Whether this guy's married or basically just not very interested, he acted in an unacceptable way which showed a lot about him and unfortunately how important OP is to him. I wouldn't carry on myself especially since he isn't your relative or boyfriend, you can scram easily at this stage! Whatever you do I wish you the best.

[writergal]

No apparently it makes one a "Diva Fruit Loop"..

 

Ha, ha I edited my post after I wrote that because I felt like Haydn was calling me a fruit-loop for having standards with men (and people in general).

 

If that's the case, I will gladly accept the label of Diva Fruit Loop. Ha! Because if being a fruit-loop for having boundaries and standards and hell, expectations for the way people treat me, then I am definitely a fruit-loop!

 

All hail the fruit-loop. For we shall stand and march to the beat of the good etiquette drum, expecting people to treat us as we treat them. ba dum tsss!

[writergal]

From my pov it is very simple, a friend, acquaintance, business associate, date, my sister, whomever - if they just blow me off for more than 24 hours because they "lost their phone" when multiple other ways of contacting me are readily available, well that's a serious breach!! Whether this guy's married or basically just not very interested, he acted in an unacceptable way which showed a lot about him and unfortunately how important OP is to him. I wouldn't carry on myself especially since he isn't your relative or boyfriend, you can scram easily at this stage! Whatever you do I wish you the best.

 

As Fonzie would say, "exactamundo." It is a serious breach. His behavior was unacceptable based on his history with Gaeta, (the 10 dates, the sex). Hell, even after 1 date to just blow someone off like he did, is bad manners!

[Haydn]

No apparently it makes one a "Diva Fruit Loop"..

 

Think we missed this one in the edit from WG. But glad it was picked up.

 

But Tiger, but Diva is right. (possibly)

[writergal]

Think we missed this one in the edit from WG. But glad it was picked up.

 

But Tiger, but Diva is right. (possibly)

 

Ah, so you did call me a fruit-loop. Glad to know!

[Detectingfreak]

I had that done to me after 6 months in an exclusive relationship. Since then I suspect every man I date will do the same. It's not a nice feeling.

 

This always happens when i try and date woman. I would not worry about it and stop dating and have fun. Enjoy Life instead of looking for a potential partner. You can have fun by yourself which is an awesome feeling ive learned to love myself, family and friends. Dont rely on others who are strangers. It always ends up in dissapointments.

[BluEyeL]

What assumptions? It's common sense that if you forget your phone and have a date scheduled, that you reach out to the person to let them know, so they aren't wondering what happened to you.

 

The guy's actions after he supposedly left his phone at his parents, where the battery died (who leaves their phone behind knowing the battery died) is so ridiculously shady, I'm shocked that you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Why? The only doubt here is his true intentions because his cockamamie story of his phone is so bad it's blatantly obvious that he's lying.

 

Battery died at parents' house and he didn't find a traveling pigeon to let her know, seems like a poor excuse in parent clothing, to paraphrase someone. Based on the frequency of interaction, lack of personal information and wishy-washy behavior, it would appear that there are more irons in this guy's fire and something (someone) came up right when he had the date scheduled.

 

IMO, from posting history, Gaeta's man picker needs some repair.

Edited January 5, 2015 by BluEyeL

[writergal]

Battery died at parents' house and he didn't find a traveling pigeon to let her know, seems like a poor excuse in parent's clothing, to paraphrase someone. Based on the frequency of interaction, lack of personal information and wishy-washy behavior, it would appear that there are more irons in this guy's fire and something (someone) came up right when he had the date scheduled.

 

IMO, from posting history, Gaeta's man picker needs some repair.

 

Yep. As far as I can tell, he had these other options to communicate with Gaeta that he chose not to:

 

• Email
  
• LAN line phone
  
• Plug in his cellphone and call her
  
• Smoke Signal
  
• Carrier Pigeon (already mentioned by you BlueEyeL)
  
• UPS or FedEx express mail
  
• Snail Mail
  
• Use the neighbor's phone
  
• Use anyone else's phone
  
• Show up for the scheduled date anyway and apologize
  
• Use mental telepathy (or the Long Island Medium)
  

[TigerLilly78]

Yep. As far as I can tell, he had these other options to communicate with Gaeta that he chose not to:

 

• Email
  
• LAN line phone
  
• Plug in his cellphone and call her
  
• Smoke Signal
  
• Carrier Pigeon (already mentioned by you BlueEyeL)
  
• UPS or FedEx express mail
  
• Snail Mail
  
• Use the neighbor's phone
  
• Use anyone else's phone
  
• Show up for the scheduled date anyway and apologize
  
• Use mental telepathy (or the Long Island Medium)
  

You forgot "tin can on a string"... just saying..lol

[writergal]

You forgot "tin can on a string"... just saying..lol

 

Lol! I knew I forgot something! Yes! Thank you! Progresso Soup uses those tin cans to communicate with their chefs so you know it's a valid form of communication.

