spiderowl Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 (edited) There's this guy who would like to meet me. He seems a reputable sort of guy, polite, decent, in a responsible job. He doesn't drive though. We are about 3/4 hour apart. We got talking about meeting and I thought he would visit my town for a first meeting, but after arranging a day/time, he suddenly seems to be assuming I'll go there. I don't know the town and I'm not keen on driving to a strange town to meet someone for the first time. In fact, I don't want to get involved in a relationship that involves me driving some distance regularly because the guy doesn't have a car. He's offering to take care of me once I'm there, treat me to a meal and so on, but I don't feel entirely comfortable with this. I did drop out of a date once before with the same guy (we hadn't made plans but when he mentioned going over there I sort of lost interest, feeling he couldn't be bothered, and just let the texting lapse). He has come back to me and still wants to meet. This time he seemed more positive and like he would make the effort. Now we are back at square one again! I don't know what to say to this guy? He hasn't done anything wrong except not have a car and not seeming happy to make a journey to see me first. I think I need some other perspectives on this and why it's bothering me (which it is). In all honesty, I'd like to meet a guy who will be caring and look after me a bit. Somehow this doesn't feel right. Am I expecting too much? Edited January 2, 2015 by spiderowl
d0nnivain Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Is public transportation available to get him to you if need be? I would want to know why he doesn't have a car? If he lives in a big city where having a car is an expensive p.i.t.a. it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. If he doesn't have a car for another reason, I'd have to know why: medical condition, lack of funding or lost driving privileges. For a 1st date, I preferred to go to the guy or a neutral location so I had more control over my own destiny / safety meaning I could leave on my schedule. Then again I don't think a 45 minute drive is a big deal.
Author spiderowl Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 Is public transportation available to get him to you if need be? I would want to know why he doesn't have a car? If he lives in a big city where having a car is an expensive p.i.t.a. it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. If he doesn't have a car for another reason, I'd have to know why: medical condition, lack of funding or lost driving privileges. For a 1st date, I preferred to go to the guy or a neutral location so I had more control over my own destiny / safety meaning I could leave on my schedule. Then again I don't think a 45 minute drive is a big deal. Thanks. I'm not entirely sure why he doesn't have a car except that he doesn't need one as he lives near his workplace. They are expensive and I know he pays maintenance so it seems reasonable he wouldn't keep a car. I don't want to be the one doing all the driving. There is public transport, yes. Maybe I'm just mean. I've had some very tough times and I'm not eager to get into a situation where I'm doing all the running about for someone.
FitChick Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I was going to suggest meeting halfway but if you liked each other you wouldn't want to bother driving to see him. Tell him, sorry, he's geographically undesirable.
Author spiderowl Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 Maybe that's it, he's just too far away for comfort. I don't know, he seems a bit passive in some way. I know that's very judgemental when I hardly know him. I'd just rather meet a grown up! 1
gaius Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I don't see anything wrong with not being comfortable taking on the male role in that aspect and doing all the driving. You can do better if you want to, especially you. 1
Author spiderowl Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 Thanks for all your comments. I guess I'm feeling a bit guilty about this because I was brought up to always do my fair share of any 'work' in a situation and yet here I am baulking at the idea of driving to and from a date. Would other women find that strange? If we did get on really well, I'd just be driving back and forth while he complained about the unreliability of public transport. Don't think this is going anywhere somehow
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