kenmore Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Since we're in the communication mode (holidays, new career etc), I used the opportunity to tell my wife I want her and want to do her. Obviously not expecting much, but we did meet last week and she brought it up in a joking way saying hopefully we won't get drunk and end up screwing. That said, I can't imagine a better idea than having sex after 6 months! I know, I know! "Don't think it's possible. It isn't." But, just bringing it up has to have ramifications, no? What do I have to lose besides self respect, and that's long gone! She can't hurt me anymore. Maybe she wants it. It might be nice...can't hurt as far as I'm concerned...
Lernaean_Hydra Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 But, just bringing it up has to have ramifications, no? What do I have to lose besides self respect, and that's long gone! She can't hurt me anymore. Maybe she wants it. It might be nice...can't hurt as far as I'm concerned... I think I just cringed so hard I snapped my spine. For god's sake have some dignity. How can you be so cheerfully pathetic!? You're still separated, no? Why are you even still entertaining this nonsense? 1
Author kenmore Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 Of course you're right. It's just that I have felt so out of control of my life in every way lately. She wants a divorce so I must take it. She kicked me out of the house so I had to leave. I applied to the state for a license and if they decide not to give me one I have to accept it...at least I got that finally. I really don't respect myself anymore and that IS pathetic. Maybe that's why I do these rash things: to cause something (even something negative) to happen and grasp some form of control in my life. And of course the cheerfulness is just a facade to try to gain some control of my own feelings...trying to not just sit in a puddle of despair which is what I feel deep inside. I know this is a new chapter in my life and it will become what I make of it, but it's just going so damned slowly and I hate the uncertainty of it all. I have lost my self-confidence. I wish I could fast-forward about two years. Thank you for your brutal honesty though, it's something I needed. 2
welshbambi Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I have been so close to offering my ex a booty call arrangement. I know it would end in tears for me, and chances are he wouldn't take it anyway. But goddamn I remember the sex and it was magical. But DON'T. She is expecting you to roll over (pardon the pun) and give in to her. How about just surprising her and keeping her at arms length? You will get out of this puddle of despair, but it won't happen very quickly if you keep trying to back track in any way.
Author kenmore Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 Her reply was pleasant enough. She thanked me for the compliment I gave her and mentioned some things we used to do. Then said she really enjoyed having sex with me because we were so compatible, but finally ended by saying she couldn't because it would renew a bond with me that she's trying to break. I replied by saying I understand, it was a long shot but at least I tried. I didn't expect it, but if it had worked out, the risk would have been worth it. Welshbambi, true. I need to make a decision about this and it has to be that it's over and to just stop. She has been sending mixed signals right along and even told me a week ago that she's not really sure about divorcing me, but her lawyer told her to check the box because if she got a separation now and a divorce later, it would cost double. statements like those keep me in the hope category, but it is equivalent to the slow band-aid pull. The writing is on the wall. Oh well, no sex for me. Nothing new there. Just gotta keep moving onward. Thanks for your comment.
welshbambi Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 If it makes you feel better, no sex for me either and I daresay a few other people on here
Art_Critic Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Oh well, no sex for me. Nothing new there. Just gotta keep moving onward. Correct me if I'm wrong.. but she turned you down because she is divorcing you, to me that is very different than a married couple who stop having sex for a variety of reasons. Are you sure you are not in denial about you going thru a divorce ? maybe the best way to go thru it is to meet it head on and give her exactly what she wants, that way you can get out of this purgatory you are in and move on with your life 1
Author kenmore Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 Welshbambi, thanks. It does not make me feel better that others are suffering, but it does make me feel better that at least I'm not alone. Art_critic, you hit it on the head! Another thread about "my papers" gave me my new game plan (thanks carhill), and that is to forgo all of the time consuming things like waiting to acknowledge getting served, waiting on filing the papers, then waiting for it to be processed, and just go to the courthouse this week and tell them to go ahead and process it as a default. There's nothing I want from her, and there's no point in prolonging the inevitable and spending unnecessary money doing so. It will make her happy since she wants it moved along ASAP, and it will keep me from paying fees I don't need to pay, considering what's in the papers is fine. I'll still have a consultation with an attorney, but just to make sure I'm not completely hosed. It's win-win, except for the fact that I'm losing the woman I love more than anyone on the face of the Earth. I know I'm not alone there either...
Recommended Posts