When he asks you 'how many men have you been with'?

January 2, 2015

So I definitely don't think you should be talking about your values/past or what not just yet...which for some guys are closely intertwined (values = conservative sexual history). It may sound hypocritical or contradictory to guys if you say you want to be respected and want a serious relationship, after you've slept with 50 guys...a lot of guys are not going to respect that at all...they'll be like yeah whatever, let me just get in your pants then move on with my life.

I think this is what this guy thinks of me.

10 isn't a whole lot of partners, but for your age it might be considered to some. Especially if you say that you take sex seriously are picky and conservative, or come off that...to them that would men like 3 or 4 guys max in your age group...not 10.

The thing is I don't know the exact number but I know it is not more than 10. That makes it sound worse. I'm just trying to escape that part of my life but it is forever going to follow me around. I just want to find the love of a good man, but why'd he want me when I have that in my past?

it doesn't sound like he was trying to pull sensitive information out of you just to judge you, he seems to have been open about his first and then asked in return...but it still can mean that's his way of finding out "what kind of girl" you are and for him, 10 might be considered a slut...or it might not be that much.

In a way I feel the same in that, when I meet certain inexperienced guys, I feel slightly weird around them. But he doesn't come across as very inexperienced to me. Anyway, he asked me the question first, said his number, and then asked me again.

...the problem is as guys, if you've slept with 10, we know what type of guys you probably given it up to, and for them that's what makes you .

The defense is always "but I didn't know they were jerks", and also be careful how you approach the serious relationship topic as well after you divulge your personal or sexual history...so try not to sound too typical as guys can hear a lot of the same stuff and they won't take you seriously.

I sometimes feel like it's hopeless for me as even when guys have been with me for a long time, they have not been serious. I wish I could have real love. I'm jealous of my friends who do have that because they don't know how lucky they are. I can't explain in it terms of not knowing they were jerks. Some of them I knew what I was doing and I didn't want a serious relationship...as I'd been hurt in the past, I wanted to feel in control. I'd worked it out rationally this way. Some of them I didn't know well enough, discovered we weren't compatible, but by then it was too late and we'd already done the deed....now how do I explain that?

So gauging on the insecurity and low self-esteem/worth you may have after your romantic experiences, you should be very careful about what you say and don't say too much...but guys will ask you and they will tell when you are lying or trying to avoid the question...which may be to them just as telling.

So don't get into those conversations and don't act insecure, vulnerable and filled with self-doubt...guys can sniff that out right out of you and for them that's the perfect target to take advantage of.

I'm screwed then...I have no idea how to talk to this guy now. I am now freaked out enough by your generous and honest advice . bleh :/

I didn't know what to say because he asked me in the middle of the street and I really did not expect it...

My friend lives with her boyfriend now and he is a really lovely guy. Her number is 22 but he accepts it. She says she just told him outright because it was better he knew the truth than be told a lie...but he asked her this after sleeping with her and I think a month or two into their relationship.

January 2, 2015

Op I just want you to know woman have the right to have great fantastic amazing casual sex if they want too and we should be able to do it without being called names or judged personally I would consider a slut or a whore to be someone who sleeps with men behind their spouces backs as a single lady we're free to fulfill our desires just as much as any man.

For future promising long term relationships I wouldnt give the full number ever like I said before and its not lying there are things in life we don't have to share if it effects no one and is private information.

January 2, 2015

I always answer this question with the number of guys ive been with that lasted more than 1 years time.

Anything smaller like two months four months a one night stand, do you even remember the connection with those people? Their body face anything? I dont not really they held no significance in my life and I wouldnt really want to include them for that fact and there's no need to make a potential problem counting the nobody's that didnt work out then get asked about them further

If I think of it in those terms, it would be 2...but I think a guy would be able to tell based on the act itself, that I'd probably been with more than two. Maybe I will just say 4 or something; but I can't lie very well. I know that guys mentally double everything.

A couple of them I didn't have full on sex with - just foreplay.

