Wrote an email to her friend

[kenmore]

Weird situation. I have a new career which is selling insurance and the company I work for asks me to put everyone I know (friends, family, business people etc) on a list to talk to them about becoming their agent.

 

Almost divorced wife? check.

 

Her family? check.

 

Her closest friends? any I can...which leads me to this situation:

 

I found most people's email, phone numbers and physical addresses which I didn't know, on the internet (yes, it was stalking), and ended up with one...her best friend...who is also going through a divorce and recently changed her contact info whose info I couldn't find.

 

I contacted her through linkedin and got an automated email reply later with a new updated email address, so I wrote her.

 

Yesterday I wished my wife a happy new year and part of her reply was that she's not upset with me using her email list to further my business. After a back and forth, I relayed that I did not hack into her email (which was the implication) but contacted her friend through linkedin, but the message was clear...her friend told her and forwarded the message.

 

Now, my saving grace is that the message only said kind things about everyone and my ex seeing it actually makes me look better to her. there were three key facts though which made me sure she saw the message: One was the fact that she thought I saw her email list (because in her mind, how else did I get her friend's address?) Another was a term (pig headed) that I used and she indirectly used in her response and the third was the fact that I had used the term "quota" in my message referring to insurance, and so did she.

 

Today, her friend replied to me. It was a very kind and articulate message (a sign that she's very well educated and mentally organized) which said that she is glad I reached out to her, told me about her situation and gave me some comfort. She defended my wife (saying pig headed was not the right term, but more strong willed) and was a very nice email.

 

I replied in kind, being very nice and comforting, and by saying yes she's strong willed, but she's also pig headed because she will see this divorce through even if she doesn't believe in it just because she started it, and that's different than being strong willed. I said several other things as well, but I know my wife will see this email and I'm happy about that because it will let her see how I really feel about our situation without us having to get in a bad discussion about it. It seems like it will be a relief her knowing that now, once I sign the papers, she's no longer in complete control (one thing she seems to need) and now I will very likely let us go since I am so disappointed in how she is treating our marriage (it's all in this email.)

 

I think I have found a new avenue of venting. It may be foolish, but I think it may be nice to know that she knows I will end our relationship once and for all, because I have been resisting specifically saying so since I don't want to "rock the boat", but it's how I'm really starting to feel.

 

No comments nor questions asked, I just needed to get this off my chest tonight. It seems like a big thing and I wanted my support group (you) to know what's going on with me. Of course, feel free to comment as you see fit.

 

Thanks for being here! I know it sucks, but I'm here for you too!

 

Ken

[kenmore]

Only an hour and a half after I sent the message to her friend, my wife wrote to me asking me not to bring her or our situation up when talking to others.

 

I replied this morning:

 

Ahh, I see you got my message. Pretty quickly too! Will do.

 

 

The message was that though she is not sure she wants to go through with the divorce and might "call it off later", once I sign the papers it's not just up to her anymore. suddenly I have a say. That's a scary message for a control freak.

 

And of course the secondary message was that I knew damned well that her friend would forward the email to her and carefully crafted it with that in mind. I'm not so stupid as to think it would have just been between us, and in fact most of the message was written to my wife. It just happened to be phrased in the third person.

 

It couldn't have worked out better IMO.

[Itspointless]

the company I work for asks me to put everyone I know (friends, family, business people etc) on a list to talk to them about becoming their agent.

You would seriously do that? That is a quick way of getting of the list of getting updated on new addresses I guess.

[kenmore]

I don't like the idea and I personally feel the strategy is not only lacking (the pool is exhaustible) but puts people in an awkward situation, mainly me. But, it's one of their mandatory marketing strategies so yeah, I'll do it.