Tonic Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Hey guys, Many of you know im quite young ( 20 Y.O) and some know I've just recently gotten back in to dating after splitting with my ex of 3 years. I have had absolutely no contact with her for a year now, BUT - I get on really well with her younger brother who is 17. I pretty much considered him family and still to this day we talk and hang out. Do you guys think this will cause me some trouble when it comes to dating another woman? Would this be considered a "red flag". If so what should i do about it? Thanks in advance.
toscaroscura Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I don't think it's a red flag at all. My ex sister-in-law will always be like my actual sister, no matter what, even though I am no longer with her brother. It doesn't mean I see my ex all the time nor does it mean I'm still involved in his life.
Author Tonic Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 Im glad im not the only one. I have had a few friends tell me its a bit odd, and if they were in the same situation, they would break contact with the whole family, which made me think twice about it all.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 No, for a mature woman, this is no big deal. Sometimes family members of exes are still people we wish to keep in our lives. It's actually quite a good way of seeing whether future partners are mature and stable enough to have a relationship: if someone flips out over this, then probably they're not mature enough yet for a serious relationship. I wouldn't sweat it. This guy is your friend now, it doesn't matter you dated his sister. I'm sure if you've managed to be pals for a year without running into your ex you'll be able to manage it going forward into the future just fine.
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I can see where a 18 - 22 year old might think your relationship with your EX;s brother is too close for comfort. Make sure when you introduce the new woman to your buddy you say, buddy. Don't initially mention your EX. If the new person asks how you guys met tell the truth but I don't think you need to lead with that info. By hanging back to me it signals the origins of your relationship aren't as important as the friendship & your interactions with him are independent of your former relationship with his sister. Emphasize that is all she is to you now: your buddy's sister.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I can see where a 18 - 22 year old might think your relationship with your EX;s brother is too close for comfort. Make sure when you introduce the new woman to your buddy you say, buddy. Don't initially mention your EX. If the new person asks how you guys met tell the truth but I don't think you need to lead with that info. By hanging back to me it signals the origins of your relationship aren't as important as the friendship & your interactions with him are independent of your former relationship with his sister. Emphasize that is all she is to you now: your buddy's sister. Hmm. I get where you're going with this but personally feel uncomfortable with that tactic, if I found out that my new boyfriend's really close friend's sister was my boyfriend's serious ex, I would feel seriously misled to. I would mention it in passing. 'Yeah I'm meeting with Adam later, he's a really good friend of mine; I used to date his sister but we stayed close and he's a great person to spend time with' just be casual and there should be no issue there. If the new girl presses further you can point out that you haven't seen or spoken to his sister for over a year and I can't see why any further reassurance or explanation would be needed. But I would be suspicious if my boyfriend didn't point out that quite important link to me, and all of a sudden I realised that his friend was related to his ex! Would smack of having something to hide.
Author Tonic Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 Thanks a bunch everyone, really appreciate it
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 It's going to be a balance. Just emphasize that how you met is not that big of deal. Don't hide it but you don't have to focus on it either.
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