I've dated people mainly within my own social circle which means that I've dated a few guys that he already knows. One of his friends has been trying to get me into bed unsuccessfully for a few years...I briefly dated another of his friends, and another I had a (rather embarrassing) fling with. That was actually part of reason I was suspicious 'cause he must know about this. It obviously makes me more guarded too. I couldn't really lie to him 'cause he would probably find out - but I might not see him again anyway lol

January 2, 2015

If I think of it in those terms, it would be 2...but I think a guy would be able to tell based on the act itself, that I'd probably been with more than two. Maybe I will just say 4 or something; but I can't lie very well. I know that guys mentally double everything.

A couple of them I didn't have full on sex with - just foreplay.

I've dated people mainly within my own social circle which means that I've dated a few guys that he already knows. One of his friends has been trying to get me into bed unsuccessfully for a few years...I briefly dated another of his friends, and another I had a (rather embarrassing) fling with. That was actually part of reason I was suspicious 'cause he must know about this. It obviously makes me more guarded too. I couldn't really lie to him 'cause he would probably find out - but I might not see him again anyway lol

I dont think he would be able to tell

I dont think thats what hed ponder and take notice in his head while he was being intimate with you

Plenty of people are always terrible at sex no matter how many times they try and some are very good at it. When I think experience I think knowledge of different sexual acts and experiencing them does that make someone good at them? Not necessarily =P

Don't worry about it just count the two

My count would be three for relationships over a year at 28

My every single time of sex count might be over 10 I don't want to count and give a number on here lol

January 2, 2015

If I think of it in those terms, it would be 2...but I think a guy would be able to tell based on the act itself, that I'd probably been with more than two. Maybe I will just say 4 or something; but I can't lie very well. I know that guys mentally double everything.

A couple of them I didn't have full on sex with - just foreplay.

I've dated people mainly within my own social circle which means that I've dated a few guys that he already knows. One of his friends has been trying to get me into bed unsuccessfully for a few years...I briefly dated another of his friends, and another I had a (rather embarrassing) fling with. That was actually part of reason I was suspicious 'cause he must know about this. It obviously makes me more guarded too. I couldn't really lie to him 'cause he would probably find out - but I might not see him again anyway lol

Kind of a bad rep to date multiple people within a social circle, it's kind of tacky and your personal business is much more likely to get around that way so it's likely your sexcapade is already known.

If you're really discreet at it and you're a bad liar, then you're better off avoiding the question. But it's not rocket science if someone is blatantly avoiding the question, they're hiding something they are ashamed of or know they will be judged for it, so the guy is going to assume it's high, even higher than it actually is.

But you can go that route, a lot of women do...but personally I'd be open about my past, not publicly but I'm not one of those people that just wants to lie or squeeze by with a person because I want them to see me a certain way. If they're judging you it's one thing, but if they're looking for compatibility, IMO they deserve the honesty and transparency to make a decision based on their values and beliefs.

For example, I've cheated in the past...I would never hide that even if I knew that women would let me go, my past and history is apart of me and I'm not trying to be discreet or hide it, and I couldn't just be one of those people that can accept that the person is with me because they believe I am something else or incapable of this or that, or whatever.

If I learned a big lesson from cheating, is that it's hard to live with lies...I'm way beyond the point of trying to project this image so that other people can accept, therefore I'm very honest and genuine about my feelings and opinions, whether others accept them or not. For myself, that makes my life much more liberating to live and I accept the fact that people will judge me or even hate me, but I'm ok with that...not everyone has to like me, and I very much like myself...possibly too much.

January 2, 2015

Kind of a bad rep to date multiple people within a social circle, it's kind of tacky and your personal business is much more likely to get around that way so it's likely your sexcapade is already known.

Yeah that's another reason I'm on the fence - don't want to look frivolous to other people really. I didn't think I would like anyone else in that circle to date so kind of surprised but I live in a small town and you never know who knows who.

