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Question for men: Is it bad to like a guy for his talent or skill?

Popsicle

By Popsicle
in General Relationship Discussion

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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I know how much men hate it when a woman likes him for his money, but what if she likes a man because he has a particular talent, gift or skill? Is that bad too? Like maybe he's a fantastic dancer or something, for example... Is it bad if she doesn't think he's particularly good-looking but she's crazy about him because she admires his talent so much. Do men hate that too?

oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

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What guys like is respect and admiration and desire from women. If a woman respects/admires/desires a man for his skills and talents - AWESOME!

 

 

Men don't even dislike when women like/want them for their financial success. If a woman sincerely respects/admires/desires and man for his hard work, business sense and financial success, that is fine.

 

 

It's when women just want his status/resources/money for their own gain and have no respect/admiration/desire for him as person that men hate and fear.

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StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

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Why would you think this is bad?

 

It wouldn't make me feel any better if a girl ever liked me for the sole reason that she thought I was goodlooking.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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No, they love it. I've mostly liked the men I've liked for their skill and talent and creativity -- and a lot of my girl friends as well. They love the support.

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carhill Established Member

carhill

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I know how much men hate it when a woman likes him for his money, but what if she likes a man because he has a particular talent, gift or skill? Is that bad too?
I don't know that it's 'bad' but could be a caution, based on life experience.
Like maybe he's a fantastic dancer or something, for example...
Generally, women find good dancers to be likeable. I did note, on one occasion, this went sideways when a female friend's husband, an accomplished dancer, had no shortage of ladies on his dance card. Regardless of above-board behaviors or not, there were issues that mitigated prior attraction to this skill. That's how it goes sometimes.
Is it bad if she doesn't think he's particularly good-looking but she's crazy about him because she admires his talent so much. Do men hate that too?

 

Hate, IMO, not so much, but rather caution because a woman who considers a man not particularly good-looking and there's a 'but' after, he knows the former is the basis of attraction (regardless of objective standards of looks) and knows from experience that, once attraction goes, the relationship or marriage isn't far behind. Hence, if something goes sideways with his skill or gift, or if she simply can't reconcile his lack of good looks with his other qualities, fade to black.

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gaius Established Member

gaius

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I don't hate it, but I don't find it particularly appealing either. I've had women who never showed any interest before all of a sudden get interested after they've seen me in a fight with another guy and I usually ignore them.

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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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It's not bad. It hasn't always gotten me anywhere, but it's nice.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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Very interesting and varied responses. Thank you all.

Weezy1973 Established Member

Weezy1973

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It's not okay to like a man for his money.

 

But it is perfectly fine to like a man for his work ethic, creativity, ingenuity, and leadership. All qualities that could make a man a lot of money.

 

Liking someone for their core values, personality traits (and quirks!) and beliefs is what love and relationships are all about!

 

Money on the other hand, is not.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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It's not okay to like a man for his money.

 

But it is perfectly fine to like a man for his work ethic, creativity, ingenuity, and leadership. All qualities that could make a man a lot of money.

 

Liking someone for their core values, personality traits (and quirks!) and beliefs is what love and relationships are all about!

 

Money on the other hand, is not.

 

But what if it's a learned skill? Is that okay?

LoverOfDance Established Member

LoverOfDance

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I think I understand where you're coming from. I'm a training professional dancer myself and sometimes I'm not sure how to react to guys who I think are drawn to me because of a skill I have spent years learning and mastering. It makes me a bit uncomfortable when I feel like a guy is attracted to me because he thinks I'm a great dancer.

 

I definitely appreciate it and see it as a compliment but at the same time, I'm not sure how to react when I feel like they might be seeing me in a romantic light simply because of my dancing. There's so much more to me than dance. It's kind of like, would you still like me if I wasn't such a "great dancer"?

 

I usually run away when faced with situations like that because I'm not sure how to respond to them.

Edited by LoverOfDance
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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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I think I understand where you're coming from. I'm a training professional dancer myself and sometimes I'm not sure how to react to guys who I think are drawn to me because of a skill I have spent years learning and mastering. It makes me a bit uncomfortable when I feel like a guy is attracted to me because he thinks I'm a great dancer.

 

I definitely appreciate it and see it as a compliment but at the same time, I'm not sure how to react when I feel like they might be seeing me in a romantic light simply because of my dancing. There's so much more to me than dance. It's kind of like, would you still like me if I wasn't such a "great dancer"?

