Eddy Street Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 (edited) I was on a date with a rather arrogant girl around Thanksgiving. She attacked me several times on something I said earlier on match chat, by way of subtly sarcastic remarks about my intelligence, personal life and hobbies. Basically what I said, jokingly, was that we needed to take the conversation into a more natural real-life setting, where we wouldn't be able to hide behind a screen/facade and didn't have the comfort of time to polish our responses/reactions to each-other. I did not mean it in a bad way, but maybe she thought I did? This lead to a rather heated philosophical discussion about what is subjective and why, and then a discussion about the ability of a person to affect not only their own reality but objective reality (including other people's reality) purely with their mind. I basically couldn't follow her logic because it made no sense, it was extremely convoluted and contradictory, and she just kept throwing these weird ideas at me faster than I could even hear what she was saying. I paused for a moment to sort of try to understand what she was saying and come up with some sort of sensible response and as I tried to think she said: "oh oh, I think what's coming is going to be scary!!" I looked at her and she was making a really irritating sarcastic face, as if pretending to be scared... I replied "nothing scary, I'm used embarrassment" That was basically the end for me. Then I tried to tell her that her argument was still invalid, because whatever pathology was keeping me at that table with her was not of her making, and the product of the problems I had in my early childhood. I should have just gotten up without saying anything and walked away. In the mean time I managed to text my friend to have him call me to save me. Then I saw the homeless guy and there she made the "little boy" comment to me, which I mentioned in another thread. This is my problem: I have a hard time manipulating people and I make it extremely easy for people to manipulate me. Only I can solve that problem, but I would like to ask for help on how to reply to such philosophical BS? I could tell she was improvising, and maybe I got intimidated because it actually seemed to make sense. What could I have said? Edited January 2, 2015 by Eddy Street
coolheadal Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 You should have called the waiter and ask him for the check. Pay in cash and walk out on this women. She's clearly on the defense to attack you in public. Never, never take this type of abusive antisocial behavior from anybody! You can't defend yourself with her. Just leave no matter where she is. If you had picked her up give some cab fare and don't bother to even take her home. Because if you more verbal abuse! 4
candie13 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 She's playing mind games. Best way of not losing such a game ... is to not play it to begin with ! It's a date, you're supposed to have fun, flirt & enjoy eachother's company, not psychoanalyse issues steaming from your childhood. Which, are none of her business, to begin with! You need to understand why you let yourself get sucked into these toxic dynamics, I see weak personal barriers already, but you know what you need so desperately to "be right" and look as if you have the upper hand... Who cares, she's no one, just a stranger on internet ! 2
Author Eddy Street Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 Mind games is exactly what it felt like.
candie13 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 read Eric Berne's book about psychological games - the victim, the oppressor and the savior. You will understand that each one of the participants is willing playing a role. In order to understand why you are so submissive and involuntarily take the role of the victim, read a bit about the dynamics inside these relationships. 1
BlueIris Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 She attacked me several times on something I said earlier on match chat, by way of subtly sarcastic remarks about my intelligence, personal life and hobbies. And you kept talking to her. Basically what I said, jokingly, was that we needed to take the conversation into a more natural real-life setting, where we wouldn't be able to hide behind a screen/facade and didn't have the comfort of time to polish our responses/reactions to each-other. So you invited her to meet to continue sparring in real time. This lead to a rather heated philosophical discussion... You continued the battle. If you battle with someone and then invite her out to continue, he or she will continue. Don't do that again if you don't like it.
Author Eddy Street Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 And you kept talking to her. Me saying that we needed to take the conversation to the real world is what set her off, apparently. Online, and even the short convo on the phone we had, remained very playful, but there were some hints of the things to come I guess.
Jules Dash Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Trying simply saying "you win!" It usually diffuses the person right away and often they will realize how stupid they are behaving after detecting the subtle sarcasm of your response. 1
BlueIris Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Me saying that we needed to take the conversation to the real world is what set her off, apparently. Online, and even the short convo on the phone we had, remained very playful, but there were some hints of the things to come I guess. Yeah, definitely watch for the hints. Some people really like what they call debating, which is usually arguing, heated discussions, baiting and getting fired up by conflict. Some even get turned on by it. If you don’t like it, as soon as the insults come, especially as jokes, or heat turns up, exit. Say, “Sorry, I have to go!” and then log out and block.
aggie382 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Entertaining her crap just kept it going and made her feel like she was winning. I would have responded earlier on with something like 'I ain't got time for this,' and moved on. I guarantee you're not the first guy she's gone to philosophical blows with over something totally innocent. 2
preraph Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I have to say you jumped in pretty deep with your comment that kicked it all off, which did basically accuse her and most others of hiding behind a facade, so you're who threw her into defensive mode, and apparently hard-to-follow philosophical nonsense then ensued. Early dating, better to ask questions and listen as much as you can. If you had that thought, rather than say it, simply arrange the situation where you thought it would bring down whatever facade you imagine she has. 2
aggie382 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I have to say you jumped in pretty deep with your comment that kicked it all off, which did basically accuse her and most others of hiding behind a facade, so you're who threw her into defensive mode, and apparently hard-to-follow philosophical nonsense then ensued. Early dating, better to ask questions and listen as much as you can. If you had that thought, rather than say it, simply arrange the situation where you thought it would bring down whatever facade you imagine she has. That is a really good point. The OP probably did put her on the defensive.
Author Eddy Street Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 (edited) That is a really good point. The OP probably did put her on the defensive. Yeah, that's exactly what I think happened too. The first thing she said to my comment was that it was subjective, implying that I was projecting my own fears on her, that I was afraid that she might be smarter than me or something. She could have finished it right then and there (I guess I could have too), but I think she wanted the satisfaction of seeing my reaction first hand as she tore me up and I had no idea, I was hopeful, and I guess couldn't resist going out with someone who looked like Rachel McAdams. Turns out the only reason she went out with me was to embarrass me. But I'm confused still, she doesn't like to be challenged, yet she wrote in her profile that she liked guys who can take the lead and how do you take the lead without challenging somebody? I thought I was taking the lead... in a very respectful way. Edited January 2, 2015 by Eddy Street
Jules Dash Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Yeah, that's exactly what I think happened too. I thought that was a given. You didn't realize that was set this whole thing off?
Author Eddy Street Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 I thought that was a given. You didn't realize that was set this whole thing off? Just trying to keep the thread in the foreground...
Jules Dash Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Just trying to keep the thread in the foreground... Oh, Ok. I was thinking I know he can't be that oblivious.
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