We're you ever stood up for a good reason?

[candie13]

Don't you just hate it when it seems as if everyone is just hell-bent on finding something wrong to fix with you?

 

if the shoe fits...

 

OP of any post on LS: "I got up and went to the bathroom during the date"

 

Response: "Well there is your problem! Going to the bathroom on a date shows you need to work on your self-esteem first."

 

Great comment. For it to be valid, the date would need to be in front of the OP. So far, he sort of ... stood her up. The rest of the post is irrelevant .

[TigerLilly78]

Again, in the past 2 months we have seen each other on weekly basis. I posted somewhere how the 10 dates were spread out. There is a first time around with a couple of dates, a break of 2 months, then a more steady dating.

You seam to only want to hear advice that backs up the idea he pretty much did nothing wrong correct? what was the point of this thread then just a vent? im just honestly confused when people do this..maybe this belonged in the venting section and not dating..

[TigerLilly78]

 

 

 

I am not romancing anything, in fact YOU are when you think all relationships have to start with the man being totally into you. This is real life, not tv. People grow into each other.

 

 

Again, 150 men in last 3 years.

 

The rest of your post is irrelevant.

 

Your right relationships can start off slow and I personally like that approach as well as it feels more genuine to me. How ever at some point IF there is sincere and genuine attraction then the contact and time together increases not decreases.

 

And im sorry but even very busy people find the time to see some one they care about on a reg basis and not pull stunts like this guy. Actions speak louder then words to me it seams hes not overly investing in this or actively trying to involve you in his life but that seams fine with you so I guess it works out after all so to each their own..

[smackie9]

I did more ditching than being ditched. It's the nature of online dating. It does not work till it works.

 

 

Gaeta if this is how much trash you have to sort through with OLD, maybe it's time to find a social group or make some friends, go out to social events and meets people irl, just like in days before the internet. Obviously OLD isn't working.

[Jules Dash]

Well if one person is having the same problem with everyone else, generally, the problem is not with everyone else.

And to be brutally honest, there's a lot of that going here. (not necessarily excluding myself here...)

 

 

I think sometimes we are quick to get into help mode since it is a site where people go for help. The help mode leads to search and rescue and we need to find something to fix. Sometimes people just need to vent or want someone to listen to them. They are not always looking for you to fix them or find something wrong with them. It really is hard to truly know someone from some posts that is why I resist the urge to going outside of the help the person specifically requested or veering too far outside of the question asked. But people will be people. I'm just saying.

[GemmaUK]

I always read Gaeta's threads and she just threw herself out there with dating and had some fun along the way too.

 

 

I'm only a few years younger than her - so we are the same age group.

 

 

For me it would be blissful to meet a man who wanted to take things slowly and who had children and a life.

I have things going on for me too, as does Gaeta.

 

 

I also realise that other folk and whoever I date (hopefully) has things happening at times..it's OK. I do too and it should be..OK.

 

 

If I dropped everyone right now who had even done something not quite to my liking I would have no friends, no family, no job and therefore no home.

Equally, all those folk would have ditched me too.

 

 

Anyone ever heard of 'choosing your battles'?

Some are not worth it for what you have.

 

 

This thread has kinda turned into a conspiracy theory!

[Haydn]

I always read Gaeta's threads and she just threw herself out there with dating and had some fun along the way too.

 

 

I'm only a few years younger than her - so we are the same age group.

 

 

For me it would be blissful to meet a man who wanted to take things slowly and who had children and a life.

I have things going on for me too, as does Gaeta.

 

 

I also realise that other folk and whoever I date (hopefully) has things happening at times..it's OK. I do too and it should be..OK.

 

 

If I dropped everyone right now who had even done something not quite to my liking I would have no friends, no family, no job and therefore no home.

Equally, all those folk would have ditched me too.

 

 

Anyone ever heard of 'choosing your battles'?

Some are not worth it for what you have.

 

 

This thread has kinda turned into a conspiracy theory!

 

 

Couldn`t agree more.

[Maleficent]

I think sometimes we are quick to get into help mode since it is a site where people go for help. The help mode leads to search and rescue and we need to find something to fix. Sometimes people just need to vent or want someone to listen to them. They are not always looking for you to fix them or find something wrong with them. It really is hard to truly know someone from some posts that is why I resist the urge to going outside of the help the person specifically requested or veering too far outside of the question asked. But people will be people. I'm just saying.

