Why can i only attract younger girls?

[TheoryoftheCrows]

My problem is this - I'm just about to turn 28 (male) and since breaking up with my ex a year and a half ago (she was my age and we were together 5 years) I am completely unable to meet women my own age.

 

I do ok for myself in terms of meeting people on nights out, but the only ones who are interested are way younger than me. I'm talking like between 18 and 20.

 

That would be fine If was looking for casual sex (which occasionally i am) but ultimately i want someone to love etc. I know that a relationship with someone who is so young could never work so I dont even bother considering it. I'ts not that I think age really matters but I think the gap between a 19 yr old and a 28 yr old is quite considerable in terms where we are in life and what we want.

 

So how do I meet women my own age?

 

Here is my theory on what the problem is. I did a degree which turned out to be quite useless. I also went to uni late and did some travelling after uni which was all great fun except that before I knew it I was a 27 year old guy with no career, didnt own my own house, and didn't even have a car.

 

So now im nearly 28 and I realised that I needed to sort my life out. I have a permanent job in an office but it doesn't pay great, I have a car but its nothing fancy and I live in rented accommodation. I am also studying again in the evenings to become a web designer but its a slow process as it needs to be worked around other commitments.

 

so my question is this - do women closer to my age see me as a risk due to my situation? or do they simply find men with money and a good career more attractive? Or is it something else entirely.

 

Its really frustrating because I know I'd make a great boyfriend to someone. I made a lot of mistakes with my ex that I've learned a lot from, and I've got a lot of love to give someone. I hate saying this but...i've never really struggled to attract women before so i know the problem isn't looks. As far I know there isnt anything particularly weird or off putting about my personality either, other than perhaps being a little shy when I first meet people (unless i'm drunk)

 

Any advice would be much appreciated.

 

Cheers

[toscaroscura]

Well, truthfully your rather rootless life right now could be giving others the impression that you are younger than you are. Perhaps you're more youthful in demeanor (maybe even a little immature). I'm not trying to insult you, because I can be the same way. I don't know you, but it's just a guess.

 

But how are you meeting all of these young women? I would guess through school somehow. If your social life is restricted to the campus, then that's your problem. So my advice is to look for local meetups or clubs that cater to a slightly older crowd.

 

But on the same note, maybe you shouldn't dismiss a woman who is 20 out of hand, just because she is 20. I'm 35 and I attract all manner of men in their 20s. Instead of dismissing them all outright, I have taken them on a case by case basis, and yes, while most of them will be too immature, a few have surprised me! I'm grateful that I didn't just look at their ages and say "next" right away.

[Ieris]

I am your age and I don't really think about those things. I have dated older and younger guys, from successful ones with lots to offer to poor ones who don't know what they want in life.

 

As long as someone is moving forward towards something and not staying dormant, that is good enough for me. It's nice to go on that journey to support and grow together x

[soyou]

Things could affect your dating is:

 

1) the way you act/talk/present yourself

 

2) your social circle/ group: as you said you're still studying, perhaps people you're hanging out with are mainly students who are way younger than you?

 

I'm at the same age group as you. All the things you mention (starting career, rental house etc) are unimportant. It's all about how you present yourself. You're 28 but acting and presenting yourself as 24, it's a no-no for me.

[oldshirt]

You sound a lot like me when I was your age.

 

 

I think you actually have a pretty good grasp on your situation and are looking it realistically.

 

 

I'll list off a few reasons for your troubles with 28 year old women and I don't think any of them are going to surprise you at all.

 

 

- many women that age are already married. Right off the bat Your selection pool is about half of what it was 5 years ago.

 

 

- many of the remaining 28 y/o's are looking for a serious mate who is already established in his career, making a good income and already has good working transportation and is at least able to secure suitable housing for a family. In all of those regards, you are still "under construction." A guy that is equal to you in everything else but has all of those things right now will beat you out each and every time.

 

 

- Some of those women above are not only looking for a serious mate but are also suffering from "baby rabies" and are getting desparate to marry and have babies before they turn 30. Even to me on a forum, you come off as a laid back guy who likes to travel and wander and pick up young chicks in clubs and doesn't share the same drive to "settle down" and pop out kids. That's not a bad thing at all. it just doesn't pop up on a 28 year old woman with baby-rabies radar screen.

 

 

- younger women see your vaga-bond lifestyle as interesting and intriguing and many of them are at a time of some wander-lust as well and see you as a guy who has 'been there/done that' and they want to be a part of it. .....That's not a bad thing and you should give it some serious thought.

 

 

- your current lifestyle has more in common with someone in their early 20s than someone in their upper 20s. to a 21 year old, you are a cool dude. To a 28 year old with baby rabies you are a slacker and not husband/father material.

 

 

I do agree with you, I think you would make a good BF and once you get yourself so that you can support and house a family I think you will be a fine husband and father.

 

 

But this is how the world works. Women just need more support and structure so they can crap out offspring. this is why most marriages are between men who are a few years older than the women they marry. It's takes men a few more years to reach the status and level of support that women need.

 

 

That's not really a bad thing. Keep working on yourself and in time one of those younger women will rise in her maturity ladder to where each of you will see the other as a perfect match and it will happen.

 

 

.....and I speak from experience as that is exactly what happened to me, only I was 30 and she was 26 when it happened.

[mr_dave]

oldshirt (as usual) posted a great reply above.

Hey look on the bright side though, at least you can attract (younger) women! I wish I had your problem!

 

Maybe you would be better served trying to find a girlfriend who's around 22-24, one who is in a similar transitional period to yourself, and who isn't desperate for a baby-father and provider. Such a girl would be more likely to want to be with you for your personality, rather than what resources you can provide for her.

[TeleBlues86]

Wow...I actually signed up to post an incredibly similar question, I'm glad that I saw some of this. I'm 28 going on 29 shortly and have the exact same experience with women as you. Just keep working on yourself and don't look back. You have your current job, so keep at it until you finish schooling and really find something that matches what you're looking for. Life is a journey best left not stressing about...just be yourself and keep doing what you're doing. You've identified a few things that you'd like to change and have started working on it; that's honestly all that you need to do.

 

 

Trust me when I say that you'll get there, but don't mortgage-off time and lost happiness while you're trying to put yourself together. It's a tough thing to balance, but never sacrifice happiness and the little things in life for anything.