missidk Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I know its kind of childish. But why do I always have to text first? Ive been talking to this guy for a couple months now and for the last month I've been the one that has to Uniate contact thr majority of the time. The first month he purses Me now it's blah. I've asked him why he's been so standoff ish a few weeks ago and he stated that he's been stressed and busy, but he'd work on communication. Now I'm not dumb. I know no one is too busy to talk to someone everyone has their phone on them 24/7. I just don't think he's interested anymore and I really don't think it'll be a good idea to ask him to communicate again. Any other ideas? (Yes I already know "stop talking to him then" is an option, other ideas)
Dallers Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 You like him more than he likes you. That is the reason 99.9999% sure of it. He has other options. He does like you but not as much as you want him to and he just enjoys having you as attention or on the side while he dates or looks for better. This is simple human nature to act this way and there is no other reason all of the things he said are just ways to appease and most likely bull and the way he feels won't change. Walk away and move on or carry on being the chaser and become fixated with someone who will not like you back the same way. Dating 101. 2
preraph Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Stop initiating and see if he picks up the ball or not. Then you have your answer. 8
TigerCub Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Yeah sorry OP, it just seems like he's not as interested as you are. I'm guessing you've slept with him by now - am I wrong?
Scaatys2014 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 So, if I'm reading all of these responses here and on other forums correctly what women are being told to do is let the guy do ALL the work? Women are supposed to wait around for the guy to initiate all contact? if he does, he's interested? If he doesn't, he's not? what if he's shy and is waiting for the woman to call/text? Is there ever an exception to the rule? Do the guy's HAVE to chase the woman in order for there to be attraction for him? Seems like a cat and mouse game...... Guess I had better find a book on dating rules. I don't get it
TigerCub Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 So, if I'm reading all of these responses here and on other forums correctly what women are being told to do is let the guy do ALL the work? Women are supposed to wait around for the guy to initiate all contact? if he does, he's interested? If he doesn't, he's not? what if he's shy and is waiting for the woman to call/text? Is there ever an exception to the rule? Do the guy's HAVE to chase the woman in order for there to be attraction for him? Seems like a cat and mouse game...... Guess I had better find a book on dating rules. I don't get it Not at all. I think there has to be an equal amount of effort and initiative on both parts. What OP is complaining about is that for about a month, she's the one that's making all the effort, whereas before he made effort to contact her and show interest - that means that he's not shy and afraid to contact her, he just doesn't want to. No on (male or female) should be constantly chasing the other. If 2 people are in a relationship, wouldn't it be weird if only 1 is putting in effort only?
Satu Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I'm not crazy about texts. I see them as being one step up from smoke signals and Morse code. 1. Face to face. 2. Telephone or Skype. 3. Email. 4. Texts. 5. Smoke signals or Morse code. 6. Silence.
preraph Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 So, if I'm reading all of these responses here and on other forums correctly what women are being told to do is let the guy do ALL the work? Women are supposed to wait around for the guy to initiate all contact? if he does, he's interested? If he doesn't, he's not? what if he's shy and is waiting for the woman to call/text? Is there ever an exception to the rule? Do the guy's HAVE to chase the woman in order for there to be attraction for him? Seems like a cat and mouse game...... Guess I had better find a book on dating rules. I don't get it I don't know how you got that out of the advice given you. If anyone, whether it's your mom or your sister or your Aunt Clara or a girlfriend isn't initiating and you seem to have to be dragging them along, their interest isn't as much as yours and the only way to find out if you should be bothering with them at all is to stop and see if they even care enough to eventually make contact or not.
spiderowl Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I know its kind of childish. But why do I always have to text first? Ive been talking to this guy for a couple months now and for the last month I've been the one that has to Uniate contact thr majority of the time. The first month he purses Me now it's blah. I've asked him why he's been so standoff ish a few weeks ago and he stated that he's been stressed and busy, but he'd work on communication. Now I'm not dumb. I know no one is too busy to talk to someone everyone has their phone on them 24/7. I just don't think he's interested anymore and I really don't think it'll be a good idea to ask him to communicate again. Any other ideas? (Yes I already know "stop talking to him then" is an option, other ideas) Yes, leave it up to him to contact you. If he wants you, he will. If he doesn't bother, you'll know where you stand. If you are always the one taking the initiative, he can sit back and be lazy and take you for granted. Sounds like he needs to learn you won't always be there for him.