 

Of course people will be people. This is a support community. Not a counseling service. As far as I know, no one here is a licensed counsellor/psychiatrist etc.

People who come on here for advice should know what to expect.

 

Also, there is a lot of projection going on. People who are quick to push the 'you have low self esteem' button are usually the ones with low self-esteem themselves.

[candie13]

see, Gemma, I like your approach. Taking things slowly, seeing where they lead, with calm. Having a career, a social life, hobbies and even friends around. And if you have time and disposition, a woman to date. It all makes sense.

 

I don't believe I have ever suggested that their dates were too rare and he should see her more, at the expense of his work or family or kids. No.

 

My point is that she should have a small place on that priority list. And when it's "date time", to treat that date like she matters. With care. It's as simple as that.

 

And it is up to both of them to judge if they are on the same page as to the quality of their connection, and no one else's. Personally, I feel he made no effort to spare her feelings, other than getting back in touch, when he felt like it. If she's fine with that, cool.

 

But irrelevant of how much she might be fine with it or not, to a complete stranger, to the naked eye, it looks like emotion and empathy is lacking from the way he reacted / treated her. I remind you that from August to January, more or less 5 months have passed.

[GemmaUK]

see, Gemma, I like your approach. Taking things slowly, seeing where they lead, with calm. Having a career, a social life, hobbies and even friends around. And if you have time and disposition, a woman to date. It all makes sense.

 

I don't believe I have ever suggested that their dates were too rare and he should see her more, at the expense of his work or family or kids. No.

 

My point is that she should have a small place on that priority list. And when it's "date time", to treat that date like she matters. With care. It's as simple as that.

 

And it is up to both of them to judge if they are on the same page as to the quality of their connection, and no one else's. Personally, I feel he made no effort to spare her feelings, other than getting back in touch, when he felt like it. If she's fine with that, cool.

 

But irrelevant of how much she might be fine with it or not, to a complete stranger, to the naked eye, it looks like emotion and empathy is lacking from the way he reacted / treated her. I remind you that from August to January, more or less 5 months have passed.

 

 

Thanks for the reminder but even at 45 I don't have Alzheimers as yet.

From earlier posts you will see this has ramped up dating wise in the last 2 months.

 

 

Even if dating had been consistent in five months and they had been together five months or two months this was still one error - why? Because he has a life and also respects others to the point where he did it the wrong way but was trying to do it the right way.

 

 

My world and life does not revolve around me always. Dose yours?

I am not such a person to expect that anyone else's life should revolve around me either.

Gaeta is similar to me on that front though we do not agree on many things but at my age it would be stupid to quit a consistently good RS so far for a night without a phone.

 

 

Is anyone easy going anymore or is it all first strike and out these days?

 

 

The funny thing is that back in the day when myself. Gaeta and her man dated this would never have happened at all.

The only reason this all happened was down to technology.

[candie13]

Thanks for the reminder but even at 45 I don't have Alzheimers as yet.

From earlier posts you will see this has ramped up dating wise in the last 2 months.

 

 

Even if dating had been consistent in five months and they had been together five months or two months this was still one error - why? Because he has a life and also respects others to the point where he did it the wrong way but was trying to do it the right way.

 

 

My world and life does not revolve around me always. Dose yours?

I am not such a person to expect that anyone else's life should revolve around me either.

Gaeta is similar to me on that front though we do not agree on many things but at my age it would be stupid to quit a consistently good RS so far for a night without a phone.

 

 

Is anyone easy going anymore or is it all first strike and out these days?

 

 

The funny thing is that back in the day when myself. Gaeta and her man dated this would never have happened at all.

The only reason this all happened was down to technology.

 

it's ok, you're 40, you don't have a lethal disease. It does not mean one should give up their standards or ignore them.

[GemmaUK]

it's ok, you're 40, you don't have a lethal disease. It does not mean one should give up their standards or ignore them.

 

Precisely!

Also, it doesn't mean that you should go against your own values that you have held for the entirely of your life, your own perceptions, logic and become a celeb type entitled diva.