 

I also forgot these:

 

• billboard ad
  
• newspaper ad
  
• deaf translator
  
• mime
  
• interpretative dancer
  

 

And of course...the singing telegram, Barbershop Quartet, or children's choir.

Edited January 5, 2015 by writergal

[Gaeta]

I think the apparent lack of interest on his end to include her in any of his personal life IE not introducing her to his kids at least once in the entire time they have known each other is a big part of what is ringing the married bell for some here.

 

I mean even if your just friends with some one chances are you will meet their kids if they are a big part of their lives as it seams his are at least once at some point if even in passing..that was the part that kind of really hit me as odd tbh..

 

What about me? I have not tried in any way to introduce him in my personal life, I have never mentioned to him meeting my daughter, siblings or friends. Up to yesterday he did not know my last name, he doesn't know where I work either. Does that mean I am not interested in him? No, it just means I take my time in these matters.

[Gaeta]

Do you really want to miss out on the infatuation and passion stage of a relationship?

 

When I had no experience with dating I let myself get taken away by the infatuation, not anymore. I hate these huge fireworks at the very beginning, they always die anyway! leaving you feeling like an idiot you believed in it.

 

You and this guy clearly had no initial butterflies or period of being really into each other, he sounded like he thought you were nothing special and had to grow into liking you VERY slowly.

 

We liked each other enough to go to 2-3 dates. Then after I ended it with me he liked me enough to come and get me back to give it another try.

 

 

You have labelled yourself as a catch - well I am astounded that you cannot find a guy who is that into you considering 50% of folks in Montreal are single. .

I came across plenty of men totally into me. I was not into them. ONCE I met a man and I was totally swept away by him and him by me. He left without a word after 6 months. You won't catch me doing that mistake again.

[Rejected Rosebud]

OP I didn't read your other thread about this guy, why did you stop seeing him? Also what are you getting out of this, having to pick his arms up and put them around you to get your first kiss, the rarity of getting together, and now this, I'm just not getting a picture of what is in it for you and what your thoughts are about where it might be going.

[Art_Critic]

What about me? I have not tried in any way to introduce him in my personal life, I have never mentioned to him meeting my daughter, siblings or friends. Up to yesterday he did not know my last name, he doesn't know where I work either. Does that mean I am not interested in him? No, it just means I take my time in these matters.

 

I'd bet he knows your last name, I've always considered myself normal when it comes to things and think that if I was to exchange bodily fluids with a woman I would know who she was.. at least her last name and phone number. he know where you live.. google and few mins would render your last name and age.. possibly your deed to your house..

 

If I didn't know who she was I don't think I would be leaving my DNA with her..

 

I don't judge you for the way you date.. I've met someone who dated like you with OLD, at times 2 dates a day, just coffee/lunch/drinks/dinner till she found the guy she fell in love with, she has been married for about 8 years and has a kid my sons age.. 6...

I used to think she was doing it the right way..could I have done what she did .. no way.. but I'm a guy and I didn't have the power to wind up 2 dates a day.. one a week or two is about all I was good for.

 

I do think you are ignoring a FEW huge red flags with this guy.. why.. I don't know..but you do... why are you ignoring the red flags ?

Edited January 5, 2015 by Art_Critic

[Gaeta]

OP I didn't read your other thread about this guy, why did you stop seeing him? Also what are you getting out of this, having to pick his arms up and put them around you to get your first kiss, the rarity of getting together, and now this, I'm just not getting a picture of what is in it for you and what your thoughts are about where it might be going.

 

Thank you for asking intelligent and interesting questions. Some posters, on some days, take pleasure posting mean and meaner replies and play at assuming the stupidest instead of asking.

 

So back around Sept-Oct I ended it because it was going too slow. I told him the truth. I don't need much attention I have a full life BUT I still need a minimum of attention and I was not getting it from him.

 

He had warned me he was very timid with women, re: first kiss on 5th date or something. He is prude. When he visited my place it bothered him a big deal that I keep my curtains open. When we kissed for the first time he froze, he was standing there still like a statue.

 

What I am getting out of this? I wrote earlier what I like about him I like his personality, his attitude, his positivity, his energy, I even like his shyness. In the past 2 months, since he reached to me again, I got enough attention.

 

My goal is to meet someone that is open and willing to work toward a long lasting relationship. He says he wants the same.

[Leigh 87]

When I had no experience with dating I let myself get taken away by the infatuation, not anymore. I hate these huge fireworks at the very beginning, they always die anyway! leaving you feeling like an idiot you believed in it.

 

You don't hate them, you just don't count on feeling the sparks or fire works with a long term partner - most people are like you and it is way more pragmatic than my approach however I do think I will find what I am seeking in a long term mate.

 

There does, however, need to be a base level of attraction and excitement surrounding the dates!

 

Did you ever get excited about his phone calls or him texting you? Or were you rather indifferent and sort of "well, he is a pleasant chap, he would make a good long term partner potentially" and that was it, SANS excitement?