mtber75 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I know its kind of childish. But why do I always have to text first? Ive been talking to this guy for a couple months now and for the last month I've been the one that has to Uniate contact thr majority of the time. The first month he purses Me now it's blah. I've asked him why he's been so standoff ish a few weeks ago and he stated that he's been stressed and busy, but he'd work on communication. Now I'm not dumb. I know no one is too busy to talk to someone everyone has their phone on them 24/7. I just don't think he's interested anymore and I really don't think it'll be a good idea to ask him to communicate again. Any other ideas? (Yes I already know "stop talking to him then" is an option, other ideas) He's being lazy or he's just a shy guy? Don't mean that his not interested in you...Just that you are doing all the work and he's just letting you lead! I think you should be clear to him that he should be the one contacting you first!
Adele0908 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I know its kind of childish. But why do I always have to text first? Ive been talking to this guy for a couple months now and for the last month I've been the one that has to Uniate contact thr majority of the time. The first month he purses Me now it's blah. I've asked him why he's been so standoff ish a few weeks ago and he stated that he's been stressed and busy, but he'd work on communication. Now I'm not dumb. I know no one is too busy to talk to someone everyone has their phone on them 24/7. I just don't think he's interested anymore and I really don't think it'll be a good idea to ask him to communicate again. Any other ideas? (Yes I already know "stop talking to him then" is an option, other ideas) One option is to take some space from him and see other guys. So that you don't get too wrapped up in him and also allow yourself to have fun. Second option is to stay with him while you work on yourself. Most people don't do this because it's harder. You can't change a man's behavior by force, reasoning, nagging, complaining etc. People in general don't like being told what to do, or be pressured to do X, Y, or Z. You can only inspire change by changing something about yourself. Usually its learning how to trust, have faith and be vulnerable. Last and easiest option is to leave him and move on.
Poppygoodwill Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 So, if I'm reading all of these responses here and on other forums correctly what women are being told to do is let the guy do ALL the work? Women are supposed to wait around for the guy to initiate all contact? if he does, he's interested? If he doesn't, he's not? what if he's shy and is waiting for the woman to call/text? Is there ever an exception to the rule? Do the guy's HAVE to chase the woman in order for there to be attraction for him? Seems like a cat and mouse game...... Guess I had better find a book on dating rules. I don't get it Defensive much?! Read the OP. She's doing ALL the initiating, which is just as out of whack as if the guy has to do it all. If a woman has you doing all the initiating then - newsflash - she's not interested enough. That's what we're telling her. It works both ways. 1
EgoJoe Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 If you're doing all of the initiating he may subconsciously know he just has to reply. I work with my phone, constantly and sometimes I'm too busy to call my family etc. Let alone a love interest. Stop initiating and see what happens, post here. 1
True Gent Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I know its kind of childish. But why do I always have to text first? Ive been talking to this guy for a couple months now and for the last month I've been the one that has to Uniate contact thr majority of the time. The first month he purses Me now it's blah. I've asked him why he's been so standoff ish a few weeks ago and he stated that he's been stressed and busy, but he'd work on communication. Now I'm not dumb. I know no one is too busy to talk to someone everyone has their phone on them 24/7. I just don't think he's interested anymore and I really don't think it'll be a good idea to ask him to communicate again. Any other ideas? (Yes I already know "stop talking to him then" is an option, other ideas) How often do you see each other?
