Author Gaeta Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 Standing up for yourself is difficult and scary when you're self-esteem and instincts have been run through the mud, . If you were familiar with my posts you'd know I am far from lacking self-confidence. I have dropped more men this past year then all members reunited. I think a runner is allowed to 1 mistake. This is one 1 mistake. 2
Author Gaeta Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 I would say if were going off of "bad manners" it is by far ruder to stand a women up and make no contact then to show up "unannounced" especially since there was a basic plan in motion for the day just the timing had not been nailed down. I told him exactly that. 2
Art_Critic Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 No we did not. Is it relevant? To me it's relevant, I was thinking that he is with the person he was with when the new year rang in, I'd bet you getting stood up is because of another woman. I once had a first date with a girl on NYE and it turned into a 4 year relationship, and I might add it went very fast.. if you know what I mean. Of course you cannot rule out an accident or like another poster mentioned a family death/illness but he certainly would have contacted you by now if it was a family issue. I think you have done all you can do.. check his FB for activity... other than that he will have to come to you. 2
Art_Critic Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 He's LYING. Yeah....this is really where she should say busted.. the guy doesn't think to email her, only to just stand her up instead.. I guess he thought standing her up was better.. Soooo much more to this story than the OP just got fed... 2
Art_Critic Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Are you sure he is divorced and not just separated ? or still married 3
Author Gaeta Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 SO I told him everything I had on my mind. I am uncensored, if I am disappointed it is impossible for me to keep it inside. At times it's a good thing, on other times I wish I could just shut up. So I told him I would have much preferred he called me to apologized, not text. I told him it made no sense to me that it was more polite to let me wait on my own all night than to just knock at my door at our usual time! His type of 'manners' are good for strangers, not for a woman he's known since last August. I asked him his last name and he gave it to me. He keeps saying he's sorry. 1
writergal Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Sorry doesn't cut it. A little too late for sorry don't you think? He's a grown man with children (supposedly, whom he won't let you meet for whatever reason). He knows better than to leave a woman he's known for a while hanging on to thin air, wondering what happened to him. He's a father. No father would ever do that to his own child. Why would he act that way with a woman he's slept with, whom he's dated for a while? It just doesn't add up. I don't trust him. 3
spiderowl Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 How do you feel about his response? Is he aware he is going to have to rebuild trust now? 1
aggie382 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 If you were familiar with my posts you'd know I am far from lacking self-confidence. I have dropped more men this past year then all members reunited. I think a runner is allowed to 1 mistake. This is one 1 mistake. This isn't a mistake though. It's a straight up lie. 5
MidwestUSA Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Are you sure he is divorced and not just separated ? or still married Four kids, with the youngest being three? A lot of stuff to untangle and settle to be divorced cleanly. Plus, you would have had to have been heading that direction while the last one was in utero. I'd have to know the circumstances, but a divorcee with three year old? No thanks. Things are too fresh. 3
Chief Wiggum Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 SO I told him everything I had on my mind. I am uncensored, if I am disappointed it is impossible for me to keep it inside. At times it's a good thing, on other times I wish I could just shut up. So I told him I would have much preferred he called me to apologized, not text. I told him it made no sense to me that it was more polite to let me wait on my own all night than to just knock at my door at our usual time! His type of 'manners' are good for strangers, not for a woman he's known since last August. I asked him his last name and he gave it to me. He keeps saying he's sorry. Being stood up aside, how do you feel about him lying to you about it? 3
TigerLilly78 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Wait he wont let her meet his kids? and they have been together since Aug? that screams married to me.. 1
aggie382 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Four kids, with the youngest being three? A lot of stuff to untangle and settle to be divorced cleanly. Plus, you would have had to have been heading that direction while the last one was in utero. I'd have to know the circumstances, but a divorcee with three year old? No thanks. Things are too fresh. I suspected he was married as well as Art_Critic, but I hadn't thought about it being so 'fresh.' That's a good point. He could have just freaked out or something given his little situation and left over feelings and is now using this lost phone nonsense as an excuse. 3
