robbysurfs Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 (edited) Backstory- I met this girl over the summer we had a intense short-term relationship. I am in my thirties so is she We spent so much time together in that short period we were best friends/lovers it was great, and I actually met her parents Basically it was a great summer despite the spilt. This was purely a case of to much to soon and it ran its course.The break-up wasn't that bad except it was very sudden and I am the dumpee. She wanted to be friends but I declined and told her to not text me unless it was about the relationship. So about 5 months have past we broke up in september. I had my own grieving process and respected her wishes and remained nc. I reached out to her once via text saying "thinking about you i hope your well" but it might of been to soon it was like 2 month after BU, she did not respond so i left it alone. Here is were it is now, we go to the same 12-step program this is where i met her and we have many mutual friends. I had not seen her for months because she was in school getting her masters degree. The holidays just passed and I have been seeing her regularly. I miss her but I dont miss the relationship and I really want to have peace with her and let her know im cool and we dont have to snub each other or atleast be amicable. I wrote a letter and thought I should send it on FB or text. She is a very shy person and I want to be delicate in this matter. That being said we are both adults and think maybe we could possibly be friendly. this is the letter and sorry for the long post- Dear____ I hope you are well and this reaches you in good spirits. Every now and again there are moments that inspire and instill this innate sense of clarity. "Oh, of course. Why didn't I think of that sooner?" I know I had been avoiding it for too long, but it didn't occur to me until I started thinking and recollecting. Then it hit me like a freight train. Remembering all the moments in my life I took for granted and looking to the events in my life now, I can't help but feel this overwhelming appreciation for all that was and all that is. For all that was, I never got the opportunity to properly express my gratitude. You've been an unbelievably positive influence to my life and I am really grateful. You gave me love, an experience, you were my best friend, and I don't think I'll ever truly forget. Although the time we shared together was short, I'm happy to say those moments will live with me for the rest of my existence. People come into our lives for so many different reasons and stay for different seasons. In my heart, I now believe that you came into my life at just the right time, taught me things about myself and about love, and gave me gifts that only you could give me. And when it was time for us to part ways, we did. We might not have known then what we know now, but it doesn't matter in the end. What matters most is that we lived, we loved and we learned. I saw you in meetings these past couple of days and I really wanted to wish you a happy holidays and a happy new year. I want you to know I have no resentments or bad feelings towards you and would like to move forward into the new year with peace and love. The past is okay and the future is friendly. We live a hard enough life being _____, so I am extending my hand. My intention in writing this was in all sincerity, and I hope we can be friends again... -Robbie Any comments would be appreciated and thank you in advance. Edited January 2, 2015 by robbysurfs
blackcat777 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Are you absolutely certain you want to be friends with her? Do you have any residual feelings at all? I'd say the best rule of thumb with any kind of emotional letter is to write it, and then sit on it for a couple of weeks. All I can say is, I am so, so, so, so, so, so, SO INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL to myself that I never never sent a single letter that I had written to my ex. I can't stress this enough. If she didn't reply to your text, another letter may be unwelcome. If you feel you need to give a letter for your sense of closure and can truly walk away from any possible outcome, go for it, otherwise, I'd sit a long time on that letter before sending it... for your own peace of mind and sense of dignity. 2
Purepony Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Don't send that! If you do you'll become a girl named Robbie. Exit like a man let her be it's what she wanted because after you sent her that text and she ignored you know you're going to send her a letter now that's like the 2nd add on don't do it she probably already moved on or she wants to see what's going to happen. She said she wants space give it to her! 1
FancyFace Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I didnt send a letter to my ex, I just sent a really long LONG text message and all I can do is cringe at the thought. Talk about a stab to my already nonexistant dignity when it comes to my clown of an ex. No matter how fabulous you think this girl is/was, a friendship with her when you have any type of investment in the outcome will kill you. Most people hold onto the crumbs of friendship in order to try work their way back to partner status and they usually get highly disappointed. I would suggest cutting contact and moving on my friend. Keep the letter for yourself and then read it even 6 months from now and more than likely you will be grateful you didnt send it. 1
Zapbasket Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Oh my gosh, just to receive such an honest and mature letter like that from someone would make me want to date them in a heartbeat. Really, it's a perfect letter. BUT, I 100% agree with this: No matter how fabulous you think this girl is/was, a friendship with her when you have any type of investment in the outcome will kill you. Most people hold onto the crumbs of friendship in order to try work their way back to partner status and they usually get highly disappointed.
rango9212 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Dude, I totally get what you're writing... Don't send it!!! Trust me at this time you're just trying to just sneak back into her life as a friend just to be close to her... But reality is you want another intimate relationship with her just like before not as a friend... You gotta understand things take time, before you send this you gotta think if you really want to be just friends because if she finds someone else and you guys are friends it's going to mess you up. My advice is work on yourself, if you go to the same class be casual DON'T FLIRT, DON'T BRING UP your past, just say hi and if she engages in conversation keep it brief and exit quickly. Concentrate in what you're doing I know it's difficult and you get easily distracted when your ex is the same room as you. You just can't help but run across the room and hold them in your arms but trust me don't do that. If you met me 5 months ago I was in a wreck from the break up but after finding this program on the site above. Trust me it changed a lot, the break up was unbearable but this program got me through it and helped me win her back... Hope my lengthy post help!!! I'll try to reply more
lolablue17 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Your letter is not honest. You just want her back and you say only words that tactically will get you to that goal. That's how this letter sound to me. Don't send it. 1
Author robbysurfs Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 thanks for all the responses and I did not send it. I know she has slept with other guys already so the pain of that has came and gone she might even be seeing someone. I just want to close the door and be amicable and make peace with it, but im gonna wait.
coolheadal Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 You need to move on! She's move on! Why do you cause so much pain to yourself and such a letter there won't do anything. Only helps you because in your mind you think it would open back up the summer fling you two had. Now she's your Ex Fling. Leave it at that! 1
erklat Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Dude, don't be that guy that sent his ex a letter. Trust me, from all insulting, clinging and begging the letter is the only thing that will haunt me for the rest of my life. 1
AnOldshoe Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Hey Rob, What ever you do don't send the letter ever!!!! You need someone to want to be with you, if you try to get her back you're just disrespecting yourself. Watch this guys videos they're really helpful when your stuck with what to do, and I'm sure he's seen the same thing a thousand times before, he's a bit of a d-bag but he has helped me loads through my breakup, he's done a whole video series check out the ones that's you think relate to you situation What he says is that when someone breaks up with you they're changing the terms of your relationship, just friends etc and you just looking weak if you go along with what she wants. Walk and never look back, being friends is not what you want!!! Good luck with your journey, I'm sure it will be amazing Shoe
Simon Phoenix Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Sending this is a dreadful idea. Like really, really bad. 1
Maggie4 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 The letter contains no new information. You should never have to talk someone into being your friend. 1
Satu Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 thanks for all the responses and I did not send it. I know she has slept with other guys already so the pain of that has came and gone she might even be seeing someone. I just want to close the door and be amicable and make peace with it, but im gonna wait. Wait for what? For nothing to happen? If you want to close the door, close it.
Author robbysurfs Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 I see her a lot and more now than ever its like she is tracking me. I dont like bumping into her but it is what it is.
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