Redhead14 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 I know its kind of childish. But why do I always have to text first? Ive been talking to this guy for a couple months now and for the last month I've been the one that has to Uniate contact thr majority of the time. The first month he purses Me now it's blah. I've asked him why he's been so standoff ish a few weeks ago and he stated that he's been stressed and busy, but he'd work on communication. Now I'm not dumb. I know no one is too busy to talk to someone everyone has their phone on them 24/7. I just don't think he's interested anymore and I really don't think it'll be a good idea to ask him to communicate again. Any other ideas? (Yes I already know "stop talking to him then" is an option, other ideas) I am often too busy to call/text anyone while at work at least. I'm giving my full attention to the job. NOt only that, I'd rather be able to give my full attention to whomever it is I would be calling or texting. I'd rather have a significant, meaningful conversation with someone rather than a quick little say text, which can be nice, but I'd rather say it in person or in a phone call. There isn't anything you can do if he doesn't want to communicate with you on the level you want. He said he'd work on communication, wait and see what he does. If he doesn't up the communication or contact you again, just move on. For the first couple of months of dating a new man, you let him do almost, if not all of the initiating. When he's become consistent in his communication with you over the course of that time, then you initiate about once to every 2 of his for a little while. It's really the only way you can gauge a man's interest in the very beginning. But, really it's not about frequency, it's about consistency. If he's not being consistent at least, it'd be best to just leave it be. In other words, some men are a little slow or don't communicate with you as much as YOU would like but over time you come to realize that's the way they are and if the pattern is calling once a week and a text here and there, you know that's just how they are. And, frankly, at that early stage, I wouldn't even be looking for much from them or looking at my phone waiting..
Popsicle Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Stop initiating and see if he picks up the ball or not. Then you have your answer. I did this once and later on found out that the guy assumed that I had found someone else so he never picked up the ball. I was like, huh? What's up with that????
Popsicle Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 If you're doing all of the initiating he may subconsciously know he just has to reply. I work with my phone, constantly and sometimes I'm too busy to call my family etc. Let alone a love interest. This is what I thought was the case in my situation with the guy above. Heck, sometimes I'm even that kind of busy, so I understand. And I don't say that as a good thing. It's not like I'm having fun!
Redhead14 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 (edited) So, if I'm reading all of these responses here and on other forums correctly what women are being told to do is let the guy do ALL the work? Women are supposed to wait around for the guy to initiate all contact? if he does, he's interested? If he doesn't, he's not? what if he's shy and is waiting for the woman to call/text? Is there ever an exception to the rule? Do the guy's HAVE to chase the woman in order for there to be attraction for him? Seems like a cat and mouse game...... Guess I had better find a book on dating rules. I don't get it Yes, let them do most of the work in the very beginning. They initiate, you respond in kind. Let him come to you so you know that he really wants to be with you. It needs to be balanced. When it's been established clearly to you that he is truly interested in you, then you can initiate now and again after that point. As time goes by, then you can initiate more. What happens if you're doing all the initiating or a lot of the initiating, you won't know if the guy is serious or not. This is where you are at now. The truth is, he's not contacting you as much as you'd like, because he doesn't have to, you're doing that. But, it doesn't show you what you want to know, which is does he really want to see me or like me, whatever. If he's serious, he will contact you first. Then you respond in kind, you reciprocate. That's the way he knows you're interested. If he's not serious, he'll respond when you initiate, he'll even go out with you because it's "being brought to him", but he may not really care whether or not he sees you. Maybe he's being polite, maybe he doesn't have anything better to do, maybe he hopes he'll get sex. A lot of maybes there. Now you are in a spot where you don't really know what he's thinking or wants with you. Back off the initiating for a bit, see what he does. If he let's some time go by before contacting you again (you can give him a week), your answer is likely that he's just not as interested anymore. If he's at all serious, he'll contact you within a week. He'll wonder where you've been. If not, low interest, move on. Edited January 6, 2015 by Redhead14
GemmaUK Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Not everyone is tied to their mobile. I'm not. Which reminds me - I ought to charge it.. I put it somewhere 2 days ago....will go find it...