 

 

I totally agree with your post that I have quoted.

[TigerLilly78]

Precisely!

Also, it doesn't mean that you should go against your own values that you have held for the entirely of your life, your own perceptions, logic and become a celeb type entitled diva.

 

 

I totally agree with your post that I have quoted.

 

Thing I dont understand is how is wanting a man who is suppose to be interested in you romantically to show some constant serious interest after a good time dating acting like a celeb type diva? I dont think anyone is saying he has to spend 24/7 at her beck in call but this "relashionship" sounds very sparse at best..

[Haydn]

Gaeta, after all this, what`s your next move? I for one, hope that this blokes for real. I do keep up with your threads and i think you could come out smiling soon.

[GemmaUK]

Thing I dont understand is how is wanting a man who is suppose to be interested in you romantically to show some constant serious interest after a good time dating acting like a celeb type diva? I dont think anyone is saying he has to spend 24/7 at her beck in call but this "relashionship" sounds very sparse at best..

 

 

 

Perhaps you haven't experienced the constant (in volume) of interest I have when dating a man of my kind of age.

Think 'incessant and unrelenting no matter how much you try to communicate that it is way too much' and you would be on the right track.

I'm only talking tip of the iceberg of men my age group btw.

[MissBee]

UPDATE:

 

I got this long long text saying how sorry he was. He thought he had lost his phone on January 1st and he spent the day yesterday looking for it and he does not know my number by heart. Turns out he forgot his phone at his parents, the batteries were dead so it went un-noticed. He had just gone and get it. (his parents live quite a bit from him)

 

I asked him how this played a role in him not showing up ! and he said we had not discussed a specific time he was picking me up so he was not gonna just show up un-announced. In his book it's very ill mannered and he would not want anyone showing up at his house unannounced.

 

I asked him if he had a computer and why he had not emailed me. He said it did not cross his mind at all, him losing his phone was like the end of the world.

 

My daughter is here and asked what's my gut feeling about this and I said I don't think he's lying but he won't win an award for doing his best to reach me. I also would have liked he called me, not text me, to apologize.

 

I will ask him for his land line number and his last name. You're right we should not treat each other like strangers.

 

I'm laughing because when I first posted I explained the two times I was stood up and how both used the lame excuses of dead phones or sleep and in the end were ultimately not interested in anything real. And so said so done, this guy has no good reason except a lost/dead phone and claims email never crossed his mind. Ridiculous.

 

It's not like this was your first date. By the 11th date I wouldn't have been so enraged if a man whom I was seeing came by my house at the time of the date to explain he lost his phone. I'd appreciate it. So it's weird to me though that in general you all have felt comfy enough to sleep together and see each other 10 times but uncomfortable to do more normal things like exchange last names or come by if you planned a date and lost your phone.

 

The FIRST thing I think if I lose my phone is to email people. So it just seems really unlikely he truly never thought of this.

 

It's up to you to give him a chance or not but I'd definitely knock my trust in him SEVERAL notches and let him prove himself before I invest any more into this.

[TigerLilly78]

Perhaps you haven't experienced the constant (in volume) of interest I have when dating a man of my kind of age.

Think 'incessant and unrelenting no matter how much you try to communicate that it is way too much' and you would be on the right track.

I'm only talking tip of the iceberg of men my age group btw.

 

 

Your 45 im 37 so what 8 years difference? and yes I have experianced it when a guy is over the top and to full on that can get annoying but still the flip side of one who is almost to cold isn't appealing ether honestly its not like the op is 80 were she just wants to have more a companion then a "date" eh even saying that my aunt is 73 and saw her bf more in one month then the OP has seen hers in what 6 or 4? end of the day tho if that works for her great but to others it seams kind of cold and just cause some say this doesn't make them attention seeking divas..lol

[MissBee]

Even if he thought it was so shockingly and appallingly rude to drop by unannounced, he knows where you live. He could have written a note and slid it under your door. Better yet, he could have written an apology attached to a dozen roses. Instead he forgot that emailing you was even a possibility? He thought he could get away with a long text?

.

 

GOOD POINT! He couldn't even call??? WTF?!

 

If I stood a guy up for a legit reason I would CALL to explain things and make it up.

