kendahke Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I dumped him and got the train home that night. Thanks again to everyone for the advice, helped a lot excellent. Now block him from all ways of getting in touch with you. 1
Andy_K Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I've never done it, but I think snooping is a perfectly acceptable way for people to try to resolve their mistrust/suspicions - if you find something, you have the closure of knowing your feelings were justified rather than just paranoia, and you can break up and move on. If you don't find something, then there's a good chance you've got other issues to resolve. It's fair enough to say that you should end a relationship where there's no trust, but regardless of why the relationship ends, it still does matter if you were right or not, because you will get the peace of mind of knowing whether your feelings were rational and correct, or if you need to work on yourself. 6
writergal Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I've never done it, but I think snooping is a perfectly acceptable way for people to try to resolve their mistrust/suspicions - if you find something, you have the closure of knowing your feelings were justified rather than just paranoia, and you can break up and move on. If you don't find something, then there's a good chance you've got other issues to resolve. It's fair enough to say that you should end a relationship where there's no trust, but regardless of why the relationship ends, it still does matter if you were right or not, because you will get the peace of mind of knowing whether your feelings were rational and correct, or if you need to work on yourself. Here, here! Well said! I agree with you 100%! 1
kendahke Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I've never done it, but I think snooping is a perfectly acceptable way for people to try to resolve their mistrust/suspicions - if you find something, you have the closure of knowing your feelings were justified rather than just paranoia, and you can break up and move on. If you don't find something, then there's a good chance you've got other issues to resolve. It's fair enough to say that you should end a relationship where there's no trust, but regardless of why the relationship ends, it still does matter if you were right or not, because you will get the peace of mind of knowing whether your feelings were rational and correct, or if you need to work on yourself. I don't agree. Stooping to deceit solves nothing. If your senses are driving you to make you snoop, then you already have all the reason you need to follow your mind and not doubt your own judgement. Not having trust in your own judgment is an even far bigger problem. The evidence will out itself because the truth must out--that is its nature. 1
Danda Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Good thing you checked or he would have played you like a fool! Don't even say anything to him because he would just lie to your face. I would just disappear on him, he doesn't even deserve an explanation. I strongly second this. People who try to manipulate and toy with people's emotions, as a means to getting what they want, can be some serious monsters when you confront them. He may very well use everything he knows about you to try to make you end up feeling guilty, apologizing and agreeing to "work it out". He might even get you to feel sorry for him. And if you confront him, believe it or not that's you caring and even doing him a favor, as it gives him an opportunity to explain himself. The most strategic thing you can do is drop off the face of his earth and never respond to him again. 1
smackie9 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 So OP has he tried to redeem himself with some bs explination? or he has fallen silent knowing he's a douche bag. 1
Author AmIOK Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 He just went silent for a while. I remained calm as I packed the rest of my things... until he said "I told you we weren't exclusive" - then I got angry (I tried not to but it made me feel even more hurt, so it was either that or I'd probably have cried). He eventually admitted that it wasn't true. He said a couple more things (sorry wasn't one. He actually got angry at one point. I don't know if that was at me for being angry, or at himself). He had to go to work and asked if I'd wait at his until he got back so we could talk about it more. I said that there was nothing else he could say, and I left. I've heard nothing from him since. 1
Quest Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 It sounds like you handled it perfectly! Your self esteem will like it! 2
preraph Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 If you confess, then he will try to make you the bad guy. Meanwhile he's a player and been outright lying to you and probably half a dozen other women. Waste no more time or effort on him. Walk away. Don't go into detail. Tell him you know for sure he's not faithful and that that means he's not for you and you're done. That way, he will have to worry about how you know and whether you've actually heard from one of his other girls who may also be livid. Don't give him your information. All it's doing is arming him and making him know the other ones aren't tainted. Fix his wagon by leaving and keeping your lips sealed about exactly why. 2
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