Author Gaeta Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 I was more interested in getting to know him as a person than getting his ID right. It's not like he withheld it from me, I've never asked. He answers his phone in front of me, he leaves it unsupervised next to me. I know where he works. I have never felt he was being secretive. 2
MissBee Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 No he is not on anything, no FB or anything else, and we're not on the dating site anymore. It just dawn on me I've never thought of asking him his last name and he never asked mine either. After 10 dates???? That's pretty strange. I disagree that it is a must that you spend Christmas and NYE with a man you've just begun to date. Given that you all don't even know each other's full names it isn't serious enough to be showing up at holiday dinner or ringing in the new year together. But nevertheless, you've seen each other enough to where him being no longer interested or unable to go out should be something he tells you. For all you know he's married. But I'm not trying to be extra cynical. In my own experience like I said, when I think the person must be dead in a ditch or some genuine emergency has happened that's NEVER been the case and they've just been an ass. Do you know where he lives? If you're really worried and know where he lives you could do the proverbial drive-by to see if his car is there or the lights are on or something potentially. While it's not something I'd generally recommend, if you have no other way of contacting him and are truly worried that's an option. 1
carhill Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Sex is a powerful lure for a man. The mistletoe angle makes sense. IDK, I'm pretty slow in the dating sense but after 9-10 dates I had already run into my exW's mother, met some of her friends casually and we were already in an exclusive relationship and having sex. Perhaps that was because she wasn't married to someone else! In any event, OP, I agree with those suggesting moving on, as in entertaining the approaches of other gentlemen. If something unfortunate happened with this guy, hopefully that information will become known to you and he can be considered along with other candidates. Life usually works out one way or another. It appears you've made your contacts and said your piece. Good luck! 1
Author Gaeta Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 Candie: As for NYE you have to understand I am not American or British. In my culture NYE is spent with family if you have family. The fact we spent NYE with our respective families is totally normal where I am from. Again the NYE is a no issue here. It's irrelevant. 2
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I got stood up once, first date. I was all dressed up ready to go, confirmed 2 hours ahead of time it was a go. He was 45 mins late before I got a phone call that he couldn't make it and that was it. No excuse, no follow up date, nothing. And this guy worked on me for weeks before I said yes.... He's a fail. 1
candie13 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 no, it is NOT. It may be with you, but not with him. If he spent NYE at a party, he may have met loads of other women and even made out with them. IT sucks that you could not be with him at that specific moment, but beginnings are always frail. People change their mind all the time. They meet other people. There is uncertainty. Anyway, I am not in your relationship to judge just how sound it is, so I may be way off. But do your best to use your brain and be realistic about the situation. You avoid getting seriously disappointed if things don't turn out to the best... all the best! truly, Candie 2
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I was more interested in getting to know him as a person than getting his ID right. It's not like he withheld it from me, I've never asked. He answers his phone in front of me, he leaves it unsupervised next to me. I know where he works. I have never felt he was being secretive. I would find it suspicious after 2 dates that he wouldn't even ask me my last name and secondly, people can have more that one phone hun. It's the oldest game in the book of cheaters. No ID, second phone, didn't spend new years together, a no show, no call or text, no response....writing is on the wall 2
Author Gaeta Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 like I said, when I think the person must be dead in a ditch or some genuine emergency has happened that's NEVER been the case and they've just been an ass. . It has been my experience as well. Do you know where he lives? If you're really worried and know where he lives you could do the proverbial drive-by to see if his car is there or the lights are on or something potentially. While it's not something I'd generally recommend, if you have no other way of contacting him and are truly worried that's an option. I know the area where he lives but do not know his address. He has full custody of his 4 girls (3-6-12-16) so I have not been invited there yet and to me it's quite normal. 1
Author Gaeta Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 I would find it suspicious after 2 dates that he wouldn't even ask me my last name and secondly, people can have more that one phone hun. It's the oldest game in the book of cheaters. No ID, second phone, didn't spend new years together, a no show, no call or text, no response....writing is on the wall When you have full custody of your 4 children, aged as I mentioned in my last post, you don't go running to NYE parties with women. You spend it with your family like he did. People don't get bog down on the NYE thing. 1
newlyborn Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 When you have full custody of your 4 children, aged as I mentioned in my last post, you don't go running to NYE parties with women. You spend it with your family like he did. People don't get bog down on the NYE thing. i hate to mention the obvious. but do you think it is possible that he is still married and, hence, the lack of exchanging very basic details about his identity? 6
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 That's what baby sitters or grand parents are for....so parents can be adults once in awhile. 1
