sde3310 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I recently met two girls from an OLD website and had two amazing dates with each of them. I've now realized through social media that the two of them know each other, though from what I gather they are not particularly close. Nonetheless, I feel as though I need to choose one before they talk to each other. I am afraid that if I pursue both I will lose both. I feel as though I like girl #2 more, though I can tell girl #1 is very into me. Both of them were gone for the week visiting their families in other states, and they get back this weekend. They've both expressed interest in seeing me again - What do I do? How can I let one girl down gently to pursue another (and frankly- if things don't work out with girl #2, I'd love to keep the door open with girl #1) Also - I have kissed, etc both of them, but have not slept with either.
AVarma Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Well they're not friends right? So just pick one. Sure it'll be awkward afterwards but this kind of thing happens all the time. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I was in a similar situation, only I was dating two guys who were fairly good friends, in the same social circle at least who ran across each other at parties and nights out. Have to say the only way I thought I could play it was to be 100% honest with both, before anything 'happened', like a kiss. I started seeing guy 1 first, and then when I went out with guy 2 I let him know about guy 1 so he could decide if he felt it was too weird, or too much drama, or he had some reason he wanted to leave it up to guy 1 to pursue things. I did make it clear that I was only casually dating both and had no feelings at that stage. Both of them were actually fine about it in the end, the first was confident about it and said it was fine, the second thought it was a little weird and thought it over but decided it was fine, when I said that I wasn't going to let sex happen with either before cutting one off to focus on the other. I got the impression that both of them were into me enough that they actually didn't let it bother them, if they thought they still were in with a chance of being a guy I'd want to eventually properly date. I think they talked it over briefly with one another and said fair play, whatever happens happens. As it went in the end, it didn't work out with guy 2 fairly quickly (a few dates), and a month or two later, I stopped seeing guy 2 as well. Both were my decision as I wasn't 'feeling it' enough to pursue it into a full blown relationship. No drama ensued and I'm still mates with both as they are with one another. I think it depends a lot on the maturity of all involved, but until you've had the exclusive talk, you shouldn't cut one off to focus on the other as you will never know what you're risking missing out on. But I advocate honesty, maybe just shoot them a message saying 'this is really awkward but I just realised that you know *other girl*, I've actually been seeing her very casually too and I'm not sure how you feel about it', multi-dating is fine and in most scenarios you don't have to go way out of your way to rub it in someone's face, especially if you only have a couple dates with a person before cutting it off or focusing on them, but as they know each other I think this could save you from looking sleazy and losing both of them a little down the road, if they feel misled. And you may think they won't find out but you never know who might go checking you in to a club or restaurant with them and wham, the other girl has noticed. Good luck!
Author sde3310 Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 I was in a similar situation, only I was dating two guys who were fairly good friends, in the same social circle at least who ran across each other at parties and nights out. Have to say the only way I thought I could play it was to be 100% honest with both, before anything 'happened', like a kiss. I started seeing guy 1 first, and then when I went out with guy 2 I let him know about guy 1 so he could decide if he felt it was too weird, or too much drama, or he had some reason he wanted to leave it up to guy 1 to pursue things. I did make it clear that I was only casually dating both and had no feelings at that stage. Both of them were actually fine about it in the end, the first was confident about it and said it was fine, the second thought it was a little weird and thought it over but decided it was fine, when I said that I wasn't going to let sex happen with either before cutting one off to focus on the other. I got the impression that both of them were into me enough that they actually didn't let it bother them, if they thought they still were in with a chance of being a guy I'd want to eventually properly date. I think they talked it over briefly with one another and said fair play, whatever happens happens. As it went in the end, it didn't work out with guy 2 fairly quickly (a few dates), and a month or two later, I stopped seeing guy 2 as well. Both were my decision as I wasn't 'feeling it' enough to pursue it into a full blown relationship. No drama ensued and I'm still mates with both as they are with one another. I think it depends a lot on the maturity of all involved, but until you've had the exclusive talk, you shouldn't cut one off to focus on the other as you will never know what you're risking missing out on. But I advocate honesty, maybe just shoot them a message saying 'this is really awkward but I just realised that you know *other girl*, I've actually been seeing her very casually too and I'm not sure how you feel about it', multi-dating is fine and in most scenarios you don't have to go way out of your way to rub it in someone's face, especially if you only have a couple dates with a person before cutting it off or focusing on them, but as they know each other I think this could save you from looking sleazy and losing both of them a little down the road, if they feel misled. And you may think they won't find out but you never know who might go checking you in to a club or restaurant with them and wham, the other girl has noticed. Good luck! Yeah, i feel like its tough for me to call it out because quite frankly, I stumbled upon it by chance (a photo of them together) and I don't want to appear to stalkerish. I feel like I'm in a position where I need to drop one for the other, my biggest concern is how to do so without looking sleazy and quite frankly, keeping the door open for friendship with girl #1. I was thinking about telling her I met someone else, but I've done this before and found the girl was simply insulted by me saying that.