I feel like I took a step back with my friendzone situation? Any way to fix or done?

[kumar123]

Okay, so I had been friendzoned by a guy for months now. We did try dating for about 6 weeks but it didn't work out. His reasons are a bit contradictory but ultimately he was missing a spark with me, but felt everything else was great including our sexual, emotional and physical connection. All he felt was lacking was the infatuation and the whole feeling crazy and obsessed about someone. We are both 26 and he's very inexperienced with relationships. This was 8 months ago and since then we've become good friends. Back in October, I tried to take a huge step back and get some distance since this guy often gives me mixed signals, and I felt I was the only person in control of my feelings, so I got some real distance and we didn't really talk for 5 weeks. Then in November, close to the holiday season, we ended up spending quite a bit of time together. We were seeing each other a couple of times a week, with groups of friends or just one on one. It was like all those 5 weeks of distance didn't count for much, since within another 5 weeks, we had seen each other for a total of 10 times, often spending 10-12 hours at a time with each other. Well a couple of weeks ago we ended up sleeping together (we were both sober), which was a shock to both of us.

 

I asked him a week ago if everything was okay between us, and he said it was, all was good and he was cool with the situation. He said he wanted to do it again. We spent NYE together with friends. I asked if he wanted to spend the night since other friends were crashing at my place, but he declined saying he felt weird sleeping over with people around. However, he did say he wanted to spend New Years Day together so me and him met up, got lunch and saw a movie together. I asked about the hooking up thing and he said he can't do it with me. He said the sex was really great, and he felt fine with it for a few days but after some more thought he realized he couldn't do it again, and felt guilty and was still lacking the romantic attachment he wanted with me. He said everything else is there for me but he's missing that romantic attachment. I was upset and ended up crying with him about it. We ended on a good note, with him wanting to plan a snorkeling trip with me in a few weeks, and go to a theme park and road trip

with him. And he keeps coming up with all these ideas for us to do more things together, but something just feels really off with our friendship and I'd really welcome another opinion. A couple of friends were happy to hear we finally hooked up, since many of our mutual friends think we'd make a wonderful couple... and now I'm completely floored that not only did this sex thing happen, but ultimately it didn't mean anything.

 

I don't know what happened, if things were too rushed. I mean we went 5 weeks without talking since I was trying to get distance and prevent mixed signals. Then we spent all this time together over the past 5 weeks, he seemed way more interested and enthused about spending time with me than he has ever before, and then we end up having sex together. I'm not going to lie that I still feel upset by the fact that we slept together, he told me he was happy with it, and then changed his mind later. And the fact that his enthusiasm about seeing me still remains as well as the increased closeness we both now have. It's like did we rush into the sex thing? Were things possibly moving too fast and there should have been more of a time for a transition? Or is this just never going to go anywhere?

Edited January 2, 2015 by kumar123

[preraph]

He knows he's not interested enough to ever commit to you and wants to cut it off before he hurts you more. Be smart and let him go so you can move on.