 

 

We liked each other enough to go to 2-3 dates. Then after I ended it with me he liked me enough to come and get me back to give it another try.

 

So he just couldn't be bothered dating you and then YOU reached out to him, or did he eventually get back to you?

 

He mustn't have felt that thrilled by meeting you if he just left things to fade in the first place....

 

Do you WANT a man who is just not that into you, and lets things fade due to his lack of interest?

 

I came across plenty of men totally into me. I was not into them. ONCE I met a man and I was totally swept away by him and him by me. He left without a word after 6 months. You won't catch me doing that mistake again.

 

Yes I have this problem too; I am not into the men that are into me most of the time.

 

Why don't you hold tight and find one of those guys who are into you, and where you are ALSO into them?

[NYC-BigKat]

never have been stood up for a legitimate reason. In my history men just "ghost" on me...poof, disappear!

 

One time was with a guy I had been on 7 dates with. He left my place one morning, said I'll call you later, gave me a kiss and vanished into thin air.

 

The other time was a guy I had only been on one date with. We had plans for a second and about 15 minutes before we were due to meet he texted me to cancel and ask to reschedule for some other time. That other time never came.

 

Let us know what happens!

 

The real sad part is the realization that we are never safe from these f*cking games...sigh, seriously when can you ever rest easy in a relationship???

 

 

My so-called girlfriend stood me up tonight & when I asked what happened she text me just now how she got busy with a last second project. Huh . I don't even know what that means u know. But anyhow I always get stood up by girls & even finally having a girlfriend it doesn't stop so I don't know what will .

[Gaeta]

I don't judge you for the way you date.. I've met someone who dated like you with OLD, at times 2 dates a day, just coffee/lunch/drinks/dinner till she found the guy she fell in love with, she has been married for about 8 years and has a kid my sons age.. 6...

 

My profile is deleted. I was told so many times on here to stop multi dating and to handle one prospect at a time. That's me doing it. Concentrating on one man at a time.

 

 

I do think you are ignoring a FEW huge red flags with this guy.. why.. I don't know..but you do... why are you ignoring the red flags ?

 

I am ignoring a few red flags. I am aware of it. First no one is perfect, I am sure I have made mistakes as well at some point in my dating life and some men decided to let it slide. There is no Mr. Perfect. Second, he's new to dating, he is not aware of half the rules the the 'do and don't' we talk about on here. Third: I think he has potential

 

I bet you he chose to not show up here because he thought he may find me busy with someone else. It's ridiculous but it would cross the mind of every insecure man. Him and I did not talk about exclusivity. Without his phone he could know if I had messaged him something like I could not make it, or come after a certain time, or etc.

[Gaeta]

Did you ever get excited about his phone calls or him texting you? Or were you rather indifferent and sort of "well, he is a pleasant chap, he would make a good long term partner potentially" and that was it, SANS excitement?

 

Of course lol, I look forward to hear from him, I feel excitement when I see his name on my phone, I miss him and I think about him a lot. I also find him very attractive.

 

By the way he told me often even though he's busy I am always on his mind. He tells me he is looking forward to see me and he misses me.

 

 

So he just couldn't be bothered dating you and then YOU reached out to him, or did he eventually get back to you?

 

No, I did not reach to him, I went back to my crazy dating life. He wrote me a long email in which he was saying how much he liked me and respected me, and that he had put a lot of hope in me and he did not understand why I had ended it. He said he is not sure how to do this dating thing but he's willing to learn and be guided and if he's made mistakes he asking for my forgiveness and promised to learn from those mistakes

 

This is a rough translation from a long letter in another language.

[TigerLilly78]

. Actions speak louder then words to me it seams hes not overly investing in this or actively trying to involve you in his life but that seams fine with you so I guess it works out after all so to each their own..

 

 

 

 

What about me? I have not tried in any way to introduce him in my personal life, I have never mentioned to him meeting my daughter, siblings or friends. Up to yesterday he did not know my last name, he doesn't know where I work either. Does that mean I am not interested in him? No, it just means I take my time in these matters.

 

What about you? if this set up works and your totally happy then more power to you my point was to others it seams cold myself included and wouldn't be acceptable. Heck if you guys want to see each other once a year and your happy Okie Dokie go for it but don't be surprised when others see it as a possible red flag..

[TigerLilly78]

Thank you for asking intelligent and interesting questions. Some posters, on some days, take pleasure posting mean and meaner replies and play at assuming the stupidest instead of asking.

 

When he visited my place it bothered him a big deal that I keep my curtains open.

 

My goal is to meet someone that is open and willing to work toward a long lasting relationship. He says he wants the same.

 

First off I dont think anyone here has really been "mean" to you Gaeta just brought up facts that you diden't want to hear like the red flags thing other then that I think you have gotten some decent level advice from a few points of view..

 

Second why was he afraid cause the curtains were open? not trying to be a smart ass im genuinely curious on that one..

 

And third again actions speak louder then words so hopefully he doesn't have any more "phone" issues and you two can work towards what he says he also wants..