Kristine Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Okay so I'm at a point where things are starting to annoy me about his personality. Here's a few things. He says he'll do dishes but I have to rinse everything spotless basically. It's almost easier to wash it myself honestly and frankly most things around here are done by me the way it is. He's addicted to football, every team, every game. He's so lazy. Up all night eating, sleeping all day, or watching sports. Very little gets done by him unless I say something and then he calls me a complainer. I'm really getting tired of living his way. Car in disrepair, rent unpaid, computers out of service. He has pawned/sold anything of value just about. I was thinking of giving him time to repair some of the damage he caused my credit, but I just don't know if he's even worth the wait. I thought I loved him but I may have reached my limit. Here's the problem. I would have to move in with my mother, until I'm financially back on my feet which could be a very long time. She said I could, and her boyfriend says ok too. But my mom though she loves me doesn't actually like me. We fight. Should i try to work it out with my boyfriend who says he's set in his ways? Or ask my mom when she will be able to move me in?
Light Breeze Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Imo, First, think if there is anything worth saving in your relationship and Second, if your BF is willing to change. Because, if one participant in a relationship is unwilling to fix things, then you have to go and find your own happiness and leave someone who it seems doesn't care about the relationship anymore. 2
Author Kristine Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 He makes concessions, but its always a big deal. I'm not sure if I'm just in a bad mood or really waking up to reality finally.
MidwestUSA Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 If it's this guy, I don't know why you're 'thinking of' and not 'doing'. You're ruined, and he'll only drag you down further. If you add on to your own threads, people will see the bigger picture, and maybe you will too. Right now my option is stay with him and hope for improvement, or move in with my mother and her boyfriend (5 bedroom house, but I'm 40). Inside I do really hope for improvement, but logically he's proved himself time and time again to be a financial mess. When it comes to credit most people are frugal, he's like a kid in a candy store. Crazy for days, until it's maxed out than he figures out a way to get even more money from them. He has destroyed me financially. My bank has closed my account, the new bank closed my account, the next new bank closed my account. Now I'm not even going to try until I'm away from his influence over me. My credit cards are overdue, I owe double what the actual allotted balance was on many of them. He's basically an unethical criminal only problem this is all happening in my name! I did find out he was in prison for embezzelment, way back. Why I trusted him financially goes way beyond rationality. Early on he asked me to get a auto loan for him, I really hesitated but he is in sales and talked me into it (LONG DISTANCE), for even more money than I was comfortable with. I did not just go along, I fought tooth and nail. He's just smarter and more convincing than I am. He said he has the money and would pay it, he has made a few payments but hasn't made timely payments, currently he's meaning I'm behind. They want to repo the car and honestly I wish I could give it back to them. Problem is he sold the car, to use for gambling money basically. They forgot to put the lein on the title, which made that possible. Now I face legal rammifications.
Light Breeze Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 What kind of concessions? From what you described his efforts are crappy at best. If this is the case, you might have given up on the relationship because of this. I think it's best if you go. A Relationship takes a lot work on both parties, if he is making a big deal about compromise then I think you should go.
Gloria25 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 If I had kids, I'd go back to my mom... But, having a boyfriend rather than your father there, IMO, might make things complicated. I wouldn't feel comfy having my kids around a stranger instead of an actual relative (my dad). Can you look for similarly situated females (i.e. another single mother, an older couple, grandparents) and make out an arrangement to live with them? I think some people call it "bartering". You say like "ok, I don't have enough money for rent, but we can watch each other's kids, I'll cook/clean". I mean, that's what I'd do if I had kids. I'd minimize exposure to strange males (i.e. boyfriends) and sacrifice what I need to do to give them a stable environment (i.e. moving in with parents, grandparents, stable family members).
angel.eyes Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Thinking about it??? Why isn't the fact that he has ruined you financially, among his many other "delightful" qualities not reason enough to cut your losses and run for the hills? What is it exactly that causes you to overlook his numerous negative points? Nine months of this hasn't been enough?
Josmatjes Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Things only get worse when or if you get married. This is who he is! When people show you who they are...believe them! Live with your mom,just stay out of her way,or see if you can stay with a friend. Give yourself time to save money and get your affairs in order but this guy is dragging you down...good luck!
lovinDKT3 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Things only get worse when or if you get married. This is who he is! When people show you who they are...believe them! Live with your mom,just stay out of her way,or see if you can stay with a friend. Give yourself time to save money and get your affairs in order but this guy is dragging you down...good luck! This isn't always the case. My guy has made many changes as he matured. In many situation a man will do what you allow him to do, just like a kid. Kristine you may have to shake things up. I would sit him down and tell him that your going to stay with your mother because, then list your reasons. Tell him that you love him and you want the relationship to work but there would have to be some progress in the areas you list before you could move forward with him. If he loves you and wants this thing to work he will make it happen. If not then you have to move forward without him.
SpiralOut Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Don't ever stay in a bad relationship for financial reasons. I made that mistake. It's not worth it. It sucks that you can't afford your own place right now, but think of how much worse it will get the longer you stick around. At least if you move in with your mother you'll have a chance to fix your life. Think of the long-term gain. 1
Nikki Sahagin Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 OP, I wish I could give you some advise. I'm in a similar position. It's hard...
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