Author Gaeta Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 something tells me that he is not dead and there was no other emergency in his life. were you dating exclusively? We did not have the 'exclusivity talk'. We had many talks about what we are looking for and it was clear we were both looking for a long term relationship and it all starts with casual dating. About a month ago I deleted my profile, he deleted his a week later. 1
Weezy1973 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Gaeta, I think it has long been established on this forum that your picker is way off. Here is another, in a long line of examples. I think you need to do some introspection and figure out why that is. And then fix it. 3
soyou Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I got stood up once and I was pissed as hell even though the person apologised twice. It's not a pleseant thing to deal with. I'm sorry that you're in such a situation. Hope that you'll find the answer you need soon. 2
Author Gaeta Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 i hate to mention the obvious. but do you think it is possible that he is still married and, hence, the lack of exchanging very basic details about his identity? Anything is possible. He does not have the profile though. He's very shy, took him 5 dates to just kiss me. We were intimate for the first time 2 dates ago and it was his first time after his divorce. He's a religious man, and I was asked serious question about god place in my life and my faith. All this doesn't really mean anything but just to say he's not the usual player one comes across. 1
MissBee Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 It has been my experience as well. I know the area where he lives but do not know his address. He has full custody of his 4 girls (3-6-12-16) so I have not been invited there yet and to me it's quite normal. Okay. Well then you'll just have to wait and see I guess. Or start moving on from now. I'd suggest for the future though that at the point you've been out 10 times, please get the guy's last name and some other means of contact. Not just in the case of something like this but for any other reason this could be important. For me, all my relationships became exclusive before 10 dates so by that point I know a lot about them and they usually have FB or I have some other form of communication like their email addresses, met at least one of their friends before, have been to their home or something. If I've seen a guy 10 times and we aren't exclusive it never becomes exclusive and we just end up being FWB and even with FWB I know their last names or have some other contact info other than their number. 2
newlyborn Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 We did not have the 'exclusivity talk'. We had many talks about what we are looking for and it was clear we were both looking for a long term relationship and it all starts with casual dating. About a month ago I deleted my profile, he deleted his a week later. did you exchange emails? usually, emails contain first and last names. i know he has four children. were you ever able to talk on the phone or skype at night after they had gone to bed? 1
Author Gaeta Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 did you exchange emails? usually, emails contain first and last names. i know he has four children. were you ever able to talk on the phone or skype at night after they had gone to bed? I have an email address with only his first name. We exchanged our emails after 1 date so I also gave him an email with just my first name. I spoke to him a few times at night when he was home and the children were around. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 The longer the lack of an explanation goes on, the worse this is. If he stood you up then later explained that one of the kids got sick & he had his hands full, OK fine but as this drags on, it's more & more problematic. 6
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Perverts, liars and cheats will hide behind the religious cloak. Religious God fearing people can be bad people too. I find many break the rules more than the none religious. 1
AVarma Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I'd love to say that all the times I was stood up that there was a good reason, unfortunately I can't. I need start pursuing nicer women. 1
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 - Very slow to make a move - Cagey with personal information - Sudden complete radio silence I'll go with "There's Another Woman" for $300, Alex. He could be like the millions of married men who say they're divorced when they're temporarily apart or not even separated. Or maybe he just has a girlfriend. Perhaps he was so hesitant because he knew what he was doing was wrong, and after you had sex the guilt became too much. Perhaps he had every intention of seeing you again until his wife/girlfriend found his other cell phone. Either way, people don't act like this when they have nothing to hide. I'd write this one off as a bullet dodged. 11
Author Gaeta Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 It's been almost 24 hrs with no news. It looks bad. I am thinking I should block my number and call, see if he picks up, but why bother doing something like that. 1
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 It's been almost 24 hrs with no news. It looks bad. I am thinking I should block my number and call, see if he picks up, but why bother doing something like that. Exactly, don't bother. 1
Easyguy14 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Hello All, Last night was going to be our 9th or 10th date. The previous day he contacted me to wish me Happy New Year and we had a nice fun exchange. When we ended the conversation I said 'we're still on tomorrow night?' and he replied 'you bet we are!' So yesterday at around 4 pm I am thinking it's kind of weird I did not hear from him. I shoot him a text and nothing from him, and nothing all night. This morning nothing and around 9h30 I left a message I would like an explanation. We're 11h and nothing. I am home alone super disappointed. It's been the story of my life these past years. I cannot find a man that won't disappoint me big time in those first couple of months of dating. I am thinking he must have a good reason but unless he's hooked up to a machine in a hospital somewhere I can't imagine any other good explanation. This ever happened to you? did their explanation make sense? Thank you, There's never a good reason to get stood up other than a life/death type of situation is involved. 1
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