Centerfield852 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I know this has been talked about over and over but I'm really just hoping that putting my thoughts out somewhere will help me a bit. Im 27 years old, and my ex and I dated for two and a half years and lived together for about a year of that. We broke up in the middle of June and it completely blindsided me somehow. We had been talking about getting engaged for about six months prior to the breakup, and I think that's what is causing the most pain. I can still see all the images that were in my mind at the time. A few months prior I had suspicions that she was cheating on me but never confirmed it until we broke up. For the first few weeks we had decided it was just a break, she moved back with her folks about two hours a way. We talked a bit and she visited once. Then I found out the extent of her cheating and told her I never wanted to speak to her again. She moved the last of her stuff out with the exception of a few items and I was a mess for a month or so. We had a pretty good blow up when I called her out on everything and she blocked me on all social media. I'm really not mad about any of that because I honestly never want to see or talk to her again. Since then it seems like every time she's out of my mind I get a text/voicemail/FaceTime and a few times she's even unblocked me on Facebook long enough to send me a message. I know it's cause Facebook will tell her if I read it, which I haven't, then I get blocked again. I haven't responded to anything since the beginning of September, and it was an accident that I answered my phone when I was half asleep. It's been about a month since she contacted me and I know it's just a matter of time before I hear from her again. I went through everything outlined in the sticky topics. Grieving and depression lasted a few months. I got my feet underneath me and had fun taking care of myself for a while and then I met a new girl in September. I don't know if I'm ready to date again but I have been for over three months now. The new girl is really a catch. She's beautiful and intelligent with a good job. Extremely giving and low maintenance. Honestly she's everything I should be looking for at this stage in life. I felt a real connection to her for the first couple months but the last has been different. I find myself thinking about my ex and I'm not giving enough of myself in my new relationship and I'm having s lot of trouble opening up because im scared of getting hurt again. She has a similar backstory to me, we haven't really shared all the fun details but I can tell she has similar pain. To add to the complications, my ex cheated on me with two guys I work currently, in addition to seven others that I know if. I still have to see two of them everyday which doesn't help but she and her family, friends, and the other guys are all hours away. The past few holidays I find myself remembering what I was doing a year ago with her instead of focusing on the now. I see reminders everywhere I go now that I wasn't seeing a month ago, and I feel like I've been sliding back into depression. When I'm not at work im lacking the motivation to do much of anything, and spend most of my time on the couch. Once in a while I get the energy to clean, do laundry, and go to the grocery store but that goes as quick as it comes. I can't stress enough that I don't want to see her, get her back, or contact her in any way, shape, or form. I lurked on here for a while when we first broke up, and I'm not really sure what im looking for. I've talked through the whole story with my dad, brother, and my closest friend so its not like I have no outlets. As I said in the beginning I really just wanted to put my thoughts somewhere, so thanks for reading because frankly I feel better now than when I started typing. I realize my thoughts were all over the place here but I'm feeling a bit scatterbrained.
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