Author Gaeta Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 I know the details surrounding his divorce and he explained the 3 yo. You bet I frown when he gave me his kids age and I asked questions. I know most of you think he lied, I don't think he did. I think he's clueless. My daughter is here tonight (27). She suggested I let it slide this one time. She knows all about my dating history and she says this man is one of the very few I had nothing to complain about so far. I am not sure how I feel about everything, disappointed for sure. Usually reread my thread, let things sink in, sleep on it, and see how I feel about it in the morning. 1
writergal Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Yeah....this is really where she should say busted.. the guy doesn't think to email her, only to just stand her up instead.. I guess he thought standing her up was better.. Soooo much more to this story than the OP just got fed... Yeah, I agree with you 100% Art. I think the guy is married and got busted by his wife. I highly doubt that he's even divorced. Separated maybe, if that. But this guy is definitely a liar. 4
Author Gaeta Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 Wait he wont let her meet his kids? and they have been together since Aug? that screams married to me.. OMG please do not make this something it's not. I do not want to meet his children even if he offered it. Our relationship has started extremely slow, sometimes we could not see each other for 3 weeks because of his schedule. After a couple of months I told him this was unfolding too slow for me and told him I was moving on. He got back to me after a few weeks and we started seeing each other on more regular basis. If you calculate 10 dates since august it's hardly a reason to meet his children. 1
Jules Dash Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 If you were familiar with my posts you'd know I am far from lacking self-confidence. I have dropped more men this past year then all members reunited. I think a runner is allowed to 1 mistake. This is one 1 mistake. I am so sick of that term "self-esteem." No offense to Danda at all because I speak in general and just want to address the grossly misuse of that term. Although there is one particular member here (I won't name names) who seem to not be able to respond to a post without including "self-esteem" in it. That term gets thrown around so much. Human interaction is so much more complicated than someone's self-esteem. It is easy to just say someone has low self-esteem rather than to try to understand or be aware of the complexities behind dating and relationships. Someone can simply be very lonely, want companionship in their life, etc., and it has nothing to do with someone having a low opinion of themself. 4
TigerLilly78 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 OMG please do not make this something it's not. I do not want to meet his children even if he offered it. Our relationship has started extremely slow, sometimes we could not see each other for 3 weeks because of his schedule. After a couple of months I told him this was unfolding too slow for me and told him I was moving on. He got back to me after a few weeks and we started seeing each other on more regular basis. If you calculate 10 dates since august it's hardly a reason to meet his children. If you have only had 10 dates since August then your not "dating" its more a FWB type situation if a man wants to date a women he would make more of a effort then this.. Im not "making things more then they are" im just being honest im sorry if its not what you want to hear...I stand by what I said I personaliy belive this man may still be attached in some way.. 1
Author Gaeta Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 (edited) If you have only had 10 dates since August then your not "dating" its more a FWB type situation if a man wants to date a women he would make more of a effort then this.. Im not "making things more then they are" im just being honest im sorry if its not what you want to hear...I stand by what I said I personaliy belive this man may still be attached in some way.. We met back in August. We had a total of 10 dates. Took him 5 dates to kiss me. When he kissed me i had to take his arms and wrapped them around me. Then when we started to see each other on more regular basis he would kiss my lips once or twice in the evening. No making out. Count another 4-5 dates like this. Then we were intimate ONCE. Really we are fwb!! Edited January 4, 2015 by Gaeta 1
TigerLilly78 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 We met back in August. We had a total of 10 dates. Toom him 5 dates to kiss me. When he kissed me i had to take his arms and wrapped them around me. Then when we started to see each other on more regular basis he would kiss my lips once or twice in the evening. No making out. Ciunt anither 4-5 dates like this. Then we were intimate ONCE. Really we are fwb!! Fwb doesn't mean you have to do it every time you see each other the idea is 'Friends with benefits" friends who have sex or do other things beyond platonic friendship to me hes not acting serious about a relashionship with you hence my statement of this is a type of FWB situation.. 1