Leigh 87 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Yes, let them do most of the work in the very beginning. They initiate, you respond in kind. Let him come to you so you know that he really wants to be with you. It needs to be balanced. When it's been established clearly to you that he is truly interested in you, then you can initiate now and again after that point. As time goes by, then you can initiate more. What happens if you're doing all the initiating or a lot of the initiating, you won't know if the guy is serious or not. This is where you are at now. The truth is, he's not contacting you as much as you'd like, because he doesn't have to, you're doing that. But, it doesn't show you what you want to know, which is does he really want to see me or like me, whatever. If he's serious, he will contact you first. Then you respond in kind, you reciprocate. That's the way he knows you're interested. If he's not serious, he'll respond when you initiate, he'll even go out with you because it's "being brought to him", but he may not really care whether or not he sees you. Maybe he's being polite, maybe he doesn't have anything better to do, maybe he hopes he'll get sex. A lot of maybes there. Now you are in a spot where you don't really know what he's thinking or wants with you. Back off the initiating for a bit, see what he does. If he let's some time go by before contacting you again (you can give him a week), your answer is likely that he's just not as interested anymore. If he's at all serious, he'll contact you within a week. He'll wonder where you've been. If not, low interest, move on. It is not ALL the guys job - women shouldn't play games, and we SHOULD show a guy that we ARE into them! However, I whole heartedly agree that, at least in the early stages, the guy SHOULD absolutely text first and initiate the texts and phone calls! Why? Because, as a woman, I know that there are a lot of guys who won't be that into you - and yet, they will happily respond to texts if the woman initiates. Men won't always stop talking to a woman just because he just isn't that into her - many men will happily still answer texts because they see it as an opportunity for sex. And men won't spell it out - I had to ask a guy once and he kindly explained that he "didn't think we clicked at that romantic level, but he thinks I am so hot and a nice girl and wanted some fun if I was up for it" I will tell you a quick story: on Xmas eve, I met a guy and we went to the beach all night for hours for a date. We had strong sexual chemistry and we were both really good kissers (our styles melded extremely well). He initiated maybe one text a day. We met again for date two. After date two, I stopped initiating and so did he. He initiated 1 text per day for the 2 days AFTER our second date. I responded, but he left it.Then he stopped initiating texts altogether. And guess what - if I had initiated texts, I am sure he would have replied - thinking " well, I am not that into her, but man she was hot and a great kisser, maybe I can get some sex from her if I play my cards right" In fact - after a few days of no texting from either party - he texted me last night asking how I was... he then asked if I had been seeing anyone. ^^^ So if you stop initiating and then the guy stops initiating - he is not only disinterested in getting to know you as a person, but he MAY come out of the woodworks wanting sex like this guy did. I am assuming that is why he texted me out of the blue. The current guy I am seeing initiates texts and calls daily even though he isn't a huge texter and he has long days at work. I let HIM do the initiating, so that way I know if I am on his mind in the early stages (you SHOULD be on their mind all the time, they should be infatuated with you and in lust with you to begin with!) I HAPPILY and EARGERLY respond to the guy I am dating, he KNOWS I am very interested - but since it is early in our budding relationship, it is his job as a man, to show me that yes I am on his mind - by texting me first, by initiating texts.... to which I swiftly and eagerly respond to. After a month or two I will start initiating texts some of the time, half the time sounds good - since a proper relationship takes two people. What we have now is not a "relationship" since we don't know one another well enough - and so until it is serious, he can do the initiating because men love the chase, it IS in built albeit men don't want a cold fish and they also need women to make it known that they are into them. Let him do the initiating. If you are on his mind a lot he will text you.
Leigh 87 Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Not everyone is tied to their mobile. I'm not. Which reminds me - I ought to charge it.. I put it somewhere 2 days ago....will go find it... But we all have one. If a guy meets a girl who knocks his socks off - he thinks about her all the time, and he initiates texts at least every day with her. It is 2014. over 40's are from a different generation and are less inclined to have a phone tied to them. People are tied to their phones ENOUGH to initiate a text every day. And as far as I am concerned, it is the mans job to initiate the texts in the early stages; the woman's job is to eagerly and swiftly respond, and once in a blue moon initiate a text or call after a couple of weeks of the MAN initiating. I date around a lot and all the men I know of who are really into a girl, initiate texts in the early stages if the girl doesn't get around to it.
Recommended Posts