Does ex still have feelings for me even though he has a girlfriend?

[panamundo]

Hello,

 

I (26) just need some insight to understand my ex-boyfriend (30).

 

We started dating in early 2011. We never lived together but traveled a lot and did a lot of stuff together. Everything was great, until he broke up with me out of the blue in summer 2012. I didn't know why he broke up for many months. He told me he loved me, but that it just wasn't enough. Stupid as I was, I tried to get him back the first few months, tried to stay friends with him in hope he would get back to me, which he never did. My hope didn't die quickly because he seemed to want to stay in touch with me. He often whatsapped me and we still talked often, even though we didn't see each other. Months later I sent him an email telling him my true feelings, how much I miss and love him and asked him if there is a chance we could get back together. He wrote me back that I'm probably the perfect woman and that he cares deeply for me, but that he doesn't see a chance of us getting back together. I was deeply hurt and broke up the contact for a while.

 

Then, almost a year after we broke up, I found out that all this time he has been with someone else. Apparently back in summer 2012 he met another girl, fell in love with her and broke up with me. This girl moved in with him just two months after they met each other, which was crazy in my eyes- In the 1.5 years of our relationship he had never asked me to move in with him. I wondered though why he never ever told me about her. He never mentioned her to me. Not even months later. I mean he could have said a year later that he's dating somebody else, right? He didn't- I still dunno what that means. I never told him that I knew about her.

 

Then, late spring this year, he broke up with her. I first didn't know, but then again, I found out through a mutual friend. He reached out to me a month later and we started to talk a lot more than before and he finally asked me to meet. We met, had a great time. To keep things short, we kissed, hooked up and basically started dating again. He never said 'I love you', but I didn't either and I thought it would be good to take things slow. We went out many times and even went for a trip together, everything seemed like we were a couple and he was so sweet and caring. This went along for about 2-3 months. Then, one day, I just had to ask what's going on between us, if he wants us to get back together or what all of this is.

 

He said he definitely has feelings for me and cares deeply about me (again this ****), but that he just doesn't see himself in a relationship with me again. That he is very sorry of hurting me again.

 

I broke up the contact again and found out just two weeks later that he just got back with his ex-girlfriend, the girl he left me for and the girl he broke up with in spring. I even found out that now he's planning to buy a house with her!!! He didn't tell me anything about this again. In total he has been with this girl almost 2.5 years and he has never even mentioned her to me, yet stays still(!) in contact with me. I don't think I want him back now after all, even though I still love him. He still whatsapps me quite often, we talk at least once or twice a month.

 

 

 

What do you guys think of all of this? Has this guy ever loved me? Does he still love me? If so, why doesn't he want to be with me? Does he even love this other girl? I mean, if he did, why doesn't he ever mention her to me? If he just wants to be friends with me, he would mention her, right?

 

 

I know my thread comes off a bit pathetic and childish, but well. I don't want this guy back, I just have all these thoughts in my head I cannot get rid of.

 

 

Thank you!

[Zahara]

What do you guys think of all of this?

 

He was cheating on you. Going behind his girlfriend's back.

 

He has stated to you several times that he isn't interested in you that way, at least not in terms of seeing you as a long term partner -- he reaches out to you when things are not going well for him -- you're an available source of benefits and attention. When things get good for him, he ditches you. Although he still keeps intouch, he seems like the kind who loves the attention. It has nothing to do with love.

 

Has this guy ever loved me?

 

Probably in some unhealthy way, but it was and is not enough for him to commit to you.

 

Does he still love me?

 

He was cheating on you. He's left you. He's with another woman. I would say, no -- at least not in the way you hope for.

 

If so, why doesn't he want to be with me?

 

As I said, he's told you several times he can't go the distance with you -- an excuse he uses when you want more and when he needs to cut down your expectations. He does not have a strong healthy, emotional attachment to you.

 

Does he even love this other girl? I mean, if he did, why doesn't he ever mention her to me? If he just wants to be friends with me, he would mention her, right?

 

All this is irrelevant. Stay NC.

 

I know my thread comes off a bit pathetic and childish, but well. I don't want this guy back, I just have all these thoughts in my head I cannot get rid of.

 

Stay NC.

Edited January 2, 2015 by Zahara

[FancyFace]

The most important thing is for words and actions to match.

 

WORDS: This man is telling you that whilst he does love you, he isnt in love with you.

 

ACTIONS: This man cheated on you, then left you for her, then kept you around as a fallback girl just in case things didnt work out, boomeranged back to you for a good shag, an ego stroke, some attention and to starve the loneliness away when his girlfriend broke up with you, then he left you again.

 

His words and actions match and unfortunately, what they are saying is that he is not the man for you, he does not want to be with you (except for when the chips are down), and that you deserve better.

 

It's not because you are not good enough or the other girl is better. It is because he is a selfish, cowardly douchebag who uses and discards people. You are worth better than this, once you realise that, you will do what is best for you and that is cut contact, dont stalk his social media, let him go, let go of the fanatsy of the man that you wish he would be or that you think that he is to his girlfriend (hes probably treating her like **** too). Let him go.

 

Show him that while maybe you didnt do best by yourself before, you are doing it now by not accepting his breadcrumbs, respecting yourself and the amaxing person that you are and the love you have to give and cutting contact.

 

Good luck. Love and light for the new year friend.