Jules Dash Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Fwb doesn't mean you have to do it every time you see each other the idea is 'Friends with benefits" friends who have sex or do other things beyond platonic friendship to me hes not acting serious about a relashionship with you hence my statement of this is a type of FWB situation.. They really don't sound like friends. Sounds like a dating relationship that hasn't really gotten of the ground much. 6
newlyborn Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 They really don't sound like friends. Sounds like a dating relationship that hasn't really gotten of the ground much. i think it is possible for someone who works and is a single parent of four to be invested in dating someone but have very limited availability. the person would not have a lot of time and would have to be make constant choices about spending time with the new person and things going on with their children. their level of interest would then also be measured by the amount and depth of communication between those infrequent dates. in this case, i think this guy is married or still partnered and an amateur at cheating. sorry, OP! 3
TigerLilly78 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 They really don't sound like friends. Sounds like a dating relationship that hasn't really gotten of the ground much. I dont know if they have only seen each other in person 10 times in six month's I personally wouldn't see that as even a potential relashionship honestly a friendship at best especially if there was little distance between us even single parents usually find more time then that I think.. 2
GemmaUK Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 UPDATE: I got this long long text saying how sorry he was. He thought he had lost his phone on January 1st and he spent the day yesterday looking for it and he does not know my number by heart. Turns out he forgot his phone at his parents, the batteries were dead so it went un-noticed. He had just gone and get it. (his parents live quite a bit from him) I asked him how this played a role in him not showing up ! and he said we had not discussed a specific time he was picking me up so he was not gonna just show up un-announced. In his book it's very ill mannered and he would not want anyone showing up at his house unannounced. I asked him if he had a computer and why he had not emailed me. He said it did not cross his mind at all, him losing his phone was like the end of the world. My daughter is here and asked what's my gut feeling about this and I said I don't think he's lying but he won't win an award for doing his best to reach me. I also would have liked he called me, not text me, to apologize. I will ask him for his land line number and his last name. You're right we should not treat each other like strangers. I agree that texting his apology wasn't great but I think his explanation was legit. If the batteries were dead then his phone would have gone unnoticed at his parents house easily as it wouldn't have made any noise. People who tend to live by their phones tend to put them down everywhere they go, I see that all the time. Not a week goes by at work where I find a mobile sitting lonely on the cupboard next to my desk. The fact that before this all happened you had asked whether he had a computer and knew that he wasn't on FB or any other sites means no mobile no contact. If I had not emailed someone on a regular basis I wouldn't have thought of emailing either to be honest. He also has 4 children so he can't just up and drive the distance back to his parents at the drop of a hat. I don't think he has another woman, I don't think he has time for another woman. Also, for the record, I think it is too soon to be introduced to his children. I wouldn't want to be intro'd after that short a time either. He was taking things slowly so length between dates, kissing, turning up at someone's door - plus he has 4 daughters who he is going to be protective about and he would be thinking from their angle too and would they like a guy turning up at their door when they are dating. There's too much back story and back actions to make this a lie in my view. I would just make sure you have each other's landlines and that you both have each other's mobiles written down somewhere. I'd say let this one go and just make sure he makes it up to you. 4
candie13 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 if you want to move forward with this guy, there isn't anything anyone can tell you to make you change your mind. You are a grown woman who has all the facts in front of her. You are deliberately ignoring some important facts and that is your own doing, your responsibility. Sometimes, when I am into a guy, I do the same. But you know what makes it better ? Taking time off and meeting other men. 10 meetings since August? I am working full time, going to school after work and taking exams and still managed to see my date three times in a week, before he left on holiday. I don't know about you, but personally, I like attention. I like to feel I am important. I like to feel he has his full interest on me. It all goes down to how you want to be loved. To how you think you deserve to be treated... and sorry, but that is strictly linked to the level of your self esteem. Up your standards and check a bit if the grass isn't greener somewhere else. It'll do you good ! 3
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