But it's not rocket science if someone is blatantly avoiding the question, they're hiding something they are ashamed of or know they will be judged for it, so the guy is going to assume it's high, even higher than it actually is.

Oh dear. Well I dug myself a hole then...I just responded honestly at the same time vague...after he said his number I jokingly said "that makes me feel a little bit slutty" so I screwed that up...I was drunk okay haha

But you can go that route, a lot of women do...but personally I'd be open about my past, not publicly but I'm not one of those people that just wants to lie or squeeze by with a person because I want them to see me a certain way.

Hm maybe you're right, but as I live in a small town I have to be REALLY careful about what I say...so I'm used to that. I need to take your advice and my friends' that it's better to be genuine and be judged then to hide something about yourself.

I sometimes think that if I keep trying to second guess guys, I'll put off some potentially decent ones and cause myself more harm than good. I also think if I don't learn more about being genuine, certain guys will not respect me and think I'm an immature little girl. So yeah I need skills

If they're judging you it's one thing, but if they're looking for compatibility, IMO they deserve the honesty and transparency to make a decision based on their values and beliefs.

I find this hard too but I need to make it my new year's resolution to feel comfortable being honest with people. It's so entirely out of my comfort zone and I am slightly emotionally avoidant.

For example, I've cheated in the past...I would never hide that even if I knew that women would let me go, my past and history is apart of me and I'm not trying to be discreet or hide it, and I couldn't just be one of those people that can accept that the person is with me because they believe I am something else or incapable of this or that, or whatever.

I have that in my past too and I really don't know how to tell someone and whether I should or not. Well it'll probably come up anyway if I was talking past breakups or whatever. What happened with me is that I was long distance with a guy and he hardly had time for me and just didn't want to do anything about it...so we drifted apart and when we broke apart I ended up getting intimate with another guy who was paying me attention...big mess how it all ended. That's when I learnt that hiding your feelings leads to problems, but hiding my feelings is something I always try and do to protect myself...

I'm way beyond the point of trying to project this image so that other people can accept, therefore I'm very honest and genuine about my feelings and opinions, whether others accept them or not. For myself, that makes my life much more liberating to live and I accept the fact that people will judge me or even hate me, but I'm ok with that...not everyone has to like me, and I very much like myself...possibly too much.

I'm not brave enough but maybe I should try this...?

January 2, 2015

tell me how many guys never engage in casual sex? How should they judge themselves later on - by crying over it? It's highly unlikely a guy would cry over his sexual past unless he had a lack of one

You get us coming and going here. Tidy.

Anyhoo. Thecrucible, the number question is crass and just not a thing a partner of the slightest class or maturity asks of you (apart from under certain specific circumstances where it's relevant such as STD problems or evident issues in bed). It doesn't matter to anyone with enough sense to see that it shouldn't. When asked you should mentally file that as a flag, and then say what you want. Telling the truth is the best option.

January 2, 2015

It's funny, because most of the people who I have encountered who have asked how many people someone has been with is usually the woman asking the man, not the other way around. But it could happen I guess. And 10 is nothing. I've been with more than that, and there are those out there whose numbers have gone into the triple digits and you could never know it. You could walk right past them on the streets and you will never see that person again, and you will never know. Think about it without being paranoid.

But really, ignorance is bliss. You don't know this guy, but he sounds like one of those guys who likes to pry secrets out of women and then use them against her. People like that exist. I would be wary of him to begin with, but I would also say something like "A few. It's the past, you know." And that's that. If he presses, say you would rather not talk about it, at least at this point in your relationship that is.

January 2, 2015

Good guys do not have to proclaim themselves as such. You will know they are good guys based on the way they treat you and their behavior. A guy who has to try and convince you by telling you is not going to turn out to be such a good guy.

I've got A crisp $20 I am willing to bet on it.

I've yet to meet a person whether romantic or otherwise who has proclaimed to me or others that they are a good person/friend/etc. and actually were indeed good.

