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No Idea How to Read His Actions/Words


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Posted

Two weeks ago, the guy I had been seeing and I had a HUGE fight. Like HUGE. We both said some hurtful things, and said things we didn’t mean. There was yelling, crying, and me leaving his house at 3am. The last I knew when I left was we were done. He didn’t want to be my friend, the chance of a relationship for us was completely gone. I believed him because he told me that whenever he and past girlfriends got into a huge fight, it was his natural reaction to just run away & never remain friends with them.

 

 

The next morning, he called me. He apologized for emotions being so high and said he did not want me out of his life. He asked me to his work that night when he got out so we could just sit and talk. We ended up deciding to just take some space. He was going to take the holiday season and deal with his mom’s passing anniversary as he always does (which is usually alone), and then he can think about us again. He said he won’t make me wait very long, and his feelings for me are incredibly strong. He told me that it’s up to me what I want to do, but he doesn’t want to lose me. I told him waking up that morning thinking he wasn’t in my life anymore destroyed me and I want him in my life too. We decided to maybe hang out once a month until we could figure things out, but no more sleepovers/hooking up/etc bc then feelings would continue to grow yet we would’ve solved nothing. We also agreed we both needed to work on our communication, and I definitely needed to work on my insecurities. He said when girls are around him at shows, I need to trust where his feelings lie. I left our talk confident that he really wanted to work on us when the timing was right in a month or so.

 

 

Well, since that talk, he’s texted me several times, and I’ve been to his house twice. We spent Christmas night together (with his aunt and uncle), and on Tuesday, he invited me out to his pool league where I met friends he’s known for years, and then we spent all New Years Eve Day together. I texted him last Friday because I had a rough day and asked him what time he got out of work and he freaked out and called me thinking something was wrong. He seems to get really scared of me not being in his life.

 

My problem is now this – I’m back to the mixed signals and the mixed messages. I feel like when he’s working, and with all his good friends, his feelings for me die & that they can go away before we get to really work on our issues. Also, there’s a dinner next Saturday that we were supposed to go to together except now he’s taking a female co-worker because the timing just isn’t good with us in the midst of figuring things out. I’m starting to wonder if I can even forgive that because my heart shatters whenever I think about it. He has convinced me that it means nothing and she’s just a co-worker, and he’d never date co-workers. And, in his defense, he’s never lied to me before.

 

 

I guess I just don’t know why he wants me to meet his friends, why he’s still wanting to spend time with me, telling me he misses me, etc if we said we were going to take some space from each other.

 

I typed this out on another message board & then this happened:

 

 

I’ve been told to go to the dinner next week. The guy running it is taking care of my ticket and said he’d put me with my closest friend. I called the guy to ask if he’d be okay with it. We got into a little argument because he said he’s going to have a great time but if it’s awkward and uncomfortable, that’ll be on me. He didn’t seem to care that it’s heartbreaking and hard to know he’ll be there with someone else but seeing me on the side. He said before we even met him and this girl talked about how nothing will ever happen between them. Literally 5 seconds later, he texted me and said “I’m glad you’re going”. Not sure why cause we won’t be sitting with each other, barely talking to each other, and it’s not like I’ll even get a kiss goodbye that night. I didn’t answer for awhile, and he said “ok”…then said he thought I was ignoring him. I asked if we were mad at each other and he said he definitely isn’t.

 

 

So just more confusing things to add to my book.

 

Actions speak louder than words, right? But his actions are showing me he doesn't want to lose me/cares about me a lot/isn't running away after a fight. But I feel like I'm right back to where I was before we even had the conversation.

Posted

I find it worrisome that he has had these types of huge fights with past girlfriends. It sounds to me like the two of you have a love/hate relationship. It's too intense and too immature. Relationships like this rarely last.

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Posted

Huge fight + apology + promises to work on things = possible to get past this. When you add in the time of year -- the anniversary of his mom's death -- reconciliation sounds plausible.

 

 

Unfortunately, there is more to the story. This business about only seeing each other once a month is ridiculous. You can't fix anything without spending time together. That level of separation will increase your insecurity.

 

 

If he's taking another woman to this dinner, things don't bode well. I have no idea why you would voluntarily torture yourself by going to the dinner. Unless you need to be there for professional reasons, don't go.

 

 

The mixed signals, half on half off BS won't fix your problems. Either be together & work on the relationship for real or get out to be free to pursue something healthy.

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Posted
I find it worrisome that he has had these types of huge fights with past girlfriends. It sounds to me like the two of you have a love/hate relationship. It's too intense and too immature. Relationships like this rarely last.

 

Every relationship has fights. They're not always about what ours was, I do know that for a fact. We both realized our communication needs to greatly improve because our arguments come from neither one of us saying how we feel and just bottling it up.

  • Author
Posted
Huge fight + apology + promises to work on things = possible to get past this. When you add in the time of year -- the anniversary of his mom's death -- reconciliation sounds plausible.

 

 

Unfortunately, there is more to the story. This business about only seeing each other once a month is ridiculous. You can't fix anything without spending time together. That level of separation will increase your insecurity.

 

This was actually my suggestion. I just knew if we didn't see each other, there would be no way to know if feelings were still there, or that we were both working on things, etc. However, you're right in the sense that I can just continue to be paranoid and insecure that there's someone else or that his feelings are going away.

 

If he's taking another woman to this dinner, things don't bode well. I have no idea why you would voluntarily torture yourself by going to the dinner. Unless you need to be there for professional reasons, don't go.

 

The owner of the company told me he wants me there because I am part of the "family". I have been with this group a lot longer than my guy has, even though I left for a few years. I realized I shouldn't let him ruin my fun and enjoyment of reconnecting with people.

 

The mixed signals, half on half off BS won't fix your problems. Either be together & work on the relationship for real or get out to be free to pursue something healthy.

 

I know. I feel like I need to give us some sort of deadline so I'm not letting my feelings get stronger.

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