 

I usually run away when faced with situations like that because I'm not sure how to respond to them.

 

Boom. You nailed it when it comes to learned skills or learned arts. I wondered about that.

 

I also wonder how men feel when they have natural talents or natural skills? Is it different? Do they care or no?

LoverOfDance Established Member

LoverOfDance

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Tbh, I'm not really sure how a man would feel since I'm not a man, lol. But my skill is both natural and learned. I do have the talent (dance talent) but I also train to improve it.

 

Guys in the dance scene do tend to like it when girls like them because of their skill/talent though. In fact some of them have stated that attracting women is actually one of the reasons why they dance, lol.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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Tbh, I'm not really sure how a man would feel since I'm not a man, lol. But my skill is both natural and learned. I do have the talent (dance talent) but I also train to improve it.

 

Guys in the dance scene do tend to like it when girls like them because of their skill/talent though. In fact some of them have stated that attracting women is actually one of the reasons why they dance, lol.

 

Wow!!! Lol

 

There is a dancer I have a crush on. He doesn't know but I wondered if he would find it offensive.

Edited by Popsicle
LoverOfDance Established Member

LoverOfDance

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lol, to be honest, there's a good chance that he would be really flattered. Many male dancers I know who dance for a living have said that they also dance to get girls. Sounds ridiculous but true, lol.

 

My dance teacher said that when he first started dancing, he did it "because of the girls", lol.

 

U could take a chance and tell him how you feel. I think there's a very good chance the outcome would be a pleasant one :-)

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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You know, I'm watching a Woody Allen movie (BTW, I like a lot of his movies...good to be catching up with one of them)...and, he was telling a guy who doesn't think he's "beautiful" - that the guy has "things" about him that makes him attractive to women (i.e. he's a handiguy, he's a "guys guy").

 

And, like the other thread about "settling" when it comes to looks....IMO, it's not all about looks. I mean, there has to be some degree of attraction, but at the same time yeah, skills, character, etc are what can drive the attraction.

 

Now, there's guys that have certain skills that turn me off. Like attorneys and/or doctors. After some negative experiences with them I believe I'd be turned off by one of them. I'd have to know if they are a doctor or attorney with some ethics (i.e. not a defender of creeps and/or milking patients for unnecessary treatments).

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Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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I can say for sure that my guy feels more pleased and is more comfortable when I am admiring and excited about some work that he has done than when it's just about loving him as a person. Which of course I do but he really really likes being appreciated for his skills and talents!!

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carhill Established Member

carhill

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Wow!!! Lol

 

There is a dancer I have a crush on. He doesn't know but I wondered if he would find it offensive.

A question to perhaps ask yourself is, if you ran into him on the street and never knew of his dancing, would he have caught your interest? Also, if he quit dancing tomorrow and started playing the violin instead (or anything other than dancing), would the crush remain?

 

I'm mentioning this because of long experience with women crushing on male muso's they met in the milieu of making music. Meet the guy with a day-old beard at the baggage claim waiting on a checked bag could be completely something else. I'm mentioning this because I've observed both, numerous times. At the baggage claim, the band is invisible; on stage, they are gods.

 

In any event, the average guy probably doesn't worry much about such nuances. Presuming he's straight, he'll gladly enjoy the company of any woman he finds attractive, regardless of the specifics of where her attraction comes from. Beyond that, compatibility looms. Hope the crush works out!

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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A question to perhaps ask yourself is, if you ran into him on the street and never knew of his dancing, would he have caught your interest? Also, if he quit dancing tomorrow and started playing the violin instead (or anything other than dancing), would the crush remain?

 

I'm mentioning this because of long experience with women crushing on male muso's they met in the milieu of making music. Meet the guy with a day-old beard at the baggage claim waiting on a checked bag could be completely something else. I'm mentioning this because I've observed both, numerous times. At the baggage claim, the band is invisible; on stage, they are gods.

 

In any event, the average guy probably doesn't worry much about such nuances. Presuming he's straight, he'll gladly enjoy the company of any woman he finds attractive, regardless of the specifics of where her attraction comes from. Beyond that, compatibility looms. Hope the crush works out!

 

Thank you for your input, but I feel like this is overthinking.

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