January 2, 2015

For future promising long term relationships I wouldnt give the full number ever like I said before and its not lying there are things in life we don't have to share if it effects no one and is private information.

lol. Yes it is. Its like some of the women I know who have their own interpretation of numbers (ie don't count all the ones they were drunk and don't count holiday & overseas romps, don't count the ones that weren't a good lay, etc). You have a different interpretation to rationalize a more acceptable and deceptive number. It is your private information, but there is also a lot about the guy that he can decide to keep from you because its his private information. As much as people can yell back at the person its 'not your business', the other person is entitled to decide what is relevant to them if they are to invest their future in that person. If you slept with a lot and he is a conservative guy then you are simply not right for each other, and you can both move on to seek out people who like you for exactly who you are.

OP - As NIP said giving an evasive answer for some guys will be seen as you have a high number(quite possibly way more then you you really have been with) and are embarrassed and want to avoid the topic. I think you could try being upfront and see how it goes. That includes telling him a bit about your background like you did here, so he can appreciate your nature more. There are plenty of other guys out there if this one gets worked up over 10. Its not like you have had a number of bad episodes of guys doing a u-turn on you when this topic has come before. If it goes bad and you so inclined to fudge the numbers a little to say 8 next time (hardly a omg number these days). Sleeping with a number of guys in your social circle is not ideal especially if a few of them are jerks as they'll let numerous other guys know how they had fun banging you and what you were like.

January 2, 2015

You know it's one thing for a new boyfriend to ask me how many guys I've been with (and it's twice your number, we're similarly aged), but if a random guy asked who I wasn't even dating and wasn't in the right place to sleep with yet, I would presume that he was just looking to get into my pants. Sorry, but you don't risk turning off a potential girlfriend by asking her about her sex life before you've even taken her out on a date. The reason he feels comfortable and able to ask you is because he's not too bothered either way whether you bite, and thinks it's worth a shot.

The discussion near you about the ex wanting to get back together would be a huge turn off too, he must be encouraging her in some way, or has been very recently, to even know that she wants that. If there's dialogue between them about getting back together, then it's a messy situation you don't want to be in, trust me. If he cared about impressing you, he wouldn't be talking about how his ex still wants him while sat next to you. Unless it's some twisted game to make him seem in demand and increase your attraction, in which case he's a jerk and playing mind games with you.

In a relationship if a guy asks me my number I'll happily answer, if he has a problem with it then I wouldn't wanna date him anyway, no boyfriend I've ever had has judged me for having the number of partners I've had, whether it was 0 like in my first relationship, through to the 20 I disclosed to my current boyfriend. I'm usually curious to hear a guy's number too, because it helps me to understand his background and how he came to be where he is now in relationships, also it tells me how he views sexual intimacy. But no answer is wrong, and I've had boyfriends with 1 prior and boyfriends with 80, it's irrelevant to me.

However, this guy is not your boyfriend. I don't think he'd be doing or saying this stuff if he wanted to impress you. I would scale back on the whole thing OP unless he starts putting in the kind of effort a potential partner would naturally want to do. Starting by taking you out to dinner and knocking the sexual talk on the head. I'm sexually confident and have slept with people casually but even I would be majorly turned off if a potential partner started asking me intimate questions about my sex life before we'd even gotten into bed together. It's none of their business. Unless it's because they want to ask about sexual health before we embarked upon sex... but even then, things would have progressed far enough between us that that conversation would be appropriate.

January 2, 2015

if you are a virgin then you would have to tell him and its fair for himnto ask no?