 

If you stand me up and your excuse is your dead or lost phone and you're letting me know this via a long text....TURN OFF!

 

It just seems like you don't really care. And the idea that this is a "typical male" reaction is BS. I hate when people set the bar low for men and act like they are barely above cave men and we should praise them for the slightest show of intelligence...come on...men in this very thread have said they'd never let that happen and in my own experience men who were truly genuine and interested if they had an emergency and needed to reschedule they let me know or went out of their way to make it up. So both him missing the date AND then his subsequent response are lacking in consideration.

[smackie9]

Just another red flag ignored, giving the benefit of a doubt to someone who doesn't deserve it....the cycle begins again.

[Leigh 87]

Gaeta,

 

Do you really want to miss out on the infatuation and passion stage of a relationship?

 

You and this guy clearly had no initial butterflies or period of being really into each other, he sounded like he thought you were nothing special and had to grow into liking you VERY slowly.

 

You have labelled yourself as a catch - well I am astounded that you cannot find a guy who is that into you considering 50% of folks in Montreal are single.

 

I am baffled that you are left with these men who just don't feel all that excited about meeting you and have to warm up to you extremely slowly.

 

Either your man picker is really, really broken or you are not as attractive as you think you are?

[Rejected Rosebud]

Even if he thought it was so shockingly and appallingly rude to drop by unannounced, he knows where you live. He could have written a note and slid it under your door. Better yet, he could have written an apology attached to a dozen roses. Instead he forgot that emailing you was even a possibility? He thought he could get away with a long text?

 

He is lying FOR SURE. Didn't think of emailing because he had lost his phone? Didn't you meet through OLD??? He didn't forget he could email you, that is for sure. Please lose this loser before you really get hurt. I'm pretty sure he's married or at least cohabiting.

[Leigh 87]

He is lying FOR SURE. Didn't think of emailing because he had lost his phone? Didn't you meet through OLD??? He didn't forget he could email you, that is for sure. Please lose this loser before you really get hurt. I'm pretty sure he's married or at least cohabiting.

 

That's a bit of an assumption.

 

He probably just isn't that into her...

[candie13]

amen, I've been killing myself to say that !

[TigerLilly78]

That's a bit of an assumption.

 

He probably just isn't that into her...

 

I think the apparent lack of interest on his end to include her in any of his personal life IE not introducing her to his kids at least once in the entire time they have known each other is a big part of what is ringing the married bell for some here.

 

I mean even if your just friends with some one chances are you will meet their kids if they are a big part of their lives as it seams his are at least once at some point if even in passing..that was the part that kind of really hit me as odd tbh..

[writergal]

I think the apparent lack of interest on his end to include her in any of his personal life IE not introducing her to his kids at least once in the entire time they have known each other is a big part of what is ringing the married bell for some here.

 

I mean even if your just friends with some one chances are you will meet their kids if they are a big part of their lives as it seams his are at least once at some point if even in passing..that was the part that kind of really hit me as odd tbh..

 

Agree with you 100%. This whole scenario is just plain odd.

 

The men in this thread are correct: if a guy was interested in a woman enough, he'd find a way to let her know he lost his phone especially on the day they had a date scheduled.

 

Gaeta why are you making excuses for this fellow? Your posts seem to justify his red flag behavior which concerns me. He is not interested in you for anything long term, dating-wise. That's obvious. If he was truly interested in you, he would have found a way to reach out to you once he realized he forgot his phone. He would have emailed you or called you from his LAN line. I mean, you two met via online dating so he has an email account.

 

I just don't get why you feel the need to try to justify his actions as though being a single father with a job excuses him from being considerate of your feelings. You can have 1 job and 8 children, lose your phone and still find a way to communicate to the people you care about that you lost your phone or the battery is dead (although no one I know has ever emailed me to tell me his /her cellphone battery is dead).

 

I also find it extremely hard to believe that neither of you know each other's last names based on your age, the fact that you've had ten dates and slept together.

 

This whole situation just reeks of two adults who aren't being honest with each other or with themselves. If a guy stood me up like that, and then sent me a long text afterward instead of considering my feelings by calling me I'd drop kick him to the curb. And have done. Homey don't play that.