StrongerEveryDay Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Hi, My story is weird and I'm embarrassed by the whole thing. I started seeing someone about 6 months ago. We always had fun, lots of laughter. We went through a hard time where we were both job hunting, and I think it damaged our new relationship - we spent too much time together. I got a job within 6 weeks (he didn't, but he can get by ok). I started my new job 2 weeks ago and was so excited to start the new year with a fairly new boyfriend, new job, and to get back to the routine & exciting life i had before I was stressed out with the job search (my life was totally on hold during the job search, now i'm already getting it back) But of course, it seems like when everything is working, one thing has to break. Here's how he broke up with me on NYE. We were at his friends house, and we all drank a LOT. Out of character for me, but I drank way too much and don't remember leaving / getting back to his house. But I do remember what happened next. He broke up with me. Told me I am not "The One". I was drunk, so I immediately cried and I have no idea what else I said. Eventually we went to sleep but when we woke up he reiterated. I packed my stuff, and he drove me home. We left it in a weird space when he left - he said he needed space. I said "ok, take the space, it's totally ok, i probably need it too" then we decided to reconvene and chat in about a week. I can do NC just fine - so I'm not going to contact him and I have faith that he will reach out in about a week like we said. It's also ok with me if he takes longer, but I'm also having all those normal post-breakup feelings like "what if he sleeps with someone else" and "what is wrong with me" and "why am i not the one" ...and then there's the anger. I'm angry because he couldn't wait for the next day when we were sober, or when I was sober. It seems cruel to do that to a person when they are not prepared to react with a clear head. So I'm a bit pissed. And now I have the classic question....What does it mean? I'm not the one? He told me he doesn't look at me as someone he wants to spend his life with. Which really broke my heart. We had so much fun, and he was quickly becoming my best friend. It seemed so good. I wasn't even ready to begin thinking about marriage, I was just enjoying being in a growing relationship. He told me he wanted to start the new year with a clean slate. And now I ask....the classic question.... have you ever heard of this happening and the people actually end up talking about it and trying again? Could he be ...wrong? Could the feelings I felt be real? Is there a chance this could work, if we talk it out? Does that ever happen?
writergal Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Your story isn't that weird unfortunately, because the holidays seem to be a popular time for relationship breakups. I know, because five years ago, my then-boyfriend broke up with me on NYE. We dated off and on after that until he moved away with his now second wife (the same woman he had a work affair with during his first marriage, whom he secretly continued to date while he dated me). I thought he was the one, especially because he told me he wanted to marry me. But really, I was just a convenient emotional / physical distraction for him while he recovered from his divorce and tried to figure out what he wanted with his female colleague whom he had an affair with during his first marriage, and whom he dated and slept with (I found out after the fact) while he dated and slept with me. That breakup devastated me and ruined my trust in men for a good three years. It's only been in the past 2 years that I've dared to try dating again with no luck, but at least I'm trying again and whatever happens, happens. Believe what your boyfriend told you. I know it's hard to hear that he doesn't think you're the one for him, but if that's what he told you, then you need to believe him and start the acceptance process now that your relationship is over. If you question / badger him to try again, that will only push him farther away, especially if he doesn't want to give the relationship with you a second chance. It's best for the both of you to just leave each other alone and try to process the breakup as you move forward with the healing process. Try to focus on your new job as a distraction. Don't let the breakup disrupt your concentration at work. Spend time with friends for comfort and healing as much as you can right now. No one here can tell you / predict how things will pan out with your now ex-boyfriend, except to share similar stories with you of people's own experiences being broken up with on a holiday like NYE and what happened, and share insight and commiserate with you while you go through this breakup.
Author StrongerEveryDay Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 Thanks for the reply. We did agree to just take some time and then reconvene. I'm having an ok time I guess. Very very sad, and I know the best thing to do now is take care of me, so I am. But still I have the classic question....has this story ever had a different outcome for anyone here? Oddly, after other breakups, I always end up hearing from the ex again. Something about his decision seems wrong, and rushed. I won't wait around for him, but I do miss him very much. The other part of this is that I am mortified at how I reacted because of the alcohol - i don't often drink too much and I know it's no excuse but it was NYE and I had way too much to drink to handle anything emotional. Anyhow...I am also feeling unlovable and just plain stupid.
CarrieT Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Don't meet up in a week. Go 100% No Contact. He stated his peace and reconvening to re-hash it all will only hurt more. It wasn't working for him - regardless of him "becoming your best friend" - for whatever reason, so there is no need to go a-begging or hoping. You will hurt for a while, yes. But you will gain significantly more dignity if you just let it go and move on without seeing him again.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 My bf tried to breakup with me right before NYE because he felt pressured from the relationship. I managed to talk him out of it, but we're giving each other alot of space. This is about him, not you. When men are at an emotional phase in their life where their career is at a standstill, or they are not sure about what to do with their lives, they want to be left alone to figure it out on their own. You have to use this space to build your own identity, and to show him that you are not emotionally dependent on him. Make him miss you. This is psychology 101. Wish him luck and go NC. Be at a point in your life where your job and your life means more to you than him and if he sees in that in the future, he will be begging you to take him back.
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