January 2, 2015

I actually feel kind of bad that I didn't tell him my number, when he volunteered his to me. But I was just so taken aback that I didn't know how to respond. :/

Thanks for the advice everyone. Not sure what to do. I didn't reply to his last text as I didn't have much to reply to. He was trying to get me out last night but I don't like last minute and I was busy anyway so I declined. Our last texts were like this, after me invited me to pub, I just said:

Me: I would love to but my pizza says 'no eat meee' x

Him: That does sound good. Maybe later x

Me: Ooh are you going somewhere fun? Last night was good x

Him: going to a party soon. Yeah last night was really good! x

Hmm yeah just not sure :/

January 2, 2015

You know it's one thing for a new boyfriend to ask me how many guys I've been with (and it's twice your number, we're similarly aged), but if a random guy asked who I wasn't even dating and wasn't in the right place to sleep with yet, I would presume that he was just looking to get into my pants. Sorry, but you don't risk turning off a potential girlfriend by asking her about her sex life before you've even taken her out on a date. The reason he feels comfortable and able to ask you is because he's not too bothered either way whether you bite, and thinks it's worth a shot.

Yeah this is what I thought.

The discussion near you about the ex wanting to get back together would be a huge turn off too, he must be encouraging her in some way, or has been very recently, to even know that she wants that. If there's dialogue between them about getting back together, then it's a messy situation you don't want to be in, trust me. If he cared about impressing you, he wouldn't be talking about how his ex still wants him while sat next to you. Unless it's some twisted game to make him seem in demand and increase your attraction, in which case he's a jerk and playing mind games with you.

Exactly my concern. Although it wasn't sitting next to me. I was getting some money from a cash machine and him and his mate were talking behind me, and I just picked up on that.

In a relationship if a guy asks me my number I'll happily answer, if he has a problem with it then I wouldn't wanna date him anyway, no boyfriend I've ever had has judged me for having the number of partners I've had, whether it was 0 like in my first relationship, through to the 20 I disclosed to my current boyfriend. I'm usually curious to hear a guy's number too, because it helps me to understand his background and how he came to be where he is now in relationships, also it tells me how he views sexual intimacy. But no answer is wrong, and I've had boyfriends with 1 prior and boyfriends with 80, it's irrelevant to me.

Maybe I should just say then...just don't want to tell someone I only just met and I was a bit floored by his questions.

It's none of their business. Unless it's because they want to ask about sexual health before we embarked upon sex... but even then, things would have progressed far enough between us that that conversation would be appropriate.

Yeah I think that's right. Previous guys have asked me into the relationship after we've had sex. A guy in the past asked me that on the second date and we dated about a month after but he turned to be a massive jerk. That's why I don't like guys asking me that this quickly.

January 2, 2015

lol. Yes it is. Its like some of the women I know who have their own interpretation of numbers (ie don't count all the ones they were drunk and don't count holiday & overseas romps, don't count the ones that weren't a good lay, etc). You have a different interpretation to rationalize a more acceptable and deceptive number. It is your private information, but there is also a lot about the guy that he can decide to keep from you because its his private information. As much as people can yell back at the person its 'not your business', the other person is entitled to decide what is relevant to them if they are to invest their future in that person. If you slept with a lot and he is a conservative guy then you are simply not right for each other, and you can both move on to seek out people who like you for exactly who you are.

It doesn't matter, im all for honesty in relationships but giving every detail about every past sexual encounter is private and unwise as a person with a right to privacy you have a right to keep that private and that's not a lie. I don't feel that the other person is entitled to your private information just because they have interest in you. If you're in a relationship I would still only talk about the ones that mattered within my life and spare my partner the details of someones I spent one night with as they usually do the very same, I wouldn't disclose anything further than that unless they made it very clear they needed an exact number but at that point I would already feel a partner is looking for something to judge or someone who needs every detail would to me trigger they have issues with jealousy.

A person has every right to even so much as not share their past at all its their choice and then their partner would decide if they would still be willing to continue but they are not entitled.

If a partner can only care for you depending on your number and not you as a person they are not worth having anyway.

