do I break NC if I am getting better and not depressed anymore?

[smile95]

Question....I have been doing NC w/ my ex for a month. (He has not called either). It is a long story about us, but basically, he was very mean to me, but I loved him. I finally got away and now thinking about breaking NC casue I am missing him and wanting to know he still loves me. However, I have done this before and just felt worse. I am finally starting to come out of a depressin and even people at work tell me in the last month I seem so much happier. Do I continue NC? Do I break it? Iwas miserable with him, but love him. Does that make sense? I have found out that he is a Narcissist and I was very emotionally abused. Part of getting over this type of person is seeing the "real him". I am lost here! Is it better to just continue NC or risk getting even more hurt. I am sure he will ignore me if I call anyways. Does he think of me? Last time I did NC he called after 2 months and I was just so happy to hear his voice, I fell back into things and it got worse. I guess I do not want to believe he is a bad person. he is. Sorry for rambling! Do I break NC if I am getting better with out him? Will the memories slowly fade over time?? Will every song not make me sad???

[fundamental]

In most cases you should do what you feel is right and not listen to anyone but yourself. However, if you were miserable with him, then you probably shouldn't contact this guy. I think you want to break NC just to find out if he is thinking of you. If he is thinking of you, he is still going to making you miserable. Was he just mean to you or did you have a part in the way he was acting? Were you ever mean to him? If he is truly an a$$, then DO NOT CONTACT him!!!! You will probably second guess either decision...so again, do what you feel is right and have no regrets.

[Lonestar]

Things will fade in time, but they may not necessarily ever go away. Sometimes if you truly love a person, they become a part of your heart forever, no matter how bad they treated you. There are good parts to that person too or you never would have fallen in love in the first place. Usually people don't change, or it could take them many years to change with the passing of life, so I highly doubt that if you contact him again, he's gonna start treating you with love and respect. Forget it.

 

You can contact him if you want, but I guarantee you'll feel worse after calling him and will have a setback in your emotinal stability. I understand your curiousity. I did the same thing. I wondered if he thought of me still, and if he loved me and missed me. I found out that he did, but so what? It didn't change a thing and his attitude was still real crappy. People who are that selfish will never go out of their way for someone else, even if they love them. They're too selfish, so even though they feel something, they shove it aside, deep inside them, and hold on to the anger instead. This way they can justify what they do.

 

The reason you want to contact him now is because you're feeling better. The bad feelings are being replaced with good ones, and you're starting to miss him. Humans have a tendency to forget what pain feels like as time goes on. It's only been a month NC. Contacting him now will only hurt you, and you'll be licking your wounds all over again, but maybe that's what you need to do in order to learn your lesson. Soak yourself in gasoline and keep throwing him matches. Maybe then you'll stop playing with fire.

[smile95]

wow what a great post lonestar.....I have broken down in the past and felt worse. I know he is so selfish and it just hurts me. Iwish I could push my hurt to the side like he does. I am going to stay strong and I guess since i was miserable, i should not care if he misses me or not. thanks

[SoleMate]

...I am sure he will ignore me if I call anyways... Last time I did NC he called after 2 months...I fell back into things and it got worse...

 

Hmmmm. You know that calling him will result in you being ignored and feeling greater pain. Sure, you want to know that he still loves you...every sorrowful ex feels the same. However, you KNOW he is a bad person.

 

Far better for a dieter to eat an entire half gallon of Ben and Jerry's ice cream than for you to break NC at this time. Your head KNOWS that, so pay attention to it.

[smile95]

you are right. I feel like I am an addict or something....just wanting one more hit of him? Stupid huh? I yearn for the way he used to be and if I call I will get a great disappointment.

[smile95]

yes he truly was an ass. It was a LDR and all I asked for was one call/email/text a day and I could not even get him to do that. If I was ever "mean" to him it was only requesting more of his time.

[acidrein_08]

No do not contact him becuase it is for the wrong reasons. Your relationship is over but you are wanting to see if he still loves you which is a mistake. What if he doesn't? What if he does but still doesn't want to be with you? What if you get back together and turn miserable again? Either way you lose and there are way to many people out there to spend your time moping about the past. Continue no contact, it has brought you out of depression and if you want to stay that way then just keep it up. Good luck in whatever you decide, God Bless.

[smile95]

Thanks to everyone on this site, I am not breaking NC. I will just be set back again. I guess I will continue to write here when I get the urge to call. THX

[shamen]

Yeah Beth! I'm glad that you've decided to continue NC. Totally the way to go. People are noticing how much happier you are for a reason. It's only been a month, these feelings will fade. Give yourself some time.