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Yeah, i feel like its tough for me to call it out because quite frankly, I stumbled upon it by chance (a photo of them together) and I don't want to appear to stalkerish. I feel like I'm in a position where I need to drop one for the other, my biggest concern is how to do so without looking sleazy and quite frankly, keeping the door open for friendship with girl #1. I was thinking about telling her I met someone else, but I've done this before and found the girl was simply insulted by me saying that. Well, you can always just... not say anything. I wouldn't normally advocate someone lying, and that's what you'd be doing... but you're not actually doing anything wrong, and I don't think it'd be the end of the world to simply not say anything, go on another couple dates with each girl, and then if one of them realises, you can be as surprised as she is. I hate lying usually and I can't say I'd feel comfortable with doing it myself (I would just tell them straight once I knew) but I guess it's another option. You wouldn't feel obligated to tell a girl the identity of every other girl you had or were going on a date with in the weeks surrounding your date with her so I don't see why this is much different. If you do want to end it with one of them then just say you've met someone else and want to focus on them. But you will probably lose the chance of it ever working out with the girl you ditch. And you may lose the friendship too, if they are sufficiently insulted that you would pick someone else over them. I'd had guys tell me before that they don't want to meet up again because they've met someone they're crazy about and really want it to work with and I was happy for them, you shouldn't be so invested at the stage of a handful of dates that you're getting all bent outta shape if the other party doesn't wanna keep dating. Question is, why do you REALLY want to stay in touch with girl 1? Is it honestly for 'friendship' (you barely know her), or because you just wanna keep the door open for future romance?
michellew Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 This is one reason I stopped online dating. My best friend and I have the same taste in men and ended up talking to the same guy on more than one occasion. The first time it happened, we figured it out before he did. Instead of putting him in the position to choose, I ended it with the guy and let her date him. I was seeing someone else at the time and was totally okay with letting him go. My friend and him went on a couple of dates, but didn't hit it off. Fast forward a few months later...same guy contacts me and asks if I would be interested in seeing him again. I get my friend's blessing before saying yes and we ended up dating for 3 months. Maybe you should not say anything and let them figure it out like my situation? It's not like you went into this knowing they were friends beforehand.
Author sde3310 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 I'm starting to think maybe the best course of action is to respond to the one that i'm not interested in, but not ask her out/meet up with her? Just sort of fade away? Its only been three dates. Its frustrating, I feel like inaction might just be the best action here.
aggie382 Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I'm starting to think maybe the best course of action is to respond to the one that i'm not interested in, but not ask her out/meet up with her? Just sort of fade away? Its only been three dates. Its frustrating, I feel like inaction might just be the best action here. You're 'not' interested in #1 and it's been three dates? In the OP, you said it'd been two dates, and you said that if things didn't work out with #2 you'd 'love' to keep seeing #1. Which is it? If they're in pictures together on social media as you said, they're friends. They will find out. You need to be honest, right now.
Author sde3310 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 You're 'not' interested in #1 and it's been three dates? In the OP, you said it'd been two dates, and you said that if things didn't work out with #2 you'd 'love' to keep seeing #1. Which is it? If they're in pictures together on social media as you said, they're friends. They will find out. You need to be honest, right now. Two dates each, post edited. Sorry for confusion. Frankly if it were up to me, I'd continue to see each of them independently to better make a decision, but I feel as though I must choose now to avoid losing both.
Rydo Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I wouldn't bother bringing it up, just date both. I've dated girls that had a friend in common but didn't know each other, the friend in common was trying to hit on them both so he ended up telling them and they didn't care still. Ended up seeing one exclusively for a month or two and the other for a few months not long after that. As far as I know the guy is still trying with both 1
toscaroscura Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Whatever you do, please don't lie to or string along girl #1. And certainly don't fill her with hope in order to keep her on a back burner. 3
PogoStick Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 There's nothing wrong with dating them both. How do you know either of them aren't dating other guys too? And it's not your job to play detective and know who is friends with who. You don't have to pick one until you feel close enough to make that decision. You should continue getting to know them and figure out which one is a better fit. 2
mysteryscape Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 They've both expressed interest in seeing me again - What do I do? How can I let one girl down gently to pursue another (and frankly- if things don't work out with girl #2, I'd love to keep the door open with girl #1) Also - I have kissed, etc both of them, but have not slept with either. Buddy, you have gotten yourself in a fix. It's a real multi-date pickle. jI wish you luck in talking your way out!
Recommended Posts