Edited January 2, 2015 by Omei

January 2, 2015

Maybe I should just say then...just don't want to tell someone I only just met and I was a bit floored by his questions

You don't owe him any information about your current or prior sex life, remember that OP. You're not dating, he hasn't given you any indicator he wants to get to know you or take you out, and it's none of his business. I get the impression you don't feel you have the right to decline that information just because he told you his, but he could tell you his life story and it's still your decision to disclose yours or not. Feel free to bat it away with a pretend shocked 'oh, I couldn't possibly talk to someone about that when I barely know them' and if they push again, a straight up 'do you really want to be giving me the impression that all you care about is having sex with me?'.

The fact he's asking is the indicator he's only after sex so proceed warily. Also, in my experience if a guy is truly into a girl, he couldn't care if there were zero or fifty guys before him. He's just pleased she's interested in him. Mature guys, anyway. Not those who feel threatened or insecure about stuff like that, which doesn't make them great relationship candidates anyway. If for whatever reason it really IS important for a guy to know a girl's number (maybe religious reasons or whatever) then I am sure you'll be able to tell when it's asked sincerely with a view to moving the relationship forward, not just some drunk jerk you barely know fishing for sordid information on a night out.

Like I say, I've never had negative judgment from anyone in real life for my number and neither has any of my female friends who are around as experienced as I am. It's your sex life and your business, own it and don't be afraid to tell people to F off if they won't stop asking for information, or to happily move on if you run across someone who has a problem with it. It's not your issue to be ashamed about.

January 2, 2015

Third question: What's the right way to respond to the 'how many guys have you slept with?' question?

I look men straight in the eye and tell them the truth.

Seriously, there's nothing to win with lying about past sexual experiences. If a man can't take the answer, you're not compatible anyway. It really irritates me that so many women lie about this. If they had stopped, men would get a reality check and life would be easier for those of us who are honest. Above all, basing a relationship on a lie just isn't a very ethical way to proceed.

Having said that, if you're not in a relationship or in a position where you are considering a relationship, it's not his business.

January 2, 2015

Sharing personal information about yourself or your past history isn't a lie, its not deceptive its a right given to all people and no one is entitled to it.

You have the choice to share what you're willing to share and partners base their choice with that

Just know you have EVERY right not to share some people are saying here that it would be a lie keeping things about your past to yourself is not a form of lying in my eyes but a human right to privacy

January 2, 2015

You aren't obliged to divulge this info but if you do lie and he finds out the truth and isn't impressed, there'll likely be no going back.

After time, most guys can tell what sort of woman they're dealing with.

Personally, I don't see the point of asking such a question. As you get to know someone this type of thing becomes obvious.

I've never asked it but have had it asked of me 3 times before.

January 2, 2015

Sharing personal information about yourself or your past history isn't a lie, its not deceptive its a right given to all people and no one is entitled to it.

You have the choice to share what you're willing to share and partners base their choice with that

Just know you have EVERY right not to share some people are saying here that it would be a lie keeping things about your past to yourself is not a form of lying in my eyes but a human right to privacy

Everyone has a right to privacy of course but if a girl has slept with more men than she thinks the guy will like and untruthfully says less, then yes, that is indeed lying.

Men do it too but the other way round (lie about having slept with more women than they really have).

January 2, 2015

I actually feel kind of bad that I didn't tell him my number, when he volunteered his to me. But I was just so taken aback that I didn't know how to respond. :/

I don't think you're ever obliged to respond or to divulge that information. It's entirely up to you. I'd just either go with 'I don't want to answer that', or be honest. It's lying about it that's a problem. Then, it's up to whoever you're communicating with to do whatever he wants with the information you're giving him, or choosing not to give him.

Also, I second what Ninjainpajamas said, especially the bold:

But you can go that route, a lot of women do...but personally I'd be open about my past, not publicly but I'm not one of those people that just wants to lie or squeeze by with a person because I want them to see me a certain way. If they're judging you it's one thing, but if they're looking for compatibility, IMO they deserve the honesty and transparency to make a decision based on their values and beliefs.

For example, I've cheated in the past...I would never hide that even if I knew that women would let me go, my past and history is apart of me and I'm not trying to be discreet or hide it, and I couldn't just be one of those people that can accept that the person is with me because they believe I am something else or incapable of this or that, or whatever.

If I learned a big lesson from cheating, is that it's hard to live with lies...I'm way beyond the point of trying to project this image so that other people can accept, therefore I'm very honest and genuine about my feelings and opinions, whether others accept them or not. For myself, that makes my life much more liberating to live and I accept the fact that people will judge me or even hate me, but I'm ok with that...not everyone has to like me, and I very much like myself...possibly too much.

January 2, 2015

Again it seems many women increase their number as a form of therapy?
That makes it a good enough reason to inquire for a man in my opinion
She does have the option to not answer or to lie

In another thread people discuss whether or not men should be truthful about their (low) numbers. I hope the advocates for truth (or of lying respectively) would hold the same position in this thread.

You're kissing him on different occasions without being in a RS, but the possibility is there. You feel he's being intrusive with this question? I'd say it's not completely unrelated as a question.

January 3, 2015

It doesn't matter, im all for honesty in relationships but giving every detail about every past sexual encounter is private and unwise as a person with a right to privacy you have a right to keep that private and that's not a lie. I don't feel that the other person is entitled to your private information just because they have interest in you. If you're in a relationship I would still only talk about the ones that mattered within my life and spare my partner the details of someones I spent one night with as they usually do the very same, I wouldn't disclose anything further than that unless they made it very clear they needed an exact number but at that point I would already feel a partner is looking for something to judge or someone who needs every detail would to me trigger they have issues with jealousy.

A person has every right to even so much as not share their past at all its their choice and then their partner would decide if they would still be willing to continue but they are not entitled.

If a partner can only care for you depending on your number and not you as a person they are not worth having anyway.

imo - You are much better off saying you don't want to talk about it at all, rather than distorting things by only saying you only slept with the guys that you had serious relationships with. It paints a deliberately different picture if you have slept with 43 guys over the yrs and 6 of them were LTRs and you give your partner count as 6. My ONS I enjoyed and counted for me, and there is no way I would say I wished I never had them. Flings/fwbs/fbs/ons - they count when it comes to guys, and women know it.

You don't have to talk about 'every detail'. Generally guys are not looking for the the smaller details except for maybe with your last couple of recent LTRs or losing your virginity. I totally agree you do have a right to that privacy, but you are better off just saying that and also don't complain if the guys keeps stuff from you or fudges some aspects about himself. Lots of women are very judgmental when it comes to guys, so fairs fair, it just that this aspect is the one they want to take off the table, but only the ones ashamed of their past. I totally get that some guys are hypocrites on this and unfairly judge and its those guys women should be pissed at *if they really knew and the guy didn't give another reason for breaking up).

If the guy wants to know how many guys you have slept with as opposed to had LTRs with then you say you will leave (as other women have said). Which is fine, your prerogative but its also basically threatening him to avoid this topic. I bet that tactic wouldn't go down well in reverse for women. If you said the truth and he stayed then good, he loves you for who you are, and if he left then many others here would say also good as he's not the right one for you.

In the case of the OP, well my prior post said to be upfront, I did not realize this guy is not even dating her, so she can tell him whatever she wants, as she has no obligation to honesty for this dude.

January 3, 2015

No man has ever asked me that and I've never asked a man that either. I mean, we're not in high school, so I don't see why a number matters. I like to know about the person's history in terms of relationships especially the most recent and what they may have learned and so on but I don't care to have them detail all the people they've slept with.

If a guy asked that and insisted on knowing I'd be very turned off. It's not a secret and in the context of a more established relationship if for some reason it comes up casually I wouldn't mind but would find it off putting if in getting to know a man he's adamant on getting a figure.

January 3, 2015

I dunno, when I get asked my number, I just answer it straightforward.

No harm done, no need to play games over it and beat around a bush. I've no reason to hide the men from my past.

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When he asks you 'how many men have you been with'?

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